I love him. He makes me feel like I can fly. I believe in all of his dreams – I think he can change the world. The thing with sexuality is that it objectifies and I don’t to constrain him to that label because he is also intelligent and brilliant. He does have impressive attributes. He works out and has muscles in all the right areas. He has beautiful athletic and manly legs – well defined and toned. He has an ass made in heaven. He drives me crazy. What I would do to be his. I wish he would just wrap me around in those firm, strong and defined arms. I wish he would come in to me. I wish I were the object of his desire; I don’t care about forever – just give me now, today honey! He makes me excited. I feel my blood-level rise up in his presence but it’s ice cold when I talk to him – I can never bring myself to tell him how I feel about him because it’s difficult to phrase in a sentence or explain in a paragraph. What I feel for him is metaphysical; the notion that I’d find him in any realm.
It is not a sex thing; maybe it is written on the fine print but it’s not the product. His the product –Everything about him. It is love. I love him with all his imperfections if you can find them. Just maybe love is being excited. That’s what I do when I think of him and our future – I get excited and it’s almost uncontainable like beer in a glass. He makes me weak to my knees; I think love is the submitting voice within. I often experience high temperatures of fiery fires between my legs and I often wish that he would turn it out – his equipped, he can deal with it and I grant him the power to use force; I am his to do whatever he likes. The disappointment of having to do it myself weakens the self-perception of myself like cancer cells to the immune system. Why doesn’t he see me?
What’s wrong with me? I could make all his dreams come true if he gave me a chance. If he gave me a second glance. If he actually stopped and started gathering data instead of being passive in his activities and actions. I am different from any other girl in the world. I am a keeper. I will make you happy. I just wish he would look for options on the sidelines. I have a chance if I lure him with sex. Sex is manipulative. Sex is to give and take – it involves mutual undertakings. Sex is sly. Sex unlocks. Sex is about power. Sex is dangerous. The unconscious and conscious are actively engaged in the process for both individuals – you are prone to any influence or external factor. You are vulnerable and naked also in literal terms. Repressed thoughts and memories might sneak out in the form of a shadow to haunt you. Sex is to get dirty.
Alternatively, I could mirror him. Find out what he likes. What makes him tick, that will get him to love me. To embrace me. I could get close to his best-friend and maybe plot a plan to cook for him. I could show a bit of effort when it comes to my profile pictures on my Socials. I could write him a letter or a poem. I could tell him I love him – no bad idea, I can’t be direct. It will scare him off. I need to be stealth like a thief in the night. I need to be indirect and attack on the flanks – that’s how I will win his heart.
He told me that I am the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. That I have everything, the smile, the body and the personality. I think he is a professor on hyperbole, a professor in the sense that he can hold a seminar with a room full of profiled, esteemed and affirmed men and make them all feel special – subjectively. The way he paints pictures with his mouth sometimes – it’s incredible, work only rivalled by the Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci. You know that his comments are exaggerated, falsified, fabricated and unverified but you still get lost in them. It’s like they bypass your conscious mind. He is so smooth. He is sweet. I am in love with him. He makes me feel like I can fly. When he touches me, I get hypersensitive and my nerves are all over like the scattered stars in the night sky. I love being seen with him, he drives up my worth and makes people talk. They are all envious, they want to be me. I am known like I matter when I am with him, when I get seen with him. I feel safe when I am with him. I feel secure. Like I can invest my time with him like a stock portfolio. I have a feeling it will yield positive dividends.
My first time was amazing. Sex is the most beautiful thing in the world. It has warmth. It is caring. It is sensitive. It is courteous. It is expressive. It is freedom. We got lost in each other’s arms and it felt like I was dreaming. I was liberated. I blinked three times, finally I am at the pinnacle of life; what the human experience is about, sex – love. He is the most important thing in my life. I don’t want to lose him. When he was in me, the world stopped and it was just me and him. Nothing else mattered. I felt his soul, his heartbeat. It’s just a process I fail to encapsulate with words you had to be there it was just passionate, heated and concentrated. It was like an explosion. Our souls reacted a force superior to nuclear. We were the bomb that exploded and left everything in ruins.
He is sometimes distant in a way I don’t understand. I am here for you. Please talk to me. I don’t know what to make of it. He confuses me. I think he is lying to me, maybe he is using me. Maybe I am a secret and there are thousands of me. Maybe I am making this up and he really is busy as he proclaims. I always see him after some time and when I do, it’s great! He takes me to 5-Star Hotels and game reserves and it’s so romantic. We usually travel long distances. We explore the country. We have the best sex in the world. With his tongue he takes me through the solar system, through the milky lane, straight to the many galaxies and back to earth. He gives me showers of orgasms. He satisfies me. He takes care of me. He is the best lover I have ever had!
He promised to marry me one day, I can’t wait! He makes my dreams come true. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can’t believe he loves me. I love him.
All these women are the same. It’s the illusion of choice that’s confusing my niggas. They all do the same thing. They all say the same things. You can never rely on a bitch. They will break your heart and threaten you with pregnancy. They are crooked and sly. They are nothing. They are dirty. I always advice my niggas to snack and then leave. They are unworthy and uncertain like rain in winter. They are evil. They don’t use their brains. The age of information has made things worse because now there’s 6 of me and we all want the same thing. I fail to respect them because I always win. I feel too much emphasis is placed on the pussy – it’s not deep; they are all pink on the inside. Illusions are clouding my niggas judgements. You can snack any girl you want. I am not a bad guy. After all, If I just purchase a 6 pack this could be a transaction.
This is our win; thank you to everyone involved in the process. Thank you to the people who shared their knowledge in the form of books to the whole world. A big shout out to the internet, we appreciate the free videos. I was ready. I was reading on the Kuma- Sutra, female genitalia, the importance of the stimulating of the clitoris, scared sex positions and Kegel exercises. And of course the practice of knocking bitches out the park on a constant. My PC Muscles were improved and I was ready. What a great December this is turning out to be.
I met Dineo; the hot girl in high school. She was still hotter than the sun. I always wanted a second chance with her, to redeem myself, just to prove I could do it. It transpired like a movie – I wish I had captured it and made it objective for everyone to see my victory, to bask in my glory. It was at a social event, an acquaintance was the host and she was there with her friends. The mood of the ceremony was quite celebrative and festive. It was light and friendly, tranquil with no hint of hostility. The sound that graced the social was Amapiano.
I was at the social event first considering I helped with preparations for the event. She came in a bit later with her friends when the place was fuller. It was two guys and three girls, I sensed what kept the group together was a brother and sister dynamic between the friends or that they are genuinely friends or that the guys were still in the early seduction stage and in that event it was an even ground for all. I didn’t see the two guys as threats. They looked meek and inexperienced – I don’t know in which field. Dineo was so hot. Those boobs and that ass – has the perfect ass to boobs ratio. Everything is just perfect about her. Her eyes are light brown; they are so mystical. Her skin tone just light not yellow. Her hair dark brown and natural yet curly.
I had to be intelligent. When her group came to my group to greet us and all the formalities of a social event; I excused myself to the toilet so that I can avoid an interaction with her. But I know she saw me. To be honest with you, I think I panicked. My conscious mind didn’t think of that plan to go to the toilet. It was an unconscious force. But now that I was in the toilet, I needed to improvise and actually derive a plan. I didn’t have one. In the end I decided that I was going to avoid and perhaps ignore her for the whole event. It was the only logical thing to do. I was not ready to face up to her. And I couldn’t leave the event, I was a part of the hosting committee. As an astute businessman that’s inexcusable. And I couldn’t drink too much either. I don’t know. It wasn’t a good idea so I braved out the toilet and went straight to their social group and welcomed them all. I was friendly and courteous – it’s still business after all. I think they felt welcomed. I greeted Dineo and embraced her with a hug. She was so beautiful. I left and returned to my social environment. I felt good. Going to her group was a good idea. But once again, it was the unconscious force pushing me. I was never going to do that – hell no! All I felt was a burning sensation in my diaphragm and since my gut was not at its designated spot – it was difficult to parley with it. Anything could have happened – things were out of my control.
Later in the evening when I was at the bar she came up to me and requested a 6-pack. I obliged and got a bucket and filled it with ice for her convenience. And we talked. It was a good conversation, professional – we catched up and had a couple of laughs. And then it accelerated. She said she never stopped thinking about me. It was silent for a couple of seconds. But I am not stupid, I am quite intelligent and I knew where she was heading with this. I knew exactly what she wanted and I wanted it as well! I responded with a question requesting the identity of her friends. She responded, those two are brother and sister and the rest we just friends held by the fact that we live in the same location. I noticed the fullness of her responses. I looked at her body language – she was mirroring me! A fuse blew up in mind but I had to be steady. I asked her to come sit with me and that we would plenty of fun. She agreed and took the bucket with ice and beers to her friends stating that she’ll be right back. I thought I was doomed. I had no plan. But I looked around at my surroundings and I saw plenty of girls and women and it occurred to me that she was just a woman. In a typical weekend I lure 2-3 women in my nest. A soothing voice came up to me and said “relax, this is the moment you have been waiting for all your life. You are ready. Your practical examinations are excellent and the theory you reading is making you a legend in the city. Just be yourself”. “Just be yourself” it said I calmed down and relaxed. I can’t mess this one up.
Later she was at my place. I had been excellent all day. I need to cap of this day. When we were driving to my place. All I did was to picture her naked. Those tits; are they going to take me to heaven like they promise? They are so firm. I had been reading on sex and how to pleasure your partner. It advised that kissing is erotic. That it prepares the orgasms. It advised the pressure points: the neck, areas on the torso and of course boobs. I couldn’t wait to kiss and suck those boobs. It would be an experience for me. I couldn’t wait to do that. It was so important to me and my life.
I wanted to do things to her. Things that she will never forget. My intention was to pleasure her good. Riding to the crib I thought about the game plan. I am a trader and the blueprint is the most important thing – stocks taught me how to plan thoroughly. I thought about her pussy as well. Cunnilingus always makes them go crazy – I thought about eating her pussy whole. I bet her pussy is tight. But I had to be strategic about this. I can still eat her whole pussy up but I need to stimulate the clitoris first. The key is to always to keep moving your tongue. Faith and Bontle love it, they get orgasms too. A couple of seconds into sex and they are already blown away. I love it when they vibrate, it’s their way of telling me I did well. I think it’s a man’s duty to give a woman an orgasm because if men can’t do it, what then? There’s nothing men can’t do. My pumps ratio is also good. I have solid PC Muscles. I practice Kegel exercises every day and I fuck almost every day. Don’t mean to brag but I am in the level of a porn star – penetration wise, I am good. Before we even stepped in the house, I had a detailed plan. In the end it all worked out for me. Gave her orgasms over orgasms she will be back. I made sure.
2 March 2015 I had such an incredible day at the market today. My best day as a trader. I made $2400 on 6 trades in just 7 hours. Oh it was thrilling too because my stop-loses were almost triggered. I don’t know what I would have done. It was do or die. I had to recuperate loses I incurred on the last two trading days and I went above and beyond. I always advice traders to look at “Major Reversal Patterns” you know; check double tops and bottoms, check triple tops and bottoms, check for a trend with a “V- Reversal”, check for a head and shoulder trend and look at other time frames! So when my advice works for me, I don’t know I get a big head. Maybe I am the best trader in the world – my account certainly agrees. Okay maybe not the best in the world but good. Thanks to today’s exploits I have an excess of $6000 on my account that I can use for entertainment. That’s R98000 – I am feeling festive.
8 March 2015 Today was an interesting day. A normal man would have died. In the morning at round about 5:30 am Bontle comes at the crib. I wasn’t expecting her. She didn’t call. She didn’t text. She woke up one day and decided to be “spontaneous”. She woke up and decided to be a better person all of a sudden. Nobody knew about this, she was the only person that had this information. How is this my fault? She deserved today’s interaction. I am not wrong. I didn’t know. Of course, she found me with another woman. I didn’t panic. Even when she made a scene and ripped off my new sheets – sheets she purchased to be fair. I was ice cold. It was already a bad situation. She tried to corner me and asked me to choose between her and the “new girl”. I am not dumb, I am not going to commit to such a thing. Besides, I love them both. They are useful in various areas in my life. I just walked out. It was the best thing to do. This is not beyond my control. This has happened before with different girls. This is not a problem.
9 March 2015 If Bontle respected me as a man, I wouldn’t do such things. It’s her fault. She’s rude and vile sometimes. She has control issues. She’s crazy. But I love her.
15 May 2015 I was with Lerato today. She was in ripe condition. She was ready for me. She was all over me like a body rush. She enveloped me. She embraced me totally. To be honest, I wasn’t on my game. I was sloppy, slow and dry – however I did the job. Her sounds were overly over the top for the performance I put in. The whole sexual act was a folly for me. It makes me think. What else is she lying to me about?
12 November 2015 I was with Bontle today. I had a plan. It was not a good one but nonetheless a plan. I heard through the grapevine that she was organizing a baby shower for her sister. I planned to be there. Communication between me and her was non-existent since she found me in bed Faith. Secretly I was conversing with her sister – I apologized and requested her assistance and she obliged. My plan was to see her in the morning before she began with preparations for the shower and I needed her sister to grant me access in the house. She helped. At 6:00 am I was in and the house was empty; just me and her (she was still in bed sleeping).
The highlights of the heated and emotional conversation we had was; I am sorry and I was not able to control myself. She seduced me and it was just sex – not like what we have. That I love you and I choose you. That I need you in my life and that you make everything worthwhile. It was routine. It helps that she is younger. Now I just have to take her to a game reserve or somewhere exciting to complete the process. I have learned that if you can validate three things namely; self-perception, intelligence and that they are “good people” – you can do anything you want. After all, self-interest rules. It is the same tact that worked on her sister. Also go low when she goes high it has some sort of psychological effect that helps the process.
16 December 2016 BEST HEAD THIS YEAR! The women in Pretoria are incredible! I will be CUMMING soon. What a 6- pack of alcoholic brewages will do for you – it will give you a head start.
Zamokuhle (The Superior Man) 2 December 2008 He is new to us; just like how I had been in the past. That always has a seductive element. What more can I say? He’s okay.
14 February 2010 Why shouldn’t I be a bit narcissistic? I am pretty. I am hot. Life is about perspective and I have men and boys drooling over me.
14 September 2012 Why did he choose me? I did nothing to warrant or initiate this. I have my problems too. Why me? My one night out all summer. He hasn’t even tried speaking to me. And Facebook? Really? He’s too much of a boy.
5 April 2014 I am not sure about his intentions. He is too smitten. He is overly infatuated with me. I sense a lot of insecurities. I am flattered of course but I can do better. Besides the time is lost – the show goes on. But because I am a good person. I am going to give him a go. Two weeks ago, I met a guy coincidentally has the same name. He is a bit older. He is good looking not cute unlike the former.
He looks assured. He is always in a suit – men in suits make me melt. It’s a seduction thing, I just can’t get enough of them! He has businesses. He has money. He looks powerful. It’s obvious which direction I am leaning towards – it’s a no brainer. Maybe that was a bad example – it was doomed from the start. But such is the probability of us linking up.
16 March 2015 I wish he would just leave me alone. I don’t mind the attention plus it confirms I am still good, but it can be tiring. His plan just has the opposite effect. He’s fighting a losing battle. I don’t want to be with him.
18 May 2016 He just doesn’t have an off button.
18 November 2017 Mr. Insecurities strikes again. I don’t need this in my life. Besides, I kind of like his friend much better we have a history. He makes everything difficult and complicated. I have issues and problems too that’s why I am always running. Biding my time; I’ll get my time, my moment. Life is frustrating. I feel I am in a loop and I have to do the things I don’t like every day. All I want to do is watch television and sleep. The pressures of being a woman in the modern world. If he knew what I have been through, he wouldn’t like me as much. He would stay away. He would leave. He would stop loving me. I am pure in his eyes. I don’t want to tarnish that. He thinks I am perfect.
21 February 2018 He apologized for his outbreak – his moment of madness. Like “give me a chance”, “I love you” get the fuck away with that. He makes me nervous like what do you want from me? I am not who you think I am, get away, get away! I wish he would just go away. I don’t know why I have his number saved on my phone. I don’t know why I respond to his messages. I don’t know why I send him my best pictures. He appreciates them (the pictures), goes crazy for them, sends a million emoji’s because of them – my pictures genuinely make him happy. He makes me feel good.
26 July 2018 For my birthday he bought me book about food and sent it over the internet. It was an eBook, it was sweet. He said that he remembered a moment in high school when I wanted to change the school’s tuck-shop menu and that lead him to purchase a book about food. I appreciate the sentiment and the thought. Last year for my birthday, he wanted to take me out. In nicely constructed paragraphs he politely asked me out. I couldn’t say no – he knew when my birthday was; that’s nice. I agreed but I needed to be strategic. I postponed on the last day to take him off his stride. He was adamant and determined to see me so we had to postpone for the following week. I knew he wouldn’t take his foot off the pedal so this time I had to see him. It almost didn’t happen because I had errands to run in town but he patiently wanted for me and we had a good time. Overall, I had a great birthday!
12 September 2018 I have started talking with an old friend of mine. He’s someone I had a crush on. It started when we were young. The element of time is making the seductive process stronger as I now feel intoxicated by him. It all started at the tender age of 11, we were both in a new environment – a new school to further develop ourselves and minds. We were both on a neutral platform so we linked and communicated with one another with greater ease. Because he was also new, he was one of the first students I knew. And then he switched schools once again and he was gone. I met him 2 years later in high school and he still looked good. Another two years apart and we were in the same class. That’s when our love affair commenced. You see it’s a great love affair bonded by destiny and the Universe. We just never got the timing right but it could still happen. I am still young and pretty and his just amazing. You see it in his posts his strong, his radiant, durable, assured and everything is just going right for him. He comes from a good family with good values and principles. He has money. He has travelled the world and women find him irresistible. He’s amazing!
15 September 2018 I want him. I love him. I just can’t stop thinking about him. My whole structure of being is filled with desire for another man. How do I get his attention? How do I make him go crazy with desire?
26 September 2018 He’s my best friend, my confidant. I tell him everything.
Paul Heyman and Roman Reigns on my socials for years and there’s still some confusion about my position in the mortality spectrum. I do whatever to win! I thought my position was clear when I stated that ‘I am on a heel turn’. I despise purity because it’s pretentious, disguised and filthy. It’s the pure ones that do all the manipulating, they have learned to camouflage themselves with the consensus of the majority while aligning themselves with virtues that seem righteous but are two-faced like a coin and leave much to the imagination. Hypocrites, they hide under the morality that plagues their existence. They are fakes, they smile in my face and start smear campaigns when my back is turned. I like the bad guys more, there’s no pretensions, anything can happen, things are out in the open and your life is in danger. There’s no mirrors, smokescreens and theatricalies, no need for passive aggressive antics, just the consciousness that if you get out of line, I am going to whack you. I don’t like the pure ones because they secretly yearn for power, it’s in their actions, their demeanor, the disguised sly commentary, passive aggressive behavior, the perceived innocence white as snow, the victim mentality and their righteous indignation. Meek is dangerous ask Gandi and the English. How can you trust an individual who has blood more pure than Christ? I wish human beings were good, saintly, creatures who lived on love and farted butterflies. But it’s not like that isn’t it? A dark side exists and people want what you have, violence and if you’re stubborn death is a means for reposition. How can someone be truly whole when they don’t acknowledge their dark side? To claim you are white as snow is to refute you’re black as death. Arrogance, do you think that you are a better human being than me? White privilege can’t save your soul. I don’t like the pure ones, they make me uncomfortable, everything is a show and their smiles are fake. Face drips off schadenfreude through their pores every time I have a bad day. Nah, I don’t like the pure ones, I prefer drunkards, wife-beaters, criminals and prostitutes, at least they are real, they don’t try to be what they are not, they are flawed, vulnerable, confused, human and roaming about a maze they didn’t create and attempting to survive. Psychopaths exist but they are a product of this maze so they have my compassion and understanding. All of life has my compassion and understanding. Existence is difficult, no one has the answers and we all are going to die. Why would you want to be Jesus Christ? Did you forget his best friend was Mary Magdalene? I’d rather call Saul.
What is good? What is bad? Cause when Walter White started cooking crystals to secure his family’s future I was with him. Life is not fair and sometimes it makes no sense at all. I mean what is the alternative? He has cancer and can’t afford to pay for Chemo because he works in a profession that doesn’t pay much. He is overqualified and his teaching job isn’t maximizing his talents. He has kids and has been diagnosed to live for a couple of months. Even if he reached into the family’s savings to pay for the Chemo, its not guaranteed that he’ll survive, cause what if he pays the 300K for the treatment and perishes anyways. What then? What about the kids? What about their futures? What about the house? The unsurmountable debt? No college fund, what about the kids dreams? No insurance, what about that safety net? Is that the legacy you want to leave for your family? Are you really going to leave behind your kids hungry, scrambling for survival, living off bread crumbs? What about your honor as a man? What about your pride? What is your use? You lived your whole life as an honest man, working to secure your family’s future and now cancer is wiping off your whole existence. Maybe you know of people who can pay off the treatment but is that a way to live? Being a charity case for people who screwed you over? People who built their empire on what you started and claimed it for themselves. It’s guilt money, a bribe, they are paying you off! Of course that’s not how they will present it because human beings are sophisticated creatures and theatricality is the order of the day. Maybe they do care and genuinely want you to beat the cancer but deep down you’ll know. You’ll feel the bondage and entitlement. Sure they stole your work to get to the top but they also saved your life, let’s face it, you owe them. How is that fair? You screw me over and still manage to get the last laugh. Nah fuck em! If I can do something to alter destiny then I will, even if it means cooking crystals. I am already on borrowed time, I am knowledgeable, I might as well go all out. This way at least I have a chance, I can procure the funds for the Chemo treatment, I can secure my family’s future, I can be useful, I can be a man, I can be proud of myself. It’s not like I am stealing the money, I’ll be earning it. I understand that drugs cause harm and death is a relative but what is the alternative? Give up to cancer and die? Leave my family broke, leave them with nothing except a memory. A memory that was stained by suffering and a prolonged death towards the end. Everything I do, I do because of my love for my family. What’s so bad about that? What’s the use of having the knowledge and not putting it to use? Laboring years for a system that rebukes you. What does “overqualified” even mean? Everyone else is flourishing as a result of their hard labor. Why can’t I be the best that I can be? What is ethics and morality in a Godless Universe? Everybody dies, time forgets and nothing matters in any case. You tell me, what is good, what is bad? Is your criteria subjective or objective? Cause if the people want crystals I am happy cooking it for them, we are adults with freewill and it will be the best, most purist crystal meth in the world.
You think you got a good wife but when the kitchen gets heated she dashes out and goes fucking her boss. After everything I’ve done for the family, after everything I’ve sacrificed. I did everything for the family, she doesn’t recognize that, she doesn’t acknowledge me. All she does is criticize, criticize and criticize. How I wish words were sufficient to make you see the broader picture. It’s like I’ve become an outsider, an enemy, she wants a divorce, she doesn’t love me anymore, it’s like we don’t have a history. Sure I lied but it was to protect you and the family. I wasn’t fucking random bitches, I was working to secure the family’s future. A man’s job is to provide and it has been that way since the beginning of time. How you gonna persecute me for doing what comes natural? Watching the show, I was disgusted with Walts wife Skylar, she abandoned him. She had a righteous aura about her, she judged Walt, she elevated herself above Walt. The balls on her to sleep with her boss. Walter Jr, is correct, she is a bitch! I mean sleeping with your boss to spite me, to get me to react, to get your way? That is devious, beyond Machiavellian. How is that morally justified? I cook crystals to secure the family’s future and you fuck your boss because you disagree with my methods? Where’s your loyalty? You made an oath to be by my side. Nobody’s perfect but how you gon consciously do that? Repeatedly at that! You don’t respect me. You don’t support me. You don’t want to see my perspective. Who made you God to judge over life like that? You are a bad person Skylar, an example of what a wife shouldn’t be. Fuck you too bitch, here are your divorce papers all signed, you got what you wanted I am leaving! Hope you choke on that assholes dick and die!
“Woah! Slow down big fella don’t make this personal”, I’ll try. The show made me emotional and my moral compass was tested. You might make a point for Skylar and suggest that she was only thinking about what was best for her and her family. When it comes to family self-preservation and survival triumphs all. Distancing yourself from a drug dealer is a good move as implications might lead to a difficult life. Stay and you are an accomplice, an accessory, a collaborator of all the crimes. Stay and everybody is a murderer cause you all enablers. Who wants to be on the front pages of morning papers and grace the tabloids columns? It’s disgraceful and worse you might lose everything you worked so hard to achieve. Good points but there’s holes, Skylar was already flirting with his boss before she found out the truth about Walt. It was just a matter of time before something metastasized. She just wanted an excuse to fuck him and she got one. Lines are blurred, I don’t know what is good and bad anymore but I do identify with the protagonist, that’s my nigga, I am with him, I understand. I progressed with him on his Arc. In my view good and bad is a matter of perspective, they are labels that don’t mean all that much – life goes on, we all make our choices and then they make us. Life is not black or white it’s far too complicated because we are complicated creatures who live in a world we don’t understand. There is no definite blueprint for a successful life and everybody is doing their best. Everybody in the show transgressed, everybody in the show is bad, everybody in the show is guilty. I salute the creator Vince Galligan and everyone involved with the show. The characters of the show are complex and troubled. How do you save somebody like Jesse when he believes in his heart that he is a bad guy. The criminals are super professional, have high levels of empathy, supremely intelligent and hide in plain view. Judge one of the characters and it reflects back at you, you feel like a hypocrite because you see yourself in their actions. It is an absolute masterclass, one of the greatest shows of all time. The acting is unbelievable and the writing superb. I was addicted to the show, I couldn’t stop watching. It is excellence. It gripped me, I loved it!
Easily one of the greatest books of all time. It follows the life of the author and his experiences throughout his life. “In search of lost time” covers the subjects of Love, homosexuality, death, old age, art, the Dreyfus case, social conventions, politics, family, friends, the war and lost time. It is such a masterpiece. If only I could write like Proust. He writes like a detailed painting. You can see the brush strokes in his words. You can see the different hues. His words are passionate and full of life like Spring. His words are so vivid, they evoke feelings and transport you to his time. He describes everything in its smallest detail. He is reflective and honest. He can make you laugh and he can make you sad. He makes you reflect about your life, your decisions, your future. He makes you see how tragic life really is. Even with all the money in the world and the most esteemed people by your side, it still doesn’t mean anything. The esteemed people in the highest positions in the world are still humans and they have a nature that is universal. They have fears, they are in a world in which they didn’t create, a world they cannot successfully navigate because there is no blueprint, they are vulnerable to sickness and death and despite their best efforts they don’t know what they are doing. Boredom is an inescapable fact of life and so they keep themselves occupied with social conventions. They attend parties and invite other celebrated individuals and talk art all day. They talk art, books, music, drama and fashion. At least that gives life meaning. It makes it bearable. I learned important social skills and emotional intelligence is important in the context of life. Social skills and Emotional intelligence is better than IQ. You can be high in IQ but if your peers and colleagues find your conduct undesirable you risk being stagnant and never moving in an upward trajectory. Social skills and Emotional skills is how you navigate your way through life. It is how you find desirable mates, it is how you increase your list of acquaintances. Acquaintances enable you to move up the social ladder. You must be able to perceive and regulate other people’s emotions. That is true intelligence because human beings are emotion creatures. The ability to regulate your impulses and act in a just manner will attract things to you, it will enable you to move up. Social skills and emotional intelligence are important because as you navigate the world you meet different people with different tastes and customs. You encounter foreign traditions, a high level of emotional intelligence will enable you to be open-minded as you won’t fall prey to your urge to exert you ego, this will enable you to communicate and project yourself with desirable effects. “In search of lost time” centers a lot around society and social conventions, it explores finding favor with people, undesirable qualities in individuals and how to be well-liked and adored. The characters in these social classes are intellectuals bred from the highest aristocratic families in the world, they are the elite. This doesn’t mean they are snobbish, although a couple of characters do exhibit this snobbery behavior but rather that they are finicky and know proper culture. They engage in stimulating and witty conversations. I have to admit I loved going to the Duchess Guermantes place. It was good and she was charming. Orianne oh, my beautiful Orianne. She was funny and witty and everyone loved being in her presence. She also didn’t just entertain anyone, you had to be of a certain pedigree, you had to be a master of your trade, you had to be cultured, you had to be interesting, you had to be special. The parties were quite exquisite and wonderful. I enjoyed being in the presence of great people and engaging with them. It was quite an experience!
“In search of lost time” also explores the subject of love and how peculiar it is. The first volume of the book covers the love affair between Charles Swann and Odette De Crecy. Swann an important man in the eyes of society falls in love with a peasant girl Odette. He loves her despite her infidelities. He is conscious of her infidelities and yet he still persists. He gives her money, he does absolutely everything for her. Odette makes him suffer through jealous streaks and unquenchable paranoia. This is what draws Swan to Odette, the suffering, it is familiar to him and he just can’t get over it. Swanns is repressed and as such his subconscious is doing all the navigating in the world. Swann loves Odette with all his heart and he figures that’s enough. Eventually, Odette will come around. This makes Swann a laughing stock in the eyes of society because evidently the peasant girl is using him for his money. Swann knows this and he accepts it since it enables him to be with Odette. This is the strange thing about love, we love what makes us suffer, we love what is familiar. Because love is a psychological phenomena, we love the repressed qualities of ourselves and project them onto another person. This is explored in the work of Carl Jung with his Amina and Animus. I am not attributing the Anima for Swanns situation but it is the most intelligeable option. Besides, consciousness is a difficult topic to explore because no one can account for it, at least work has been done on the subconscious mind. Love is difficult because it can be unconscious like most of our actions. And so the most intelligent conclusion would be to say that Swann didn’t know what he was doing neither did Odette. Swann was attracted to the suffering that Odette was inflicting on him. This says a lot about the human condition, the fact that we need suffering to feel alive, to be alive. Numerous other love affairs are covered in the book like the authors affair with Albertine, a Femme Fatale who almost leads Proust in the wrong direction. Albertine too makes Proust suffer and it is what reels him in. The book also covers the authors infatuation with the Duchess Guermantes. This infatuation locks him in a trance of behavior that he doesn’t understand. He becomes obsessed with her. He spies and gathers data about her and when she takes her walks. He ultimately falls in love with her and talks at great length about her features and fashion sense. He asks his friend to introduce him to her considering that they are family and everything blossoms from there onwards. This behavior exhibited by the author shows us that love is not logical. Love is the ego exerting itself. Love is selfish and consumes. Love possess like a demon. Love is the universal unconscious form exerting itself on life. It is pheromones in the air that accessing a unwilling host. It is a phenomenon that just happens to you. Popular culture often talks about “Love at first sight” perhaps there is scientific evidence in this notion. It would certainly explain the concept of homosexuality and the urge for young boys like the character M. De Charlus in book. Maybe Charles Darwin didn’t cover the whole scope of evolution. Surely, this is only De. Charlus’ nature. M. De. Charlus is portrayed like a zealot who engages in morally unjustified and elusive behavior, maybe the society in Prousts time is wrong. The fundamental question here is that do we choose who to love? Perhaps the idea of choice is our biggest illusion.
The book also covers our common ground, the destination we all share namely death and old age. It is a certainty that we are all going to die. That our family, friends and cherished acquaintances will all some day perish leaving nothing but a memory and even that isn’t much because they vanish and die down like smoke. Proust communicates to the reader how fragile life is, how nothing in this existence is ever guaranteed and the importance of orienting yourself to your passions. This is important because life goes where energy flows. For Proust writing brought him solace and he was able to navigate life because of this passion, it gave his life meaning in an otherwise meaningless life where we all experience boredom, suffering, old age and ultimately our demise. These ideas are also covered in Martin Scorsese classic movie “The Irishman” where death and old age follows us to its climax. This is useful because death can serve as a catalyst to show us how to live. Death inspires and teaches you how to appreciate life and live in the present. After all, the present is all we ever have, everything else is just an illusion. Urban poet Kanye West makes this point on his sophomore album “The Late Registration” on the song “Drive Slow” and he advises the listener to fully be present because you never really know what can happen tomorrow. He favors a life of meaning over expediency. In the book several of the authors close family members and acquaintances die including Aunt, grandmother, girlfriend and best friend. This serves as a reminder that nothing lasts forever. It serves as a reminder to never take life for granted. We also see Proust maturing in the eyes of society, we see him as a young man full of youthful exuberance and him maturing into an old man who is teased and made fun off by the current generation of youthfuls. We see the Duchess Guemantees lose her wit, charm and beauty because of time. We see her position replaced. We see countless marriages happen because of death and separations. We see people rise up to the top of society. We see people who had it all and lost it all. We see regrets, we see people never reaching their potential. Throughout the book humannature is put through the microscope and we observe people’s tendencies and habits. It is habits that make a person and we are judged by our actions. Words are used to deceive and don’t carry any weight. Proust teaches us that life is short. In today’s climate and world, the life expendency is 70 and we spend a third of that time sleeping. Another third of it is spent doing things like brushing our teeth, commuting to work, eating, entertainment and work. We have a third of that to ourselves, that third is less than 15 years. How do you plan on spending that? What habits can you caltivate to ensure you live a meaningful life? Is self-development important to you? Whose life are you living? Is your life worth living? These are the types of questions that Proust forces us to answer about our life. We are all going to die, the youth is going to force us into retire, we are all going to be insignificant, we are all going to be useless, we are all going to vanish and leave no trace of time. Time is an illusion anyways, time is a creation of man created as a means to dominate nature, everything is what it is. Proust teaches us to make the best of the present moment every chance we get. Proust teaches us to elevate our perspective, he teaches us that change is the only constant.
antakalipa 