Human nature

GANGSTER

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GANGSTER

We all try. I think that human beings are inherently good but our circumstances and environment dictate our destiny. How can I be like the picture perfect people on my screens when I am primed to be incarcerated. Surrounded by drugs, violence, guns, death and sex. I am hungry, I want to get to the top and there’s no telling what I might do to get there, pushing you under the bus is a small price to pay for the rest of my life. If you stand in between me and my meal ticket, I won’t hesitate smashing you with a bat behind your head leading to your eye popping out the socket onto the floor. I like gangster shit, that’s how you get things done. If they won’t give me what I want then I’ll take it by force with the help of Mr. 9 mm and if you want war, his cousin AK-47 is keeping watch and ready to unload a hail of bullets on your unconscious, lifeless body. There’s an attraction to being a gangster, who wouldn’t want the autonomy of doing what they wanted, to be feared, respected and idolized. Cause gangsters can do anything they want, they can fuck any girl they want, they have all the money, the get preferential treatment, they drive the latest cars, they kill at will and government officials are in their pockets. Gangsters just don’t give a fuck, honorable mention ‘Crazy’ Joe Gallo, he did anything he wanted like kidnapping his bosses without the threat of any repercussions, he just didn’t give a shit, he lived on the darkside, it engulfed his actions, he loved the chaos, he loved being a gangster! Stealing from you is my pleasure and if you make trouble for me I’ll beat you up so bad you’ll start feeding from a straw, that’s if I don’t kill you and your whole offspring. Also, you need to start paying me for protection or your business is going under. I am not interested in the soldiers on the ground, they are disposable and will rat on you to get immunity, I am more interested in high ranking officials of Cosa Nostra like Michael Corloene or having my own Capo like Anthony Soprano. They have a code of ethics and values they live by and they won’t hesitate to splatter your brains like tomato juice if you cross the line. Fredo was a stupid and careless Underboss who compromised the future of the family and had to die, he broke a simple code, a simple law known Universally, “the boss is the boss, never outshine the master”.

Everyone rats, police can flip anyone with the promise of immunity and witness protection programs, we saw this on Goodfellas with Henry Hill ratting on all his friends. The look on Jimmy Conway’s face when Henry pointed at him from the stand was one of betrayal but he knows the game, survival triumphs everything. Would you rather serve a 100 years in prison instead? The Godfather and The Sopranos was no different, it seems that the only people who can’t rat on you are the dead ones. The decision to fly in Frank Pentangeli’s brother for the deposition was a masterstroke from Michael Corloene and once again, he saved the family. Pentangeli nearly fucked things for the Corleone family as multiple counts of perjury faced Michael. And despite being Tony’s best friend for a lifetime, Pussy took a deal and conspired to bring Tony Soprano down. He wore wires, leaked information to the authorities and compromised the whole organization. Luckily Tony got to the bottom of it and along with the crew ended Pussy’s life with a hail of bullets. Your best friend of many decades, your family, they will rat on you if it serves their best interests! Being a gangster is all about self-preservation. To be in the game is to understand the stakes, death is on the corner and can happen anytime. You won’t see it too, if you are in a crew nobody’s going to tell you that you are going to get whacked, it just happens. In a world of deceit and ruthlessness paranoia triumphs and it’s easier to take everyone out like on Casino, cause a dead witness can’t say anything. Strictly business, nothing personal. I could be a gangster cause morality doesn’t matter in a Universe were everything ultimately perishes. At least now I benefit, I get the the drugs, fuck bitches, wear quality clothes, drive expensive cars and live in Mansions as big as Tony Montanas. I could paint houses for Russell Buffalino and Jimmy Hoffa following instructions to the smallest detail. I could be a gangster, I am not a 9 to 5 guy, the money is too slow and the hours too long. I rather pull the trigger to end your life in a second and make a fortune. I could be a gangster because life is already a game of self-preservation and power struggles, why not play on a professional level? I could be a gangster cause I was born in the hood, I know what happens in the hood, I understand people and what motivates them and I can dominate the hood. I could be a gangster, maybe not a Mob boss or the head of my own Capo but I’ll be the best damn soldier on the ground. I could be a gangster cause Machiavelli taught me its better to be feared than loved and I think his right. I could be a gangster, I am reasonable, ambitious and a strategist like Vito Corleone, I have it in me to build an empire from the ground up. Killing in cold blood? That’s a small prize to pay for greatness, a war needs casualties and I’d be prepared to make that sacrifice. After all, everybody dies and the deaths would be justified, I am an honorable and fair man. Threats, intimidation and extortion I could be a gangster, my objective is power and the fear from your eyes gives me a rush. I could be a gangster cause they don’t want to give me what’s due to me so I’ll take it! I could be a gangster, cause we all try.

“Wait! Don’t shoot Gangster! I am you and you are me”.

Porn Star III: 9 to 5

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Porn Star III: 9 to 5

I love sex, I worship sex. It’s how I make my living, ass up face down, I am a sexual athlete. People outside of porn talk a lot about degradation but it’s all relative. Pornography is sexual creativity, it’s dirty, taboo and appeals to your wildest erotic fantasies. Porn is not the same as making love to your girl, like “don’t kiss me, just fuck me and cum on my damn face”. Still I understand with all the spitting, strangling, punching and fisting. No one cares if it hurts or if that big dick tears up your asshole. Sometimes it gets dark and difficult thats why you need to know why you are doing this. You might get booked for an anal scene with 3 guys despite the fact that you don’t do anal. The money is good and you need to get your career off the ground, so you clean your ass and prepare yourself for your first anal experience. A lot of pornstars go into the business with the objective of being famous, that it can somehow be a backdoor to Hollywood but it never works out like that. Meryl Streep never took two dicks in her ass on camera but you can get famous and have the adoration of the world. Only if you do your job and be professional. Being on time and being professional will get you far in this industry. This is because bookings are not reliable, so when you take the initiative and come early for your scheduled bookings you are seen and acknowledged and that leads to more jobs. The girls who are after fame never last in this business. It’s the girls who lead normal lives outside porn who do, they never associate with other porn people, they simply do their jobs, clock out, get paid and return home to their families. I know of famous pornstars who can’t pay their rent. The lifespan of a pornstar is brief, one day you wake up and the industry decides that you are overshot, a dinosaur, a fossil and so you need to be wise and save money. You need to know why you are doing this. Is it for the money, the fame or are you addicted to sex? There’s also the case of younger and tighter pussy taking you out the game. Doing 5 guys has its repercussions, especially if it’s black guys. Despite the negative press, we are entertainment, this is show business and porn is mainstream bigger than the music industry. Granted no one will admit to consuming porn but everyone does and we do all this for you – the fans. We do this to entertain you and I can’t lie for the money, I make more money than a brain surgeon. When I was a dancer I didn’t make much money because I didn’t fuck my clients. I learned the hard way that you need to suck dick to get to the top. You might as well do it with a professional who knows what they are doing and who has been screened and declared healthy by a doctor. Porn made things better as I don’t have to worry about STD’s and HIV. Sure porn is fantasy but the diseases are not. I am happy even though I don’t have friends and family. Besides, I am always working and I have pet dog who loves me to death and keeps me company. I have a lot of fans. I am happy. I lost my virginity when I was 13 and by 18, I had already had sex with 98 people. One might say I was primed to be a pornstar from a young age. I love what I do and the attention it grants me, I feel validated and seen. People outside of porn are more perverse and dirty than the people inside the industry because they consume and demand the product. All the anal scenes, weird hedonistic and pervasive fetishes all shot to quench your thirst and bring fantasy to your ritualistic insipid lives. The more crazy and outlandish, the better. Doing anal will get you the best gigs with the biggest studios who have the best locations, best sets, best lighting and make-up. The big studios are more professional and they actually treat you like a human being. They show you care and love. I love shooting with them. I love what I do and I plan on doing it until my time sets down or when it stops being fun and exciting. Yes there are negatives working in this industry like crazed out, obsessive fans who lack proportion and can’t keep boundaries, a smelly vagina, exposure to sicknesses and diseases but the positives outweigh all the negatives. It’s just like any other job with its negatives and positives.

24 HOUR WHORE

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24 HOUR WHORE

I love money. It makes me happy, everything costs something and with money I can buy what I want. I can go shopping, I can spoil my loved ones, I can help out at home and I can buy food to survive. I am a fast money kinda girl and I prefer getting money on my own. I am young and I know how to make it, all I gotta do is watch out for the police. Why do I gotta hand my money to a pimp? Give a nigga a cut for all my hard work to support him and does he support me? Not a 100% cause he got more bitches. The emotions of other bitches, it’s stressful, there’s a lot of emotions and problems, it ain’t worth it, just headaches. You also can’t leave when you want to because the nigga own you and when you try to leave he’ll beat you to a pulp and take your your stuff leaving you in the numbing cold and where you gonna go? You don’t know anybody and you don’t have a place to go. Being with a Pimp, nah, it ain’t worth it. Although you still gotta know how to work a corner, it’s competitive and bitches are sometimes territorial, especially if you are pretty and young, you become a target but most of the time there’s a camaraderie and we stick together. I am happy doing this alone, I don’t need friends, I don’t trust anybody, I prefer to be myself and stick to getting this money. Any girl can do it, you don’t need special traits or a pleasing personality although the latter helps cause they all gullible. One time, a young white girl came up to me saying she hadn’t done this before, I told her to stick with me for the day and in two days she was working the streets on her own. Once is sufficient to have you coming back for more, I see it every time. Cause when you need money and someone give you a $100 note or $120 it feels like a jackpot, like free money because sometimes you ain’t gotta fuck. Some guys just want somebody to talk to so you just offer your ears and be a compassionate soul, some have foot fetishes and just want to suck your toes, like I said jackpot, free money. Still, I can suck your dick for $30.

I am 19 years old now but when I was younger, I would get an excess of $2000 per day. I started off when I was 15 but I was on and off. Being with other girls led me to this profession. I remember a time when I took showers to rush back to the streets. Yes I was a minor but they believed what I told them and best believe I told them I was 18, but it doesn’t matter, they don’t care in any case, they fucked me even though they suspected I was a minor. The guilt made them pay more, $400 or sometimes even more. Young pussy is tighter. Nowadays money gets slower by the day. If I work from 5am I can get $1200 – $1500 on a normal day, $1000 on a slow day. My clients are mostly regulars and they pay $200. I charge them $150 – $200 depending on the client to use my room. I also work the internet. You can get good tips but only if you are not arrogant, be sweet with them, don’t rush him to nut, it’s a process and everyone runs on different schedules. When you are sweet to them, they like you and might ask you for your numbers. I don’t do anything I am uncomfortable with like kissing, like why, you don’t know me, what if I have STD’s, what if you have STD’s? It’s risky, I don’t compromise my life in that manner. I am the sweetest person ever and I don’t do bad things to anyone, I just live my life. I smoke weed but that’s just about it. I come from a nice home, good mother, I have brothers and sisters, everything changed when my father went to jail. I’ve been to jail too for prostitution obviously and that’s where I gave birth to my child. My mother is raising her. They don’t like that I am operating the street but what can they do? I am grown, they couldn’t stop me even when I was a minor. I know what I do is risky and dangerous and that’s why I don’t recommend this to anyone, anything can happen and chaos ensues. These days more and more minors are doing this, I was a minor when I started this, a 24 hour whore doing it every day and at any hour and although I am not a minor anymore, I am still a 24 hour whore. I’ve have never been raped, held at gunpoint or anything like that. The worst thing that has ever happened was getting out of a moving car, it was an attempted kidnap. My skin was grated and I had to go to hospital for a few days but I am still alive. It’s a fucked up attitude that will attract life threatening situations like rape and being held at gunpoint. Also you gotta know how to detect bullshit, your life depends on it. I love myself, what I do doesn’t affect my self-esteem in the least, I love everything about myself, I know I am pretty, I can’t stop looking at myself in the mirror, I love my body, my ass and everything about myself. I don’t need anyone else to love me. Cause what is love? How can you believe that  someone loves you? Show me you love me. Put me in a better position, buy me a big house, buy me a Rolce Rolls, do something. I don’t want love, I want money and yes, happiness too, because I do want to be happy, life is nothing without happiness. That’s why I don’t like friends, I don’t like associating with other girls because there’s too much drama, all they talk about is pimps, fucking pimps, smoking weed and other drugs but no money! When you are in this industry, you don’t need friends, money is the only thing that matters. I regret not finishing high school but I have it in me to get a degree. This is not going to be my lifestyle forever, when I am in my 20’s, 21 to be precise, I will be where I want to be and I’ll quit.

Broke motherfucker

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Broke motherfucker

Broke motherfucker, letting him nut in me is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever allowed. More than 3 billion niggas with prospects and I chose one who is still bound, to mummy, can never commit to our future without them discussing it aloud, been together for 5 years and we still can’t fuck without making a sound, cause “it will wake mummy” , I am done with this dummy. Broke motherfucker, can’t get a job, I do everything for our family and what is his job? Fuck bitches on the down-low to make me sob. I am done with the sort. Broke motherfucker, can’t provide for his little girl. Frequenting tarvens on a daily and lusting over women who are keen to make a twirl. Promising heaven on earth without a pearl. While her daughter is bold and other girls have curls. Broke motherfucker with a tiny dick! Could have chosen anyone in the world and this was my pick? Should have chosen his friend with a huge prick. This motherfucker makes me sick! Broke motherfucker, can’t even take me out on a date. Every time I suggest a restaurant, he already ate. My love has dilapidated and what I feel is hate. My plan is to pack my things and head for the gate. We can’t repair things, it’s far too late. Broke motherfucker, his local with no dreams. Decaying on the corner and I am supposed to be his queen? Everything ain’t what it seems, his life is on the dim while my light just beams. Broke motherfucker, I am leaving you for another motherfucker, one who will provide for all my needs and know how to fuck her.

Scoundrel

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Scoundrel

Who told you I am a nice guy? I am a scoundrel, I live in dirt like an earth worm, I am slimly, slither like a snake and devour my own kind like I do to cake. I don’t care about you, I am scoundrel, itching for an opportunity to show you, but a stab in the back will do, stick it deep so it appears on the front to kill you. I will steal from you if you leave me unattended, empty the cash register so nothing comes out like you constipated. I am a scoundrel, I don’t care about your feelings. Dissect your heart and leave you helpless bleeding. Leave you with hyenas so the can start feeding or humiliate you just so I can hear pleading. I don’t care about anyone, I am a scoundrel, rape your grandmother in her house to prove I am a scoundrel. The lowest of the low, reeking alcohol from the pores and frequenting brothels at four. I am irredeemable from the core and accept bribes like cops. I am a scoundrel, I’d sacrifice you cause I don’t have a vice, reptilian pumping out ice and take your daughter cause she look nice. In the morning I am rolling dice, hungover from last night or pulling another heist. A scoundrel, Mr. Steal your money, spend it at the tarven and leave the family hungry, beat them for good measure because I paid the dowry. Screwing like a bunny and leaving baby mama’s with no honey. You can sue if you want to but I ain’t got no money. Who told you I am a nice guy? I am a scoundrel, I am what I am, I am a bad man.

Receipts

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Receipts

I am on top, its not surprising. I’ve gained the weight I’ve lost to level the playing field. I am in great form, I’ve beaten them all, my competition in the rear end swallowing my dust, cause they always thought we were head to head but I was checking the rear ever since. I’ve beaten them all at their own game, I reflected back who they was. Cause it’s all about consciousness, no person will do you dirty without conscious intent. It’s done on purpose, to keep you dependent on them, to make you suffer, to humiliate you. It’s doublespeak, they say they love you but they don’t give a shit about you. This is about power plays, egos, control, respect and subtle dominance. If you let it go once, it’s going to happen again because it’s a learned response, that’s why you gotta double down or crush the behavior completely. They take advantage of your kindness, they don’t respect you, that’s why you gotta set an example. Strike the Shepard first and the lamb will disperse, make God bleed and everyone will perceive him to be mortal, my nigga, always send a receipt to someone who requires your services. A lot of people are repressed that’s why you gotta deliver that consciousness, a hot slap to the face with fingers imprinted usually solves the case. Nobody will ever mistaken you after that, both feet on the brakes before turning that corner cause people forget who they dealing with sometimes, “shut the fuck up and know your damn role”! Receipts, receipts, receipts, you gotta hand them out, some people think their shit don’t stink and you gotta bring out the air freshener to purify the air. How you gonna black ball me when my balls are black? How you gonna invoice me when I sent all your shit back? I’ve beaten all you niggas, I proved you not on my level, I’ll beat your ass again to echo that you are not on my level. Receipts, receipts, receipts, you gotta hand them out, no free lunch, deliver so it sticks, so no motherfucker takes advantage of you. If you swelling up, I’ve got the remedy to make you calm down, that’s fists, let’s go! If you can dish it up then you can take it, no exceptions Mr. Ultrasensitive and privileged. Receipts, if you can’t dish them up then don’t play the game because you’ll be a target and you won’t be able to pay up, rendering you useless and defaulted. Receipts, receipts, receipts, I’m narcissistic too, I also don’t care and we can leave it to die too. If you want beef, I’ll serve it on a platter, let’s go chief! Receipts, I bring it all day, all night, I reflect you like a mirror.