My Xhosa Queen.

I am convinced that there is nothing better than a Xhosa woman. They rank at the pinnacle when it comes to the women of the world. Of course, this is only my experience, my map of reality. Xhosa women have that something extra, that something special. Apologies that I don’t have the vocabulary to describe them but how do you describe someone like Arjen Robben operating on the right flank? I know I am drifting towards soccer but please bear with me, I am making a point. Do you have the superlatives to describe the brilliance of Arjen Robben? Someone who dominated football with his trademark finish. You know it’s coming, you know his going to cut in from the right and curl the ball with his left foot. You have seen it a million times, you have analyzed it with attention and great detail, you know it’s coming and yet there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. How do you describe that phenomenon? What do you say? I think Xhosa women are like that. You can’t describe them. All you can say is “that’s something special”. I have been in love with Xhosa women all my life. They are my cheat code. They make me weak on my knees. Plus they have a Miss Universe, how do you beat that? It’s impossible! Zozi Tunzi is a standard, a real thing of beauty, she’s something special. I have at least 2 Xhosa women in my top 5. I remember I used to have a crush on Zolani from “Freshly Ground”, remember those guys, remember Zolani? Ah, she was something special! Congratulations to the whole group for making authentic beautiful music music, I am still a fan. Imagine Eastern Cape, a place where they are made. Isn’t that place heaven? I think the Xhosa tribe have a good energy. As a people they are progressive and they have vision. They are an intelligent people. I mean how do you beat Nelson Mandela and Trevor Noah? That’s huge! Xhosa people are our best. This comes from a subjective reality and analysis. This is bias commentary, this comes from my love for Xhosa women. Xhosa women are rooted in my past. My first kiss was with a Xhosa girl. I fell in love for the first time with a Xhosa girl. I imagine my future life with a Xhosa woman. I want to be Proust and recapture lost time. I want to be self-indulgent and reminisce about the past. Also, I am done reading “In search of lost time”. I did it with a year to spare. Thank you for the lessons Proust, you taught me so much about life. I can’t believe how I enjoyed reading your book but I digress. This is my conversation with the Universe. I also hope to attract a good quality Xhosa woman, so to the Universe do your thing man.

I love the Facebook tradeoff, sure it’s exploitative but it gives you a choice. Choices are good because we are all in charge of our lives. Like I stated in the past Facebook has a wonderful business model, I envy Zuckerberg and the team that started it all. I like the tradeoff like “give us all your data, we want to know what makes you tick, we want to know your location, we want to know your favorite food, your favorite movies, books hobbies, we want to know what makes you laugh, what outrages you, we want all your memories and pictures, we want to know your virtual communities, we want to know your dreams and hopes, we want to know EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU and in exchange for all your data, we will show you pictures of your crush. Fair trade don’t you think? What would I do without Facebook? These guys are life-savers! I recently saw a picture of my crush and I lost my mind! Damn! She’s still the hottest thing under the sun. My Xhosa Queen, the woman of my dreams. So it seems like I am still a customer Facebook, you can have all my data! “Fell in love through photographs, I don’t even know your name, wonder if you follow back, I hope to see you one day, I won’t show my nigga now, I’ll keep this one for myself, love today has gone digital and it’s messing with my health.” Oh Cole my nigger! But maybe that song is misleading, I didn’t fall in love with my Xhosa Queen through photographs. I was mesmerized by her beauty every day. And she used to send me pictures, pictures that made my mind moonwalk. I can’t put into words how her energy made me feel. She was truly something special. I was in love with her, she was awesome and had everything in the world that I wanted. She was perfect. What a compliment the concept of love is. When you are in love with someone, you are observant and focused on that person and in time you get to know everything about that particular person. You get to know the walk, how she stands, how she sits, her body posture, the back of her head, her voice and her laugh. All this becomes second nature to you. You are intrigued by her and want to know everything about her. You can’t wait to see her and when you don’t the day is automatically wasted. I felt a void in me when I didn’t see her. It was a physical void that could not be filled. My energy was down and my spirits could not be lifted. For the day, I would be like a phone on flight mode, utterly useless. Like the Goddess she was, she had the power to make my day. She constructed my ideal of reality. Her presence and energy nourished my soul. Seeing her motivated me, because if a woman can’t motivate you, what can? Maybe I should start from the beginning. This is the story of the first Xhosa girl in my top 5.

She was one of the girls I have ever fallen in love with. I had known her since our teenage years. I waited after High School to ask her out. I expressed my undying for her. To help me with my course, I had chocolate, I had learned how to design logos and I designed one in a form of her name, it was so dope and I wrote her poetry. I fitted all the content (the logo and poetry) on one A4 paper and I laminated the paper, in my mind to make it last forever. Damn! The whole lamination process was expensive! It cost my R20! But it was fine, I had a vision and I needed to do everything in my power to get this girl. She was too important to me. The chocolate cost me R15 and transportation costs would be around R40 roundtrip. This was good. I was motivated. We met up and we had a good time. We had a good conversation and I went on the offensive. She listened to my story and gave me an audience. We hugged and we parted ways. I remember feeling good about myself. The metamorphosis was complete, I transformed into a butterfly that day. Finally, I did it! I was relieved. I was proud, now I can die in peace. It was a very good day. However, I was too overzealous and persistent. We were not on the same wavelength. Poor girl, I was relentless, it was embarrassing. I was unfair and selfish. I was too expedient. I wanted her right now! But she handled everything like an expert, a pro, she is so good, she is too intelligent. I am talking about Emotional Intelligence and the ability to regulate other people’s emotion. To control the situation and steer it in the direction that was best for the both of us. Wow, I was impressed, she was awe-inspiring. What a woman! I understood that time was my best shot. I needed to be patient. I needed to respect her. I needed to be more sensible. I needed to be her friend. I needed to be a human being. And so I started playing the long game, it was my only chance, I couldn’t risk pushing her away, she is important, her spirit motivates me somehow, I can’t explain it, she’s just something special. I was willing to do anything, she was worth it. I believed I worked harder than anyone, I believed I was more patient than anyone, I believed with time I would have a chance. And I did, it took a couple of years but the game plan was a success. She started giving me her time and we would meet and have awesome, awesome conversations. She told me about her life, her family, her hopes and dreams and I was in heaven. To the Universe thank you for giving me time with her, I am appreciative and grateful. She was worth the time, the years, the effort, she was worth everything, My Xhosa Queen.

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