God ain’t never done nothing for me, every day I wake up I am in the same hell. Surrounded by soul sucking demons that drain me off my energy. The same cheographed movement lacking any synergy. Always on my knees praying for things to get better, the silence is deafening it’s like I don’t matter. The resurrection of christ, please, next time he come around I am gonna kick him in the balls! Busy walking on water but he never answers my calls. Don’t be so appalled, what did he ever do for you? How you feature in a program when you have been blackballed. God doesn’t care about me. Every day is the same suffering. Living in a world that’s ruled by tyrants and my significance is interchangeable like another bitch with a wedding ring. Nothing matters, consciousness persistent, we all die, the one thing that’s consistent. God has better things to do, so your life sucks, what’s a God gotta do? He gave you life, don’t be so ungrateful, show some strife. Nietzsche hypothesized God is dead and it has become rife. What are you going to do with your miserable life? We have killed him with our greed and selfishness, now what remains is a society that’s Godless. Maybe he was just a fabrication of the mind, a way to shield ourselves from the horrors that happen outside. We are a horrible race, he could never be on our side. We in this thing together and yet we still picking sides. What kind of sick God would permit this to happen? The widespread hunger and the molestation of our children. The wars in the west and children baring children. God was never alive, Earth is a Godless state. All is permitted, you can get away with it if you have power, the head of state is the one who towers, above everything, in all hours. That’s who created God and made him ours. God helped us shape our preconceived narratives, when the truth is much simpler, nothingless, decay, entropy, destruction.
This is a 2am post. I couldn’t sleep. I am haunted. I hear voices in my head. That creative demon is possessing me again. Bringing this out in the world will make me feel better. It will enable me to sleep. I intend to post this. Well done Internet, you even have my most inner thoughts, you know me better than I know myself. I try to not identify with my ego because that’s not who I am. I don’t have to pick a side, I can actively choose to be a bystander, to just look and have no opinion. I am not what people say I am. I am not my mind. I am not my possessions. I am not my status. I am not my wealth. I am not the number of followers I have on my socials. I am not my past. I just am, alive, existence. So maybe you don’t know me Internet, because how can you? I am spontaneous. I don’t even know what I am going to do next, the future is uncertain and that’s the element I love the most. I try to be present all the time. The present is all we ever have, everything else is all just an illusion. So why not give the present moment everything you have? Afterall, there is no such thing as the future and the afterlife is a hoax. Time is a man-made concept and so is religion. Everything is all in your head. There is no such thing as time, everything is just what it is, everything is everything! Oh, Lauryn baby, I love that song, congratulations on the great album, I heard it went Diamond! “Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” is timeless like the structure of reality. But I digress. Even though I try to not identify too much with the ego, I have to. Simply because it holds my perceived identity and reality. It is my name, my family, my friends, my social class, my environment, my past, my future, my everything. For without my ego, without time, who am I? What am I? Do I even exist? I can’t just be life, I am being. The essence of being is meaning, a purpose and the ego provides that. This is the great comedy of life because I am something and nothing at the same time. Striking the balance between this nothingness and something is the key. Zen philosophy teaches this beautifully with its insistence on the middle ground, Hu Wei which translates to none doing, don’t force things, stream with what flows easily in life. Take the middle ground and flow. You can’t not do anything, that is a feeding ground for nihilistic thoughts and a unsustainable life. That is hell. Life has to mean something. You need to have meaning in your life even though it’s derived from an ego despite the fact that you are not your ego! Being present in the eternal now is everything because you are simply life, no different from the trees and lillies in your garden. This is what I mean when I say you are not your mind because it seeks meaning from the ego and the ego is generated from external phenomena. Yet you are at the same time, it’s confusing, what a paradox existence is, life is a dichotomy. You are not what the world says you are although lines might be blurred and you might think you are. You are simply life, something spontaneous the universe created. You are a living organism in its purest form, energy, an absolute miracle, the universe experiencing itself. We can’t talk about consciousness because we can’t account for it just like we don’t beat our hearts, it just happens to us. We need the ego to function in daily life because it provides labels that can help us navigate every day life. Being mindful of your thoughts is key to understanding this.
My dominating ego is that of the entrepreneur. Being an entrepreneur is philosophical for me. It is my mode of existence. I derive meaning from my entrepreneurial endeavors. It is what I am to the core. It’s what I did in the past, it’s what I do in the present and because I am a creature of habit it is what I will do in the future. I love entrepreneurship because because it allows me to give everything I have to the present moment. It’s in the things I do unconsciously, what I like subconsciously. It’s in my dominant personality trait. I read Hitler with an open mind and Toy Story makes me tear up. I am a creative who has told stories all his life. I worship all art forms and content is my life. I started doing poetry when I was 8 years old. I started doing ads for television when I was 9. At 10, I was in the school choir. At 12, I started selling sweets (fireballs) at school to raise money to buy myself a PSP (Playstation Portable) and I SUCCEEDED! In Highschool, I was a football coach that coached a team that went on to dominate the district. I did it with Kay, the team we started dominated Ekuruleni for two consecutive years, went undefeated for 3 years. Still in high school with my other friends, we created a cult in the form of a concert that lived on for many years after we had graduated. The entrepreneurial spirit is engraved within, again it is who I am to the core. I’ve always been self-sufficient, self-reliant and independent. I am open-minded, creative and I start things. I have the right energy. I create beautiful things. I am passionate. I question things. I am not scared of failure. I don’t live life with fear. Not even the Coronavirus at its peak affected me, I never wore a mask. Not because of my issues with authority but because I am a fucken hero, Mr. Entrepreneur, I risk it all, I risk life! And it was a lot of noise from the media, that’s when I knew I wasn’t going to oblige because they dish out fear to keep us enslaved and in line with an agenda. People are a product for the media and authority figures. Besides, you can’t tell me what to do. You can’t control me! I live, breathe, entrepreneurship. I gave my whole soul to the process. I sacrificed everything for the process, have been ridiculed and laughed at for the process. I have cried for the process. My character has been slandered for the process. I have lost friends and acquaintances for the process. I went to hospital for the process. I am willing to die for the process! And while I am not my ego, I am an entrepreneur, that’s my spirit, my soul, the one thing that has been a constant in my life, I am a creator, I am a creative! I am unemployable, I intimidate my employers, I am too good, I am too ambitious, I am a star, a five point pentagon that cannot fit in a square, a box. Mr. entrepreneur. My time is coming, I will rule, nothing can stop me. I am inevitable like death. This is destiny, it is what must happen. This is God’s plan. I have to replace the previous generation of entrepreneurs. Someday, I will be replaced too. It’s simply my turn to serve. Sorry Devil, I know all of your tricks, you can’t make me drift. In the end I’ll win because I am the best everyday of my life, Mr. Never Change, Mr. Consistency, Mr. Entrepreneur.
I have simulated losing everything in my mind. This is a stoic exercise that helps me conquer fear. Because if I am comfortable losing everything then I am free. Free to self-realize. Free to be what destiny intended. Free to be great. Life is broader than material things. Life is emotions, perceptions and sensations. Life is awareness. Life is presence. Life is precious. Life is a miracle. Life is a beautiful process that keeps on getting better. Life is evolution and progression. Life is freedom. Life is creation. Life is love. I realized a while back that earth was heaven. Heaven is not some utopia that you get to. Heaven is already within. Heaven is what you create and God gave us complete control of our minds to create. Expression is creation and mind is expression. This is it. It doesn’t get better than earth. It doesn’t get any better than this, this moment. It doesn’t get any better than what is within. You have the responsibility to create your own heaven, heaven is a state of mind. My heaven is one where I am a Billionaire. Being a Billionaire for me represents infinite creation. A chance to implement my dreams and to color in the world. It is a chance to help. I’ve got a big heart and at my core I am love and I want to give life to that expression. I’ve never really cared much for materials, I prefer creating experiences, they last longer. Still I’ve always loved money. Money is power. Money buys a priceless commodity, time. But it is also external, which makes it dangerous because it is out of your control. Because it is external, it can make you suffer because of the imprints you attach to it. Money can repossess your soul. The love and worship of money can make your heart leak like bullet holes. That’s if you identify with money. I just see it as a tool and I don’t want life to elude me because of a lack of it. That’s not what God intended for me, I live in complete abundance, everything I want is mine. So money can’t be a hindrance. From a very ripe age, my visions of the future would be of me working towards that ideal of attaining riches. I suspended everything for this vision and narrowed my focus and it created a fear that I’d be alone. It’s a fear that has manifested itself onto the world. I finally got a girl whose perfect in every sense. A girl who loved me before everything. She loves me and I love you. She is someone who can make me better, Lord knows I am flawed, messy and Imperfect. We can be better together. I need her. I don’t want to lose her. She takes care of me. Where else am I going to find this in this cold world where nobody really cares about me? Who has more value than her? I don’t know. Because of my flawed ambitions pertaining to money, I have to look ahead. Meanwhile time waits for no man. Paulo Coelho taught me that a woman can’t keep a man from achieving his personal legends and it makes sense for me. I am just ambitious that’s all there is to everything. Now that I am alone and have lost my best thing, now that the worst has already happened to me, I can labor on like a prisoner serving life in a concentration camp, with hope that everything will be better someday; Lost ones.
He said I still don’t know what I want to do with my life and it scares me. The expectations of everyone are putting me in the deep end and I don’t know how to swim. And so I am drowning, overwhelmed by everyone’s ideas of my life. I am reminded of the illusion of time and how I am not getting any younger. My peers are already settled but what does that mean? Because all I see is slow death that creeps on you like tobacco. The life of my peers is the cancer that grows and spreads exponentially. They have stopped living and are on a gradual decline to death. My peers are living quiet lives of desperation. Characterized by doing the same things everyday. Life has become a chore and growth is something that has eluded them. Nihilism creeps in on a daily and they often ask themselves, is this really worth it? Why don’t I just end it now? Isn’t it mercy? This can’t be life, there’s gotta be more!
I am tired of doing the same things everyday. My life is repetitive and I feel I am trapped in a loop. The sex is not all that great and I think my wife is having second thoughts. I am trapped in debts and the mortgage payments aren’t helping. I am slave, prostituting myself for the money and I am not enjoying it anymore. Everything is an obligation and lately I can’t bare to look at myself in the mirror. I don’t know who I am. I lost all my passions. My possessions have become my owners and I live in complete misery. I don’t know what happiness is anymore. Everyone in my life is fake and I have lost real connections. Everyone seeks to use me as a resource. I suffer from depression and most nights I can’t sleep. My life has become a Pavlovian experiment and the trauma is making me suggestible to all the injustices of life. Forced to love my servitude. My life is a propaganda campaign orchestrated by Nazis. The only thing that’s good in my life are my children. They are the glue that holds everything together, they bring relevance to my marriage. But I am happy, at least in society’s books that are massed produced for everyone. I am successful.
How can I look forward to that mode of existence, he reflected.
Love yourself right now, at this moment, at this second. Love everything about yourself. Love your big eyes, your big ears, your big forehead, your small nose, your slanted small eyes, your big lips, your rectangular face, your large hands, your small feet, your fat ass and your small breats. Be content with everything you are. Be grateful to see the beauty life has in store. Be happy to attract happiness in your life. Make it a deliberate practice to be happy, to love yourself. The world mirrors and reflects our thoughts, so think positive thoughts to attract positive outcomes. Our thoughts are energies that become concrete things in the objective world. We are what we think about most of the time. You are responsible for everything that happens in your life, everyday, every time, 100% percent of the time. Everything is a consequence of what happens inside of you. Everything is within you. Zithande and the world will love you. Respect yourself. Treat yourself like loyalty, someone with pedigree and affluence to attract that in the world. Treat yourself like someone who matters. The answer is hardly out in the world. You are where you are in the world because of your choices. It’s your fault you never became what you always wanted. Zithande to control your self-image and to switch your paradigm. Zithande to increase your self-awareness. On a fundamental level we are all energies who inhibit a biological system. This biological system is the default, it is a given, hereditary from our long ancestry line that descends from primates. Our biological bodies are a product of the lottery of life. We don’t choose who we are, where we are born, our social class or who our families are. Love what you have. Embrace who you are, cherish your culture, beliefs and customs, be grateful for your current circumstance, be grateful for your friends and your family, be grateful for life. Make the best out of life. Forgive your parents, they don’t know any better, they are just like you. Understand that life is difficult and don’t waste your time and energy on things you can’t change. Feelings of low self-esteem, anxiety, depression and stress are a waste of thoughts, time and energy. Plastic surgery or other techniques to modify or alter your body and facial features may promise a new start to your fabricated reality but it is an illusion, a deception because it doesn’t emanate from within. You will never find happiness, you will always be dissatisfied with what you have or who you are. True change happens from within, don’t look for solutions in the external world from problems brewing internally. Live in the present, forget the past and let the Universe deal with the future. Zithande, love your beautiful melanin skin or your bright, golden skin. Love your natural hair or that scar on your face. Love the frikkles on your face and that birth mark on your neck. Walk talk with your stiletto heels pushing that ironing board behind. Love your round figure or the fat in your body. Zithande, master yourself, search for answers from within, believe in yourself with blind faith, be positive to attract positive outcomes, flourish, dominate and be the best that you can be! Go out in the world expecting to win. The world is happening for you and not to you. Let the world bend to your rules. If someone doesn’t like you – tough, you are not changing for anyone. Be unwavering in your conduct and values. Zithande, love all of you without any conditions or contradictions. Anything you want in the world you can have if you just love and believe in yourself. Don’t wait for the world to confirm what you already know, Zithande. The world can’t tell you who you are or how to feel. Social media can’t dictate your worth. Never let anybody steal your shine. When your voice on the inside is more profound, clear and loud than the opinions outside, you have mastered your life.
Popularizing the internet was met with a big problem, that it would generate an existential crisis within the population. The internet would unlock so many dimensions and doors for the mind that it would struggle to distinguish reality from fables. Not that the internet would cause a cognitive decline but rather that the lines would be so blurred and so thin that reality and the internet would objectively constitute as one. Unsupervised, the internet would be a black hole, sucking humanity off its roots into an abyss – uncharted territory, for the mind to find its feet in a world of subjective space. However, the internet had been humanities greatest achievement. Our denial of death resulted in the concoction of forever. With the advent of the internet we could do whatever we wanted. It was a terrific tool. Communication barriers would be bridged. Entertainment widespread and rife and instant gratification would be the norm. Not making this available to the general public would be the greatest injustice in the history of humankind. It would deem us primitive in the context of time. Humanity needs this leap to fulfil what our soul’s desire the most – immortality.
In 2013, Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino released an album titled “Because the Internet” and it is about the struggle between real life and the internet. The album sounds like it is staged on the internet, like a blog – it is subjective yet crowded, authentic and reflects the times of this recently constructed timeline of the internet. It is scattered with different sounds and music, indicating the vast and different worlds on the internet. On the song “II. Worldstar” Gambino, mocks people who spend most of their time on the entertainment website (worldstarhiphop.com) watching fights instead of engaging with life. The album explores existentialism, the meaning of life, death, boredom, depression, love and fabricated happiness. He uses the internet as a metaphor to contrast it with life, especially with the notion that life is a loop. To communicate this point he makes the first track of the album and the last seconds of the last track on the album the same. The album loops and ever ends indicating the subjects covered in the album form part of a repetition in the game of life and the internet. Lupe Fiasco testifies on this sentiment on his hit single “Old School Love” when he states “Your future is somebody else’s past”. On the last song of the album he makes a bold declaration indicating that the internet and life is one of the same thing and that there’s no major distinction – life is a troll and the joke is on us. His words echo Horace Walpole who once stated “Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.” Glover extends his sentiments on the comic nature of life when he states “Funny, the day you born that’s really your death sentence.” The internet has the power to preserve and immortalize your spirit but once you are gone, your spirit is looped in the realm of time creating a pathological order in the world: so much for immortality, the joke is on you, for if you elevate your perspective you’ll see yourself as a grain of sand on a dessert. There’s no such thing as immortality.
You have to marvel at Glover’s intelligence, the album is a masterpiece. The internet has devoured reality perceived through our senses. What constitutes as reality is no longer objective but subjective. The Internet used to be abstract but it’s a very real thing now. Reality is blurred. The internet has immersed itself with our senses. We have become cyborgs – one with our smartphones that are connected to the internet and artificial intelligence. We cannot live without the internet. It has opened up doors that are impossible to close. Galaxies that are impossible to count and personas that need to be fed. We feared the internet would turn illusions into reality, we feared that it would leave us disconnected, we feared that it would make our minds passive, we feared over indulgence would lead to addiction, we feared that it would leave us lost – and it has, it has done everything and more. But it is still one of the coolest things we have invented. Life has improved, we have developed into a multifaceted species with god-like powers! When we finally get the meaning of life it will be because the internet – just kidding! There is no meaning.
antakalipa 