Psychology

Tell your crush you love them

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Tell your crush you love them.

There’s a beauty in infatuations, they color in the world, they have the ability to put you in a dream-like trance, they can make you fly, they can make you touch the sky and they have the promise of making all of your dreams come true. What is it about love that makes people lose their minds? Is it oxytocin, the love chemical that fosters closer relations with people? Human beings are social beings by trait and we need validation of some sort to survive, to live, to thrive. Love is on the first level on the Maslow hierachy of needs. Then again, love also induces cordizol, the stress hormone for it can leave us anxious, stressed and utterly mortified. Which one is it? You know we get butterflies in our stomachs when we are in love. It sounds like a part of speech but it isn’t, you can literally feel them flapping their wings and flying all about in your stomach. It is a feeling that can make a statue out of you, one that mould you into a perfect sculpture or the perfect snowman because it makes you freeze. It is a wonderful, yet terrifying thing. Infatuations, love can make you feel vulnerable like a big bullseye sign in a dart competition, the soft spot, the flank – it has the capability of taking off your panties and laying you down, down into a deep abyss of apathy and helplessness. So what do you do? Do you sit on the sidelines or do you play ball? Do you tell the one that you love, your crush that you love her and that you can’t live without her?

Infatuations are a product of the mind. They are unconscious features that are repressed within you, your mind. A sort of transference and projection. The spirit or soul is boundless, it has no restrictions or demarcations, however society deems to assign it a role, a gender based on the reproductive organs of the body. So, we indoctrinate the soul into the customs of this specific gender. The other half of the soul we repress, relegate and surpress in the realm of the unconscious. By nature, the human soul is bisexuel. When we grow up, we subconsciously take and adopt desirable qualities or features from the parent inverse our gender. Meaning, that a boy is more likely to marry a girl who has the qualities of her mother and likewise with the girl. It is a subconscious phenomena and we do this because they feel familiar. Sigmund Freud, the godfather of psychology calls this the “Oedipus complex”. He states that the little boy is jealous of his father and wishes to possess his mother but is at the same time frightened of this rival and of castration as a punishment for his incestuous feelings toward the mother but nonetheless, he wishes death onto his father. I think it’s a bit extreme but it deserves a mention. It would also explain why sons are much closer to their mothers and why daughters are far more closer to their fathers. It could also be a Ying-yang thing. I like Carl Jung’s take on this with his work on the Anima and Animus. Carl Jung states that the Anima is the female side of the male that is repressed. And the Animus is the male side of the female that is repressed. According to this, we are likely to choose a partner based on our Anima and our Animus. Of course, parents play a big role in this decision because from a young age, as children that’s where they get their education. The individual bears within himself all kinds of opinions and feelings from his parents and ancestors, but which he believes to be his own. Nietzsche states; In the son becomes conviction what in the father was a lie. Not only fathers, but mothers also determine the conduct of the individual. Every person carries within a picture of women which he acquired from his mother. From this picture, he will be determined to respect or despise women or be indifferent toward them.

Based on this telling evidence, you are crazy, you are not normal. It’s all in your mind. You are suffering from a projection that is making you see things that are not there. You are implanting characteristics and traits to a receiver that is bound to reject them. Psychology tells us that man projects onto woman one of several ready-made pictures that he carries within him; the picture of the mere sexual object, of the femme fatal, of the muse, the virgin-mother, those belonging to what Jung latter called archetypes. The same goes for woman but with different archetypes like the woman to save him and the worshiping woman among others. You think she’s perfect because you don’t know anything about her. You know what your mind is telling you about her and your mind draws data from occurances that transpired or what feels familiar, safe or homely. They say that love is blind and that’s true because when you are in love, you are focused, your brain induces chemicals, your physiology reacts and your subconscious mind fools you. Thus being infatuated with a person is the biggest compliment you can pay. The conscious mind has very little control instead your shadow assumes control. Carl Jung describes the shadow as “The sum of those personal characteristics that the individual wishes to hide from others and from himself.” The shadow lurks in the subconscious and is operant when the conscious mind has lost all sight of reality. This makes sense because when you are infatuated with someone, all you do is think about them. You bill them up to more than they actually are. You see no imperfections and frailties, your reasoning capabilities are out of touch and you think they are the most wonderful person in the world! And maybe they are because truth is a subjective concept and you, well you are crazy but it’s alright.

Tell your crush you love them. This is a test, this is about you. By doing this, it will reveal things you didn’t know about yourself. It is an act that will make you courageous. It will empower you because this comes from your lens, your reality, your map of experience. It is personal and subjective and it will liberate your soul. You crush possess traits and characteristics that you love on a subconscious level, it is like holding a mirror to your soul. Take advantage of it, that’s the universal, God or whatever you believe in telling you to go for it – it is a map of experience that is specifically designed for you. It is an experience, a moment in this vast and expanding universe to know something of substance and value about yourself, your history and even your ancestry line. It is an opportunity to free apathy from your life. It is an opportunity to follow your dreams. It doesn’t matter how you do it, do what comes natural to you, do it so you maximize your returns. Write a poem, sing a song get your creative juices running. Be encouraged, be inspired – this is a big moment in your life. Sure, he/she might reject you and rightfully so because like we covered you are crazy but so is everyone else. This important feat is not about the response you’ll get, it’s about personal growth and self-gratification. It is about understanding of the self. Love is difficult, complicated, unreliable and unstable and you took a risk, you took a chance! Who knows maybe in a perfect world, the person of your affection will return your love. Maybe your life will be perfect. Isn’t it a chance you should take?

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Infatuations

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Infatuations

I think an erection is the best compliment you can pay someone. For it communicates, you excite me, I love you, you drive me crazy! It cannot be hidden, it is phallic. The moment when psychology and physiology are perfectly aligned. It is too awesome. I liken an erection to an infatuation, they are similar in a lot of ways. Firstly, they are a product of the mind and they both need the mind to fill in the blank spaces. Infatuations are a strong desire for someone and well the same criteria is met for an erection. They are both passionate and mystical in the realm of the universe. An infatuation is love, it is a projection, and it is seductive. Popular culture as has attached a sinister connotation to the word seduction and it’s completely misleading. Seduction is arousal, seduction is sexy, seduction playful energy, seduction is stimulation for the mind, it is indirect and unguarded, it is filling in the blank lines, it is reading between the lines, it is subtle and it is for the imaginative. When you are infatuated with someone, all you do is think about that particular person. You make them bigger than they actually are. You project all your dreams and hopes onto that person. That person becomes the best thing that has ever happened to you. When you are infatuated, you become ultra-attentive to that person, you are focused, motivated to find out what makes her tick. The revelations you get are ground-breaking and you want to internalize them hoping that it will bring you closer to her spirit, her energy. You become trapped in a world where she is the elusive woman of perfection and that further seduces you making her a god-like figure. Detached from reality you fail to see the disappointing truth. Infatuations bring light to this dark world.

Human beings have this weird ritual they do when they are in love. They call it kissing and it is strange and so risky. What they do is to lean forward towards one another making their lips touch and often exchange saliva in the process. It is a form of embracing one another. What this ritual is about is acceptance. Meaning, I am letting you invade my space and be all up in my face because I accept you and trust you. It fosters closer relations. It is effective because it is consensual. It sparks neural circuitry in the mind thus inducing the feel good substance in the brain known as dopamine. This process makes human beings feel closer. It also excites the physiology of the participants. When the physiology of the two participates is excited and aroused, it often leads to coitus. Coitus or sexual intercourse is a release – the moment when your impulses take over and you lose control, this is trigged by the amygdala. However, sex has an interesting complex namely the human dilemma whereby we often separate life in two realms – mind and body. We see the two entities (mind and body) as separate and we desperately want to see them as one. Sex without empathy negates the personality (mind) and objectifies the body. Lovemaking is, at its best an act of mutual empathy, at its worst it lacks any such emotional mutuality. Sex without empathy is not sexy, it is not seductive, it becomes mechanical and an outlet vent out your frustrations of the world – and it shouldn’t be because it is a mutual undertaking. One of the things I love about infatuations is that you want to please the partner you are infatuated by and as such you will pull off all the stops to make the activity worthwhile.

Sex can be a complicated endeavor to enter into. Namely because you want the activity to be enjoyable for the parties involved. Most of the time, you can write off the activity as a success if both parties reached orgasms. It is a tricky thing for men to impart to their female counterparts. For men, penetration into the vagina will most of the time do. However, penetration for women is often not enough. This is because of their neural circuitry. By trait women and men are different. This is noted in the ways boys and girls play when they are young. Boys are threatened by anything that might challenge their independence so they play in big numbers and their insistent is on competition. While girls by contrast are more threatened by a rupture in their relationships so they play in small groups with their insistence on quality and thoroughness. As such, women often need special attention to reach orgasm. Sigmund Freud once stated that penetration was enough to give a woman an orgasm but that’s such a manly answer isn’t it? I mean it works for us, surely it will work for them. Sometimes, it happens but it is not the most effective way to do it. To give a woman an orgasm, you need imagination – to play in the realm of the mind. After a long seduction process in which gratification was delayed and the mind was stimulated sure, an orgasm through penetration is likely but still not a 100 percent. Cunnilingus is the best way to do it. I will explain.

From a young age, girls are exposed to their own mortality. This happens when stages like menopause begin. It is a scary and confusing dilemma for a young girl, some are embarrassed. However, something happens subconsciously looking at their own mortality they draw-in into themselves, they train themselves to look at the world with a naked eye, they become more emotionally attuned, they can distinguish what’s right from wrong, they become grounded and they plan better – they become conscious, while by contrast boys are playing Grand Theft Auto and not taking anything seriously. It is the fundamental difference between boys and girls. Cunnilingus like the act of kissing is acceptance but acceptance multiplied to a hundred. When she allows you to go down on her, it communicates trust with her body. She’s vulnerable, naked and completely at your mercy. She’s trusting you with her insecurities. You have a complete grip over her mind. Cunnilingus is mind magic, it is mind witchcraft, it is a spell for the mind – a trance, it’s unwritten, it’s abstract, it’s seductive, it’s metaphysical and out of this world! When you are engaged in Cunnilingus, there’s attention, there’s focus and the will to do it right. Cunnilingus serves underlying desires and fantasies. Cunnilingus will give her an orgasm every time.

The danger about infatuations is real life but then again erections become flaccid – nothing lasts forever. The positive news is that we could refresh, a second erection is a real possibility. Infatuations give us a platform to build something substantial. They are passionate, impulsive, subjective, chaotic and beautiful. For if we can move from the initial infatuation stage to compassion and understanding we will have a concreate relationship and we will have a chance to recreate that infatuation stage since it is a product of the mind. We can create an infatuation loop that will be eternal. By withholding sex and keeping our clothes on whilst remaining affectionate with another, touching, kissing and “dry-humping”. Another thing we could is send nude pictures to one another not too explicit though we have to leave much to the imagination of the brain so it could fill in the blank spaces like a crossword puzzle. Maybe instead of penetration, Fellatio, that will leave every man in the face of this earth grateful! Maybe I wanted you for your body at first but you can show me a different dimension, a different perspective, a different angle that will enable my mind to lust over – to obsess and think about when I am alone. We could drive each other crazy all over again. We could be reborn and transformed. Infatuations are the most beautiful things in the world because they point out something about you – something transformative! In this age of romanticism that should be the first thing that is ticked off from your box. Infatuations are a spark, that juice, that light that has the ability to illuminate your world. An infatuation is love at a very basic level – that’s when you know you are in love when you are infatuated with someone. Reciprocation is a different thing, to love someone who loves you back is rare but luckily we have seduction! Anyone and everyone is immune to seduction with time. Concentrate your efforts to the one you are infatuated by!

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Nietzsche

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Nietzsche

Nietzsche’s philosophy was grounded in psychology and human nature, he was a master of human nature. He was a big fan of Arthur Schopenhauer but didn’t agree with the tone of his work because it centered around persimism and nihilism, the idea of why bother since life is meaningless. Nietzsche’s work is an answer to Schopenhauer’s work, it is positive, practical and leads to a life of self-actualization. He was a genius, a man ahead of his time. He correctly predicted the 21st century, this is incredible for a man who was born in the 19th century. I see his observations playing out in life. He saw that the human spirit/soul would be under threat. He saw the decline of Christianity and the rise of nihilism. He saw the reliance of pills, the Soma that Huxley referred to on Brave New World. He saw the depression and society anxiety sweeping the West. He saw the loss of morals, ethics and meaning. He saw that man would be passive and moved by novelty after novelty. We see it today, man would rather sit on the couch, eat potato chips, consume pornography, order fast food that will be delivered to him at his convenience, be entertained by Netflix and repeat next day. Man doesn’t work on himself anymore, he is comfortable and doesn’t feel the need to act on his dreams.

Man is controlled by pleasure, by the dopamine inducing likes on social media, views, sex and everything you can get by pushing a button. There is no process anymore, everything is expedient or prepared in the microwave. Still, Nietzsche has solutions for the modern man. He preaches a life of self-realization and being the best that you can be. He preaches gratitude for life, he preaches life-affirming prescriptions. I understand why the Nazi’s adopted his work and made it theirs. Nietzsche’s work was powerful and centered on the individual being the best. Hitler wanted Germany to be the best in the world. However, Nietzsche’s work didn’t agree with Nazi ideology and we shouldn’t affiliate the two together. Nietzsche’s sisters are the guilty party in this dynamic but that’s a topic for another day.

Nietzsche’s works were inspiring for the individual, statements like “Amo Fati” direct translation, the love of fate – Love everything about your life and be grateful for the gift of life. Don’t wish you were somebody else, be content with your life. Be present and don’t worry about things you cannot control, leave that to God and the Universe. He also preached being the “Ubermench” which translates to Superman or Overman – work on yourself constantly and strive to be better everyday. Progress, show up, make the best of every moment and be the best that you can be. Be better than a consumer, create and build things and never let novelty sway you. His most famous quote, “God is dead” which can be interpreted as be accountable for your own life, be responsible, no excuses, do what you can, no one is coming out to save you.

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