Human nature

Kaza Kamba Pan African Theatre Festival II

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Kaza Kamba Pan African Theatre Festival II

The second day and the program was still on fire. We started the day with a Pan African workshop. Led by Zandi Radebe, we discussed what it meant to be African, how it extends to township life, how we relate to each other, the contrast in life pre-democracy and post-democracy, how we can be better as Africans and the morals and traditions lost along the way. The program explored the ideas of Marcus Garvey and what Pan-Africanism meant to him. In essence, it must start with me, then we before it can extend to us, to fill-up yourself first and then fill up the cups of others with the excess water overflowing from your cup. It was a thought-provoking workshop and ideas bounced. Participants in the audience shared their wisdom and ideas, we shared our perspectives and what “Pan African” meant to us. Then we arrived at my favorite part of the workshop, we discussed poetry and words with Lesego Rampolokeng. We talked about form, structures and types of poetry, how poetry is not necessarily a reflection of life because it hinders the perspective of the artist to experience but rather a distillation. Poetry is an expression of one’s intrinsic nature, it is an expression of individuation, if its truthful, it comes from inside and has a unique voice, not copy and paste from somebody else’s work, it has to be authentically you because you can’t be anybody else. We read and explored some of Lesego’s favorite authors and a member of the audience shared her poetry with the workshop to listen to. It was an interactive workshop and we got to get inside of the mind of a true wordsmith who explained all of his work comes from love. I was inspired by that remark because I understand. Although my work comes from multiple sources, love yes, but anger, spite, pain, sometimes hate and disappointment too, I transmute that to create my art. Maybe artists are a miserable bunch. To show, to feel, to distill life in word form, that’s poetry – it’s not about form or structure of language.

We ended the day with an excellent Zimbabwe play titled “Molly’s Street”. The play follows Molly who escapes child marriage and arrives in Chiredzi  southern Zimbabwe. Young and unskilled, Molly becomes a sex worker. Sadly, not long after her arrival her boyfriend murders her. Powerful show that depicts the perils of GBV. Rape, abortion, sex, violence and murder, it’s difficult to watch. We need to protect our girl children. The depiction of Molly’s life is unflinchingly raw and honest. The words are descriptive and emotive. A perfect blend of showing and telling. The show is dramatic and the performance out of this world. Zimbabwean actress Chidochangu Jo Anne Tenga inhabits the world of Molly. She inhabits her psychology, she feels the sensations of her world, understands her struggles, feels her pain, she is totally one with her spirit. The performance is inspired, pure excellence, an example of world class theatre. She is perfect with that performance, how she moves on the stage, her voice intonations, her facial expressions and the emotion in her words. Patrick Tenga compliments the story with sound effects and the general score of the play. He uses drums, percussions and strings. The end result is mezmarrizing theatre. The story is thought-provoking and reflects back socioeconomic factors plauging our communities, Hunger, poverty, aggression, pain, self-hate, hurt, toxic masculinity, GBV, prostitution, abortion, sex and a lack of role models to carve out a better path for coming generations. It’s an important story. Congratulations to Peter Churu for a great show and a deserved standing ovation.

Kaza Kamba Pan African Theatre Festival

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Kaza Kamba Pan African Theatre Festival

I was at Inaugural Kaza Kamza Pan African Theatre Festival, a workshop hosted by the Market Theatre, 14 – 17 November 2024. It is a workshop that commemorates and celebrated everything Africa. It explored the stories of African people, their heritage, their struggles, their art. It was a wonderful workshop, it was rich in its content, it is diverse and came from all over Africa, it is informative and in some cases down right heartbreaking. Europeans have never been our friends, it’s shocking how they colonized our people and weaponized the Bible to take everything from us. It’s unfair how their offsprings are getting richer from our resources while our people inherit poverty. They own the land where our people reside, rule over it, profit over it while they live in their own countries. The film “Skulls of my people” by Vincent Moloi broke my heart. It details the Namibian genocide that transpired from 1904-1907 by the Germans in which 110000 people were murdered pending an extermination order – the first colonized inspired genocide in history. Adolf Hitler studied and learned from the Namibian genocide to implement with the Halocaust. Over 80000 Herero people were murdered and over 20000 Nama people were murdered, some fleed to neighboring countries. They were hanged, shot, decapitated and butchered like swine. Their women were raped and forced to peel off the skins of their dead husband’s skulls so they can be shipped off to Germany for their art galleries and museums. Some 111 years later, the Germans recognise the genocide but won’t apologize and pay for reparations. To engage in dialogue was difficult, they are arrogant, they don’t feel remorseful for the pain of the Namibian people, they just don’t care. “Skulls of my people” seeks to get back the skulls of the Namibian people from the German people.

Not everything was gloomy, there was also a workshop about how stories are told in Botswana by Tefo Paya and Thabang Lelefe. The unique fusion of traditional sounds and rhythm with a modern contemporary voice. The workshop was intimate and powerful. We were in a semi-circle surrounding the two instructors. They are amazing artists, they showed us their crafts by embodying it, performing it, they brought their unique instruments along and shared how they were made, revealed the inspiration behind their works and chronicled life in Botswana. It was the perfect way to start off the program.

We ended off the first day with music by MoRa, one of the best concerts I have ever been to. Poet Lesego Rampolokeng is unbelievable. I am envious how he works his words, he is a wizard, a wordsmith, he is descriptive, creates imagery, rhymes, tells stories, critiques, wity and comical. He tells African stories, our stories about African people and the Jazz music is just exquisite. He is backed-up by an amazing ensemble, Drummer Tumi Mogorosi, Vocals, Cecilia Phetoe, Sibongile Mollo and Themba Maseko, Dalisu Ndlazi (Tuba) Lebogang Komane (Trumpet) and Gontse Makhene (Percussion). It was a satisfying way to end the day.

Our tits, my son

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Our tits, my son.

My son got born earlier in the morning and I am ecstatic. He is a gift from my ancestors and the Universe. I treasure him. He is my gold in a world that’s been digitized; valuable, tangible, priceless. It’s like falling in love for the first time, I am in la, la, land, heaven, a place of pure bliss devoid of the construct of time. I’ve never felt love quite like this, it’s like I am floating on butterflies through the clouds of the light blue sky. He makes me believe in miracles. There is a God, – he is proof, a blessing. I am thankful and grateful for this opportunity. I will teach him everything I know with an open heart and a lot of love. I will guide him. Help strengthen him to make sure he is the great man destiny intended. I’ll teach him about business and wealth creation. I was lucky I was broke and built an empire out of nothing. Being broke is experiencing your own mortality, it is being vulnerable and helpless to effect change or influence outside stimuli, that’s why I worked so hard to be rich, to have the illusion of immortality, to be invincible. You’ll be invincible from the start, girls are going to be sending you pictures captioned “you could tear this up”- I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I’ll teach him about the importance of having an inner scorecard and not one based on external factors. Don’t claim to be anyone you’re not. Love yourself unconditionally. Respect everyone and beware of placing too much value on material things because they end up owning you, depriving you of your peace and happiness. When you say you are going to do something, do it, no excuses, be a man of your word my son. I’ll teach him about girls and women. True, they are an enigma and I don’t know much about their motivations and thought patterns. They are truly a strange species, unpredictable, highly volitile, sometimes unstable, frightening and devastating like a natural disaster. They are difficult to assess and understand, maybe they really are from Venus and us from Mars, it would certainly explain why it’s inhospitable for man; too much chaos presided, women can’t co-exist with one another and I don’t mean to boast but man is returning to Mars. Mars is a great place filled giant screens that showcase football and other sports daily, the home of Elon Musk, Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos, a place of sport cars and super sleek, fast Teslas, pool tables, infinite alcohol and drugs, no tough decisions, no responsibilities and no circumstances. A place of Goodfellas like Scorsese and De Niro but no death, just collaboration, a brotherhood and positive energy.

But in planet Earth, women are useful as you will soon experience. For one they register and process large quantities of data faster and more efficiently. This is important in the matters of life and death, you need a strong counsel. The trick is just to love and accept them as they are, don’t try to understand them or assert your will on them, understand that disaster might strike at anytime and accept reality for what it is – I think that’s what God intended. Just love them because even with all their uncertainties, they are the most valuable species in the whole Universe, they make life worthwhile, they are the nurturers of life. I’ll give you all the information I’ve attained from my interactions with them. I suggest you seek consultation from other wise men who will also share their experiences and knowledge, this will give you a more wholistic picture. I can’t guarantee concise data regarding women my son, no man can, we are from Mars and they are from Venus.

Of course, there’s this issue of the Oedipus Complex. I suspect there will be some hostility between me and you. You want to possess your mother (my woman) and you are rightly entitled to her. I won’t oppose you son, for the first few months, she is all yours. I will refrain from all acts of jealousy. I know you will appreciate those tits more than anything in the world. Your father is a genius, a visionary and I chose those tits for you. I qualified and discarded a lot of applicants for you to have those perfect tits. That’s my early gift to you because I love you so much. Enjoy them, take your time, don’t rush to get old, drive slow and enjoy the scenery and sensations. Those are our tits, my son, at least for now.

Buy the great man Coffee :https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Antakalipa

Second chance

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Second chance

I satisfied 3 women this month, it’s been a good month. I worked hard, I deserve all the acclaim. Of course it could be hot air, women fake all the time. A woman friend of mine spilled the beans and notified me she was faking when we were together. All the moans and groans were an act, she was faking her orgasms. Worse is that I thought I gave a good account of myself, when she broke the news I was devastated because everything was predicated on that moment. It made me think of how many women were faking when were together. She doesn’t even want to give me another chance to redeem myself. She says it would be weird and would ruin our friendship. Disappointing analysis, when has sex ever ruined a good thing? Ironically, not having sex is what will ruin our relationship. Cause right now I am all insecure and I need some feedback, I know I could do better, time has elapsed and I have experience under my belt, the act of lovemaking has become an art, I could make her orgasm and it won’t be an act. I hate it, it’s like she’s got weight over me, she’s got control and power, says she was sparing my feelings and boosting my confidence, how emasculating is that? I’d rather she lay in bed a mute, at least I’d know I wasn’t doing shit. But the faking, the deception, that’s unforgivable! I feel like my whole life is a lie. Still I doubt it, I’d know if she were faking, I mean, what am I a moron? I know myself, I am industrious, I work hard, I don’t believe it, she sang high notes. Being stoic is good and all but women talk, the grapevine is a dangerous place for a bachelor. I don’t think I am crap but I need a second chance to redeem myself. I could do better, I need more raving reviews. We can make it transactional, it doesn’t need to mean anything, I am enlightened, I pay attention, I can deliver a cascade of orgasms, I can prove it, I have 3 happy reviews and it’s midway through the month. I need my second chance or we won’t survive as friends.

Conscious Idiot

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Conscious Idiot

Everything I am I learned from the streets, I learned to keep my head down to feel the pulse and listen to the beat. To narrow the circumference of my circle to ensure I live through more cycles. Moving through culture like Armstrong on his bicycle. I am consciousness, taking care of the game like a nurse, spoonfeeding invalids to fatten my purse, living through the spells to break down the curse. I am the greatest of all time, the conscious Idiot, emphatic, compassionate, unassuming but also ready to leave you fuming, some niggas be pests, so I terminate cause talking is time consuming. Usually a cool guy but if you get on my face, I’ll push you aside like you nothing to me. Haters think they are important when they mean nothing to me. Conscious Idiot, I ain’t got beef with anyone, I am just living my life. If you stepped on my shoe I’d probably apologize, it ain’t worth it to get in a fistfight with someone who has nothing to lose, I am pretty, my face is my livelihood. I grew up in the hood, gunfights are generally not good, so I avoid like an anorexic with food. Conscious Idiot, you can have the glory, I am leaving with the honey with the fantastic body. Trying to get me to react but sorry, you are not a character in my story. Conscious Idiot, emphatic, compassionate, kind and unassuming but it ain’t a weakness cause I deliver receipts like a cashier working back to back shifts whose sleepless.

Projections

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Projections

The human experience is such a comedy but also a tragedy at the same time. You mean we are not in control of who we love? That secretly the Universe and all the forces of this planet conspire and decide my fate? The arrogance in that notion – it makes me sick! Just maybe everything in the world has already been done and I have to be allocated in a category. Apparently a category has already been assigned to me. Does it mean I am already in a box? Confined and blinded by my restrictions. This can’t be life – there has to be more. Maybe this could be a simulated reality. I now find the subject of love vague and grey. If we subconsciously project our experiences as young individuals originating from our childhood and parents to our partners – Isn’t love predictable, with a pattern? I feel my life is a performing stock option projected to do well in the coming years. I feel life is channeled. I feel everybody lied to me. I feel betrayed. Like love is rigged and fixed. You mean there are more people like me who fell in love because of projections and repressed subconscious desires. Are you saying I am the problem? But I am different.

In that case I hate love. It doesn’t make sense and I renounce life as well. How are conflicting feelings or ideas possible with love? Why are we so obsessive? Are we the ones in our bodies because sometimes I feel possessed by an overwhelming spirit that does what it wants? Is it even real? What’s real? I don’t know. I don’t understand how a mature and practical adult can regress to behavior seen as childish because of love. I don’t understand how someone can be fearful of being alone. I don’t understand why love makes us such bad judges of characters. Why are we willingly blind? I don’t understand why we mistake a narcissist for a genius, the suffocator for a nurturer, the slacker for the exciting rebel and the control freak for the protector. Its madness and stupid. Maybe it makes sense that love stems from repressed unconscious desires; because then we can define it and try to examine and understand. In the game of love what is most repressed shines through – the irony in that statement. What a show! Love is clearly the undisputed champion of the world.

Kevin (The woman to worship him)

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Kevin (The woman to worship him)

5 January 2005
When the farm is finally stable. I will invest in the soccer team. I want to see it prosper – to succeed. It is there where I feel more alive – the soccer pitch. I get lost in the moments every time, every day, and every second. I want to play in the PSL someday. At the highest level. To be a manager at that level would be wow! Just a season for me individually would be sufficient. The team needs to be a household name. I have high hopes for those boys. Must be crippling pressure for them. But I doubt it. They are engaged with me. They are in every moment, every second – they love it! Then I want to look at Real Estate and Construction, Renewable Energy and Telecommunications, The Art School and Art revenues. I still have a long way to go. I still have to go to a world cup tournament. I still want to travel the world and explore. I want to die having assured the future generation legacies. I want to be the best I can be. I want to be a pillar for all my children.

12 June 2005
I met a girl a month ago. Her name is Siphosethu. A friend had a small intimate gathering thing and naturally I had assist with preparations. Late after the gathering Andrew’s cousin and friend came through. It had an “after- tears vibe” but nobody died. It was just close family and friends. The mood was festive and carefree. We were sitting by the Lapa next to the pool. Everyone was engaged in some sort of activity, we were sharing stories and laughing, mixing alcohol brewages and laughing, smoking Hubbly and laughing and just chilling and relaxing.

Andrew’s cousin Siphosethu and I were talking all night. I think she likes me. She liked the fact that I was enterprising, young and ambitious. I could see it in her eyes – they sparkled with almost admiration. She made me feel so good. Things to talk about just flowed from the structure of being; I couldn’t contain myself. She made it easy. I even told her about the soccer team. Her response was overwhelming! Well, while she said she doesn’t follow sports – she’d love to go to the stadium and watch a game. I sensed I was on the right path with that response. I casually told her that we should go together – she agreed, so now we are going to see the derby in a month’s time. I am excited. I like her – you know she could be the one. An unplanned pregnancy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world? Would it? No, I need to be focused. Yes, it would be the worst thing in the world – it would be a disaster!

24 August 2005
Last night I told her about the organization I was heading in my adolescence years. She wanted to know more so I told her, in the process getting lost in the moment. She looked at me with such worship. I can’t explain or put into words what I felt. But it was great. Our conversation gave me a rush. I feel she’s that one thing that has been missing in my life. Now that I have her, I feel
unstoppable; like nothing can stand in my way. Like Thanos on the Marvel franchise “Infinity Wars” when he wiped half of life in the planet. She makes me feel like I can fly. Like there’s nothing I can’t accomplish in the world. She’s good to me. I am falling in love with her.

25 August 2005
I want to make all her dreams come true.

30 March 2006
I think I was wrong about Siphosethu. She doesn’t quite do it. What we had is gone. It’s a shame. We could have had something beautiful. She was teachable too. It’s a energy thing, I think somewhere down the road she disengaged and my spirit felt it. She deceived me. She lured me to the dragons den. She didn’t care about me – she was using me. I need to break-up with her. I don’t trust her.

Modise (The fallen woman)

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Modise (The Fallen Woman)

10 January 2009
My first day of school was good. High school is not so bad. There’s no initiation at our school so that’s good. You hear horrific stories about initiation in other schools; people are humiliated. It’s a fate I’d rather avoid. Instead of initiation the school, particularly the student’s representative council came up with this diabolical, genius alternative. They gave us Yellow A4 Papers and written on them with ink were: “Chipmunks 2009” and there was space to fill in your name and class. We were requested to get cardboard and stick that A4 paper on the cardboard and then with string hang that to our necks. At all times, we have to wear that board. To further humiliate us, every grade 8 student had to get a signature from a member of the student’s representative council. There are 40 prefects – that’s 40 signature. They taunt us, embarrass us and humiliate us first before they sign. I wonder what would happen if I “forgot” my board at home tomorrow. I am glad I am not the only fellow who came from my primary. I saw and engaged in a conversation with like 50 of them. Oscar, Christopher, Lesego and Shaun are also here. I even saw Katlego; in 2006 I relocated and as a consequence I changed schools, in the same school I enrolled with she was new to and she was in the same level. In fact, they put us in the same class. And we become buddies for a while. I changed schools again at the end of the academic year so we not so close but I am confident she remembers me. We could start something, she is hot. I just can’t wait to get to school tomorrow. There’s a big chance that I might be class captain – but we will see tomorrow.

27 March 2009
I was too slow. I saw her walking with somebody – a guy. A Grade 11 student. Did I even have a chance? Damn!

14 April 2010
I didn’t see Katlego and Sihle today. Maybe they have broken up. I mean he is in Grade 12. He probably doesn’t have time to entertain girls. Maybe I should enquire. She walks to the bus station every day sharply at 16:00 pm. I could engineer a moment. What’s the worst that could happen? Try is the best. If I don’t talk to her tomorrow then I have to get naked in the street and just run around – like a madman! Deal?

12 January 2011
I think this year will be a good year. Katlego is in my class. I really feel I have a chance at a perfect year. I have facetime with Katlego – anything can happen. My goals for this year are doing well in the field of academics and have Katlego as my girlfriend.

24 August 2011
I don’t know what is hard about telling her I love her. That I want to be with her. It’s simple enough. She haunts me. I am a disgrace to my ancestors and all my uncles.

4 September 2011
I think I am building something. We sometimes talk for hours on Facebook. Her responses are rapid and she enjoys engaging with me. She tells me a lot. She told me her dream of being a model and I agreed. Smitten yes, but she could be a great model. She told me about her passion for food and I got caught up and mesmerized by her vision. She consumed me. She also shed a light on the dark corners of her life for me. She has deep daddy issues and I think she needs to confront that – not that I told her. How can I exploit that? She excites me. I like her.

21 February 2012
She told me about her substance abuse dilemma. She said she has been clean for some time though. I don’t know what to make of it. I can’t judge because life is tough and I know that. I am not sure, maybe she’s not the girl I thought she was. She’s been through a lot. Do I really need all that drama? That’s why I prefer older, mature women. It’s easier with them. I can’t be the one to save Katlego.

8 March 2012
Another guy? When will she retire from dating in school? However, this changes nothing. I still have the edge. This new guy doesn’t know the things I know about his girlfriend. I could still push the button.

17 November 2012
It was merit evening today. She was announced as the new head girl. I am so proud of her. She’s
great that’s what I always tell her. For her speech she used the speech that I wrote her. That makes me a part of her moment for life. What a special day!

28 January 2013
Funny how I always think about her. The fact that I have a girlfriend has no weight in this situation. She’s hot, she’s sexy.

1 October 2013
She recommended a notorious club located in the area of Randburg that is known for outrageous prices on alcohol for our Matric Farewell Party. Entrance is R500 and a 6 pack is R250. Yea, right like that is going to happen. Not everybody is living on the dark side – not everybody has a sugar-daddy. I wish I had money. Everything is easier with money.

3 September 2018

I started talking to her again. She hit me up on Facebook and asked for my number to communicate on Whatsapp.

7 September 2018
She still excites me. She gives my mind a rush. I asked her to send me her nudes and she did. She has the best tits in the world. It was routine. I sent her a picture. Normally, they send me explicit pictures and today was no different. You see with the nudes in my possession, I have the psychological edge – the power; I can make them do anything. They are trapped and in danger of being a slave to fabricated intense desire. The subconscious can be evil sometimes, I think I
exploited her “daddy issues” problem. Or maybe I was just that horny. No, it’s deep rooted: I like her. She sent me videos that were out of this world. She’s a freak, she’s dangerous, she has scars, she’s an exception, different and I love that about her. I would do anything to fuck this girl.

19 November 2018
I think I hold rights to her mind. We had an explicit conversation on Whatsapp today and she said she wanted to ride me good. In her own words, she said “I am going to blow your mind away.” She objectified me – it was the coolest thing EVER! She wants to own and dominate me! Before I replied to her messages I closed my eyes and acknowledged the internet. I thanked Nikola Tesla, without him none of this would have been possible. He propelled humanity forward. He died a virgin so no man could die a virgin ever again! After about 5 minutes, I opened my eyes and replied to her kind proposition. I am so going to fuck this girl!

WORSHIPPING WOMAN

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WORSHIPPING WOMAN

I love him. He makes me feel like I can fly. I believe in all of his dreams – I think he can change the world. The thing with sexuality is that it objectifies and I don’t to constrain him to that label because he is also intelligent and brilliant. He does have impressive attributes. He works out and has muscles in all the right areas. He has beautiful athletic and manly legs – well defined and toned. He has an ass made in heaven. He drives me crazy. What I would do to be his. I wish he would just wrap me around in those firm, strong and defined arms. I wish he would come in to me. I wish I were the object of his desire; I don’t care about forever – just give me now, today honey! He makes me excited. I feel my blood-level rise up in his presence but it’s ice cold when I talk to him – I can never bring myself to tell him how I feel about him because it’s difficult to phrase in a sentence or explain in a paragraph. What I feel for him is metaphysical; the notion that I’d find him in any realm.

It is not a sex thing; maybe it is written on the fine print but it’s not the product. His the product –Everything about him. It is love. I love him with all his imperfections if you can find them. Just maybe love is being excited. That’s what I do when I think of him and our future – I get excited and it’s almost uncontainable like beer in a glass. He makes me weak to my knees; I think love is the submitting voice within. I often experience high temperatures of fiery fires between my legs and I often wish that he would turn it out – his equipped, he can deal with it and I grant him the power to use force; I am his to do whatever he likes. The disappointment of having to do it myself weakens the self-perception of myself like cancer cells to the immune system. Why doesn’t he see me?

What’s wrong with me? I could make all his dreams come true if he gave me a chance. If he gave me a second glance. If he actually stopped and started gathering data instead of being passive in his activities and actions. I am different from any other girl in the world. I am a keeper. I will make you happy. I just wish he would look for options on the sidelines.
I have a chance if I lure him with sex. Sex is manipulative. Sex is to give and take – it involves mutual undertakings. Sex is sly. Sex unlocks. Sex is about power. Sex is dangerous. The unconscious and conscious are actively engaged in the process for both individuals – you are prone to any influence or external factor. You are vulnerable and naked also in literal terms. Repressed thoughts and memories might sneak out in the form of a shadow to haunt you. Sex is to get dirty.

Alternatively, I could mirror him. Find out what he likes. What makes him tick, that will get him to love me. To embrace me. I could get close to his best-friend and maybe plot a plan to cook for him. I could show a bit of effort when it comes to my profile pictures on my Socials. I could write him a letter or a poem. I could tell him I love him – no bad idea, I can’t be direct. It will scare him off. I need to be stealth like a thief in the night. I need to be indirect and attack on the flanks – that’s how I will win his heart.

SILVER TONGUE DEVIL

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SILVER TONGUE DEVIL

He told me that I am the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. That I have everything, the smile, the body and the personality. I think he is a professor on hyperbole, a professor in the sense that he can hold a seminar with a room full of profiled, esteemed and affirmed men and make them all feel special – subjectively. The way he paints pictures with his mouth sometimes – it’s incredible, work only rivalled by the Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci. You know that his comments are exaggerated, falsified, fabricated and unverified but you still get lost in them. It’s like they bypass your conscious mind. He is so smooth. He is sweet. I am in love with him. He makes me feel like I can fly. When he touches me, I get hypersensitive and my nerves are all over like the scattered stars in the night sky. I love being seen with him, he drives up my worth and makes people talk. They are all envious, they want to be me. I am known like I matter when I am with him, when I get seen with him. I feel safe when I am with him. I feel secure. Like I can invest my time with him like a stock portfolio. I have a feeling it will yield positive dividends.

My first time was amazing. Sex is the most beautiful thing in the world. It has warmth. It is caring. It is sensitive. It is courteous. It is expressive. It is freedom. We got lost in each other’s arms and it felt like I was dreaming. I was liberated. I blinked three times, finally I am at the pinnacle of life; what the human experience is about, sex – love. He is the most important thing in my life. I don’t want to lose him. When he was in me, the world stopped and it was just me and him. Nothing else mattered. I felt his soul, his heartbeat. It’s just a process I fail to encapsulate with words you had to be there it was just passionate, heated and concentrated. It was like an explosion. Our souls reacted a force superior to nuclear. We were the bomb that exploded and left everything in ruins.

He is sometimes distant in a way I don’t understand. I am here for you. Please talk to me. I don’t know what to make of it. He confuses me. I think he is lying to me, maybe he is using me. Maybe I am a secret and there are thousands of me. Maybe I am making this up and he really is busy as he proclaims. I always see him after some time and when I do, it’s great! He takes me to 5-Star Hotels and game reserves and it’s so romantic. We usually travel long distances. We explore the country. We have the best sex in the world. With his tongue he takes me through the solar system, through the milky lane, straight to the many galaxies and back to earth. He gives me showers of orgasms. He satisfies me. He takes care of me. He is the best lover I have ever had!

He promised to marry me one day, I can’t wait! He makes my dreams come true. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can’t believe he loves me. I love him.