Thoughts

Zamokuhle (The Superior Man)

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Zamokuhle (The Superior Man)
2 December 2008
He is new to us; just like how I had been in the past. That always has a seductive element. What more can I say? He’s okay.

14 February 2010
Why shouldn’t I be a bit narcissistic? I am pretty. I am hot. Life is about perspective and I have men and boys drooling over me.

14 September 2012
Why did he choose me? I did nothing to warrant or initiate this. I have my problems too. Why me? My one night out all summer. He hasn’t even tried speaking to me. And Facebook? Really? He’s too much of a boy.

5 April 2014
I am not sure about his intentions. He is too smitten. He is overly infatuated with me. I sense a lot of insecurities. I am flattered of course but I can do better. Besides the time is lost – the show goes on. But because I am a good person. I am going to give him a go. Two weeks ago, I met a guy coincidentally has the same name. He is a bit older. He is good looking not cute unlike the former.

He looks assured. He is always in a suit – men in suits make me melt. It’s a seduction thing, I just
can’t get enough of them! He has businesses. He has money. He looks powerful. It’s obvious which direction I am leaning towards – it’s a no brainer. Maybe that was a bad example – it was doomed from the start. But such is the probability of us linking up.

16 March 2015
I wish he would just leave me alone. I don’t mind the attention plus it confirms I am still good, but it can be tiring. His plan just has the opposite effect. He’s fighting a losing battle. I don’t want to be with him.

18 May 2016
He just doesn’t have an off button.

18 November 2017
Mr. Insecurities strikes again. I don’t need this in my life. Besides, I kind of like his friend much better we have a history. He makes everything difficult and complicated. I have issues and problems too
that’s why I am always running. Biding my time; I’ll get my time, my moment. Life is frustrating. I feel I am in a loop and I have to do the things I don’t like every day. All I want to do is watch television and sleep. The pressures of being a woman in the modern world. If he knew what I have been through, he wouldn’t like me as much. He would stay away. He would leave. He would stop loving me. I am pure in his eyes. I don’t want to tarnish that. He thinks I am perfect.

21 February 2018
He apologized for his outbreak – his moment of madness. Like “give me a chance”, “I love you” get the fuck away with that. He makes me nervous like what do you want from me? I am not who you think I am, get away, get away! I wish he would just go away. I don’t know why I have his number saved on my phone. I don’t know why I respond to his messages. I don’t know why I send him my best pictures. He appreciates them (the pictures), goes crazy for them, sends a million emoji’s because of them – my pictures genuinely make him happy. He makes me feel good.

26 July 2018
For my birthday he bought me book about food and sent it over the internet. It was an eBook, it was sweet. He said that he remembered a moment in high school when I wanted to change the school’s tuck-shop menu and that lead him to purchase a book about food. I appreciate the sentiment and the thought. Last year for my birthday, he wanted to take me out. In nicely constructed paragraphs he politely asked me out. I couldn’t say no – he knew when my birthday was; that’s nice. I agreed but I needed to be strategic. I postponed on the last day to take him off his stride. He was adamant and determined to see me so we had to postpone for the following week. I knew he wouldn’t take his foot off the pedal so this time I had to see him. It almost didn’t happen because I had errands to run in town but he patiently wanted for me and we had a good time. Overall, I had a great birthday!

12 September 2018
I have started talking with an old friend of mine. He’s someone I had a crush on. It started when we were young. The element of time is making the seductive process stronger as I now feel intoxicated by him. It all started at the tender age of 11, we were both in a new environment – a new school to further develop ourselves and minds. We were both on a neutral platform so we linked and communicated with one another with greater ease. Because he was also new, he was one of the first students I knew. And then he switched schools once again and he was gone. I met him 2 years later in high school and he still looked good. Another two years apart and we were in the same class. That’s when our love affair commenced. You see it’s a great love affair bonded by destiny and the Universe. We just never got the timing right but it could still happen. I am still young and pretty and his just amazing. You see it in his posts his strong, his radiant, durable, assured and everything is just going right for him. He comes from a good family with good values and principles. He has money. He has travelled the world and women find him irresistible. He’s amazing!

15 September 2018
I want him. I love him. I just can’t stop thinking about him. My whole structure of being is filled with desire for another man. How do I get his attention? How do I make him go crazy with desire?

26 September 2018
He’s my best friend, my confidant. I tell him everything.

Voices in my head

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Voices in my head

Cooped in hell tormented by voices,
Sawing and hacking before I make my choices.

A traumatized soul,
With issues so deep,
The stars think its steep.

I could cry out to the world,
But my mind has me on mute,
In my corner I went about,
I’ve never heard silence quite so loud.

Locked inside the barriers of my mind.
My legs silenced,
So they shake and tremble rapidly,
Through the chains that have me stationed
Like a train on its platform.

I yearn to be able to scan the vivid blue color of the sky.
To walk barefoot on the fresh evergreen grass,
But how can I?
When everyday is a thunderstorm.

Outside to the world I went.
The world stripped down
Before I had the time to close my eyes.
Surrounded by lies,
Clinics giving out pills to numb the womb,
Little girls referring to their vaginas as tombs.
Chaos ensued and I was confused.

The voices in my head might keep me from going outside,
But it’s for a good course.
The injustices of the world might
Lead me to suicide.

9 Shots (Free script) – Lucky

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9 Shots (Free script) – Lucky

My goal is to be the greatest ever. Not on a criteria that anybody has set, but for me I have a rubric. Drunk alert, drunk alert, drunk alert, I took 9 shots of gin, the unconscious is now in control. This is my true self unsolicited, my subconscious dictating my behavior. I’m on free-flow, on autopilot. The conscious mind flunked out the equation. This is God speaking through me. Give me the opportunity. Give me the chance to change the world. These are my constant thoughts.

To the Universe, give me a chance to create awesome things. Connect me with excellence, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do. Just as long as it is ethical and the morality is on par with what I am accustomed to. Make the capital available for my endeavors. Help me fly. Accompany me in my journey of greatness.

Lucky, gratitude bomb!

What are the odds that I would be so lucky in this lifetime? It’s simply incredible! I am thankful. I am grateful. Life is a lottery that I have somehow won by a miracle. Firstly, I was born a boy, male, a man, what an incredible win, I am so lucky. I am lucky to be the first born, it has wonderful advantages. I am lucky to be the big brother, what an honor. I am lucky to have the mother that I have. She’s so strong and inspiring. I am lucky to have friends who want me in their social circle. I am lucky to have lived in Limpopo for 2 years, I loved every second of it, sometimes I thought I was dreaming and maybe I was. I am lucky my stomach is full every night. I am lucky I have the internet and Facebook. I am lucky to have known Rorisang Moeketsi who is bright, headstrong, emotionally intelligent and progressive. I am lucky my brother is an artist. I am lucky I went to school. I am lucky I can read and write. I am lucky I have dreams, a luxury for someone who has to eat. I am lucky I grew up in Alex, Gomora. I am lucky I can listen Common, Nas, Jay-Z, Kanye West, J. Cole and Kendrick Lamar; thank you for everything guys. I am super lucky I met Reishi, a wonderful young boy who gave his life to save another, I am lucky he was my best friend. While you were still alive you taught me so much, you taught me kindness and love. I will never forget you. Thank you for inspiring me, because of you I don’t fear death. I am lucky to have a shelter to rest my head. I am lucky Loyiso has been my friend for all these years (2 decades). I appreciate you more than you’ll ever know. Thank you for your friendship, education and kindness. By far the best roller of a joint that I know. I am lucky I have the opportunity to appreciate art, to listen to music, read literature, watch films and to write poetry. Wanda, red Mercedes-Benz. I am lucky I get to watch Lionel Messi and FC Barcelona on my screen. Thank you God for giving Lionel Messi the World Cup, he deserved it, for all the happiness his brought in the world. I am lucky to have been loved by a girl, more than 1, more than a handful. Thank God for Marijuana. Manchester United and Orlando Pirates are lucky to have me as a fan, you guys have made me suffer. Thank you for everything Sir Alex Ferguson. She said she loves me, yes, cool, affirmative, outstanding, that’s the greatest news of my life, I love you too and I know you’re with me for the long haul, let me get a couple of deals together. I am lucky to have served as the General Secretary for KOSP, what an honor. I am lucky to have kissed a girl. Thank you for the intercourse ladies, I appreciate it. I am lucky that I’ve lived in the suburbs. I am lucky to have known Thato Katane, I love your spirit boy, mind over matter, your container is immortal. I am lucky to have two brothers. I am grateful for Quentin Tarantino, he is timeless and boundless. He made me love movies with Kill Bill. Steven Speilberg is pretty legendary too. “Birdman or The unexpected virtue of ignorance” is one of my favorite movies of all time! That continuous shot is crazy! I am lucky to have had Christopher as my friend, he was my equal at everything including Fifa, Mathematics and cross-country. Thank you for your competitive spirit boy, I appreciate and cherish the memories we shared. Thank you Steve Jobs for your life. I am lucky to have had Lonwabo in my life who was a good friend of mine. I let you down, I am sorry, I hope to make it up to you someday. Thank you Robert Greene. Phimza, Red OPC, culture. I am lucky to have a sister. I am lucky I have water to drink. I am grateful to Warren Buffet for the inspiration, wisdom and knowledge. I am lucky I am fully able. I am lucky I had Lethabo in my life, we started “Cultured” together and Arty came along to join the team. I am lucky I have clothes and blankets to keep me warm in the winter. I am lucky I was a football coach to 3 different teams. I am lucky to have been a child actor. Thank you Napoleon Hill. Thank you Jim Rohn. I am lucky I get to go to the Library every now and then. I am lucky to have had Tumiso in my life. I loved our conversations. Our sessions were like an appointment with your therapist, we talked about a lot of serious things, our challenges in life, our feelings and emotions, our past, our impending future, just life. I am so grateful to have had you in my life. I am lucky to have known Amy Winehouse through her music. Amy, you still my favorite artist in the whole world! I am lucky that I am a creative and entrepreneurial. I am lucky Phimza drops me off at home when it’s too late, thank you mpinch. I am grateful for Marcel Proust, “In search of lost time” is brilliant, a real piece of art. Thank you for the lessons Proust. Fyodor Dostoevsky on another level though, ‘Notes from Underground’ and ‘Crime and Punishment’ are both masterpieces and ‘The Karamazov Brothers’ the greatest piece of literature of all time. Don’t forget about ‘The Master and Margarita’. I am lucky I have soap and cologne to keep me fresh. I am lucky to have an uncle who is supportive. I am lucky to have Lauryn Hill in my life, art is forever and “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” is forever, I love your Unplugged with MTV too. Everyday I wake up, I win. I am lucky to have a cousin who took his time to refine my driving skills and teach me about art. I am lucky to have had a friend like Kalushi who matched my creative energy. Thank you for the Yezzys! Thank you Kanye for “Sunday service choir”, “Jesus Is Born” is a classic. I am lucky to have known Kay, who was brilliant and awesome, amazingly, everyone respected and loved Kay, he was the best. I apologize for disappointing you Kay, it really wasn’t my intention. I failed because I didn’t have things in order, I was inexperienced and too eager, one day I hope to make it up to you and everyone who put their faith in me. I am grateful for Martin Scorsese, he is the best. Marty, I loved “Hugo” and all your other movies with no exception, yes even “New York, New York”, I think it’s a masterpiece. I am lucky I’ve been to Gold Reef City and the Rand Show. I am lucky I have a cellphone to which I can listen to Anderson Paak on, he is unbelievably talented. I am lucky I have shoes. Thank you Pep Guardiola, Luis Enrique, Ernesto Valverde, Xavi Hernandes, Andres Iniesta, Carles Puyol, Dani Alves, Luis Suares, Sergio Busquets, Gerard Pique, Ivan Rakitic and ter Stegen. Thank you to everyone at Barca, past and present. Grateful for Emiliano Martinez, Angel Di Maria and all the players of the Argentine National team. I am lucky to have taken a picture with Flabba. I am lucky I am black.

Meditations

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Meditations

Of course life is difficult, it says so in the Bible, it is the fundamental premise of Philosophy and science surmises it as entropy, destruction, chaos! Regardless, you can never give up on yourself. You can’t let people’s voices drown who you are. The truth about reality is that the world will assign you a role and compartmentalize you if you don’t do that for yourself. If you don’t know who you are, the world will tell you who you are. It will label you and dilute your essence until you are a carbon copy of everybody else. It is your duty to decide your fate. Never worry about things you can’t control. And human beings? Mxm, don’t try to change them, these are not linear creatures, they will turn on you if it serves their interests. Why are you worried about what another person thinks about you? Why do you let another person make you emotional? If you don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist, no hard feelings, let them talk, it serves the persona they have created for themselves. All you have in this world is yourself and how you dedicate your time. Channel your energy in the right avenues that will enable you to have a good life. Truth is subjective, commit to what works for you, you can’t be pleasing everybody else. Greatness is a product of your habits, you show up every day, you improve, you give your all to the present, you do what you can, you live truthfully, you are grounded in reality. Guard your heart and monitor your state of mind. Have positive thoughts about yourself and surround yourself in an environment that reinforces that. Negativity is for losers, you are better than that. Surround yourself with people who love you and want the best for you. Go after your dreams, in the process you will stumble, fail, lose weight, cry, be ridiculed, abused, humiliated, labeled a loser but in the end you’ll thank yourself, you’ll be a stronger human being able to conquer the obstacles in your map of experience. You will be strengthened by your truth, you will be stronger, apathy will cease to exist, you’ll have faith in yourself, you’ll have confidence in your abilities, you’ll be a person of value, you’ll be a person of character, you will be fulfilled, you’ll be unstoppable. Never be afraid of failure, it’s an illusion in any case, the important thing is that you tried. Be patient with yourself, success takes time. Be proud of who you are. You only get one chance at life and you are going to die. Die with honor, having redeemed yourself from the clutches of suffering. Die having given it your all, no regrets and an empty gas tank. Don’t be afraid to be different, be eccentric and develop your personality. Don’t fool yourself, much of anything outside of yourself you can’t control; your wife will leave you, your children will grow up to be entitled and ungrateful brats, your boss doesn’t like you all that much and your friends won’t invite you to their social gatherings anymore. That’s okay, manage yourself and your emotions, handle things that you can control and leave everything else to God. Some people will be assholes, don’t judge, try to change or reciprocate that energy, accept them as facts of life like stones and furniture and move on, no hard feelings. Taking things personally is a waste of time, it only hinders you from moving forward, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Let them plan, gossip and concoct things about you, it’s not your business – besides you are above that. Love, be kind, be emphatic, help your brother, help your sister, offer a hand, be truthful, have principles, be a blessing in somebody’s life, not because it serves your interests but because we are all one. Everything perishes in the hands of time. Thank you God for the gift of life.

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Incremental Progress

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Incremental progress

I am doing good, there’s progress. I started off from being hungry and having nothing, to surviving off the berries I got from trees. Thank God, they helped for like 3 days. At least I ate something. It wasn’t the best but it was better than worse, it was good. I’m grateful, I thank the Universe and the unconscious factors that were at play. It was a great idea. Then I went to eating bread with “Crack a snacks” and chips every two weeks. Now, I located a feeding scheme. I swear it’s heavenly sent. It’s like everything was set up for me. I manifested it with my mind. I am so excited. The food I get from the feeding scheme will help stretch out my month. I will go there 2-3 times in a week. My plan is to hustle a couple of hundreds so I can purchase a two plate stove, 10Kg rice, 10 Kg maize meal, 30 large eggs, and salt. Water is free, thank God for that. That’s all I need, that will push me for quite some time and I won’t need to worry about food. I’ll get to focus on creating more content and pushing the antakalipa brand. If I continue breathing in life to the “antakalipa” brand, it will save me, rescue me, make me rich. That’s the plan, nothing else matters. I can only go up from here. The results will start becoming exponential and when that happens, I am home free forever. Because I just need only one chance, just one, one chance on my terms. It’s coming. I feel strengthened, like there’s nothing I can’t do.

I learned something that will serve me for life, that I can cheat life and manipulate reality. I make what I see and so I am excited. I am in charge of my destiny, no excuses. I am well on my path to becoming a Billionaire. The progress is incremental, this is good.

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Keep your eyes on the prize.

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Keep your eyes on the prize.

Winston Churchill once stated :”success is going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm.” That’s one thing I love about computers and A.I. (Artificial Intelligence), it has the same rigorous relentless energy even on its billionth try. This is because it is a program and it is programmed to get to an end result. We can learn a lot about A.I. & computers because our minds are also programs. More specifically our subconscious minds, they dictate our reality and interactions in the world. Your body is a part of your subconscious mind and so when you brush your teeth or drive your car a program kicks in and you do it automatically, you don’t have to consciously think about it anymore. The act of brushing your teeth or driving your car is hardwired. This is a practical example of how your subconscious rules your life, 95% of your actions are because of your subconscious mind. You are the program of your subconscious mind. Everything is mind, your reality is a product of the thoughts you tell yourself. We are aiming creatures and if for example you want a BMW, the world will structure itself to your beliefs and wants and you will begin to see more BMWs in your map of reality. If you want to be a painter all you will see in your map of reality is art schools and other opportunities to do with being a painter. If you want to be great, you will encounter phenomena that makes you great. When you say someone is evil all you will see is that persons evil deeds. Perception is everything. Reality structures itself to your value systems and beliefs. Your subconscious mind bends reality. There is no such thing as an objective criteria because the world is by nature very subjective, however we can compromise and find a middle ground. The world is the same today, will be the same tomorrow and will forever be the same. It is your personality that colors in what you see. Your personality is made up of thoughts, experiences and beliefs. So you see there’s no such thing as failure or impossible. Those are just labels that don’t mean anything. They are hinderances to the mind. Nietzsche once stated any person who has a why can bare any how. This means that when you have a “why” that’s powerful enough and life bearing you can conquer anything. When you have a “why” your limitations crumble down and all you see is your goal. You become invincible! The impossible becomes the inevitable. What do you see when you look in the mirror? What lies are you telling yourself? Why don’t you think you are great? It’s time to reboot your subconscious program.

The right program operating in your subconscious is critical to living the life you deserve. Developing a program of enthusiasm and optimism will enable you to create the life you envision because it is positive energy. When this is programed into your subconscious mind, it will enable a growth mentality and you will be able to pick out a way forward in the grimmest of times. With this outlook nothing is bad or a failure but an opportunity to gather data, internalize it and move forward with the intention of dominating next time. You are the creator of your life. Stay away from negative people and losers because they influence your lens on the world. There is no such thing as failure. There is no such thing as “giving up”. When you “give up”, you never had a “why” and so your plan was doomed from the start. Life is a process and pleasure is in the attainment of the goal not the prize. It is not about about being a Billionaire but the person you become to get there, the habits you must continuously adopt. The prize is the end and doesn’t mean anything on its own. Meaning, process and progress is what makes the goal worthwhile. Kinda like courting and pursuing a girl you like who’s giving you blueballs and when finally get with her you think “Is this it?”. The journey is the reward. Besides you don’t have the right to “give up” or even to kill yourself, you don’t belong to yourself, you are the property of God and the Universe. God would never tell you to give up. You won’t get any pity from me. Don’t cry, survive. Surround yourself with people who share your vision. Belief in yourself with impunity. Know you will win and you will, nothing escapes the law of causality. Be positive and optimistic on a constant. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude, this helps you when the dark night besiege, it enables you to count your blessings and by doing so you turn the situation into a positive and so you are able to move forward in your decisions confidently. Nothing is eternal and suffering is inescapable of course but you choose your thoughts and attitude about life. You can choose a life of pessimism and nihilism or you can choose one of optimism and creation. You can choose a life of depression and misery or you can choose one of happiness and love. Everything is in your lens of experience. You can be anything you want. You can do anything you want. Don’t let them steal your shine. Don’t seek the approval of fools. Move confidently in the direction of your dreams and slay the dragon you hero! It’s all in your mind, just keep your eyes on the prize.

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Affirmations

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Affirmations

What is a human being? My best response would be biological mechanisms that navigate reality via vibration. At a fundamental level, we are awareness experiencing reality via our senses. We still don’t know what consciousness is or where it’s located. However, we are not our thoughts but they do define our map of experience and constitute reality. Thoughts come and go and are detected and modulated by the mind. The mind is like a receiving station for all your thoughts. We construct reality based on the thoughts we accept consciously or subconsciously, so whether you think you can or you can’t – you’re right! Thoughts are everything, that’s why things like vision boards work because they program the subconscious. When you say the right things about yourself to yourself, it gets reinforced by the Universe and you will progress in whatever field. Conversely, when you say bad things, you will be miserable, residing in Hell. Everything is information and vibration. Reality is made up of your most dominant thoughts and actions. Programming your mind with positive affirmations like “I can, I must, I will”, “I am successful”, “I am abundant” changes your vibration and attracts everything to you. If you control your thoughts, you are God, for you control your destiny.

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How to change your mind.

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How to change your mind

The first thing is awareness and identification of the habit you want to change. Then stop the behavior, stop engaging with it, the change of the behavior must be gradual and not abrupt. Stop one small thing in the process of the behavior today and add in eliminating another small thing tomorrow. The changes will add up and compound over time. The big thing must be on altering the habit. Realize that you are not your thoughts. Thoughts are just things that happen to you, you are awareness witnessing your thoughts. You can distance yourself from your thoughts, you can just watch them float in and out of your head and not accept of criticize them. Meditation will help you with the process of observing your thoughts, it will help you to be more mindful. Meditation is important in regulating your mental health. When engagement has been halted, don’t do anything for a while, it is better to be passive for a couple of weeks or months. After this recess you can engage in other routines and start new habits and behavior.

Another way to change your mind is to feed it and overload it with new content. Travel is also one way to change your mind because it exposes you to different cultures and people. A place that exists that doesn’t draw any input for you. That helps you see things differently, it can alter your whole world.

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