Don’t wait up!

I told her straight up “don’t wait up!” I was serious as a heart attack. If something better came along she was free to board along and experience the voyage like a cruise because the cost of not doing so was Titanic! Not that I don’t hold myself in high-esteem but I was being practical. Unlike an IPO, I had nothing to offer in a monetary sense. Like a shattered mirror I was irrevocably broke. But I did love her but what’s love got to do with it if you can’t provide? Without money, what are you? Surely, not a man because a man needs money to exist and navigate reality. Money represents power and I had none like a weakling. Devoid of muscle, how can I carry my lady like the queen she is all over the world? Better men exist in the world, men who can grant her whatever her heart desires. Men who can love her without insecurities. Men who can touch, stroke and caress her like the keys of a piano. Men who can satisfy her sexual urges, kiss her, make her moan a 8pmnd groan like the horns in a Jazz festival. I am the shadow of that man and hence my appearance at the rear. Jealously is not practical and conducive for a flourishing life. Not that I have never been jealous before, I have. I remember the distinct feeling of wanting to possess my love object like a demon, ironically I was the one possessed. Needless to say she saw right through me and chose to hike to a better life. Life requires flexibility and the presence of mind to hop onto a moving train en route to your destination. Stagnation leads to decay. Life is a continual process of evolution and hence, she will find better, it’s mothernature’s will. I don’t say this to drive her away or to instigate mind games, I do this because my love for her is as white as snow. I would hate to be a burden. I wouldn’t want to hinder her progress towards becoming. The worst thing that could happen to me is that she stays with me because she is obligated and contracted like a marriage. Love is simply electrical signals and chemicals processed by the brain and body, it is not enough to sustain all of life. Me and her are not enough, moreso that I am stripped of financial resources. I think all the time about how I wish things were better. I see myself as an archetype of a great man. However, greatness takes time. It would be unfair of me to ask her to stay along even though I know things are going to be better. With time we will have everything, including the capital to purchase Satan’s soul. But how do I make that vow to her in a subjective reality? Am I even in a position to make that vow? What makes me so confident to believe I can win a rigged game? I don’t know, it’s just something I feel. Something I want to believe with my whole being. I realize how laughable my sentiments are that’s why I propose “don’t wait up!” If something better comes along, don’t hesitate, make the climb to the rest of your life. Make memories, start a family and create a life. I will never hold that against you. I have been chasing dreams for years and now finally I realize that they were illusions, hallucinations only prevalent in my own inner theater. Everything is an illusion and our minds hallucinates reality, and as such to share what’s in my inner theater would be to delude you because it’s not in the objective. I told her don’t wait up to encourage her to chase what is objective and prevalent in reality. Everything else is just fairy dust, wishful thinking and maybe that’s my claim to fame. Maybe I am guilty of this. There is no evidence that I will make it. Such is the certainty of life; the fact that nothing is certain. Instead of victory, I have a vault of business entities that didn’t make it. Promises that has been extinguished. She deserves better than promises. She deserves better than my “feelings of greatness” and even though she loves me, just don’t wait up. A

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