I am not going to apologize for looking out for myself, I am all I’ve got. Ain’t nobody praying for me, ain’t nobody got my best interests at heart. If you strike, I strike, an eye for an eye, that’s the way of the warrior, ain’t nobody gonna do me dirty. If you ganging up make sure it sticks, a coma will only give me time to recover. Pull the plug on the machines. Atrophied muscles will get some activity and come back to life, then it’s death list five time, I am coming for your life. Don’t start wars you can’t finish, cyanide won’t save you from my wrath, I will leave no stone unturned, I will scour the earth for you and I will get my satisfaction. Death list five, if you are on the offense, make sure you get the job done if not I return with a counterattacking maneuver that will take you out, no apologies, no second chances, you’re dead. Coming for everything you love and value too, wipe off your wife and your kids too. Death list five, you’re fucking with the wrong guy, I can be psychopathic too. Revenge flows through my veins. I am petty, spiteful, I hold grudges, I never forgive nor forget and I am coming for your soul. Cause why care for somebody who won’t give you a second look. Why spare somebody who won’t get you off the hook? Why help somebody whose ambition is to get you shook? Death list five, I am death in the flesh, will break your spirit in dash, get you fired and leave you with no cash. Death list five, leave me alone, you don’t want to cross this line, it will get you crucified. I am a cannibal like the King Cobra, I eat my own kind. I will end you. I am not going to apologize for looking out for myself, I am all I’ve got, I will strike. Death list five, I choose violence, let’s beef, let’s fight.
Everything I am I learned from the streets, I learned to keep my head down to feel the pulse and listen to the beat. To narrow the circumference of my circle to ensure I live through more cycles. Moving through culture like Armstrong on his bicycle. I am consciousness, taking care of the game like a nurse, spoonfeeding invalids to fatten my purse, living through the spells to break down the curse. I am the greatest of all time, the conscious Idiot, emphatic, compassionate, unassuming but also ready to leave you fuming, some niggas be pests, so I terminate cause talking is time consuming. Usually a cool guy but if you get on my face, I’ll push you aside like you nothing to me. Haters think they are important when they mean nothing to me. Conscious Idiot, I ain’t got beef with anyone, I am just living my life. If you stepped on my shoe I’d probably apologize, it ain’t worth it to get in a fistfight with someone who has nothing to lose, I am pretty, my face is my livelihood. I grew up in the hood, gunfights are generally not good, so I avoid like an anorexic with food. Conscious Idiot, you can have the glory, I am leaving with the honey with the fantastic body. Trying to get me to react but sorry, you are not a character in my story. Conscious Idiot, emphatic, compassionate, kind and unassuming but it ain’t a weakness cause I deliver receipts like a cashier working back to back shifts whose sleepless.
“Disrespectful, arrogant, weed, Alexandra, leather jacket! The audacity! Who do you think you are? You are so forward”. Thank you so much for your projections and stereotypes. Funny how I am reduced to a few words, an attempt to marginalize and control me. I’ve reached the ceiling and breaking out is the next step but to keep me grounded is the plan. I have become too big for my shoes and the plan is to keep me barefoot. Cause if I realize my worth and get new shoes it exposes their raggedy shoes. “Stop being so brilliant, you exposing us! Keep it down, slow down, dim down the shine, fly lower, don’t forget where you come from, Little Alexandra kid”.
Arrogant, weed, Alexandra, Leather Jacket, you are nothing without me, I made you! Made who? The entitlement! If you made me, make another me. Move out of my way, you are a hindrance. Stop searching for relevance you are a fossil. The leather jacket is a staple of who I am. I smoke chronic and I live in Gomora. I am arrogant because I know my worth and you need audacity to be successful. Disrespectful? Only when it suits you? Being older doesn’t hand you privileges. Respect is a two-way street. Why should I respect you when you don’t respect me? You marginalize me to keep me beta. Stick holes through my confidence with knife edged words to affect my frame and string me along like it’s a game. But you are so lame. I’ve met people like you and you all the same. Plagued by insecurities and the need to always be on top. Penis envy has you contemplating penetration but it’s the womb that starts a nation. You hate me and my leather jacket because I have a dick! You are blocking the path, get out of my way, you are slowing me down! Success and fortune is ahead, I’ll never stop until I am ahead cause I’m disrespectful, arrogant, smoke weed, from Alexandra, forward cause I am the future and wear a black leather jacket like a character from ‘The Sopranos’. Screw you, your words don’t affect me. I am going to do and be everything I want and nothing is going to stop me. I am the best, I am the greatest. If you insist on being an obstacle then I’ll make you the way, I’ll smash right through you. You try to break me down because you are intimidated by me. You assign labels because it gives you a grip. You are frightened by me and my leather jacket. In the end the little kid from Alexandra will have it all.
I am a cool guy, I ain’t got beef with anyone. I serve up what you give out. If you treat me good and with respect you’ll receive that a thousand fold, but if you an asshole I am happy to dish out shit. No excuses, no privileges, control yourself. I am a pro at your passive aggressive antics – what? Did you honestly think that you were smarter than everybody else? Funny guy, out of sync, you ain’t shit. I see through disguises too, masks can’t fool real eyes. If you want beef I am happy to serve it on a platter. If you organizing a hit, make sure it sticks cause if you botch it, I am coming for your soul. I am tired of being humble, I am the greatest of all time, come close and I’ll show you, anytime, any place. Receipts, receipts, receipts I am happy to reflect your tastes. If you want a battle, I am happy to oppose you. Words don’t count, it’s your actions that are gold. I am a fucked up person too and I am ready to exercise my repressions. Receipts, apologies don’t mean much prepare yourself for my comeback. I hold grudges, I never forget and I am coming for your ass. Receipts, don’t start wars you can’t finish. No negotiations, no treaties, everything will end up in fire and smoke. Cause I don’t give a shit, I am narcissistic, grandiose, egotistic, irrational and envious, so please give me an opportunity to exercise my nature. Receipts, cross the line please, I am begging you! Disrespect me, slander me, make me the scapegoat and I’ll show you why I am the goat. Receipts, receipts, receipts you on an imaginary pedestal, time to take you down and humble ya. Receipts, cause I also don’t care, I am after power, I am merely a reflection of you.
I used to attend primary school and high school WITH antakalipa. Yea cool guy, was well-liked by everybody but I didn’t know him that much. At primary school, I saw him on the play ground and afterschool but that’s just about it, he was not in my class. It was at high school when we had our first real encounter. It was winter and I had on my white Che Guevara bennie. Che Guevara was embroidered in black on the front and it was the most awesome bennie ever! Expensive too, I parted away with R250 to purchase that bennie. Ridiculous money to pay for a bennie at the time as they ranged from R20 – R60 but it was an investment for me. I bought that bennie with my acting money so it was special and dear to me. There was pride attached to that bennie and I knew it made me look cool – that was the whole point. I had it for 2 years and I guarded it with my life. In the morning while I was walking to school, I had it on and he saw it and flipped. He went crazy! I was surprised, I mean he knew who Che Guevara was, my peers didn’t know who Che Guevara was. Sure maybe they recognised the image because it’s iconic but that’s just about it. He loved my bennie! I reciprocated his energy and shared in with his enthusiasm. I was flattered and he made me feel good. Then he made his move, he asked to borrow it for up until afterschool. I told him “nah”, I mean it was not the schools color. The school’s official bennie color is green and anything other than that will probably get confiscated. I was careful when I wore my bennie, I wore it only when I walked to school in the mornings and put it in my bag before school started. It was enough time to show-off and for the other kids to see me. I never rubbed it on people’s faces, I respected the authority figures. Beside it was way too valuable to me, I didn’t want any problems. I always did things by the book. He pressed and pressed until I relented but I gave him conditions. I told him to look after my bennie, don’t advertise it to the RCL’s and teachers, only on breaks and make sure you are secured! I figured his a good guy and well-liked by all and he appealed to my ego and mirrored back my taste. How could I insist on no? I have a self-image and like everybody else I believe I am a good person. Denying him the opportunity to be cool with my bennie would contradict that self-image. “Just one day” I thought, “you know him, his a good guy. Have faith, trust him”. Big mistake. Afterschool when I requested for my bennie back, he told me that an RCL confiscated it and that he’d get it on Friday. I brewed inside but I didn’t let him see it, I decided to give him a chance. I am not stupid, I knew he knocked me my bennie but I waited for Friday. He didn’t even look for me, I had to take the initiative. He was avoidant like somebody who owes you money, I couldn’t locate him until afterschool. Afterschool I went to his transport and I finally got him. I asked him about my bennie and he said he didn’t have it, that the very same RCL had it, then he dismissed me, he left, he showed no remorse, he just didn’t care. I let him be, I didn’t go looking for my bennie anymore. He was careless and I knew that one day I’d get him. We were in the 8th grade, I decided to play the long game and I took the lose. “One day is one day”, I thought.
4 years later, in the 12th grade, the last grade of high school and we are in the same class, everything is all good, the bennie incident is even forgotten. One day in Math’s class, the teacher had us sit in groups. There was this study pack book that had past question papers dating back 5-6 years, the book also contained memos for these question papers and a lot of other additional resources and stuff. It was the holy grail of mathematics, that book was your route to a distinction in math’s. It wasn’t offered at school, you had to purchase it. Most of the learners in class didn’t have it, including myself but He had it. At most we had 6 in the class so we split into groups. Along with the other gents we rounded his book. When the bell rang for end of period. He rushed out to EGD class because there was a project he needed to finish, the other EGD guys also did the same. Only the Computer guys were chilled, we didn’t have anywhere to rush off to. The class split and he left the book with a couple of us gents. He knew he’d get it and why not? We are reliable, goodfellas. No need to worry, rush off to EGD class my good man. The gents left the book on the table because they didn’t want the responsibility so I took custody of the book. Everything flashed back and I remembered my Che Guevara bennie, the devil manifested himself in my smile. A wronged heart never forgets. It turns out revenge was simmering in the background all along. “He is careless” I thought, “I got you”. The next day he came to me requesting for his math’s textbook, the gents told him it was with me. I replied firmly “I don’t have your math’s textbook” and I dismissed him and walked away. It was cold and detached, I just didn’t care. A friend of mine came up to me and asked “Why don’t you give antakalipa his math’s textbook”, I simply replied “Nah, he knows”. The look on his face when I held back giving him his textbook was worth the 4 years waiting for him to slip-up. My body was filled with happiness. He couldn’t do anything. He knew that I had the textbook because everybody told him that I had the book and they were right. His eyes were sad. He was pained. My whole being brimmed with satisfaction. He deserved it! In my heart I knew I’d get him and it happened right at the end. Revenge is a dish best served cold. That’s my story with antakalipa but to me just a guy, the wiseguy who stole my Che Guevara bennie.
I am on top, its not surprising. I’ve gained the weight I’ve lost to level the playing field. I am in great form, I’ve beaten them all, my competition in the rear end swallowing my dust, cause they always thought we were head to head but I was checking the rear ever since. I’ve beaten them all at their own game, I reflected back who they was. Cause it’s all about consciousness, no person will do you dirty without conscious intent. It’s done on purpose, to keep you dependent on them, to make you suffer, to humiliate you. It’s doublespeak, they say they love you but they don’t give a shit about you. This is about power plays, egos, control, respect and subtle dominance. If you let it go once, it’s going to happen again because it’s a learned response, that’s why you gotta double down or crush the behavior completely. They take advantage of your kindness, they don’t respect you, that’s why you gotta set an example. Strike the Shepard first and the lamb will disperse, make God bleed and everyone will perceive him to be mortal, my nigga, always send a receipt to someone who requires your services. A lot of people are repressed that’s why you gotta deliver that consciousness, a hot slap to the face with fingers imprinted usually solves the case. Nobody will ever mistaken you after that, both feet on the brakes before turning that corner cause people forget who they dealing with sometimes, “shut the fuck up and know your damn role”! Receipts, receipts, receipts, you gotta hand them out, some people think their shit don’t stink and you gotta bring out the air freshener to purify the air. How you gonna black ball me when my balls are black? How you gonna invoice me when I sent all your shit back? I’ve beaten all you niggas, I proved you not on my level, I’ll beat your ass again to echo that you are not on my level. Receipts, receipts, receipts, you gotta hand them out, no free lunch, deliver so it sticks, so no motherfucker takes advantage of you. If you swelling up, I’ve got the remedy to make you calm down, that’s fists, let’s go! If you can dish it up then you can take it, no exceptions Mr. Ultrasensitive and privileged. Receipts, if you can’t dish them up then don’t play the game because you’ll be a target and you won’t be able to pay up, rendering you useless and defaulted. Receipts, receipts, receipts, I’m narcissistic too, I also don’t care and we can leave it to die too. If you want beef, I’ll serve it on a platter, let’s go chief! Receipts, I bring it all day, all night, I reflect you like a mirror.
antakalipa 