Goat

The suit

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The suit

Sello Maake ka-Ncube, self-explaintory, it sells itself, star power, an absolute legend. Which reminds me. Where is his star? I thought I was hallucinating reality, maybe it’s at the corner? Maybe it’s still in construction? I searched and I searched – nothing. The greats have their star but where is his? He is Archie Moroka, Daniel Nyathi, Sipho Makhaya, a gladiator in the world of T.V and theatre, performed and produced the best, what more must he do? Rueful, a missed opportunity. Give the man his flowers. He deserves them, he is ours.

I was on the square for the opening of “The Suit”. Full house, esteemed individuals and celebrities, the excitement was contagious, Covid style. Everyone was infected by the spirit of the show. A story about betrayal, set in Sophiatown. Tells the story of a wife who commits adultery when his husband is at work and is one day caught in the act. The man flees leaving his suit behind. As a form of punishment, the spiteful husband forces the wife to integrate the suit in their every day life, dinners, social gathering, church, everything. What used to be a duo is now a trio. Humiliated at the gazing and the constant talk behind her back, the wife ultimately takes her own life. The show was humorous, gritty and serious, I appreciated the work of artists. They did their best to tell the story as authentically as they could. However, I did have a couple of issues with the story-telling techniques. Great story but it could have been executed better. Too much telling and not showing. Although the writing was great, it was descriptive and emotive. You got the two perspectives of the partners. They shared their inner most thoughts and communicated their state of mind. We know that Matilda (the wife) felt lonely and the husband oppressed due to his long hours at work. It still felt like a recital, a book reading. Felt rushed and we were manipulated into feeling a certain way. We couldn’t come up with our own conclusions. The audience’s imagination was not allowed to roam around.The show needed to be longer with an interval. Character arcs and ending predictable. I never read the book but I knew the conclusion before time because the narration was leading me there, it told me what to think. The show had elements of physical theatre. It was a good show and the character of Mr. Maphikela provided the comic relief, the audience loved him. He saved the show for me. The set evoked the feeling of Sophiatown. The music added an element of drama and the lighting moved the story. Maybe I went to the theatre expecting another “Nothing but the truth”, maybe I am disappointed it was not that. Tshireletso Nkoane is beautiful, I understand the intruder in her marriage. Job Kubatsi and Lebohang Motaung humorous and didn’t put a foot wrong. They were relatable and when we did have a scene with dialogue and the characters interacting with each other, the show was gold. The show had a lot for 80 minutes, the narration of the story compressed and minimized the performance arts element in it. However, it was still a great show. The audience loved it and it garnered a standing ovation. Congratulations J. Bobs Tshabalala and the whole team and a deserved standing ovation.

Strap-on

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Strap-on

I’ve got the real thing here, strap-on’s not necessary, have you clutching your fists, screaming your lungs out, child birth not necessary, avoiding the c-word but I know the section, cutting through the game to reveal that I am the technician. Dildos and vibrators also not listed, girl-on-girl is hot but scissoring is conceited. If you want penetration stay on your back or stay sitted, open your legs and I’ll send you into the abyss like you pitted. Strap-on’s are dumb besides I lick ice cream cones too, lick the top mercilessly to send you outta space, then parachute you back to earth cause this is your base. The G-spot is on the first floor at the back window. I can send my inhabitants if you are a widow. Another metaphor, what? Cake? I am cookie monster for heavens sakes. Give me eggs and I’ll butter her up to show you I can bake. Rising to the moment to stick my warm meat, while strap-on’s are cold like an empty seat. Strap-on’s and vibrators got no soul, while my creampie you can contain in a bowl. I’ve got the real thing here and it’s better than a strap-on, it’s warm, goes all night, can work at a moments notice and something you can rely on, different strokes means different tempos, a race you can bet on. Strap-on’s are ridiculous, vibrators and dildos too, I also suck like I came to lose, present your breasts and I’ll never choose, devour your whole body like an alcoholic with booze. Girl-on-girl hot but stupid with a strap-on, pussy tantalizing but a corpse with a strap-on, if your nigga a pussy with a Strap-on, get a real nigga with a dick you can slide on.

Coal Yard

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Coal Yard

Just about the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Story-telling on another level. Outstanding show, amazing performers. They were filled with enthusiasm and outflowed with energy. They were relentless on the stage, they were always moving, doing something, complimenting the current act, serving out sound effects, being props – I am not surprised they were sweating. Absolutely no set, just an empty stage and they created magic. Effective story-telling is centered around the premise of showing not telling. The show is a prime example of that premise. Since there is no set, the performers imitate the sound of props. From vacuum cleaners, matches, chairs streetching on the floor, cars, doors, just about everything. The show also has a catchy soundtrack that is sang by the cast members to indicate that time has past or a change of scenes or tempo. It’s literally like watching a movie on stage without the sets and big budget. They paint a picture so effective with the mimicry of props and their sounds and their movements on the stage. The performers are in sync, they work well with each other and assist each other all the way through. Every scene is clear and vivid, it’s descriptive and rich in detail. The transition from scene to scene is seamless, it just flows, it doesn’t even matter that the performers, perform multiple characters. All gents cast and they managed to play ladies, comical but convincing too, they captured the essence of being a woman. It’s unbelievable how they played so many characters effectively. The show is supremely entertaining and funny. It captured the human condition beautifully, they imitated life on the stage and it was artful. The performers are expressive, they make use of the stage to perfection, jumping, running, crawling all about. They have energy. They are full of life. They are humorous. It’s difficult to look away, they are captivating and the different characters command your attention. I have to say Mr. Naidoo is exploitative. Paying someone half-price because he is shorter is ridiculous.

The show contains a three act structure and the hero has an redemptive arc at the end. A story of a man fleeing home owing to sexual abuse by his father. The depiction of this sexual abuse is tasteful and not vulgar and forceful. Instead a container of “Baseline” (Vaseline) is held up for the audience to see, this communicates what is transpiring in the scene. An effective way of saying something, without really saying it. It’s suggestive and effective and works well considering the sensitivity of the subject matter. After the hero flees from home, he gets a job working at a Coal mine and later meets a girl he falls in love with. Traumatized by his father’s sexual abuse, he has a problem performing and ultimately the girl looks the other way, searching for greener pastures. The story comes full-circle when the hero comfronts his father now in prison for his sexual abuse. The story is told by committed actors who are creative and have a lot of range in their arsenal. They love what they do, they were having the time of their lives on the stage. The tone is easy-going and relatable for the average South African of color. No need for fancy dialogue and words, a mixture of “vernac”, “tsotsi taal” and English will do. The lighting of the show is incredible, it too tells and moves the story. Powerful piece of theatre, so artistic and satisfying.

My hat goes off to the performers, Diphapang Mokoena, Tumelo Mokoena, Abongile Matyutyu and Mbovu Malinga, one word – unbelievable! Amazing creatives who literally created magic on the stage. Also, well done to Nomvula Molepo, the lighting designer who helped the artists create this magic. The lighter was gorgeous! SamSays on the credits, another great one Sam. Thank you for sending me out to review this masterpiece. Congratulations Prince Lamla and a raucous standing ovation.

Second chance

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Second chance

I satisfied 3 women this month, it’s been a good month. I worked hard, I deserve all the acclaim. Of course it could be hot air, women fake all the time. A woman friend of mine spilled the beans and notified me she was faking when we were together. All the moans and groans were an act, she was faking her orgasms. Worse is that I thought I gave a good account of myself, when she broke the news I was devastated because everything was predicated on that moment. It made me think of how many women were faking when were together. She doesn’t even want to give me another chance to redeem myself. She says it would be weird and would ruin our friendship. Disappointing analysis, when has sex ever ruined a good thing? Ironically, not having sex is what will ruin our relationship. Cause right now I am all insecure and I need some feedback, I know I could do better, time has elapsed and I have experience under my belt, the act of lovemaking has become an art, I could make her orgasm and it won’t be an act. I hate it, it’s like she’s got weight over me, she’s got control and power, says she was sparing my feelings and boosting my confidence, how emasculating is that? I’d rather she lay in bed a mute, at least I’d know I wasn’t doing shit. But the faking, the deception, that’s unforgivable! I feel like my whole life is a lie. Still I doubt it, I’d know if she were faking, I mean, what am I a moron? I know myself, I am industrious, I work hard, I don’t believe it, she sang high notes. Being stoic is good and all but women talk, the grapevine is a dangerous place for a bachelor. I don’t think I am crap but I need a second chance to redeem myself. I could do better, I need more raving reviews. We can make it transactional, it doesn’t need to mean anything, I am enlightened, I pay attention, I can deliver a cascade of orgasms, I can prove it, I have 3 happy reviews and it’s midway through the month. I need my second chance or we won’t survive as friends.

My Name is Lucy Barton

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My Name is Lucy Barton

Opening night for My Name is Lucy Barton on the square. Full house, intimate. Nothing beats a full house on the square. I was with Sam, Lorrie, Bronwen and Sharon – Yahto too. Thank you for the invite Collett Dawson. I was excited for this one. I was also with Leigh Harrison, the CEO of Wisdoms123, that made my day! Julie-Anne McDowell amazing on the stage, expressive, animated, lively and alive. There’s emotion in her words, she even sheds a tear or two. That’s when you realise that theatre is serious business, better than moving pictures because you can’t fake it. Theatre is for real actors. No second take, no rerun, run now and do it perfect. Julie-Anne did it perfect, no mistakes, line over line executed perfectly. Theatre is athletic, it’s endurance, enthusiasm, I mean doing the same show around the country everyday. Same intensity, same force, same emotion! Julie-Anne has been captivating audiences nationwide. Cape Town aghast and Joburg pretty much the same. Wonderful show, expert storyteller. The writing is unbelievable! It’s a writers fairy-tale. The words are descriptive and emotive, they transport you to her world, her perspective. Family dynamics and personal identity always triumphs. Key questions as a writer though. The two articles published in the magazine, what were they about? What was the book about? That felt rushed and suddenly it popped into my consciousness. I wish more time was spent on delivering these details, I felt it would have connected more with the audience. I was curious. She’s a writer, right? Surely her subject matter matters. That wasn’t explored. When the audience is invested in the plot the pay-off is sweeter. It’s a pay-off without fireworks but it was dramatic – the lights and the music ensured that. Julie-Anne is captivating and enthralling. She is a natural born performer. There is range in her performance, how she switches tempos and emotion. She is 3 dimensional, leaping from one state and emotion to another, she had the audience spellbound throughout. The delivery in her words, no mistakes and the cues on time. She is talented. She is expressive. She gives all of herself. Again, delivery spot-on – she was totally in the moment. She makes use of the stage to perfection. She is effective. The performance was a definition of flow, she was automatic, she was pretty much great. She is a serious performer. The lighting was nauced and subtle but moved the story in a major way. It dictated the tempo and the beats of the script. Feeling; in the words, it was a performers show. One woman show, great script, wonderful lighting, minimalistic set and an outstanding performance. Shout-out Rona Munro, the script is awesome! Congratulations Charmaine Weir-Smith and the whole team and a deserved standing ovation.

Conscious Idiot

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Conscious Idiot

Everything I am I learned from the streets, I learned to keep my head down to feel the pulse and listen to the beat. To narrow the circumference of my circle to ensure I live through more cycles. Moving through culture like Armstrong on his bicycle. I am consciousness, taking care of the game like a nurse, spoonfeeding invalids to fatten my purse, living through the spells to break down the curse. I am the greatest of all time, the conscious Idiot, emphatic, compassionate, unassuming but also ready to leave you fuming, some niggas be pests, so I terminate cause talking is time consuming. Usually a cool guy but if you get on my face, I’ll push you aside like you nothing to me. Haters think they are important when they mean nothing to me. Conscious Idiot, I ain’t got beef with anyone, I am just living my life. If you stepped on my shoe I’d probably apologize, it ain’t worth it to get in a fistfight with someone who has nothing to lose, I am pretty, my face is my livelihood. I grew up in the hood, gunfights are generally not good, so I avoid like an anorexic with food. Conscious Idiot, you can have the glory, I am leaving with the honey with the fantastic body. Trying to get me to react but sorry, you are not a character in my story. Conscious Idiot, emphatic, compassionate, kind and unassuming but it ain’t a weakness cause I deliver receipts like a cashier working back to back shifts whose sleepless.

Charlie and the Chocolate factory

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Charlie and the Chocolate factory

Follow the music of the Maestro, feel it, let it envelop your whole being, breath through your pores and express itself in your movements. Ballet, sensitivity, technique, balance, composure, calm, grace, poise and beauty. Let go, immerse yourself in the present moment, time moves for you, stretch your anatomy, be the pulse in which life revolves around, be one with all of life, be vulnerable, feel. Conductor, conductor, conductor, I love it when they walk on their toes, it’s like they are floating, spinning like tops in the air, like gravity isn’t a factor, like clouds are made of concrete but it doesn’t matter because they are skipping ahead. It’s unbelievable how they do splits in the air, complete 180 degrees airborne and they stick the landing. The leap in the air is totally gorgeous. Sam and I were excited for this one weeks prior and it delivered with flying colors. SamSays on the credits. It’s mind-boggling how the ballet dancers can support the whole of their weight on their toes, it’s like they don’t have ankles, it’s effortless too, like it’s not a big deal, like this is how I walk, like I make time slow down. The beauty of the human anatomy, finally I understand. It’s art, how it stretches, the muscles, how it bends, how flexible it is, and how glorious it is when it has attained mastery. It’s pure awe, it takes your breath away. Ballet is the celebration of God’s glory, he is showing off. The motion of their hands when they move on stage, it’s like current is flowing through their bodies, it’s slow motion, freeze frame, photogenic, zen, graceful, absolutely beautiful.

I was at the opening of the Mario Gaglione ballet show at the Joburg Theatre, “Charlie and the Chocolate factory” by Roald Dahl, music by Mark Cheyne and the Johannesburg Philharmonic Orchestra. Full house, no empty seat. Unbelievable show, loved every moment of it. A complete theatrical experience with an emsemble that featured all age groups. The show is visually rich and is paced through the Johannesburg Philharmonic Orchestra. The performers are expressive facially and they explore the stage like voyagers, skipping, leaping throughout. The performers are mesmerizing. They dance with complete freedom and expression, like demons allowed to leave hell for a couple of minutes, but it’s not demonic, it’s beautiful – everything is beautiful. No dialogue, the classic story of “Charlie and the Chocolate factory” is told through the medium of ballet, dance, visuals and glorious music that strings you along from the first minute to it’s climax. Even Willy Wanka is a ballet dancer. The dancers are exquisite even the kids. The costumes have personality and the set keeps changing to add to the texture and dimension of the show. The Orchestra have range and have the ability to make you happy, sad or to make you laugh. They are the backbone of the show and keep you hooked from the start. Perfect show, beautifully told and executed with precision and attention to detail. I loved the show, a must watch for theatre enthusiasts. Special praise and reverence for Monike Cristina, I understand beauty because I witnessed her on the stage, her level of focus and execution is second to none, she moved like a swan. Congratulations to Mario Gaglione and the whole team for a beautiful show and a deserved standing ovation.

Live Feed

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Live Feed

You will always find me at the table with pretty girls or the cool guys. When I walk in everyone is eager to give me a beer. Like “take one in the cooler, we are together”. Thanks mpinch, my throat was dry. Black Label, Heineken, Castle it’s all the same to me. But I prefer Corona, it’s lighter and I can cover more distance. To the stoners, I see you, I’ll be with you shortly, I got some stuff I got in the jungle that will make you wanna bless the good stuff, I got you, I am here, always the herb man, I should be spice. Ice cold charisma that will have reminencing ice, mixing Hennessy dry gin with no ice, take it straight to the head. When my nigga Stee pull up, it’s Convosier, Monkey Shoulder, Remy Martin, 48, Heiger or some stuff I’ve never had before. Bottles on bottles, everyone loves him, he’s a charismatic guy. VSOP on a typical Tuesday, Yea he’s a legend, respect. The great man on the credits, he is the greatest of all time. Critical analysis, I think the pals I drink with love me more than my church mates. Cause after a days work, I be drunk and out of my mind, I don’t have transport but my drinking buddies always find me on the road and deliver me to my doorstep. It’s different with my church mates, they just drive past me, it’s like I am invisible, they don’t care whether I make it home safely or not. A couple puffs of the hubbly and I feel light headed, I am dizzy, but the girls are here so what can I do, I keep puffying, hoping my clouds will get me to heaven. Thank you God for the experience. This is my live feed, having fun, drinking and smoking with beautiful girls. The tough guys who start up shit on the playground, we cowards nigga we just gon shoot you and kill you, ain’t nobody got time for that. You narcissistic niggas, you think everything is about you don’t you? Tough luck tonight. This is my live feed, chilling with beautiful girls, puffing hubbly.

Projections

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Projections

The human experience is such a comedy but also a tragedy at the same time. You mean we are not in control of who we love? That secretly the Universe and all the forces of this planet conspire and decide my fate? The arrogance in that notion – it makes me sick! Just maybe everything in the world has already been done and I have to be allocated in a category. Apparently a category has already been assigned to me. Does it mean I am already in a box? Confined and blinded by my restrictions. This can’t be life – there has to be more. Maybe this could be a simulated reality. I now find the subject of love vague and grey. If we subconsciously project our experiences as young individuals originating from our childhood and parents to our partners – Isn’t love predictable, with a pattern? I feel my life is a performing stock option projected to do well in the coming years. I feel life is channeled. I feel everybody lied to me. I feel betrayed. Like love is rigged and fixed. You mean there are more people like me who fell in love because of projections and repressed subconscious desires. Are you saying I am the problem? But I am different.

In that case I hate love. It doesn’t make sense and I renounce life as well. How are conflicting feelings or ideas possible with love? Why are we so obsessive? Are we the ones in our bodies because sometimes I feel possessed by an overwhelming spirit that does what it wants? Is it even real? What’s real? I don’t know. I don’t understand how a mature and practical adult can regress to behavior seen as childish because of love. I don’t understand how someone can be fearful of being alone. I don’t understand why love makes us such bad judges of characters. Why are we willingly blind? I don’t understand why we mistake a narcissist for a genius, the suffocator for a nurturer, the slacker for the exciting rebel and the control freak for the protector. Its madness and stupid. Maybe it makes sense that love stems from repressed unconscious desires; because then we can define it and try to examine and understand. In the game of love what is most repressed shines through – the irony in that statement. What a show! Love is clearly the undisputed champion of the world.

Kevin (The woman to worship him)

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Kevin (The woman to worship him)

5 January 2005
When the farm is finally stable. I will invest in the soccer team. I want to see it prosper – to succeed. It is there where I feel more alive – the soccer pitch. I get lost in the moments every time, every day, and every second. I want to play in the PSL someday. At the highest level. To be a manager at that level would be wow! Just a season for me individually would be sufficient. The team needs to be a household name. I have high hopes for those boys. Must be crippling pressure for them. But I doubt it. They are engaged with me. They are in every moment, every second – they love it! Then I want to look at Real Estate and Construction, Renewable Energy and Telecommunications, The Art School and Art revenues. I still have a long way to go. I still have to go to a world cup tournament. I still want to travel the world and explore. I want to die having assured the future generation legacies. I want to be the best I can be. I want to be a pillar for all my children.

12 June 2005
I met a girl a month ago. Her name is Siphosethu. A friend had a small intimate gathering thing and naturally I had assist with preparations. Late after the gathering Andrew’s cousin and friend came through. It had an “after- tears vibe” but nobody died. It was just close family and friends. The mood was festive and carefree. We were sitting by the Lapa next to the pool. Everyone was engaged in some sort of activity, we were sharing stories and laughing, mixing alcohol brewages and laughing, smoking Hubbly and laughing and just chilling and relaxing.

Andrew’s cousin Siphosethu and I were talking all night. I think she likes me. She liked the fact that I was enterprising, young and ambitious. I could see it in her eyes – they sparkled with almost admiration. She made me feel so good. Things to talk about just flowed from the structure of being; I couldn’t contain myself. She made it easy. I even told her about the soccer team. Her response was overwhelming! Well, while she said she doesn’t follow sports – she’d love to go to the stadium and watch a game. I sensed I was on the right path with that response. I casually told her that we should go together – she agreed, so now we are going to see the derby in a month’s time. I am excited. I like her – you know she could be the one. An unplanned pregnancy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world? Would it? No, I need to be focused. Yes, it would be the worst thing in the world – it would be a disaster!

24 August 2005
Last night I told her about the organization I was heading in my adolescence years. She wanted to know more so I told her, in the process getting lost in the moment. She looked at me with such worship. I can’t explain or put into words what I felt. But it was great. Our conversation gave me a rush. I feel she’s that one thing that has been missing in my life. Now that I have her, I feel
unstoppable; like nothing can stand in my way. Like Thanos on the Marvel franchise “Infinity Wars” when he wiped half of life in the planet. She makes me feel like I can fly. Like there’s nothing I can’t accomplish in the world. She’s good to me. I am falling in love with her.

25 August 2005
I want to make all her dreams come true.

30 March 2006
I think I was wrong about Siphosethu. She doesn’t quite do it. What we had is gone. It’s a shame. We could have had something beautiful. She was teachable too. It’s a energy thing, I think somewhere down the road she disengaged and my spirit felt it. She deceived me. She lured me to the dragons den. She didn’t care about me – she was using me. I need to break-up with her. I don’t trust her.