Love

20 December 2016

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20 December 2016

This is our win; thank you to everyone involved in the process. Thank you to the people who shared their knowledge in the form of books to the whole world. A big shout out to the internet, we appreciate the free videos. I was ready. I was reading on the Kuma- Sutra, female genitalia, the importance of the stimulating of the clitoris, scared sex positions and Kegel exercises. And of course the practice of knocking bitches out the park on a constant. My PC Muscles were improved and I was ready. What a great December this is turning out to be.

I met Dineo; the hot girl in high school. She was still hotter than the sun. I always wanted a second chance with her, to redeem myself, just to prove I could do it. It transpired like a movie – I wish I had captured it and made it objective for everyone to see my victory, to bask in my glory. It was at a social event, an acquaintance was the host and she was there with her friends. The mood of the ceremony was quite celebrative and festive. It was light and friendly, tranquil with no hint of hostility. The sound that graced the social was Amapiano.

I was at the social event first considering I helped with preparations for the event. She came in a bit later with her friends when the place was fuller. It was two guys and three girls, I sensed what kept the group together was a brother and sister dynamic between the friends or that they are genuinely friends or that the guys were still in the early seduction stage and in that event it was an even ground for all. I didn’t see the two guys as threats. They looked meek and inexperienced – I don’t know in which field. Dineo was so hot. Those boobs and that ass – has the perfect ass to boobs ratio. Everything is just perfect about her. Her eyes are light brown; they are so mystical. Her skin tone just light not yellow. Her hair dark brown and natural yet curly.

I had to be intelligent. When her group came to my group to greet us and all the formalities of a social event; I excused myself to the toilet so that I can avoid an interaction with her. But I know she saw me. To be honest with you, I think I panicked. My conscious mind didn’t think of that plan to go to the toilet. It was an unconscious force. But now that I was in the toilet, I needed to improvise and actually derive a plan. I didn’t have one. In the end I decided that I was going to avoid and perhaps ignore her for the whole event. It was the only logical thing to do. I was not ready to face up to her. And I couldn’t leave the event, I was a part of the hosting committee. As an astute businessman that’s inexcusable. And I couldn’t drink too much either. I don’t know. It wasn’t a good idea so I braved out the toilet and went straight to their social group and welcomed them all. I was friendly and courteous – it’s still business after all. I think they felt welcomed. I greeted Dineo and embraced her with a hug. She was so beautiful. I left and returned to my social environment. I felt good. Going to her group was a good idea. But once again, it was the unconscious force pushing me. I was never going to do that – hell no! All I felt was a burning sensation in my diaphragm and since my gut was not at its designated spot – it was difficult to parley with it. Anything could have happened – things were out of my control.

Later in the evening when I was at the bar she came up to me and requested a 6-pack. I obliged and got a bucket and filled it with ice for her convenience. And we talked. It was a good conversation, professional – we catched up and had a couple of laughs. And then it accelerated. She said she never stopped thinking about me. It was silent for a couple of seconds. But I am not stupid, I am quite intelligent and I knew where she was heading with this. I knew exactly what she wanted and I wanted it as well! I responded with a question requesting the identity of her friends. She responded, those two are brother and sister and the rest we just friends held by the fact that we live in the same location. I noticed the fullness of her responses. I looked at her body language – she was mirroring me! A fuse blew up in mind but I had to be steady. I asked her to come sit with me and that we would plenty of fun. She agreed and took the bucket with ice and beers to her friends stating that she’ll be right back. I thought I was doomed. I had no plan. But I looked around at my surroundings and I saw plenty of girls and women and it occurred to me that she was just a woman. In a typical weekend I lure 2-3 women in my nest. A soothing voice came up to me and said “relax, this is the moment you have been waiting for all your life. You are ready. Your practical examinations are excellent and the theory you reading is making you a legend in the city. Just be yourself”. “Just be yourself” it said I calmed down and relaxed. I can’t mess this one up.

Later she was at my place. I had been excellent all day. I need to cap of this day. When we were driving to my place. All I did was to picture her naked. Those tits; are they going to take me to heaven like they promise? They are so firm. I had been reading on sex and how to pleasure your partner. It advised that kissing is erotic. That it prepares the orgasms. It advised the pressure points: the neck, areas on the torso and of course boobs. I couldn’t wait to kiss and suck those boobs. It would be an experience for me. I couldn’t wait to do that. It was so important to me and my life.

I wanted to do things to her. Things that she will never forget. My intention was to pleasure her good. Riding to the crib I thought about the game plan. I am a trader and the blueprint is the most important thing – stocks taught me how to plan thoroughly. I thought about her pussy as well. Cunnilingus always makes them go crazy – I thought about eating her pussy whole. I bet her pussy is tight. But I had to be strategic about this. I can still eat her whole pussy up but I need to stimulate the clitoris first. The key is to always to keep moving your tongue. Faith and Bontle love it, they get orgasms too. A couple of seconds into sex and they are already blown away. I love it when they vibrate, it’s their way of telling me I did well. I think it’s a man’s duty to give a woman an orgasm because if men can’t do it, what then? There’s nothing men can’t do. My pumps ratio is also good. I have solid PC Muscles. I practice Kegel exercises every day and I fuck almost every day. Don’t mean to brag but I am in the level of a porn star – penetration wise, I am good.
Before we even stepped in the house, I had a detailed plan. In the end it all worked out for me. Gave her orgasms over orgasms she will be back. I made sure.

Senzo (The Devilish Romantic)

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Senzo (The Devilish Romantic)

2 March 2015
I had such an incredible day at the market today. My best day as a trader. I made $2400 on 6 trades in just 7 hours. Oh it was thrilling too because my stop-loses were almost triggered. I don’t know what I would have done. It was do or die. I had to recuperate loses I incurred on the last two trading days and I went above and beyond. I always advice traders to look at “Major Reversal Patterns” you know; check double tops and bottoms, check triple tops and bottoms, check for a trend with a “V- Reversal”, check for a head and shoulder trend and look at other time frames! So when my advice works for me, I don’t know I get a big head. Maybe I am the best trader in the world – my account certainly agrees. Okay maybe not the best in the world but good.
Thanks to today’s exploits I have an excess of $6000 on my account that I can use for entertainment. That’s R98000 – I am feeling festive.

8 March 2015
Today was an interesting day. A normal man would have died. In the morning at round about 5:30 am Bontle comes at the crib. I wasn’t expecting her. She didn’t call. She didn’t text. She woke up one day and decided to be “spontaneous”. She woke up and decided to be a better person all of a sudden. Nobody knew about this, she was the only person that had this information. How is this my fault? She deserved today’s interaction. I am not wrong. I didn’t know. Of course, she found me with another woman. I didn’t panic. Even when she made a scene and ripped off my new sheets – sheets she purchased to be fair. I was ice cold. It was already a bad situation. She tried to corner me and asked me to choose between her and the “new girl”. I am not dumb, I am not going to commit to such a thing. Besides, I love them both. They are useful in various areas in my life. I just walked out. It was the best thing to do. This is not beyond my control. This has happened before with different girls. This is not a problem.

9 March 2015
If Bontle respected me as a man, I wouldn’t do such things. It’s her fault. She’s rude and vile sometimes. She has control issues. She’s crazy. But I love her.

15 May 2015
I was with Lerato today. She was in ripe condition. She was ready for me. She was all over me like a body rush. She enveloped me. She embraced me totally. To be honest, I wasn’t on my game. I was sloppy, slow and dry – however I did the job. Her sounds were overly over the top for the performance I put in. The whole sexual act was a folly for me. It makes me think. What else is she lying to me about?

12 November 2015
I was with Bontle today. I had a plan. It was not a good one but nonetheless a plan. I heard through the grapevine that she was organizing a baby shower for her sister. I planned to be there.
Communication between me and her was non-existent since she found me in bed Faith. Secretly I was conversing with her sister – I apologized and requested her assistance and she obliged. My plan was to see her in the morning before she began with preparations for the shower and I needed her sister to grant me access in the house. She helped. At 6:00 am I was in and the house was empty; just me and her (she was still in bed sleeping).

The highlights of the heated and emotional conversation we had was; I am sorry and I was not able to control myself. She seduced me and it was just sex – not like what we have. That I love you and I choose you. That I need you in my life and that you make everything worthwhile. It was routine. It helps that she is younger. Now I just have to take her to a game reserve or somewhere exciting to complete the process. I have learned that if you can validate three things namely; self-perception, intelligence and that they are “good people” – you can do anything you want. After all, self-interest rules. It is the same tact that worked on her sister. Also go low when she goes high it has some sort of psychological effect that helps the process.

16 December 2016
BEST HEAD THIS YEAR! The women in Pretoria are incredible! I will be CUMMING soon. What a 6- pack of alcoholic brewages will do for you – it will give you a head start.

Zamokuhle (The Superior Man)

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Zamokuhle (The Superior Man)
2 December 2008
He is new to us; just like how I had been in the past. That always has a seductive element. What more can I say? He’s okay.

14 February 2010
Why shouldn’t I be a bit narcissistic? I am pretty. I am hot. Life is about perspective and I have men and boys drooling over me.

14 September 2012
Why did he choose me? I did nothing to warrant or initiate this. I have my problems too. Why me? My one night out all summer. He hasn’t even tried speaking to me. And Facebook? Really? He’s too much of a boy.

5 April 2014
I am not sure about his intentions. He is too smitten. He is overly infatuated with me. I sense a lot of insecurities. I am flattered of course but I can do better. Besides the time is lost – the show goes on. But because I am a good person. I am going to give him a go. Two weeks ago, I met a guy coincidentally has the same name. He is a bit older. He is good looking not cute unlike the former.

He looks assured. He is always in a suit – men in suits make me melt. It’s a seduction thing, I just
can’t get enough of them! He has businesses. He has money. He looks powerful. It’s obvious which direction I am leaning towards – it’s a no brainer. Maybe that was a bad example – it was doomed from the start. But such is the probability of us linking up.

16 March 2015
I wish he would just leave me alone. I don’t mind the attention plus it confirms I am still good, but it can be tiring. His plan just has the opposite effect. He’s fighting a losing battle. I don’t want to be with him.

18 May 2016
He just doesn’t have an off button.

18 November 2017
Mr. Insecurities strikes again. I don’t need this in my life. Besides, I kind of like his friend much better we have a history. He makes everything difficult and complicated. I have issues and problems too
that’s why I am always running. Biding my time; I’ll get my time, my moment. Life is frustrating. I feel I am in a loop and I have to do the things I don’t like every day. All I want to do is watch television and sleep. The pressures of being a woman in the modern world. If he knew what I have been through, he wouldn’t like me as much. He would stay away. He would leave. He would stop loving me. I am pure in his eyes. I don’t want to tarnish that. He thinks I am perfect.

21 February 2018
He apologized for his outbreak – his moment of madness. Like “give me a chance”, “I love you” get the fuck away with that. He makes me nervous like what do you want from me? I am not who you think I am, get away, get away! I wish he would just go away. I don’t know why I have his number saved on my phone. I don’t know why I respond to his messages. I don’t know why I send him my best pictures. He appreciates them (the pictures), goes crazy for them, sends a million emoji’s because of them – my pictures genuinely make him happy. He makes me feel good.

26 July 2018
For my birthday he bought me book about food and sent it over the internet. It was an eBook, it was sweet. He said that he remembered a moment in high school when I wanted to change the school’s tuck-shop menu and that lead him to purchase a book about food. I appreciate the sentiment and the thought. Last year for my birthday, he wanted to take me out. In nicely constructed paragraphs he politely asked me out. I couldn’t say no – he knew when my birthday was; that’s nice. I agreed but I needed to be strategic. I postponed on the last day to take him off his stride. He was adamant and determined to see me so we had to postpone for the following week. I knew he wouldn’t take his foot off the pedal so this time I had to see him. It almost didn’t happen because I had errands to run in town but he patiently wanted for me and we had a good time. Overall, I had a great birthday!

12 September 2018
I have started talking with an old friend of mine. He’s someone I had a crush on. It started when we were young. The element of time is making the seductive process stronger as I now feel intoxicated by him. It all started at the tender age of 11, we were both in a new environment – a new school to further develop ourselves and minds. We were both on a neutral platform so we linked and communicated with one another with greater ease. Because he was also new, he was one of the first students I knew. And then he switched schools once again and he was gone. I met him 2 years later in high school and he still looked good. Another two years apart and we were in the same class. That’s when our love affair commenced. You see it’s a great love affair bonded by destiny and the Universe. We just never got the timing right but it could still happen. I am still young and pretty and his just amazing. You see it in his posts his strong, his radiant, durable, assured and everything is just going right for him. He comes from a good family with good values and principles. He has money. He has travelled the world and women find him irresistible. He’s amazing!

15 September 2018
I want him. I love him. I just can’t stop thinking about him. My whole structure of being is filled with desire for another man. How do I get his attention? How do I make him go crazy with desire?

26 September 2018
He’s my best friend, my confidant. I tell him everything.

BABYGIRL

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BABYGIRL

Babygirl I apologize for everything. I lacked the fundamental skill of observation. I lacked empathy and sympathy. I am a bad person. I had a passive mind and it was fixed blaming you. Love frustrates me. I often think how many people would know love if the word didn’t exist. Society and popular culture keeps forcing it down my throat – and I don’t like their version. I am frustrated by everything. The world keeps implementing gender neutral policies and I don’t know what they mean for future generations so I often feel marginalized. I don’t mean the disrespectful comments, I am sorry. I should know better, I was raised better than that. The truth is that I wouldn’t manage a day in your heels. It’s hard. I would fall on my face. You do it with style and grace in a zoo filled with cobras, mountain lions and vultures. They all want a piece of you like the middle circle in a dart game – the bullseye! In the end, they all miss. They miss because you were never the target. Self- inspection is the target and they shoot wide and it shows because they don’t know themselves. I too shot wide.

The world is such a tricky and dangerous maze for you. If you somehow escape your immediate family there’s still the external world to contend with. Figures with authority tend to put fingers and parts of themselves into you like the process of validating a ticket in a soccer game and it’s unfair because you’re not the gate. Why must your locks be picked? I get so angry when I reflect because you get to live with the scars. Ocean deep scars that can never be diluted. So the only thing to do is to repress. Just maybe you take pictures and selfies to avoid the horrors of your mind. Like demons they possess the sober mind, that’s why you need social media – it’s therapeutic; the likes say you are loved and I agree.

Babygirl, I don’t know how you handle the pressures of the world. The standard of beauty keeps changing like waves and you are still a classic like Converse “All-Stars”. After all, you need to bait and seduce men. A man who can take care of you and all your needs. We are not getting any younger and time is unfortunately not on our side. That’s why you can never wear too much make- up. The nails and hair need to be up-to-date too, those are the things that matter most. They lure men – that and short skirts. Not that you need a man but a family gives life purpose. Your mother – that bitch, is always on the fence barking orders and making deadlines regarding your life. How can you predict the day you’ll fall in love? They never call back even with short skirts and make-up. They void your attempts like nothing is better. I never used to understand your frustrations but I now do.
It’s like I am alone and it’s not a choice but rather the environment and universe condemning me to that reality. My biological clock is ticking while my peers are settling down and starting families. I have options but they are not viable. Maybe I should rekindle old relations to widen my scope. The lenses I have now show me a very blurry and foggy perspective of the future. My options are being eliminated like hitmen on the roof. My anxiety levels are high as a plane on cruise control. The world has killed my dreams. I am not as pretty as I used to be. I used to get a lot of attention from men but now, not so much. The world discarded me like last week’s newspaper. What am I supposed to do?

Babygirl, I am sorry for insinuating that you have a bad character and questionable values. For most of us we play the hand we have been dealt and hope for the best. Why should conditions and variables be different for you? I was jealous and smitten. With just everything in my fiber, I wanted to be with you. You wanted to be with someone else, someone with better resources who can take care of what’s primary. It was do or die for you – I have to respect that. It’s not your fault I am poor. I just wish I were the object of your lust.

Babygirl, I will do better. I will try for you. I have been so inconsiderate that I am embarrassed. Love consumes and envy is admitting to yourself that you are inadequate and it’s painful. I was attacked by both love and envy simultaneously. My mind with all of its cognition functions couldn’t decode all that information. I crashed. I didn’t mean to relegate you to a world of taking selfies and sharing memes – you are more than that. I get critical of women because of my past. I was with a girl who told her parents that she had a job in the big city – little did I know, I was the job.

I read somewhere that the mind interprets dreams and reality the same way and I was really ecstatic! I couldn’t wait to get to sleep because that’s the only time I get to be with you.
Please take care of yourself

Best Regards

The great man
ANTAKALIPA

THE NEW PLAN

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THE NEW PLAN

I think that it was expected. The mind surprises me every time. It’s so primitive, so effective. What an engine. I think it was too tough. The mat kept on being swiped off the floor. The concreate was unstable, it didn’t have floor muscles. We just kept moving like pawns in a chess game. Strategic? I think it’s subjective. I just wanted something to hold on to, I couldn’t stop the world from spinning. She threw in a rope and I have been holding on ever since. I couldn’t let go, didn’t want to let go, didn’t want that part of me to wither. It was a reflex – the amygdala, I was constantly under attack and I just protected myself. But I notice you held the rope too. A great grip, the rope was rigid and erected on a skyscrapers foundation. You stayed on with me. I think it’s magical; something that transcends into invisible realms. I think you get it – this life thing. I think you tough, a trait that is so seductive. I think you’re smooth like a lioness with a pray on its sight. You open minded. You a Kanye West fan; the ice-breaker, the common route, a little point on the exponential chart we can zoom in and explore; music, art, classified under the humanities – what makes life bearable. You didn’t make it easy for me. You were too good. I couldn’t let go of the rope, it was between life and death. Because if I do, then my whole world crumbles. I am in a unique position to be witnessing the guy who will attempt to pull the mat from my feet. His heading towards my way and I don’t want an interaction with him so I think I will just get off the mat. I think I’ll also let this rope go now. Kanye West is doing trap and making 7 track albums in any case. And while I still can’t stop the world from spinning, I can move with it; I am equipped. I have such a long way to go, its critical I get the foundation phase just right. I ask that you let go of the rope on your side.

I just want something that’s just mine. Something that is subjective and particular like taste and art. The alternative route, an empty canvas, custom made and specialized – something brand new.
That’s the new plan.

My Beautiful 100 Hectares

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My Beautiful 100 Hectares

Where do I even start?
How do I begin to express myself?
What do I even say?
I don’t think words alone are sufficient for me attain your numbers four you are 1 in 500 000.

I am sorry, I don’t mean to be cheesy
and I am not using Cheddar to try and lure you in a trap
for I am well aware you run the streets and the underground.

The beautiful thing about the bottom is the sky is what you taught me,
you believe in love,
happiness and you just make my heart beat.
Faster is an adjective to describe how time moves when I am with you.
A lapse in time is an eternity in rue.

My beautiful 100 hectares our souls are intertwined,
bonded by something more than science.
Every time I try and leave
my heart screams out in defiance.
Or is it just psychological warfare?

My mind is fountained by thoughts of you and the memories we shared.
You are the cannonball splash that makes every woman and man wet.
Dripping with authenticity,
sparkling like wine,
your volatile personality erupts like oil in a mine.

My beautiful 100 hectares,
you hold the route to my soul.
Our minds like clay can be moulded and created by the artist.
Modify me to a plane so I can soar above you,
to see the world,
explore and make my way like a monarch butterfly.

My beautiful 100 hectares contain me in a bigger box,
with space to move around and windows without bars.
Bar me from suffering so I can make the world a better place.
The world can be our oyster- the world can be our plate.
All I need is a reservation and I promise I won’t be late.

Magnificent Goddess I am sorry,
I apologize.
I am not usually like this.
It’s just that,
I have always believed in following what shines brightest to you.
But that never works in real life.
I take everything back.
For insinuating you whack could forcefully put me to the sack.
For you are the Jack of all trades,
the enforcer of every raid and up there with the greats.

My beautiful 100 hectares walk tall,
with stiletto heels that were custom made for your feet.
You are the authoritative figure,
illuminate us with your beauty like a street light. For you are more exhilarating than a street fight,
a sight more breath-taking than the eclipse at night.

My beautiful 100 hectares,
you created matrixes’- worlds,
in which we could create characters for ourselves.
On Friday,
I am Zlatan,
on Saturday Messi
and success is determined by the number of times I put the ball between legs.
The dangers and repercussions usually nutmeg our untrained clay minds but it’s worth it.
For in the weekend, I am free.

My beautiful 100 hectares,
I think I have the formula for life.
It was blurry at first but I got better lenses and changed the orientation of the page.
My hope often withers like autumn
and in that moment it’s cold and windy.
But I am comforted by the fact that I come home to you.
For you are warm,
funny,
carefree and happy.

The world is already this big matrix that I will never explore.
My life is already on auto-pilot
Just as long as,
I have my Television set, my smartphone and my weekends, I will be okay.

Eyes II

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Eyes II

What can I say? I know you feel the chemistry between us. It sparks, we can ignite a volcano, I make you wet and the lava burns and brings everything down like a tornado, we cause havoc and the composition is a natural disaster. We are supernatural and what erupts inside of us is super natural. I see how you look at me. Preening yourself when you think I am not looking, I know you do it for me. Lipstick and makeup, what you trying to conceal? I see the truth written in your eyes, transparent as glass that I see through your soul. I know your nature and it yearns for my soul. What can I say? I want you. You the only girl who can pierce through my veil of ignorance. You make me want to be a sinner and soil my innocence. You make me lose my train of thought so I don’t make any sense. You make me sweat, I heat up and I mingle my words. My eyes are not lying to you, I want your perfect body. We don’t need the whole house, we can fuck in the lobby. I can make you feel so good, afterwards you’ll be sobby. Your eyes tell the whole story and it translates throughout your whole body. We can never be platonic because you are after my body. The family thing is a story you can tell yourself, you ain’t my family, speak for yourself. I am ready to transgress, if you follow me in the other room maybe we’ll make a mess but I’ll help liberate your desires and lower the stress. Me and you are a piece of destiny, a moment, fate. The more you resist, the harder it is to escape. Our eyes tell the story, let’s start a state.

Another Amy II

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Another Amy II

God gave me another Amy and this one, well she’s absolutely perfect. Better than my best dream. The last Amy was a projection of my insecurities. She moved on and I felt stuck. She was doing something while my efforts failed to produce something. I knew I was great but I was broke as hell. I felt like a loser. She was a girl I loved but she was not Amy. She felt like Amy because I lost Amy. She was one of the last girls I loved. When I saw her happy with another person, I felt my spirit pierced with a dagger. I had to concede that I was not good enough. I had no real power. I was wrong because I never really made my intentions clear with her. I never told her that I loved her, I was content with just being friends. She deserves better, I was selfish, I am glad she met someone who makes life worthwhile.

God gave me another Amy and this one, well she’s absolutely perfect. She’s beautiful, artistic and intelligent. Symmetrical face, great body, long black hair, brown eyes oh, I think I am starstruck! She’s a superstar, everything I’ve ever wanted. She can sing Amy Winehouse songs and Rap like Nasir Jones. She’s also proficient on the piano, able to recite Mozart’s concerto with her eyes closed. She’s a perfectionist who can communicate her ideas, she executes better than a German. She plays for a living and strives to create in every moment of life. She was a headgirl at school, that’s my third headgirl and I feel she’s the best. I never thought I’d be in love again and yet here we are. Her mind has me whipped. I had never met someone so amazing in my life. She saved my conception of reality. She gave me hope for the future. I had always wished for someone so amazing but it was all in my head until it finally manifested in real life. Yea, she’s real life. I guess that’s the results of following your dreams. If you consistent in following through some of them actually come true. She’s a byproduct of content, I was pushing through with the dream not making much money and I saw her and fell in love with her. I loved her from the first day and I knew that things would be good for the rest of my life. She was a starting point. She represented a new reality, one I wanted to be a part of. A reality I would be a part of if I just followed content and my inherent nature. I am glad I sacrificed all those basic bitches because now I get to have the real thing. Even if she’s not the one, I am now in a paradigm of everything high value. I made myself high value.

God gave me another Amy and this one started everything for me. Things started moving, life fell into place, I started creating with a business mind, started interacting with high caliber individuals, started becoming the person I always knew I was. Of course she might leave like all the other Amy’s in the past and I am good with that. She gave me hope. She gave me reassurance that I was on the right road, she was the proof. She made me fall in love again, I became infatuated again, I started writing about love again, she saved my life. And even if I don’t get another Amy, I’ll be okay, I’m good.

On the square II: Dress Code script

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On the square II: Dress Code script

After “Dress Code” things went downsouth for me. It was the girls who kept me relevant for a month, they loved me. They made it hard for Daphne to get rid of me. They would always shower me with gifts, kisses and hugs. Honestly it was like heaven, I felt like I was floating walking on clouds, I was all soft inside, I was intoxicated by them, I was in awe of their talent, I loved them. I did everything above and beyond to please them, I treated them like royalty, like the stars they were, with reverence and awe. I executed every request with efficiency and care. The stage was spotless before the show and the mirrors reflected like diamonds. Cliff’s (Piano guy) water was iced and always on time and on queue before the show. I was professional, courteous, smelled good and dressed with real personality. I was the eye of God who kept watch over everything and addressed every significant or insignificant thing that had the power to affect the tone of the show. It was all about excellence. They were very happy with me. The girls flooded Daphne’s email with compliments about me, she was elated and she opened her purse for me. I accepted but it was never about the money. Quite clearly it was the girls who kept me in the theatre for that long, the staff at the theatre only needed someone to assist for 2-3 day’s tops. “Move in” day can be tough and time consuming as you welcome a new act to the theatre, sets need to be on the stage and it requires planning and thinking. There’s also the issue of the sound and lights, they need to be programmed to the system. Without the sound and lights, you don’t have a show. It’s just a casual job and the guys who help out do their two days and it’s done. A lot of the times the theatre uses young students who are keen to learn about theatre to help out. It’s a win for both sides, the student learns and gets practical and the theatre don’t have to pay for labor. That considered, I stayed for a month! I was also the usher for the girls show and generally everybody liked me and that’s the problem, I was magnetic, likeable and had a ton of charisma, illuminating the place and setting the mood for the show – I was too perfect. Inevitably envy and jealousy sets in and I became a target. Human nature and narcissistic tendencies, I refrained from responding and reacting, I observed like a bystander and was amused by the human condition. I knew what caused the hysteria, mainly that I was too amazing and I couldn’t help myself. I had no flaw, I came early for work, had a lot of enthusiasm, executed every task with perfection and everybody loved me. Around the 3rd week Daphne called me to her office and took my particulars. She asked what I was good at, education, skills and talents and so I shared. We talked for a while and she said she wished she had something for me. Her roster was full. I acknowledged but I was just there for the love. After that meeting I definitely felt the room getting smaller, it was like she was pushing me out but life went on and I got more  responsibilities. On the last day of “The Dress Code” as we were clearing the stage, I asked the director “Alan Swerdlow” for the script, I wanted it for it’s format, structure and I was really in love with the writing, it was witty, urban and well written. I also wanted to learn the skill of writing scripts for theatre. Alan liked my energy and appreciated everything I did for the girls, he gave it to me. After knockoff, Reginah from her car saw me from afar with the script and asked “Are you holding a script?”. I walked to her vehicle and replied “Yes”. She continued “You are not supposed to have that”, to which I replied “The director gave me the script”. She replied “No, you are not supposed to!”, I countered “But I want it”, I had the script in my hands. She started having a narcissistic fit and threw tantrums wanting to get out of the car. I watched her attempts to bully me off the script and I walked away from the scene with the script in hand. I left her shouting alone, she was wasting my time. It’s my fault, I encouraged her behavior hoping it would dissipate but she only got more controlling and overbearing, it was time for a receipt. As I was walking away, she shouted “Don’t come back on Tuesday”. It was the same Reginah who took 33% of my pay. She didn’t ask, she just took it in a power move. After “The Dress Code” Move In, Daphne delegated the task of paying me to her. She called me into a room, reached into her pocket and took out R300, gave me R200 and took the R100 stating that she needed it more and that she’d pay me back, she never did. I always resented that action, it was like she was entitled to my pay. I deserved the full R300! She didn’t ask me, if she had I would have given it to her, she took all the power away from me and took it! I judged her character that day and a receipt was definitely on the cards – she was going to respect me!

I defied her and came back on Tuesday. There was no way I was missing “Vincent’s” Move In. I wanted to help with the production, I had been anticipating it for quite some time and luckily, I still had Daphne, she was reasonable, she’d see things my way. When I got to the theatre Reginah isolated me from the team and instructed me to wait for Daphne so we can discuss this script issue. In an act of power, she brought in a student to take my place. Gaslighting, she was downplaying my importance to the theatre, communicating that I was inferior and disposable. I saw that for what it was – insecurity. Everybody loved me and it was warranted, I was a hard worker. I wasn’t concerned, I was fine with any outcome, I stood by my decision to walk away with the script that night, I simply wanted it more, if not for the content then the hopeful connections it had the power to grant me. Daphne came in and we discussed the case. Reginah presented her inaccurate version, filled with slander and smear campaigns in attempts to get me to react. It was just pure lies concocted by her imagination. She was vicious, disagreeable and incoherent, a blind man could see that she was attacking me. She wanted to control me so much that she lost control. I was calm. I presented my case and took responsibility for taking the script and as anticipated, Daphne understood. I went back to the team and helped with the production of “Vincent”, flirting with my female student replacement in the process. In no time my replacement was hooked and mesmerized by my aura. She too was on my side. This was definitely not in Reginah’s plans. I survived but hostilities were brewing. “Vincent” was a success and my replacement stopped coming to the theatre so I reigned. I understand human nature and I realize I was a missed hit, I know a target is still on my back, so I decided to leave on my own terms before things spiraled out of control, I’ll be back later, when things are calmer, when I am in control.

I came back 3 weeks later and everybody welcomed me back with open arms, the script issue was all in the past, they were just so happy to see me. It was the girls who kept me relevant for a month, they loved me and I love them forever.

Eyes

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Eyes

“Don’t look at me like that, we are practically family. I see the way you look at me.” GUILTY. She was right, my thoughts were not the purest but she was encouraging the behavior. She has been flirting with me the whole night. The sexual tension is prevalent, her gaze is intense, attention focused, wants to sit besides me, can’t stop playing with her hair and she’s all touchy-touchy. Surprise, surprise I’ve turned into Richard Pryor in her presence. She enjoys my attention and seems to want her hands inside of mine. Eyes closed, her head resting on my shoulders, the mood intimate, sweet and close. We are in sync, we are vibrating in unison. Not hard to see why my oxytocin levels spiked and my dopamine went off the charts. I’ve given it away that I want her. I may be drunk. My actions are all wrong, I’ve lost control, passive to her aura, lagging like a moving average, she’s in control like the driver and I am in the backseat of the vehicle. It’s like I am high of love-heroine, floating, hallucinating, hypnotized, in a trance. I have these raging thoughts, to tear off her blouse, drop her panties to floor and penetrate her to the core. We not family, her sister is married to my cousin, that doesn’t count, incest implies the same blood. You are not my family. Ain’t no way we of the same kind, you are out of this world! Legs created for mini skirts, body advertises lingerie and a face that graces magazine covers. We can fuck and our babies will be beautiful. I yearn to do things to your perfect body, your personality is fire but objectifying you is all that is in my mind. I want you, I’ve wanted you for a long time. I can’t get over how you make me feel. I see it in your eyes, feel it in your energy, I know you want the same thing.