Psychology

Literary genius

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Literary genius

Just as I feared, Fyodor Dostoevsky has ruined Literature for me. I read other books and authors and it’s not the same. They are too surface level, no depth, no risk, lazy, PG, predictable. I don’t finish reading the books because they bore me. Everything is mediocre after Dostoevsky. Maybe I will never get somebody as great as Dostoevsky. His characters are multilayered, they have fears, flaws and motivations. Fyodor Dostoevsky illuminates the darkside of human nature. Siberia made him a genius. He was scheduled to be at executed but at the very last minute, the order was changed to life imprisonment instead. Those final minutes, those last seconds when he thought he was going to die made him the writer he ultimately became. In those last moments, the colors of plants and nature were fuller, the sun was shinning just for him, for the last time, he gained clarity, he negotiated with God, begging him for another chance. He would become a new man, he now saw life as gift, something he should embrace and be grateful for. If God gave him another chance, he would do good in the world, he wouldn’t take anything for granted. Thank God, he saved Fyodor Dostoevsky. “Notes from Underground” was my first Dostoevsky book, short read, about 100 pages, I had never read anything like that in my life. It is psychological, reflective, honest, self-aware and conscious. “Notes from Underground” is brilliant! The Underground man is pitiful, weak, spiteful and pathetic. He wants to avenge himself against a man who wronged him but he is too cowardly. Dostoevsky doesn’t sugarcoat the human condition, life is suffering and difficult and we are all going to die. The storyworld and tone is dark and filled with insecurities. We get into the head of the underground man and he is pathetic, weak and flawed. I initially thought “Crime and Punishment” was the greatest book in the history of humanity. I couldn’t put it down, I loved it, it thoroughly satisfied me. “Wow” was the last thing I said after I finished the book. Then I read “The Brothers Karamazov” – I don’t think there’s a book in existence or in human history that’s better or on par with “The Brothers Karamazov”. It explores religion, atheism, love, patricide and murder. There’s also the fact that Dostoevsky is a master storyteller and unbelievable writer. I strongly believe “The Brothers Karamazov” is the greatest book of all time. His other books “The Idiot” and “Demons” are great, they all get full stars. In fact if you made a case about one of them being better, no one would argue, it’s perspective, besides all his books are masterpieces. The original psychologist, philosopher, a master of human nature and just a literary genius! He set the bar too high, his work is too great, he helped me see life differently, has inspired me so much and ruined literature for me. But I am hopeful, there has to be someone who can rival Dostoevsky.

Haters IV: Idiot, mutt

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Haters IV: Idiot, mutt.

Better haters please, I am still here, confidence bulletproof, they took shots but no holes and you can see the proof. Improved effort, better than the last batch of haters. I extend my congratulations, this time I saw the manipulation tactics, gaslighting, labeling, smear campaigns, the blatant lies, all the stuff that usually works, but you dealing with the great man here. Better haters please, you can’t get me to react. Tantrums and blowing like a blowfish won’t get me to react. All that hot air gets you carried away, floating, soaring out of control. Labels? Who you trying to control? Damn! Just when you thought you had all the answers, I changed the questions. Idiot, mutt, what did you do? Why would I listen to you? Better haters please, the last batch was predictable. Moves transparent and textbook but you dangerous and unpredictable? Walked away without a scratch but we were at war? Figured I was in trouble when you said you were going to go raw?

Really? Come on! No! Try harder.

Better haters please, better haters please, KWAAL and jealously only reflects back like a mirror, you thought you were pointing at me but 3 fingers were pointing at ya. Idiot, mutt, you hanged yourself with your own rope. Better haters please, better haters please, the last batch were prideful and weak. Arrogant and smug, they showed all their colors, I didn’t have to do a thing! Better haters please, the last batch couldn’t do anything, I am getting stronger. It’s like their negativity fuels me, I am getting stronger! Idiot, mutt, I never needed you, I don’t need your stuff, I am content with mine, if we gotta split our labor, we’ll do it in a way that’s fine. Still no favors, you get what’s yours and I get what’s mine. Better haters please, the last batch were out of control, emotionally illiterate, sophistication please, so I can at least win a debate. Idiot, mutt, the last word isn’t the last judgment. Better haters please, better haters please, I crushed these ones just like I did the other ones. They were not on my level, I didn’t even have to do much, If you don’t have haters you ain’t doing much, if I were overzealous with the trigger it would be a bit much, but it’s a mass suicide, for death, lunch. Idiot, mutt, I am bored.

Stop killing yourself! Give me something to do!

Better haters please, let’s get in somebody who will really keep me engaged. Idiot, mutt, would you dare come up against me? This I guarantee, I’ll crush you! Better haters please, better haters please, just for practice, I love my haters, they are my vocation. Idiot, mutt, make my day.

POWER II

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POWER II

What did I learn about power from Game of Thrones, Game of Power? You can’t rule without love, fear or wealth. Love influences and can mobilize people to get them to do what you want. Fear involves repercussions and punishment, an effective way to rule because if you don’t do what I ask of you I’ll take your head off your shoulders and put it on a spike. Wealth incentivies and rewards playing on our greed and our primal desires, do this for me and you’ll get all the gold you’ll ever need in your lifetime. But beware, a man that can be bought with gold will betray you for a bigger bag of gold. Better align yourself with loyal servants who have character and good morality. Even that’s not enough because they can turn on you if it serves their best interests. As a general rule, blood is thicker than water, ensure the bloodline is protected and make provisions for the offspring, this will grow the family name and keep the power within. No outsiders, your seed marries my seed and my seed marries your seed, that’s how you keep the power concentrated. Power, depend upon your own arms. Power, avoid committing to anybody, stay formless like water, but if you have to choose, go with the option that furthers your goals. Power, to attain it, you need to get your hands dirty, make a bold statement, cross the line, decapitate heads, put them on spikes, flay your enemies, conquer nations, make civilians your slaves and keep them dependent on you, no weakness poeticize your reign. Power is power, morality and ethics aren’t attached to it, if you have incriminating information on me and I am higher on the spectrum, I can just have your life and avoid the leak. Power, being a goody two-shoes will only get you in a body bag, you’re soft, you’re weak, you’re not willing to do what it takes. Power is about manipulation and self-preservation, no one attains power with the aim of relinquishing it one day, you have a little power to get more, your appetite never gets quenched. Power involves war and war is about men fighting and dying. That’s all that war is, a good general is the one who has mastered the art of dying because death comes for everyone, if you can embrace your fate then all the better, you’ll scale right to the top. Power, you need to crush your enemy completely, show no mercy, you don’t attack to maim because the enemy will get better and come at you with everything’s his got, no showboating, stick to the task at hand, celebrate when the body is cold. Power is deception, make the enemy think you are strong when you are weak and weak when you are strong, never show your true hand. Let them think they are ahead and then counter with a flanking maneuver to catch them off guard. Power, make your enemy see what they want to see, use smokescreens and theatricalies to make yourself elusive and attack when they least expect it. Power, find your enemy’s weak points and weaknesses, infiltrate using spies and double-agents, don’t be a fortress, isolation is dangerous. Power, what you have conquered, conquers you, it’s a double edged sword. Power is political and you need alliances, more men dedicated to your cause will improve your odds of victory. Power, even king’s get slaughtered like sheep, there is no blueprint because we all succumb to our mortal decaying bodies. Power, it hates a vacuum, when a reign ends another succeeds it immediately. Power, it’s all a game, it’s not fair, it’s not pretty, it’s in different, it just is. Power, because the whole world is a power struggle, that’s what Darwin meant when he stated survival of the fittest. Power, it is what we humans do best, beating you into submission makes me your master, I own you, you are my bitch now. Power, ever wonder why ruthless manipulative monsters are on top? Now you know – POWER!

Master Manipulator

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Master Manipulator

If you can’t detect a master manipulator you are in a deep pit. Cause the boss is the one who screams out to the whole world that he’s in charge, right? Please. Let’s fight, let’s beef, cause I ain’t gonna take your bullshit, master manipulator, trying to direct my reality like you’re Speilberg. What is this Jurassic Park? You ain’t get the part, not even an extra nor a minor, your efforts to dictate this picture are infantile like a minor, throwing tantrums and causing scenes cause deep down you’re just a minor. Maybe you need a little reminder, on who’s running this show. Lines blurred out cause they were written on the snow? Playing the victim and the emotional blackmail, what am I slow? Guilt tripping and love bombing to enhance the flow. Come on, that’s a no. I see you even when you Ghosting like Casper, I am a Ghost Buster. Gaslighting won’t give you lustre, you could never be my master, cause you a copy-head, copying and pasting your projections on anyone you don’t want to get ahead. Master manipulator, controlling all the cards, using fake moralization to control the nation, then separate your target, that’s called isolation. Master manipulator, let’s beef, let’s fight, I can’t stand your mere sight. Your mannerisms offend me and your chunks are hard to bite. I’d like to spit on your face for mere spite. You’re a liar, you lack empathy and nothing you do is ever right. Master manipulator, serial gaslighter, puppet master like Gepetto, triangulating the situation so you can remain on top, going over the limit and never having the decency to stop, please cut off the strings so I can be a real boy like Pinocchio.

I choose antakalipa

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I choose antakalipa

I know aligning and associating with me is difficult. I represent everything repressed and unconscious. I am vulgar, explicit and at times offensive. My words have a lot of salt and can cut deep. It’s my sense of humor, it’s all wrong and I put bad guys on a pedestal. I understand why the industry recoils, I understand why anybody would  recoil. I challenge and dare you to look! I represent humanity’s darkside and repressions. Let’s be real, if I had a prominent seat I’d probably get cancelled. Oh yes, I am the cancelled type. Regardless, it’s my perspective and these are the stories I want to tell. I don’t want to be cool, I don’t want to be anyone’s role model, I just want to be. For me being the consciousness of culture entails telling stories in my own voice even if it makes people uncomfortable, angry or otherwise. So I am at a crossroads, try to appease the industry and hope they will accept me despite the fact that I am a long shot or carry on being the controversial, undesirable “antakalipa”. I really like “antakalipa”. I am going to choose “antakalipa” – consciously. It’s okay, the industry can turn their backs on me, I understand. Maybe I won’t be rich, maybe I won’t collaborate with industry greats, maybe I won’t get the resources, maybe I will be shunned, maybe I won’t amount to much, but I will tell my stories, I will share my perspective. I choose me and my controversial take. I choose antakalipa. I am already a long shot, I am already an underdog, I came this far, I have to carry on, I bet on myself despite everything, even if it prolongs the journey, even if I don’t succeed, I choose antakalipa. Love me or leave me alone, I am not changing for anybody. Don’t do me any favors, you can leave if you want to. I choose antakalipa.

Daddy Issues

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Daddy Issues

She’s got daddy issues, she’s eager to please. Her daddy left when she was young and she has never been at peace. No masculine figure in her life, she sucks dick to appease. Rumor has it she blew the whole squad, got her on all fours like a quad. Insecure, void and empty, always looking for something to fill her, hard and phallic it fills her. Every man looking to fuck her, slut shame her. A pornstar in the making, her pubs are already trending, legs in the air but her confidence descending. That’s why she’s promiscuous cause every boy is an opportunity to get close to someone, she wants to be loved by someone, the attention validates her, it feels like she matters, reality sucks and confidence in tatters. So she’ll do whatever you like to please you, the pussy she will lease you, for free and include videos, knowing they will leak, her nudes are making rounds and are close to peak. Her self-worth is all yours to keep. She’s got daddy issues, I could get her to drop her panties and wrap her legs around my waist. Cum on her face or use protection to excrete the waste. A bit unstable, should come with a label. So easy and gullible, she thinks she’s unlovable, calls every man daddy. Men use her as a caddy, to store their seeds inside, only to contaminate the can and abandon the mission like a ban. She’s got daddy issues, easy to get her in the sack. Missionary style or blow out her back. Fuck her out in the deck, so everyone can see, issues deeper than a shipwreck at sea. She’s got daddy issues, her life is sad, you’ll need a tissue. All the men in her life are disappointments, the world is cold with no one to kiss you.

Dahmer

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Dahmer

Monsters lurk everywhere in the world and it’s hard to spot them. They have learned to camouflage themselves in the darkness, it engulfs and consumes them, blackening their souls turning them into shadows. Analytical Psychologist Carl Jung explains that human beings carry within themselves both elements of the good and bad, that we are both angels and demons, sick, demented, evil, dark, spoiled. Because we live in a world where we have to co-exist to survive, we surpress these undesirable qualities relegating them into the shadows. Unchecked the shadow can grow to consume our personality and rule our subconscious minds enabling us to act unconsciously. Our shadows can turn us into psychopaths who lack empathy and thrive on destruction. The shadow can enable the individual to be narcissistic, egoistic and maniacal. Shedding a light on our dark sides helps in controlling the shadow. Acknowledging you have a dark side keeps the shadow at bay. Life is a balance of both the good and bad, of the light and the darkness. We are both polar extremes of the same spectrum. You are a killer and a murderer, human nature says you are. You might find pleasure in murdering your brother in cold blood. Cain certainly did when he murdered his brother Able to spite God. The murder was premeditated, he felt no remorse, the action liberated him. I know I am bad, I am capable of savagery and genocide. I may even take pleasure in torturing and tormenting you to appease my dark side. Your suffering might even give me comfort. Am I another Jeffrey Dahmer? Would I drug you, strangle you to death, masterbate over your body, have sex with your unconscious body, dissect and sever your body parts, skin the flesh from your bones, cook and eat your body parts for dinner? The capacity for evil in a human being is unfathomable. Maybe I am not familiar with my own darkness. I don’t know what I might do to you in the right circumstances. The story of Jeffrey Dahmer haunts me because he did it time and time again. A serial killer with a death toll of 17. No one was safe, from boys aged 14 to adults aged 33. He butchered his victims, cut off their limbs, drilled holes in their skulls and injected hydrochloric acid, severed their heads and preserved them in the refrigerator, inserted the bones in the oven to burn them and then crushed them with his sledgehammer, he cut his victims into pieces and then boiled them, he cooked his victims and he ate them, he ate them! He used acid and other chemicals to burn the skin of his victims skulls to preserve them. He bleached the skulls and if they were too weak he pulverized them, some he kept and used when he was masterbating. He felt no remorse, it was a compulsion for him, he was conscious of his actions, he knew what he was doing, he wasn’t crazy or diagnosed with some sort of mental illness, he consciously experimented with his victims bodies in his own words to create zombies, he loved doing it, it was his vocation. I don’t want to believe that I am as wicked and evil as Dahmer but I know it’s possible. To deny this is to repress my own darkness and wickedness. To know I am capable of such darkness frightens me. I hope Jung and Freud have an answer for somebody like Dahmer. Maybe it is the ID out of control. Sigmund Freud explained that the ID is the seat of both the repressed material and the drives, to which had been added to the unconscious fantasies and unconscious feelings, notably guilt feelings. Expanding on this idea, Freud states that the mind is divided into 3; into what we call the ID, Ego and the Superego. The Superego is the watchful, judging, punishing agency in the individual. The ID is self-gratifying and amoral and the Ego is the middle ground of the two and strives to be moral. I don’t think Freud and Jung would understand an individual quite as complicated as Dahmer, to try and understand somebody like Dahmer is impossible. I mean he seduced and lured his victims to his place, drugged them, killed them, cut them and sat with the stench of their decomposing bodies. The smell was second nature to him. Sometimes psychology is not enough, perhaps this is a genetic thing, maybe his the exception in the family tree. When he was finally caught he didn’t resist, he was compliant and told the whole truth, every horrific detail, where he hid body parts, how many he had killed, the hearts, biceps, legs he ate, when the killing spree commenced – everything. He knew what he had done was evil and he asked for the death penalty that was not granted because it was banned in his State. He was accepting of who he was, he was not bothered, he was not haunted by ghosts and demons, he was not remorseful, he even had fans who corresponded with him in jail, fans who projected onto him their undesirable feelings, desires and fantasies and he reciprocated back that energy. Jeffrey Dahmer is your definitive example of a monster, he scares me. Maybe I am just scared of myself.

Our tits, my son

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Our tits, my son.

My son got born earlier in the morning and I am ecstatic. He is a gift from my ancestors and the Universe. I treasure him. He is my gold in a world that’s been digitized; valuable, tangible, priceless. It’s like falling in love for the first time, I am in la, la, land, heaven, a place of pure bliss devoid of the construct of time. I’ve never felt love quite like this, it’s like I am floating on butterflies through the clouds of the light blue sky. He makes me believe in miracles. There is a God, – he is proof, a blessing. I am thankful and grateful for this opportunity. I will teach him everything I know with an open heart and a lot of love. I will guide him. Help strengthen him to make sure he is the great man destiny intended. I’ll teach him about business and wealth creation. I was lucky I was broke and built an empire out of nothing. Being broke is experiencing your own mortality, it is being vulnerable and helpless to effect change or influence outside stimuli, that’s why I worked so hard to be rich, to have the illusion of immortality, to be invincible. You’ll be invincible from the start, girls are going to be sending you pictures captioned “you could tear this up”- I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I’ll teach him about the importance of having an inner scorecard and not one based on external factors. Don’t claim to be anyone you’re not. Love yourself unconditionally. Respect everyone and beware of placing too much value on material things because they end up owning you, depriving you of your peace and happiness. When you say you are going to do something, do it, no excuses, be a man of your word my son. I’ll teach him about girls and women. True, they are an enigma and I don’t know much about their motivations and thought patterns. They are truly a strange species, unpredictable, highly volitile, sometimes unstable, frightening and devastating like a natural disaster. They are difficult to assess and understand, maybe they really are from Venus and us from Mars, it would certainly explain why it’s inhospitable for man; too much chaos presided, women can’t co-exist with one another and I don’t mean to boast but man is returning to Mars. Mars is a great place filled giant screens that showcase football and other sports daily, the home of Elon Musk, Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos, a place of sport cars and super sleek, fast Teslas, pool tables, infinite alcohol and drugs, no tough decisions, no responsibilities and no circumstances. A place of Goodfellas like Scorsese and De Niro but no death, just collaboration, a brotherhood and positive energy.

But in planet Earth, women are useful as you will soon experience. For one they register and process large quantities of data faster and more efficiently. This is important in the matters of life and death, you need a strong counsel. The trick is just to love and accept them as they are, don’t try to understand them or assert your will on them, understand that disaster might strike at anytime and accept reality for what it is – I think that’s what God intended. Just love them because even with all their uncertainties, they are the most valuable species in the whole Universe, they make life worthwhile, they are the nurturers of life. I’ll give you all the information I’ve attained from my interactions with them. I suggest you seek consultation from other wise men who will also share their experiences and knowledge, this will give you a more wholistic picture. I can’t guarantee concise data regarding women my son, no man can, we are from Mars and they are from Venus.

Of course, there’s this issue of the Oedipus Complex. I suspect there will be some hostility between me and you. You want to possess your mother (my woman) and you are rightly entitled to her. I won’t oppose you son, for the first few months, she is all yours. I will refrain from all acts of jealousy. I know you will appreciate those tits more than anything in the world. Your father is a genius, a visionary and I chose those tits for you. I qualified and discarded a lot of applicants for you to have those perfect tits. That’s my early gift to you because I love you so much. Enjoy them, take your time, don’t rush to get old, drive slow and enjoy the scenery and sensations. Those are our tits, my son, at least for now.

Buy the great man Coffee :https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Antakalipa

Projections

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Projections

The human experience is such a comedy but also a tragedy at the same time. You mean we are not in control of who we love? That secretly the Universe and all the forces of this planet conspire and decide my fate? The arrogance in that notion – it makes me sick! Just maybe everything in the world has already been done and I have to be allocated in a category. Apparently a category has already been assigned to me. Does it mean I am already in a box? Confined and blinded by my restrictions. This can’t be life – there has to be more. Maybe this could be a simulated reality. I now find the subject of love vague and grey. If we subconsciously project our experiences as young individuals originating from our childhood and parents to our partners – Isn’t love predictable, with a pattern? I feel my life is a performing stock option projected to do well in the coming years. I feel life is channeled. I feel everybody lied to me. I feel betrayed. Like love is rigged and fixed. You mean there are more people like me who fell in love because of projections and repressed subconscious desires. Are you saying I am the problem? But I am different.

In that case I hate love. It doesn’t make sense and I renounce life as well. How are conflicting feelings or ideas possible with love? Why are we so obsessive? Are we the ones in our bodies because sometimes I feel possessed by an overwhelming spirit that does what it wants? Is it even real? What’s real? I don’t know. I don’t understand how a mature and practical adult can regress to behavior seen as childish because of love. I don’t understand how someone can be fearful of being alone. I don’t understand why love makes us such bad judges of characters. Why are we willingly blind? I don’t understand why we mistake a narcissist for a genius, the suffocator for a nurturer, the slacker for the exciting rebel and the control freak for the protector. Its madness and stupid. Maybe it makes sense that love stems from repressed unconscious desires; because then we can define it and try to examine and understand. In the game of love what is most repressed shines through – the irony in that statement. What a show! Love is clearly the undisputed champion of the world.

Kevin (The woman to worship him)

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Kevin (The woman to worship him)

5 January 2005
When the farm is finally stable. I will invest in the soccer team. I want to see it prosper – to succeed. It is there where I feel more alive – the soccer pitch. I get lost in the moments every time, every day, and every second. I want to play in the PSL someday. At the highest level. To be a manager at that level would be wow! Just a season for me individually would be sufficient. The team needs to be a household name. I have high hopes for those boys. Must be crippling pressure for them. But I doubt it. They are engaged with me. They are in every moment, every second – they love it! Then I want to look at Real Estate and Construction, Renewable Energy and Telecommunications, The Art School and Art revenues. I still have a long way to go. I still have to go to a world cup tournament. I still want to travel the world and explore. I want to die having assured the future generation legacies. I want to be the best I can be. I want to be a pillar for all my children.

12 June 2005
I met a girl a month ago. Her name is Siphosethu. A friend had a small intimate gathering thing and naturally I had assist with preparations. Late after the gathering Andrew’s cousin and friend came through. It had an “after- tears vibe” but nobody died. It was just close family and friends. The mood was festive and carefree. We were sitting by the Lapa next to the pool. Everyone was engaged in some sort of activity, we were sharing stories and laughing, mixing alcohol brewages and laughing, smoking Hubbly and laughing and just chilling and relaxing.

Andrew’s cousin Siphosethu and I were talking all night. I think she likes me. She liked the fact that I was enterprising, young and ambitious. I could see it in her eyes – they sparkled with almost admiration. She made me feel so good. Things to talk about just flowed from the structure of being; I couldn’t contain myself. She made it easy. I even told her about the soccer team. Her response was overwhelming! Well, while she said she doesn’t follow sports – she’d love to go to the stadium and watch a game. I sensed I was on the right path with that response. I casually told her that we should go together – she agreed, so now we are going to see the derby in a month’s time. I am excited. I like her – you know she could be the one. An unplanned pregnancy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world? Would it? No, I need to be focused. Yes, it would be the worst thing in the world – it would be a disaster!

24 August 2005
Last night I told her about the organization I was heading in my adolescence years. She wanted to know more so I told her, in the process getting lost in the moment. She looked at me with such worship. I can’t explain or put into words what I felt. But it was great. Our conversation gave me a rush. I feel she’s that one thing that has been missing in my life. Now that I have her, I feel
unstoppable; like nothing can stand in my way. Like Thanos on the Marvel franchise “Infinity Wars” when he wiped half of life in the planet. She makes me feel like I can fly. Like there’s nothing I can’t accomplish in the world. She’s good to me. I am falling in love with her.

25 August 2005
I want to make all her dreams come true.

30 March 2006
I think I was wrong about Siphosethu. She doesn’t quite do it. What we had is gone. It’s a shame. We could have had something beautiful. She was teachable too. It’s a energy thing, I think somewhere down the road she disengaged and my spirit felt it. She deceived me. She lured me to the dragons den. She didn’t care about me – she was using me. I need to break-up with her. I don’t trust her.