I change my mind, I was stupid, I was impulsive, I am an idiot and I apologize. I have to retract my earlier statement. “The Irishman” is not my favorite movie, in fact I don’t have a favorite movie. You changed things for me. Your excellence, your gift, your creativity, your longevity, your passion, your movies. I am only a human being and I can’t resist the urge to compare, but you, your movies, they confuse me so much. I don’t know which is better. I use to think “Casino” was my favorite movie. Sharon Stone as Ginger was inspiring. I truly loved her performance. She taught me a lot about life. I will never forget her. Joe Persci and Robert De Niro were of course excellent so there’s no need to make a comment there. Robert De Niro was one of my favorite actors but now I don’t have any. That goes for you too DiCaprio, you mean nothing to me now. Things changed in 2013 when “The Wolf Of Wall Street” came out. I was obsessed with it. I will never forget that conversation between Mark Henna and Jordon Belfort. It shattered reality for me. It was like realizing that the moon landings were faked, it was awesome! I used to watch it every year on my birthday, it was a ritual of mine. I love how you can teach me about life sir. “The Wolf of Wall Street” was amazing! It was quite an experience, it was grand, provocative, truthful and fearless. Critics claimed that it perpetuated a lot of morally unacceptable behavior but they are wrong! That’s what greed does to a human being. You depicted the greed beautifully. I love how you made me identify with Jordon Belfort. I wanted to be him, I felt like him and then you took everything from me; the hot blonde, the kids, the expensive piece of real estate, the money and my profession. The tragedy! Oh Mr. Scorsese, only you can make me feel that way. I wish I could relive the experience of watching that movie again. It was a once in a lifetime movie. At least that’s what I thought, until I watched “Silence”, 3 years later and I was blown away! I loved “Silence”. It was so challenging. It covered the subjects of religion and morality. Wow, it is a powerful movie. I thought that was your best movie. But then fast forward 3 years later and you release “The Irishman”. Damn! You bring in Robert De Niro, Joe Persci and Al Pacino. You explore powerful subjects like our impending old age and death. That’s not all, you also cover love, loyalty and the mafia. That movie really touched me. It opened up the world for me. I learned a lot. Truly speaking it was the greatest movie that I had ever seen. Better than “The Godfather” trilogy, Scarface and Tarantino’s epic Inglorious Basterds. It was a big omission to concede on my side, it was hard. However, “The Irishman” deserved my number one spot. With that I was done, surely no movie is better than “The Irishman”. I proceeded with watching your other movies. I watched “The Last Temptation of Christ”, “Shutter Island” “Bringing out the Dead”, “The Color of Money”, “After Hours” “The Departed”, “Taxi Driver”, “The Aviator”, “Raging Bull”, “The King of Comedy” and “The Gangs of New York”. I was back to square one. I thought they were all legendary movies. I was confused, perplexed, “The Irishman” was no longer my favorite. I didn’t know which movie was my favorite. And so Mr. Scorsese, I would like to make things right. I don’t have a favorite anything in the world anymore. I don’t have a favorite actor. I don’t have a favorite director. I don’t identify with anything. I am a spectator now. I am neutral. I am a fence sitter. I live life without attachments. I will never judge and compare art ever again in my life! I will only enjoy, appreciate and applaud. This extends to all affairs in my life. I am now truly open-minded. I look forward to seeing more of your films and I thank you for what you have done for film. God bless.
You have to be in awe of the female form. For it concieves, it produces, brings to life, and brings about light like the awe inspiring, center of the universe mercury star. The female form is something to be worshipped for without it, nothing exists. For the building blocks of the universe, it’s essence, existed two particles that had a sexual union to bond to create the big bang! That is what string-theory (the theory of everything) is all about; scientists have dedicated their whole lives to finding out what was before the big bang. The thought that we are a product of an explosion, an orgasm is a theory they accept thoroughly, however science wants evidence of the sperm and fertile egg. Something that could prove difficult considering the universe is already in the womb, growing and expanding. Maybe science will have a theory of everything but the answer to that is not yet conceived because we are in the early stages of development in the womb. As such, we cannot comprehend the world outside the womb with no time and space. Hopefully, my extended metaphor painted a picture of the divinity of the sacred Feminine and the fact that nothing is above it. The feminine form is the start, it is awakening, it is consciousness, it is self-sustaining, it is God and it is forever. Nothing exists without a sexual union and feminity is the source that nourishes and harneses growth and well-being of the offspring. This is the very pulse of nature, the natural order, her will. The male sperm is essential for procreation since it plants the seed, however the female body serves as an incubator to grow and protect the seed. This is nature to the female form. I think it’s amazing. It’s a miracle. Nietzsche had this to say on “Twilight of the idols”; “For the Greeks a sexual symbol was therefore the most sacred symbol. Every single element in the act of procreation of pregnancy and of birth aroused the highest and most solemn feelings. In the doctrine of the mysteries, pain is pronounced holy; the pangs of the woman giving birth consecrate all pain and conversely all becoming and growing – all that guarantees a future – involves pain. That there may be the eternal joy of creating, that the will of life may eternally affirm itself, the agony of the woman giving birth must also be there eternally. All that is meant by the word Dionysus.”
The universe is in a womb because earth is so fertile. Earth is hospitable, it is life-assuring and sustaining. From plants and trees, to the animals roaming in the Savanah, to sea animals navigating their way pacific to pacific. Mothernature is accommodating and an outstanding host. We are her children and she takes care of us. Mothernature is feminine. Reality is a combination of masculine and feminine – it is Ying Yang, it is order and chaos. The world is chaotic by nature and as living organisms we have to instill order to survive. Order is the will to survive, to thrive and live a meaningful life. This is what every living organism strives to do, from the plants to land creatures and sea animals – they strive to be more, they aspire to live one more day. This is in the genetic code of life, life affirms itself, life is masculine energy. Still, reality, the world is feminine energy. We are a perfect fit. Culture seems to understand this notion and we openly celebrate sacred feminine. This is exhibited on one of Beyonce’s songs titled “Who run the world (girls)”. This song is a celebration of the sacred feminine. SZA has her say on the song “Doves In the wind” stating that “pussy” (the female reproductive organ) runs the world, that it is basically the best in thing in the world. This of course is another salute at the sacred feminine, the spirit that runs the world. The Disney movie “The Lion King” also celebrates the sacred feminine. In the movie we see the movies lead, Simba throwing himself to the ground because of exhaustion and dirt in a form of specks and dust hover over his head and spells out the word “sex” quite visibly for everyone to see. This is a tribute to the sacred feminine and the life bearing power she has. Disney are well-known for depictions in their animation and storylines celebrating the sacred feminine. They did it again with the magical animation movie “Moana”. In a nutshell, something valuable is stolen from Mothernature. This results in an imbalance that causes Mothernature to rage on. She causes havoc and life suffers. Mothernature is personified in this motion picture. The only way to restore balance in the world is to give Mothernature what is hers. It is a beautiful movie, filled with singing and Disney magic. We also see depictions of the sacred feminine on the works of Georgia O’Keefe, to spoil the surprise they are awesome – I am a fan. “The Da Vinci Code” by Dan Brown also explores the “sacred feminine” through the story of Mary Magdalene, the church and the Holy Grail. The book provides revelations about the story of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene. It is said that, Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene and conceived a beautiful girl. This is a secret that the church doesn’t want to go out. As such, Mary Magdalene is slandered and branded a prostitute, a whore by the church to tarnish her image. Mary Magdalene is a product of propaganda by the church. The falsehood of this story is known by a secret society, that had once in its rank, highly esteemed individuals like Da Vinci, Newton and Botticelli. A lot of secrets regarding the sacred feminine are uncovered in this book and the work of Da Vinci serves as the catalyst. Da Vinci’s works are scrutinized and serve as the building block to get the ultimate truth – the Holy Grail. This is a great book and will give you another perspective of the reality of the world.
Pegan customs worship nature as they see organized religions as restrictive, regulated and confined. Organized religions are a power strugle, they are hierarchical and patriarchal and as such truth is not a possibility. Organized religions are deceptive and cruel. They indoctrinate illusions in the form of heaven and other types of utopia and teach passivity in their congregations. Organized religions are control systems meant to regulate and dictate behavior. They keep people passive and helpless in their suffering citing “It’s God will.” What if God himself turns out to be our most persistent lie? On the awesome book “Brave New World” by Huxley, Mustapha Mond states “People believe in God because they have been conditioned to.” That is the dilemma facing pegans. The problem with organized religions is that they take all the responsibility away from you, assigning it to a “high power” and as Nietzsche states “When an individual no longer feels like they are the collaborator, let alone the center of becoming, nihilism becomes a very real possibility.” Organized religion can take the spirit out of your body while you still breathing. For pagens, religion is not a viable option for a sustainable life. The movie “Silence” by Martin Scorsese discusses this at length. Two Christian missionaries enter Japan with the aim of spreading Christianity but they are unwelcomed by the upper echelon of Japan simply because Christianity is not compatible with Japan. The Japanese believe that Christianity is bad for its people. They practice Taoism and Buddhism. They are a pagen people, they worship the sun and nature. They fear Christianity will hinder the progression of their country and its people. The Christian God is challenged at length to help his people from death at the hands of the Japanese pagens but he responds in silence as believers of the Christian doctrine are killed mercilessly because they don’t want to abandon Christianity. Because of God’s silence, the Christian missionary is forced to abandon Christianity to save Christian lives. For if he can denounce Christianity in public and adopt Japanese customs and beliefs, the public will see how useless it is. “Silence” is a hard and challenging movie but a great movie nonetheless, it is Martin Scorsese at his absolute best.
Acclaimed comedian Dave Chappelle stated in one of his comedy specials that man’s biggest challenge in the world is woman and woman’s biggest challenge is material. He continued that man would happily engage in sexual intercourse with a woman in a box if he could, but it’s not possible, because the woman wants the man with a Porsche. When you understand this fact, you understand the power of feminine energy. You understand the construct of society, you understand Capitalism, you understand the power dynamics in the world, you understand the hunger and poverty in the world. Man unconsciously and consciously wants power over his fellow men so he can be the alfa-male. This is seen in the animal kingdom with animals like Gorilla’s fighting to be the head honcho. This is important because the alfa has first preference on the ladies, he can have as many as he wants with no opposition. The alfa can be the only Gorilla that mates and choose to leave no mating partners to his subordinates. He is the boss like that. This subject can be visited on the work of Charles Darwin with his theory of “Natural selection”. Man is fundamentally driven by power and by what Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud called the “Libido” which is sex drive. Musician, SZA talks about this on hit song about the sacred feminine “Doves in the world” that men lose their minds for pussy, that they are irrational and they will do anything and everything to get pussy and this is true. The vagina has untold power over the man. To attain power man will do anything, including humiliating and exploiting his fellow man. This is the will of mother nature, the reasoning behind “survival of the fittest”, “struggle for life” and “elimination of the unfit” by Charles Darwin. Man is alienated from himself, Marx contends because of the division of society into classes, the ruling class oppressing and exploiting the ruled classes. Therefore, he said, a classless, socialist society would bring about the disappearance of alienation and all its manifestations. That looks good on paper but in a world dictated by feminine energy it’s not possible. We saw evidence of this with Hitler and Stalin. Socialism is like heaven, ungraspable, unattainable and unintelligible. For the world is pure madness, chaos, and pure and unadulterated hysteria. For twenty-five centuries, hysteria had been considered a strange disease with incoherent and incomprehensible symptoms. Most physicians believed it to be a disease proper to woman and originating in the uterus. Hysteria like nature, chaos and woman is art. It is challenging and difficult. It requires attention and focus. It requires one to be imagitive and bold. It is fulfilling for its a release like fluid ejaculation. Feminine energy tests us and we should response in kind with masculine energy. We should be forceful and aggressive in our battles with life. Feminine energy tests us so we can grow. It puts you in a corner so you can learn to maneuver around. Feminine energy is like your girlfriend hysterical, crazy and unpredictable but her love is unquestionable, tender like the bosoms on her chest. Feminine energy serves to grow life because there is no growth without pain and adversity. The sacred feminine tests all of life and those who show great strength progress. Unfortunately, hunger, exploitation, poverty and death are some of the ways that she tests us. You might say these are man constructions, however man is nature and a construction of the sacred feminine.
While Religion is good for regulating morality, pegans value freewill and a sense of destiny. They believe true power resides within, while the characteristic of a God (or spirit) is anthropomorphic, invisible, powerful and has special function that no ordinary human being could perform. Pegans believe they can perform anything in the confines of reality and life. They believe in the sacred feminine – they believe all is nature. This is reflected in Leonardo Da Vinci’s “Vitruvian Man” and PHI (1.618) – the Devine proportion. The number PHI, 1.618 is considered the most beautiful number in the universe because it appears everywhere in nature and life. PHI was derived from the Fibonacci sequence – a progression famous not only because the sum of adjacent terms equalled the next term, but because the quotient of adjacent terms possessed the astonishing property of approaching the number 1.618 – PHI! 1.618 is the fundamental building block in nature. Plants, animals and even human beings all possess dimensional properties that adhere with eerie exactitude to the ratio of PHI to 1. In a honeybee community for instance, the female bees always outnumber the male bees. And if you divide the number of female bees to the males you will always get PHI 1.618. The sunflower seeds grow in opposing spirals. The ratio of each rotation’s diameter to the next is PHI 1.618. Da Vinci’s “Vitruvian Man” is PHI – 1.618. Da Vinci actually exhumed corpses to measure the exact proportions of human body structure. He was the first to show that the human body is literally made of building blocks whose proportional ratios always equal PHI. Measure the distance from the the tip of your head to the floor. Then divide that by the distance from your belly button to the floor – you get PHI 1.618. Measure the distance from your shoulder to your fingertips, and then divide it by the distance from your elbow to your fingertips – again PHI. Hip to floor divided by knee to floor – PHI again. You get PHI 1.618 on the pyramids of Egypt and even the United Nations Building in New York. PHI appeared in the organization structures of Mozart’s sonatas, Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, as well as the works of Bartok, Debussy and Schubert. The Devine Proportion exists in all nature, in all life. It is you. It is the signature of the Universe. It is the literal hand of God. The universe is feminine because it accommodates life and creation. And you are masculine because you have to engage with it. To be one with it. You are life. You are nature. You are the Devine Proportion. The only person you are accountable for is yourself. The sacred feminine has granted you life – impose yourself onto life, build, create, be the best that you can be – make the best of it you God!
No one is better than Martin Scorsese. His films are just wonderful. They are bliss. He has this ability of making you identify with the bad side of the hero. The undesirable, repulsive, murderous, greedy side of the hero. His films dive deep into human psychology, they challenge morality, they make you see the other side – they make you think, what if? You feel a Martin Scorsese film. It is in your senses. His camera shots are amazing. Remember the 360 view on “The Wolf of Wall Street”? It drove me crazy! I felt like I was in the offices of Stratton Oakmont. My mind couldn’t understand what was going on or how he had accomplished that. What was the thought process? That 360 view was an attempt to make the viewer experience the madness first hand, to get lost in the chaos. On “Goodfellas” he uses a continuous shot that illustrates the hero’s powers to seduce. Henry takes his girlfriend Karen on a date at this underground spot and the camera follows from behind. To get to this restaurant they navigate through a lot of chaos and make a lot of turns – turns that make Karen dizzy. Henry pays someone $20 just to open the door to Karen’s amazement and when they finally get in, a waiter organizes a table just for them. The place is a full house, filled to the brim with esteemed people. It makes Karen feel so important and she is induced with this euphoria that takes her to heaven. That scene is the ultimate definition of seduction. Martin Scorsese uses a lot of camera techniques in his movies to make them legendary. He uses a lot of freeze frame shots to illustrate the importance of a scene and slow motion to freeze time. He has that ability – to freeze time, imagine that! What about his insecure masculine heroes who always chase these beautiful, ungraspable blondes? The blondes have become a theme in his movies that the hero always projects on. We see the use of slow motion to communicate how time slows down when these heroes meet or see these blondes. These blondes are mystical and perfect. On the “Wolf of Wall Street” one of Jordon’s friends states “I’d let her give me AIDS” upon seeing the blonde who would go on to being Jordon’s wife for the first time. On “Casino”, Ace’s world slows down when she sees Ginger – the blonde she would later marry for the first time. The heroes have self-destructive tendencies that ruin the lives of these beautiful blondes and they always leave the hero alone and dejected. The heroes have jealous streaks, they are control freaks, they are violent and they are driven by their impulses. Martin Scorsese forces us to see the bad and evil in ourselves. The violence in his movies is so explicit, so real, and so horrendous. On “Casino” we see a man senselessly beaten with baseball bats before he is stripped off his clothes and buried alive. In his movies, he makes you feel like “the man” through the hero and then strips you off all that power, leaving you with nothing. On the “The Wolf of Wall Street” he perpetuates all the greed, the drug use and random sex of the hero before taking it away. Jordon Belfort, loses everything – the money, his estate and his hot blonde wife. He also goes to jail and is banned from his profession, Investing. On “Goodfellas” Henry loses the lifestyle, respect and acclaim that comes with being a gangster. He also gets arrested and lives out the rest of his life at a Police Protection detention system. “Cape Fear” is about a guy who has moral justifications for ruining the life of the lawyer who didn’t fight for him in court when he was trailed for rape. Max Cady, the convicted rapist goes on a psychopathic rampage – he targets, stalks, kidnaps and torments the lawyer’s family. It is Robert De Niro at his most frightening and sadistic, he is sick but you understand him. Your understanding comes from the experience of also being wronged. Just like how you understand Jordon Belfort’s greed. If you were granted everything you have ever wanted, wouldn’t you go a little overboard? Martin Scorsese explores the human condition. He challenges the viewer to really think. There are also these rich and authentic dialogues that his characters always engage in. The dialogues are so entertaining. The dialogues are always in “real time”, it doesn’t feel like they are exchanging cues – they feel natural and flow. And what would a Martin Scorsese movie be without the narrator, the voice over that propels the story to greater heights. I love it – the narrator is the hero and he always speaks in the first person, so you can understand his mind and thought patterns; so you can hear the heroes insecurities and dreams. It is so powerful. It links you to the hero whether you like it or not, it is done at a subconscious level. Now to hate the hero means to hate yourself and the ego won’t allow that. So you watch the movie with complete objectivity. Martin Scorsese bewitches your mind first and then strings it along. The soundtracks on a Martin Scorsese movie are just awesome. Those rock n roll songs, they are iconic and signal a change in the plot or a characters plan of action. I see a lot of technique in Martin Scorsese’s movies. I see his passion through his movies. I see the mathematic equations, he just takes me straight to movie heaven. I love that guy. I love his creativity. I love the subjects in his movies. I love his impartiality. I love how he explores human nature and flips the script of the hero. The best flip of the script of the hero can be seen on “Silence” where the hero is reduced to suffering until death. He is forced to abandon his belief system and values and he is indoctrinated into foreign systems. I appreciate Martin Scorsese’s’ vision. In my humble opinion he is the greatest film-maker of all time.
After quitting the call center I had R30000 from my savings, I also had other deals beside my call center job hence the large amount and they paid off at the right time. Hence me quitting without no hesitations, it was time. I was reading a lot on Investing and stocks. I remember I was so fascinated with those graphs, those candle sticks, what they meant, how to read them. They provided a promise of wealth and abundance. I wanted to understand them thoroughly, their psychology and nature. I was intrigued by what caused highs and lows. Martin Scorsese had just released “The Wolf of Wall Street” and it was a classic, I loved it! I even bought the book by Jordon Belfort. Those graphs gave me the promise of becoming Jordon Belfort and I wanted it all, the greed, drugs, big money, white Ferrari, hot blonde, the great Estate, bad morality and sex.
I read a lot on technical analysis and enrolled in a couple of courses. I tried out Forex, I decided that I’d do this full time. Forex is a battle against yourself, it’s not about the markets, observe. I put R15000 in the trading account and 5 days later my account was R65000, life was good. A month later I lost over 97% of that money. I committed horrendous mistakes! I added to losing positions. I let losing trades run hoping they would come back but they skyrocketed. Everyday I hoped it would go down but it kept going up and up. I didn’t want to terminate the trade because that is so final. I chose to live in denial and hope and everyday it got worse. Sometimes, it would go down but it was already way too high. I was in those losing trades for 3 weeks, acknowledging that I lost over R60000 was too hard for me. I kept going through. I got better at playing the game. I studied more and networked more. I got content from the top Forex college in the country at the time for free! I moved a couple of things to make that happen, the course cost R45000. I was fairly confident of my skills now. I remember one day, I was scalping, I turned $1 to $50. I was unstoppable that day. I was in complete flow. I won a lot of trades. Momentum trades and major reversal patterns. Be quick to enter trade and get out even quicker, don’t stay too long, in and out. I even started Journaling everything down, I was disciplined, it was a profession, I gave it my all. I got mediocre results though, It was disheartening but my focus was on being better. I have made over a 100K trading, my goal was always a million but it’s difficult getting to a million trading. You have to have an iron focus and discipline and even that is rarely enough because no one really knows where the market is going! I don’t care who you are, not even the greatest Investor in the world, Warren Buffet knows which direction the market is going. Forex is pure speculation. All the intersecting lines, shapes, moving averages, candle formations, oscillators don’t mean anything! All these things don’t obey any scientific or mathematical law. You are merely lucky if you win. Even if you place your stop-loss 1000 pips above range, it is going to get triggered, the market is going to spike you out and you are going to lose money – there is no exception to this law, you are going to lose every time. That’s why I preferred trading without a stop-loss, I don’t advocate it but some days it worked and some days it cleaned out my account.
Some days I won, but most days I suffered that’s why you need to have a major payoff, risk and rewards are the fundamentals of Forex. If you do it right, one position can make you a ton of money but you need to be patient with those, go into the 4Hour, Weekly, Monthly and Yearly columns, think long term, you will be rewarded handsomely. That’s what I ultimately started doing. I left the “day traders”, they are to expedient – “intraday” is more my style. Start off your analysis on 4Hr, anything other than that is just cute. You can’t be just placing too much trades, what’s the matter with you? Less is more, have a great risk/reward ratio or don’t go into the trade. Still I was good on every time frame. I decided I needed partners, I got investors, I promised them heaven on earth, 100% of your investment in the first month and 400% thereafter for 12 months! Everyone was impressed. “Mr. Forex kid”, you think I’ve just been reading at the library, foolish assessment, I’ve been making this cheddar, you niggas worry about the wrong things. Obviously, the enterprise with my partners didn’t go so well. I couldn’t deliver on that time frame. Donald Trump became President of the United States and the currency market misbehaved, and I didn’t have my stop-losses on, I was complacent, I lost most of my investors money in that way. Life just happened to me and I had to accept it. I took a lot of insults, threats and expressions of disappointments. I had to take it and I did. I took every call and responded best to every comment in the Whatsapp group, I was timid and humble.
Forex taught me suffering, emotional stability and regulation, sacrifice, resilience, commitment, iron discipline, focus, pattern recognition, rationality, psychology of market, greed, patience and the importance of asymmetrical risk/reward to garner huge payoffs. Throughout the years I pawned my personal belongings to sustain my trading account. I pawned my Laptop, my music keyboard, my projector and my digital camera. It was an active sacrifice, I knew I might not see these things again and it didn’t matter to me, the promise of being better at Forex was all the motivation that mattered. In the end I conquered Forex, I have all the content, courses and books, I forced my way to the best Stock Market and Forex college in the continent and got all their content for FREE, I devoured all their content and sold it. I was an active full-time trader for 6 years. I’ve been in the industry for 9 years. I know all the top brokers. I know all the experts on a first name basis and the truth is disturbing! Ready for it? No one knows anything! Forex is an illusion, it is not real, it is fairy-dust, a character in one of Disney’s stories.While you are trading patterns the big institutions are trading your stop-losses, it’s a different game altogether. They will get your stop-losses every time, they are experts on it, they do it because they can manipulate they market at their will. The big institutions even work together to get to your stop-losses and then they share the profits. Even if you have half a million in your account like I did at one point, it’s futile because the big financial institutions like your banks are trading in billions. They are the big players, 98% of the forex market consists of institutional investors while less than 2% is you and me(retail). Besides, 500K ain’t shit. Making money on Forex is like beating the house in Vagas – Godspeed.
I have a lot of haters. I love them, I understand the law of polarity. I know love and hate are two sides of the same coin. I know what lurks in their subconscious minds. I reside in their minds rent free. I haunt their conscious minds and so they have to project their inadequacies. I am emphatic to their insecurities. I understand their insufficiencies. I am the repressed voices in their minds that are audible. I understand their anger with the world. I am the battle they wish to conquer, the hurdle they wish to get over. Hence Amsterdam fishhooked McGloin. I am their shadow manifested. They worship the land I walk on. I bring meaning to their lives, the Joker to their Batman. I am everything they want to be, everything they yearn to be. I am the pinnacle for their achievements. I am like smoke, I linger around and disappear like an illusion. They want to possess me and retain me as their prisoner. They can’t touch me like air. They can’t control me, I am remote like a statelite.
I love my haters. I need my haters. They put the spotlight on me. They are my paparazzi and I love it, I love the attention; I am a star, the gold standard. The absolute greatest. I am grateful for them. I understand the prayers for my downfall. I understand the attempts to bring me down like gravity. To be the man, you have to beat the man and you haters are flaccid. Step up like a transformer to at least have a chance!
We grow up. Time lapses. We wrinkle. We lose our youth. We lose our wit. The neon lights lose their intensity. We assume old age. We get trapped in old memories. We replay our regrets. We forget to love. We are forgotten. Seasons change. The stars change their locations. Life goes on. We plant seeds. Those seeds metastasize and create offsprings. We are retired. No one cares about us anymore. The beauty vanishes. The enthusiasm wanes. The smiles turn to frowns. The bones stultify. We are wrapped in a loop. Boredom cripples our souls. Distance prevails. Nothing matters anymore. We are rueful, so many could haves, so many should haves, unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. We become wiser. We learn patience. We become compassionate. We become kind. We practice love and preach it like a Gospel. We learn to be humble and appreciate the magnificence of life. I used to love you but what I loved is dead buried in the past. You were a moment of weakness, my repressed desires of longing, my projected image played out like a halogram, a period in deaths graveyard. I am not sure I’d feel the same way now, we different people, with different values influenced by phenomena in different cultures. I’ll never forget you Countess Olenska, you were once what I wanted most.
antakalipa 