Lloyd | antakalipa

Stumza – Fifa King.

The gents were having a Fifa tournament, Lloyd was hosting and in attendance was Thulani, X and Stumza. I was excited, it had been a while since I had played. Everyone in attendance was a good player. I was shocked when Thulani scored a penalty when he played X, I still don’t know how to score a penalty. In fact, you will never concede a set-piece goal against me. On this day we decided to create a tournament set in England. I picked Manchester United, Stumza selected City, X picked Liverpool, Lloyd picked Spurs and Thulani picked Arsenal.

One thing to know about me is that I win at everything, no seriously, I am the best in everything I engage in. If you beat me at anything, well done, you showed excellence, you deserve it, you are the best, no excuses and I will acknowledge that. True to my professional prescription, I beat everyone. Well, almost everyone. Stumza was the dent in my almost perfect record. The gents couldn’t handle Bruno Fernandes, he scored and assisted in every game. My game against Stumza was a hot game, Manchester derby. I scored first and he equalized before half-time. Then at the start of the second half, I regained my lead only for him to equalize and then I don’t know what happened. He scored 2 more goals out of nowhere! There was nothing I could do about the goals, I didn’t make a mistake, he just simply scored. The thing about Stumza is that a shot is a goal. He scores because he wants to, just because he can. The goalkeeper won’t save it because he can’t. All of Stumza’s goals are pure strikes – top corner. He will never score a scrappy goal like a rebound or tap-in. He just scores and there’s nothing you can do about it. After he scored the 4th goal, I realized what I was up against and I changed my strategy. Not that I quit but winning this game was a long shot. I decided to rest Paul Pogba and give Mctominay gametime. It was a defensive approach, the game plan was now don’t concede a 5th goal. Fred was still fresh and he worked exceptionally well with Mctominay at keeping Stumza at bay. I also had a couple of chances but they weren’t clear cut. With the 90 minutes over, the referee added 3 minutes of stoppage time. Stumza scored the 5th goal on 3:23, once again there was nothing I could do about the goal. I wasn’t disheartened or disappointed, I merely congratulated him and told him to his face that his the best. It wasn’t as if the level was “semi-pro”, it was “ultimate” but he scores like it’s “semi-pro”, it’s bullshit really just bullshit. The 5-2 Manchester derby defeat wasn’t a fluke. In a completely different tournament he beat me 5-2 again. This time we had a country tournament. I picked Portugal, I had Bruno Fernandes and Ronaldo. The gents picked Ivory Coast for Stumza because we wanted to weaken him. It didn’t work. Thank God Neo came in and void the tournament. He picked a team and disappeared while the tournament was in progress. We used “quick sim” and Stumza lost. Technically, Neo is the only person who beat Stumza that day.

Still I had a good tournament. Bruno Fernandes was the top assist guy and among the goals. De Gea was the goalkeeper with the most clean sheets and I had 6 players in the team of the tournament! Sure, I was second on the log to Stumza but I was first everywhere else. I won with Stumza!

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Sweet corn

I remember when we used to play indoor soccer. Soccer indoor tournament organized by Bra Givo and the timers. It was a good idea, there was a lot of enthusiasm. The whole tournament was paid for, all that was required was consistency from the players. It started off well but 3 weeks into the calendar, one by one the timers started bailing out, I don’t blame them, we playing 2 games every Friday with people who knew their story and we would lose by huge margins. To be fair we were cast into the deep pit considering we didn’t know each other all that well. This is in reference to the timers and us, “the young stunnas”. My guys were consistent throughout! You know the guys I had on my team? I had Lloyd, Phimza, the Lord KG, gravel the shavel Stumza, Wanda, Man Senzo, Skuta and some other niggas who made guest appearances. I am not dissing anyone, thank you to everyone who made a contribution to the team, we are grateful and we appreciate it. Like Comfort who made the greatest guest appearance ever! We were low on numbers and Lloyd being a plans man called up Comfort and suddenly we had something. We had 5 players and we played 2 games back to back! We played exceptionally well, Phimza and Lloyd linking up well to get us the goals. Comfort played our center, Kg played the defense and I was the goalkeeper. Comfort played great that day, we were all impressed. The second game we were all fatigued but we gave our best, it was a great day. Now that the timers bailed out we had to fend off for ourselves. We gathered up momentum and week by week started getting better and improving. We started winning and our stock started increasing. Lloyd and Phimza were so important, getting us the goals we needed, they were consistent, every game more than 3 goals a piece and they assisted each other. I also made assists, I averaged 2-3 assists in a game, I started a lot of the moves, I was playing the sweeper-keeper role, I was very active, the gents nicknamed me ter Stegen, I was very happy with that nickname. I made a lot of game saving saves – one of the goalkeepers of the tournament. Phimza was the undisputed assist king, he would delete one player and deliver an incision pass, no showboating, quick and decisive and Lloyd would do the rest – control and shoot. I loved Lloyd’s approach, just shoot! Shoot, shoot and shoot! That’s how you get goals. If Lloyd scored 6 goals, Phimza had 6 assists. Lloyd was our top goalscorer easily scoring more than 5 goals a match. I remember one day another team asked for his services because they lacked a guy. Lloyd agreed but it would have to be after our game. In our game he was named the man of the match and was given a Powerade drink, then he went out to help out the guys who asked for his help. In that game the score finished 12-12, Lloyd scored all those 12 goals – another man of the match and Powerade.

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