Love deconstructed

Love deconstructed

On the epic song by Jay-Z and Kanye West “No Church in the world”, Kanye West points out that love is ruined by monogamy. This is an interesting sentiment, one that disputes the validity of a marriage institute. Marriage is an institution created by the church to unite people who love each other romantically. It wasn’t always like this, to get married because of emotions and feelings would be considered an obscenity in the good old days of the past. People got married for reasons that were practical economically, they joined to unite fortunes and establish a powerbase. Marriage was a legal binding entity used to preserve wealth among families. It was not a measure of one’s love and dedication. However, going forward things changed with the entrance of the romantics. They affected and changed culture in a big way. Writers and poets started making an art form of this phenomena known as love. It was contagious and spread all over the world. De Beers located a diamond mine in South Africa but since diamonds had no value, they created value through the visuals of Hollywood movies and ads on billboards and newspapers – it was a frenzy, diamonds were everywhere, on printed media, billboards, television, in music and referenced by poets. Diamonds were made desirable. They were made valuable. They now demonstrated the love you had for your partner. Culture derived, formulated and concluded that your engagement ring should be worth at least 3 months of your paycheck. It was a madhouse and everyone was in the delirium. For their efforts, De Beers made riches and they continue to own the diamond market in the world. Their success is attributed to the romantic age. The romantic age contained an impractical people. Indoctrinated in the constitution of the church, they believed in monogamy that is one partner for one man. The Romantics added to that and proclaimed that this partner should complete and fulfill you. The romantics United love and sex. The romantics were irrational, deluded and impractical. An institution that unites love and sex is flawed simply because sex is a form of expression. Sex is gratifying a desire. Sex is individuality. Sex procreates. It is possible to love you and not be sexually attracted to you. In the same way that I can have a mistress that I have sexual relations with and not love. In fact, it is the norm in our culture. We see this on books like “The Great Gatsby” with the characters of Tom Buchanan, Daisy, Tom’s mistress and Gatsby. Dispite his known infidelity, Tom goes back home to Daisy. We see this with Daisy too, she has an affair with Gatsby and later goes back to Tom. For Tom, Daisy represents stability, his heart and it is the same with Daisy. Their infidelities don’t mean that they don’t love each other. This is also exhibited on the 1974 movie “Emmanuelle”, where Emmanuelle’s partner doesn’t marry her for mere possession, he marries her because he loves her. He encourages her to explore her sexual desires and fantasies with other people besides him, citing “You not my beauty, not my property”. All that he asks for in the relationship is transparency and honesty. For them communication and trust is vitally important. They understand that love and sex can be separate. This makes the bond they have for one another strong. For love is patient and understanding. Love is practicality and reason. Love is not vain and shallow. It is not narcissistic entitlements and pride. Love operates at a positive wavelength. It calibrates at a high conscious level. Love is the default language of the world. Love is life.

Maybe there’s wisdom in monogamy for it creates a world of order in your life. Monogamy is stable and often reliable. It fosters closer relations in the family. Monogamy is warm, stable and secure. It makes life meaningful for we can raise our children and our grandchildren and die gracefully. Monogamy is consistent and always there for you. At least that’s what it promises on paper. The salesman who’s selling us on the idea of marriage is a great one because we still go into marriage head first dispite the staggering divorce rates. The odds of a divorce are 1 in 2, that’s 50% – that means either you or a friend is getting a divorce. This is because of the unrealistic promises of romanticism. I can’t be your everything. I can’t fill the void in your heart or complete you. I am not your savior. We can’t unite love and animal sex in our relationship, we can do it for a while but don’t expect it to last forever. Reason being is that I am flawed. I am a human being and I have my days were I am not at my best. Sometimes my actions are repulsive, bad natured and suspect. I have deep rooted insecurities. I am a horrible person but I try my best to be presentable. I am repressed and I will exhibit undesirable behavior. I am a mess and untidy. Sometimes I will get defensive and angry. I am narcissistic. I have a big ego. I am imperfect. I am a born sinner. With that said, let’s create a love that will be accomodative and sustaining for someone like me. I don’t believe in forever because I live in a vacuum of time and space. So let’s create something practical and usable. What is the reason of our union? Is it for protection and wealth, is it for a partnership, is it for cohabitation, is it to start and raise a family, is it the sex, is it because you love me and want to be with me forever and ever? Let’s discuss this and put it in the world. Let’s discuss how we can make provisions for our inadequacies. Let’s come to an agreement that will suit me and you. Let’s make our love objective and with a criteria, it will help regulate our actions and we will never take each other for granted.

In his comedy special, comedian Kevin Hart explores the difference between new relationships and relationships that have gone the long mile. He explains that he hates new relationships because everything is fake and we are in a continual process to impress our partner. He states that we are willing to do anything to prove we are the right person, that we regulate our impulses and emotions, that we are overly generous with everything including sharing food off our plates on our dates – despite the fact that we don’t like sharing food. He contrasts this with old relationships, where the couple are highly familiar with each other. He makes a joke stating that if that couple went inside a shop and the one person came out with snacks and the other one came out with Juice and the one with the snacks asked the one with the juice for a sip, the person with the juice would be outraged. That he wouldn’t share his juice and it would be the topic of the whole day. Mileage on relationships reveals people’s true nature and character is the aim of this joke. Urban Poet Kanye West, explores this on songs “Paranoid” and “RoboCop” in the awesome 2008 album “808’s and Heartbreaks”. Kanye talks about a girl who completely changes on her, she’s irrational, lacks trust and overly paranoid. This paranoia creates in her a RoboCop, whose constantly surveiling Kanye hoping to get evidence. The idea here is that the romantics version of love can make you crazy. Simply because it’s built on possession, ownership and entitlement to a person. The romantics love is the same as slave trading. It is a demon that needs to be exorcised from culture. We need a new kind of love. One that is intelligent, practical, reasonable and life affirming. Generally, there are 3 stages of love. First is the infatuation stage, where everything about our love object is perfect. We just can’t get enough of that person. The relationship is new and burning with desire. Sex is a constant and we just can’t keep our hands of each other. The duration of this stage is anywhere between a year to 3 years. Then we have the second stage. In this phase, the couple start the process of knowing each other. This stage is the fruit of the infatuation phase.

It is the most rewarding phase as it fosters closer relations. It fosters intimacy and spirituality. It is liberating. It is fulfilling. The 3rd stage is the accumulation of the 1st and 2nd phases. It is the limit. A place where everything dies. This is because everything has been established. Behaviors are now habits and novelty ceases to exist. You know everything about your partner and she knows everything about you. It can even be said that she knows you better than you know yourself. This is the natural order of all relationships. Unless, you can bring it back to the first step (infatuation phase) it will die. Hence, redefining yourself and creating relationship goals is key. It will keep the fire burning and enhance new qualities you didn’t know existed in you. It will generate a sense of wonder in the relationship. It will make your partner fall in love with you all over again. It will keep your relationship youthful and exciting. Relationship goals are key because at this point in the relationship you are one, a unit, a pair and as such a third entity has been created. This third entity is the love you have for each other and it has to grow, it has to self-realize. This third entity is a energy that needs to grow and expand. It needs fuel like how your body needs food. It needs love and support. It needs continual growth. Relationship goals or mutual goals are what will propel the relationship forward. It will refresh things in the relationship. It will refresh the stages or phases in the relationship. This is because goals require specialized focus and attention. It activates traits and talents you didn’t know existed in you. Goals are challenging and hard. Goals require a lot of work. This is what will keep your relationship flourishing.

Alternatively, we could just have a 5 year lease on love and marriage. Nothing in life is certain, especially the union of two individuals. This is because of cultural differences and our perceptions of the world. Our history and past makes us distinct from one another. We have different intentions and plans. Life is a process that keeps unfolding and developing. Evolution is constantly evolving and expanding. Change is eminent. Marriage as forever is a hoax like the moonlandings. We need to be able to adapt to new environments and ultimately conquer only to move on to newer pastures. A 5 year lease on marriage is active, it is progressive and will provide different perspectives. A 5 year lease on relationships and marriage provides us with freedom to live life on our terms. We will never take our partners for granted. Our lives will be filled with novelty and we will grow and become all that we can be. But maybe the state won’t allow that, to that I propose empathy and understanding for our partners. I propose patience and a light view of the world. I propose we treat our partners like we do our children. This is because, we are all children at heart. Maybe we forgot that we are children because the world is so harsh and doesn’t condone childish behaviors. The word “childish” has become an insult, a smear campaign on one’s character and conduct, a terrible disaster. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Consider for a minute how we treat our children. We are more emphatic, we are understanding and we are patient with them. This comes from the fact they are young, small, vulnerable and don’t know any better. We think it’s cute when they make blunders and we laugh. We are gentle. We are considerate and love them unconditionally. That is something we must adopt in our relationships. We should treat our partners like children. They are children at heart and also don’t know any better, in fact no one does. We are all lost in need of guidance, love and assurance. We should adopt the the action of giving and not expecting anything from our partners. Give with a pure heart. Give everything you have. This action will give longevity in the relationships in your life. You will be a better human being because you will be more empathic. People will seek refuge in your hands. If you treat your partner and the people all around you like children, you will see the light side of life and will laugh when life issues you a challenge. You will love yourself more. You will be strong and affirmed.

In 1998, critically acclaimed artist, the queen Lauryn Hill released an album titled “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill”, it was lauded by critics and won Album of the year at the grammys. The album explores the subject of love. It is the most important music album ever created and is what love sounds likes. It covers, self-love, self-worth, self-identity, romantic love, family love, destiny, law of attraction, self-actualization, self-realization, ambition, Taoism, the human spirit or soul and happiness. It is an amazing album, unrivaled in any genre of music. The album is enlightened. It is an album that has the capability of changing your life in just one listen. It is an album that calibrated at an high energy level. It is natural and free. To add to the texture of the album, Lauryn Hill got kids to talk and discuss the subject of love. These kids give their insights on what they think love is – on what love means to them. That makes the album sound so special. It is heart-warming. You will never find a better album on love than this one, I promise you – it’s impossible. I encourage you to take a listen.

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808’s & Heartbreaks

808’s and Heartbreaks

“I bet if I give all my love, then nothing is gonna tear us apart”. That line marked the peak of romanticism and its entrance into hip-hop. It’s a very naïve statement, one that is subjective, hopeful and detached from reality. It is as if Drake has taken love heroine; it is impulsive and desperate – it drips of anxiety and wishful thinking. In an age of romanticism, it is beautiful hence its success on the billboard charts, it peaked at number 1. This song comes off Drakes debut album “Thank Me Later” and the title of the song is “Find Your Love” written and produced by Kanye West. Kanye West is an amazing artist. He ushered in this new sound and made hip-hop lyrics more descriptive, more abstract. Sure, we had artists like Common who could paint pictures with their words and use words to evoke feelings but Kanye went a step further – he could do it with beats to create a mood, an atmosphere. He brought something new to hip-hop, something fresh. He was so innovative. He is the greatest creative of our time.

In 2008, he released his fourth album 808’s and Heartbreaks. It was completely new from anything he had ever done before. It was risky. However, romanticism had been at its peak. We had songs on the radio about love dominating. The Romantic Comedy genre was booming and Hollywood was hard at work. Love and romanticism was popular culture. This was reflected when Jay –Z, hip-hops biggest and greatest star released a song titled “03 Bonnie and Clyde” in which he proclaimed “All I need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend”. Tabloids and magazines went crazy with the idea, Jay –Z had proclaimed to the world that Beyoncé was his girlfriend – it was amazing, mystical and majestic! Once again, Kanye West was at the heart of it all – it was he who produced “03’ Bonnie and Clyde”. So there was a destiny to the release of “808’s and Heartbreaks”. Being Kanye, the album had to be different and fresh – a sound no one has ever heard before. To do this, he had to deconstruct the Rap genre only to reconstruct it again. For this album he would use all sort of drums, melodies, auto-tune, deep, heavy strings, keyboards and pianos. His lyrics were melancholic, desperate, full of loneliness, dread, rue, resentment, sometimes hopeful and optimistic but detached from reality. It was such a grand idea – mind blowing concept but only execution mattered, he was in unchartered territory and only excellence would do and it did!

The first track of the album takes off from “Find Your Love” in the sense that he gives everything to this girl. Instead of reciprocating she’s distant and makes half-baked promises. You see this girl doesn’t really love Kanye and eventually he sees this and breaks up with her. “Say You Will” is about Kanye venting out his troubles and anxieties. Kanye is caught up and in a world of his own. He is sad and wishes things were different. Kanye wishes that this girl loved her, this is reflected in the lyrics “I admit that I, still fantasize about you”. The chorus “Hey, hey, hey don’t say you will, unless you will” protests and confronts but he does this subjectively in his mind because his alone and contemplative. The looped beat is symbolic of how pathological promises are and it communicates that Kanye West is locked in trance – a world of his own. Further, it sets the mood of the album and preheats the listener to the sound of the album namely that it will be rich in melodies, drums and sorrowful lyrics and venting.

The album commences with the second track “Welcome to Heartbreak”. The song starts off with heavy strings that communicates anxiety and distress. The lyrics are full of disappointment and the notion that everything always goes wrong. The song features Kid Cudi who is known for moaning and groaning in his songs. He gives the song edge and his tone compliments the song’s texture and sorrowful melodies. The song is the equivalence of “why always me”? The song that follows is “Heartless”, it tells the tale of how Kanye West met a girl who changed his life. A girl who showed him human nature. He describes her as cold and devoid of a heart. The beat is up-tempo, repetitive and easy on the ear. This is a dramatic turn from “Welcome to Heartbreak” and it sets the mood for the upcoming songs. We can assume that the girl he is referring to on Heartless is the same girl on “Say You Will” because not delivering a promise has legitimate grounds to being heartless especially in the context of something so complicated as love. Again, the song is in the first person indicating that Kanye felt a direct injustice – something covered on “Say You Will”.

The fourth track “Amazing” takes off from the upbeat and up-tempo “Heartless”. It is endorsed by powerful kick drums and complimented with soulful melodic keys. It is your typical Kanye West song. It is strong, affirmed, assured and a confidence booster. The song is egotistical and narcissistic. He prides himself to being a great prize. The use of “amazing” as an adjective communicates superiority and being number one. It is an infectious statement and one he says no one will ever take away from him. It is the rare moment in the album where he is upbeat and confident of himself. The next track “Love lockdown” is about the glory of falling in love. How it can hypnotize and keep you in a trance. The song is up-beat, rich with multiple drums and complimented with piercing keys. It is musical, cohesive and concise. It sounds like the best day ever! It is an iconic song, the first single of the album.

The next song “Paranoid” is a tale of the common ground most relationships reach in this era of romanticism. Namely, that everything is great at first and you are in love as exhibited on “Love Lockdown” but as time goes on you get fed up with one another, you fight, get irritated by one another and ultimately hate one another. Kanye West explores the obsessive nature of relationships in this phase – it is only natural in this era of romanticism that when you love someone, you want to possess him/her and know everything about that particular person. Spying and surveillance becomes the norm. At this stage of the album Kanye West is rational stating “You worry about the wrong things, the wrong things, you worry about the wrong things.” Once again, his contemplative.

He continues contemplating on “Robocop” and tables a “pros and cons” list. He discovers a lot of bad than good. Kanye feels confined, restricted cooped up in her little cell. He describes her as a “drama-queen” and questions why she is always surveilling him and checking everything! Kanye West at this point is fed up because she never stops – she likens her to a Robocop an entity that’s suffocating and challenging his freedom with no recess. He states that she is crazy, but he loves that about her, however it’s not enough. He makes a decision to leave her and cites the reason as her being a “Spoiled little LA girl.”

Now single on “Streetlights” he is optimistic about life again. He feels liberated. It is as if for the first time in his life, his alive and it excites him. He realizes for the first time that everything in the world ultimately fades and he wants to experience life. As an individual, he has goals and destinations that he has to go to and his hoping the streetlights will illuminate the path for him. The song is optimistic and has a good feeling about it. A departure from the earlier songs in the album. The beat is energizing and forward-going. The melodies are more golden and spirited with plenty of life. The song is soothing, motivated and beautiful. At least that’s what it sounds like, despite the optimism of the beat, the golden and rich melodies, the song has a terrible and dark anti-climax. There is an internal confliction – the beat and the melodies are a deception. While Kanye feels like he has done everything he could to get to his destination, he remains stagnant and he is left a frustrated figure. Ultimately confessing that life is not fair. The realization that maybe the streetlights lead nowhere. He questions his life – he questions his destiny.

Kanye once again drifts off into melancholy on “Bad News”. He once again contemplates about the girl on “Say You Will” and thinks about her betrayal. The fact that he loved her and she wasn’t emotionally there for him instead she had somebody on the side. Kanye West sees everything in blue and this is reflected with the violins and other strings in this song. They emphasize Kanye’s sadness and paint a picture of rue and heartbreak. He just can’t stop thinking about her. The power of melancholy is that it enables you to reflect, it slows you down and takes the will of life out of you, leaving you in shambles and tatters. At this point of the album Kanye West feels broken.

On the next song “See You in My Nightmares” we see a different Kanye. He is resentful and angry. The anger in the song makes him passionate and forceful. Anger is the next stage from melancholy because it enables you to act. He takes out all the hurt and confusion of the album in this song. The song is grand and bold. It has synthesizers that echo and robust hip-hop beats with additional vocals from Lil Wayne. It is a therapeutic song for Kanye West in the context of the album. This song will help him move on. On the last track of the album “Coldest Winter” he makes peace with everything and falls in the background of the hard, hitting drums. On “Coldest Winter” he bids goodbye to the girl in the intro whom he loved. However, a powerful realization just came to me, he could be bidding goodbye to his mother who died round about the same time he created “808’s and Heartbreaks”. He states “Good bye my friend, I won’t ever love again. Never again” – that’s powerful and it sheds important insight to his frame of mind. Of course, Kanye can “love” again via romantic relationship and he has done with Kim Kardashian – but when your mother dies, that’s it you can make that powerful declaration of not loving ever again. No one is like your mother. A masterful creative project from Kanye West! So emotionally charged and beautiful in a tragic way. One of his best albums. People 50 years from now will listen to it and think “WOW”!

The hidden track of the album “Pinocchio Story” is a very sophisticated song. It is very lively and intelligent. It covers the topic of existentialism – the meaning of life. Pinocchio is a wooden puppet who has a lot of questions about life. He lacks a self-campus and seeks to find self-worth from the outside world. His deep hatred of himself makes him want to be a “real boy”. Kanye West uses Pinocchio as a metaphor to communicate his worries and troubles – to make a connection between the “real” and the abstract. Kanye West questions the validity of life, its essence, its fabric and whether the life of fame is worth it. He looks at his own life and notes that it’s too material and those worldly assets are making him empty inside. He feels like a wooden object devoid of emotions like love – like Pinocchio. There’s this comical irony in this story; Pinocchio seeks a self-identity from the outside world and Kanye West finds nothing from the outside world instead, the outside world makes him empty and feeling worthless. Since Kanye West is already a “real boy”, he feels being alone with himself again will make him “real”. In the context of the song “real” is the ability to love. He doesn’t find answers in the song, his just being thoughtful and thinking out loud. His confused about life and the meaning of it and he consults with a wise man who advises him that one day he’ll find his way.

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