Repressions | antakalipa

I choose antakalipa

I know aligning and associating with me is difficult. I represent everything repressed and unconscious. I am vulgar, explicit and at times offensive. My words have a lot of salt and can cut deep. It’s my sense of humor, it’s all wrong and I put bad guys on a pedestal. I understand why the industry recoils, I understand why anybody would recoil. I challenge and dare you to look! I represent humanity’s darkside and repressions. Let’s be real, if I had a prominent seat I’d probably get cancelled. Oh yes, I am the cancelled type. Regardless, it’s my perspective and these are the stories I want to tell. I don’t want to be cool, I don’t want to be anyone’s role model, I just want to be. For me being the consciousness of culture entails telling stories in my own voice even if it makes people uncomfortable, angry or otherwise. So I am at a crossroads, try to appease the industry and hope they will accept me despite the fact that I am a long shot or carry on being the controversial, undesirable “antakalipa”. I really like “antakalipa”. I am going to choose “antakalipa” – consciously. It’s okay, the industry can turn their backs on me, I understand. Maybe I won’t be rich, maybe I won’t collaborate with industry greats, maybe I won’t get the resources, maybe I will be shunned, maybe I won’t amount to much, but I will tell my stories, I will share my perspective. I choose me and my controversial take. I choose antakalipa. I am already a long shot, I am already an underdog, I came this far, I have to carry on, I bet on myself despite everything, even if it prolongs the journey, even if I don’t succeed, I choose antakalipa. Love me or leave me alone, I am not changing for anybody. Don’t do me any favors, you can leave if you want to. I choose antakalipa.

No longer fighting

When we no longer fighting, woah that’s bad. It sends out the message that none of this is worth it anymore. It is to resign. It’s whatever. Like “I don’t wanna do this anymore, do what you want, whatever makes you sleep at night, it’s your life”. When we no longer fighting, we are final like death, we are no longer emotionally invested, we just don’t care anymore. To no longer fight is to accept defeat and all its conditions, to not have the will to carry on. It is to have all your enthusiasm suspended. It is to reserve your energy and voice, to be mute like a mime and cease to do anything like a statue. When we no longer fighting, woah that’s bad. Do something, hit me, curse me, cry, plot my murder, do something, anything! Don’t turn your back on me. Don’t walk away from me. Maybe I’ve taken you for granted, maybe your presence has spoiled me, maybe I am entitled but I love you, please don’t go, I need you in my life. Say something, sell me dreams, tell me another lie. The silent treatment is the worst kind of torture. It makes you doubt yourself and your worth. It makes you paranoid, it unmasks your insecurities, it sheds a light on childhood repressions. The silent treatment can make you go crazy! Let’s fight, get dressed in our ninja outfits and duel with our samari swords till dawn. You can verbally abuse me and unpack old baggage. Morality is out of the picture, you can fight dirty and collaborate with Hitler and Putin. You can rake eyes and deliver lowblows. Let’s fight, all is fair and whatever happens, happens. Let’s clear the air and prepare life insurance documents, just in case. Stonewalling each other is not healthy, I’d rather have a broken heart and shattered reality. Fighting is good, it leads to something, it’s progress, something we can build on. When we no longer fighting, woah that’s bad.

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