Human nature

KWAAL

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KWAAL

KWAAL

I hate everything about you, ke Kwaal, I hate the way you walk, you talk, you dress and your overall demeanor, ke kwaal. Don’t know why I hate you so much but I just do, ke kwaal, you make my skin crawl and my blood boil, ke kwaal. It’s your attitude, your mannerisms, you walk like you rule over everything when you ain’t the boss of shit, kwaal, everybody must kiss your feet, everybody must supply you with sweets, kwaal. I would push you into a moving truck if I could, kwaal, you will never make it in the world, kwaal. I made you and you are nothing without me, kwaal, kwaal, kwaal!

I hate everything about you, ke Kwaal, I will make sure you will never amount to much, kwaal, will start smear campaigns against your name, kwaal, will tarnish your reputation, kwaal, will do everything in my power to make sure that you don’t set a foot here, kwaal. If I could, I would wipe you off the face of this earth with a snap of a finger like Thanos, kwaal. I don’t know what my problem is with you but I hate you so much, Kwaal!

Hi there, I don’t understand your kwaal but I’ll play. I see you a cunt but did you know I am an asshole? Happy to dish out shit for you on a silver platter.

I hate everything about you, ke Kwaal. It’s your energy, it sucks, kwaal. You repel everyone like bad ordour, kwaal, and your intelligence, miniscule like a mustard seed, kwaal. I guess it makes sense, seeing you are a bastard, kwaal! All this kwaal must give your life significance. You sitting atop and everything lower just doesn’t have importance. Maybe you will live forever, let’s put it to the test. Go jump off a bridge, Kwaal! Ain’t nobody got time for your tired ass.

I hate everything about you too, ke Kwaal, I hate the way you walk, you talk, you dress and your overall demeanor, ke kwaal!

Superstar II 🌟: OnlyFans

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Superstar II 🌟: OnlyFans

This was never my dream nor the plan. I have a degree, I was a teacher, I had purpose. Nowadays, not so much. It’s difficult to love myself but I do my best. I have to concede, I miss it, teaching, having a purpose, contributing something of substance to humanity. I miss being around students and how their eyes would light up after achieving a milestone. I am swerving off the road but I remember when a student of mine got his drivers license, the next day he came up to me and he shared his news, his eyes beamed with excitement, satistifation and pride, possibilities opened up for him and he couldn’t wait for the future. That’s what I miss the most, youthful exuberance. I miss teaching Shakespeare, I love Shakespeare, Othello, Macbeth, Hamlet. This was never the plan, I loved my job, I had purpose, I come from a religious background, I grew up a devot Christian, I never wanted to dance nude on camera for the internet. But life did it’s thing, I was drowning in student loans and credit card debts. The cost of living is too high and inflation a bitch, consumer products keep rising, meanwhile my salary is stagnant. I can’t do anything, I am trapped in a loop and I am also 3 months from being homeless. This was not the plan, dancing and posing on camera for the internet but I had to do it, for the money, the validation and a better life. OnlyFans was my only salvation, at first I hid my face, I tried to be anonymous but somehow it leaked on Twitter. I am guessing someone was looking me up and somehow put 2 and 2 together because next thing I knew, I was trending, I live in a small town, everybody knew. I was suspended and later fired from work, OnlyFans became the center of my universe. Digital prostitution, I am one of the lucky ones, a lot of girls are lured into this life and don’t make much money. Some of these girls end their lives after they realize it’s not as glamorous as advertised. Cause you selling your ass on the internet and sometimes you just don’t move any units but the cost of production haunts you for the rest of your life. Last year I made a cool 2 million. Maybe luck is the wrong word, you gotta invest in the platform, market yourself, produce quality content, you can’t do much with 12 pictures and 3 videos, men are visual creatures, you have to stimulate their imagination, give them something they don’t get from other creators, set yourself a part, keep them coming to see your content. Pornography is free and rife on the internet, how are you going to distinguish yourself? Just some advice, more than 200 pictures and 60 videos is good when you are starting out. Bikini shots and nudes but you have to pick your platforms, for example, you can’t post naked pictures on Instagram, that will get your account removed but you can get away with it on Twitter. Do what you can, fuck who you need to fuck, get your money and reinvest in another area. That’s what I did, I went into Real Estate and bought a farm. It’s futile to delete your account because the internet is forever so I keep it active. If simps want to give me their money, who am I to say no? I get private requests and I execute if the money is right. I never understood the pissing and shitting stuff, still don’t, but I do have the content. I do have boundaries though, like one time some sick weirdo wanted me to fuck a dog. I told him no, I don’t go out of my species. I do this for money and a bit of validation. I love it when men call me a Goddess. I remember when my mother said “it’s a good thing you have a good personality because you are not attractive”, what a horrible thing to say to your daughter. That stayed with me for life. On my OnlyFans, the men think I am attractive and they pay me a premium for proof, that’s good enough for me. I don’t have regrets, I had to and my life is better financially. As long as men keep paying me to see me naked, I am happy to keep dancing and posing for them on camera. Yes, I don’t have friends and my family disowned me but my money keeps me company. We take sex too seriously, like it’s a taboo but it isn’t because we all do it. Does it matter that you do it behind doors and me publicly for everyone in the world to see? I don’t need them in any case, they are hypocrites. I know that my pictures will be on the internet for all of humanity to jerk off to, I know that I have a lot to explain to my daughter who is currently 3 years old but the world is changing, the money is good and I am one of the lucky ones. I am up to it even though it will follow me for a lifetime. This was never my dream nor the plan. I have a degree, I was a teacher, I had purpose.

antakalipa – Superstar II 🌟: OnlyFans

p.r.i.d.e. i.s. t.h.e. d.e.v.i.l.

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p. r. i. d. e.  i. s.  t. h. e.  d. e. v. i. l.

Pride is the devil, it’s evil, the shortest way to the graveyard. It’s single minded, starts off small and harmless but metastasizes as a fire breathing demon that needs souls to survive. The reason you won’t apologize despite the fact that you wrong. The cousin of power and distant relative of insecurity. Temper, temper, so you don’t like being challenged. Pride is the devil, it seeks expression from surpressing others, dominating, beating you into submission, tapping out won’t help, it wants the gratification of breaking your bones. I made you a cripple, that’s my claim to fame. It starves for attention, it needs your validation, “Acknowledge Me now, I am the greatest of all time”. Pride, pride, pride it wants the whole podium because when you are number 1, you need 2 and 3, that’s how you maintain dominance. Pride is the devil, the direct sister of narcissism and the brother of grandiosity, it yearns for the applause, the plaudits, acclaim, the spot light. Once is not enough and all the money in the world is not enough! Pride, the reason you flaunting what you don’t have, Mr. Money bags, expensive taste, swag, swag, swag, chosen and you’re not, you’re at the bottom of the barrel. Pride, pride, pride, keeping up with the Jones without their credit score. Pride is the devil, it elevates itself higher than everything, everyone. It’s smug, arrogant, out of sync and offends. I am more good looking than you therefore, I am better than you. Pride, pride, pride is egocentric, it lacks empathy, compassion and is out for itself. I don’t care about anyone, I only care about me. Woah! Slow down big fella, what brought about this pent-up aggression. Oh, you not getting some. Pride, when you beat on your dick so much, you repel pussy. Pride, pride, pride will get you enemies faster than a Bugatti Veron, self-deceit more powerful than the biggest engine and it turns to blow-up in your face, 9/11 style, it sends masses to their graves. Pride is the devil, it takes the glory from God and promotes itself. It is sly, tricky and treacherous, using smokescreens and blatant lies to get what it wants, the girlfriend of manipulation, it seeks to control your reality so it can sit elevated on a pedestal. Pride is the devil, it fails to acknowledge other people’s contributions, it would rather gaslight or distort reality. Pride, pride, pride, the fastest way to the graveyard, it makes you a target that everybody wants to take out. The opportunity to put you to your knees is too good to pass up on, when you are prideful, everybody seeks to humble ya, if good old competition doesn’t do it, then a bullet in the head will. Pride, yes you have got 10 inches but 6 inches works and goes on longer, you will get replaced. Who wants a big prick all the time? Pride is the devil, it’s evil, the shortest way to the graveyard.

antakalipa – Pride is the devil

POWER II

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POWER II

What did I learn about power from Game of Thrones, Game of Power? You can’t rule without love, fear or wealth. Love influences and can mobilize people to get them to do what you want. Fear involves repercussions and punishment, an effective way to rule because if you don’t do what I ask of you I’ll take your head off your shoulders and put it on a spike. Wealth incentivies and rewards playing on our greed and our primal desires, do this for me and you’ll get all the gold you’ll ever need in your lifetime. But beware, a man that can be bought with gold will betray you for a bigger bag of gold. Better align yourself with loyal servants who have character and good morality. Even that’s not enough because they can turn on you if it serves their best interests. As a general rule, blood is thicker than water, ensure the bloodline is protected and make provisions for the offspring, this will grow the family name and keep the power within. No outsiders, your seed marries my seed and my seed marries your seed, that’s how you keep the power concentrated. Power, depend upon your own arms. Power, avoid committing to anybody, stay formless like water, but if you have to choose, go with the option that furthers your goals. Power, to attain it, you need to get your hands dirty, make a bold statement, cross the line, decapitate heads, put them on spikes, flay your enemies, conquer nations, make civilians your slaves and keep them dependent on you, no weakness poeticize your reign. Power is power, morality and ethics aren’t attached to it, if you have incriminating information on me and I am higher on the spectrum, I can just have your life and avoid the leak. Power, being a goody two-shoes will only get you in a body bag, you’re soft, you’re weak, you’re not willing to do what it takes. Power is about manipulation and self-preservation, no one attains power with the aim of relinquishing it one day, you have a little power to get more, your appetite never gets quenched. Power involves war and war is about men fighting and dying. That’s all that war is, a good general is the one who has mastered the art of dying because death comes for everyone, if you can embrace your fate then all the better, you’ll scale right to the top. Power, you need to crush your enemy completely, show no mercy, you don’t attack to maim because the enemy will get better and come at you with everything’s his got, no showboating, stick to the task at hand, celebrate when the body is cold. Power is deception, make the enemy think you are strong when you are weak and weak when you are strong, never show your true hand. Let them think they are ahead and then counter with a flanking maneuver to catch them off guard. Power, make your enemy see what they want to see, use smokescreens and theatricalies to make yourself elusive and attack when they least expect it. Power, find your enemy’s weak points and weaknesses, infiltrate using spies and double-agents, don’t be a fortress, isolation is dangerous. Power, what you have conquered, conquers you, it’s a double edged sword. Power is political and you need alliances, more men dedicated to your cause will improve your odds of victory. Power, even king’s get slaughtered like sheep, there is no blueprint because we all succumb to our mortal decaying bodies. Power, it hates a vacuum, when a reign ends another succeeds it immediately. Power, it’s all a game, it’s not fair, it’s not pretty, it’s in different, it just is. Power, because the whole world is a power struggle, that’s what Darwin meant when he stated survival of the fittest. Power, it is what we humans do best, beating you into submission makes me your master, I own you, you are my bitch now. Power, ever wonder why ruthless manipulative monsters are on top? Now you know – POWER!

Godless

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Godless

God ain’t never done nothing for me, every day I wake up I am in the same hell. Surrounded by soul sucking demons that drain me off my energy. The same cheographed movement lacking any synergy. Always on my knees praying for things to get better, the silence is deafening it’s like I don’t matter. The resurrection of christ, please, next time he come around I am gonna kick him in the balls! Busy walking on water but he never answers my calls. Don’t be so appalled, what did he ever do for you? How you feature in a program when you have been blackballed. God doesn’t care about me. Every day is the same suffering. Living in a world that’s ruled by tyrants and my significance is interchangeable like another bitch with a wedding ring. Nothing matters, consciousness persistent, we all die, the one thing that’s consistent. God has better things to do, so your life sucks, what’s a God gotta do? He gave you life, don’t be so ungrateful, show some strife. Nietzsche hypothesized God is dead and it has become rife. What are you going to do with your miserable life? We have killed him with our greed and selfishness, now what remains is a society that’s Godless. Maybe he was just a fabrication of the mind, a way to shield ourselves from the horrors that happen outside. We are a horrible race, he could never be on our side. We in this thing together and yet we still picking sides. What kind of sick God would permit this to happen? The widespread hunger and the molestation of our children. The wars in the west and children baring children. God was never alive, Earth is a Godless state. All is permitted, you can get away with it if you have power, the head of state is the one who towers, above everything, in all hours. That’s who created God and made him ours. God helped us shape our preconceived narratives, when the truth is much simpler, nothingless, decay, entropy, destruction.

Death List Five

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Death List Five

I am not going to apologize for looking out for myself, I am all I’ve got. Ain’t nobody praying for me, ain’t nobody got my best interests at heart. If you strike, I strike, an eye for an eye, that’s the way of the warrior, ain’t nobody gonna do me dirty. If you ganging up make sure it sticks, a coma will only give me time to recover. Pull the plug on the machines. Atrophied muscles will get some activity and come back to life, then it’s death list five time, I am coming for your life. Don’t start wars you can’t finish, cyanide won’t save you from my wrath, I will leave no stone unturned, I will scour the earth for you and I will get my satisfaction. Death list five, if you are on the offense, make sure you get the job done if not I return with a counterattacking maneuver that will take you out, no apologies, no second chances, you’re dead. Coming for everything you love and value too, wipe off your wife and your kids too. Death list five, you’re fucking with the wrong guy, I can be psychopathic too. Revenge flows through my veins. I am petty, spiteful, I hold grudges, I never forgive nor forget and I am coming for your soul. Cause why care for somebody who won’t give you a second look. Why spare somebody who won’t get you off the hook? Why help somebody whose ambition is to get you shook? Death list five, I am death in the flesh, will break your spirit in dash, get you fired and leave you with no cash. Death list five, leave me alone, you don’t want to cross this line, it will get you crucified. I am a cannibal like the King Cobra, I eat my own kind. I will end you. I am not going to apologize for looking out for myself, I am all I’ve got, I will strike. Death list five, I choose violence, let’s beef, let’s fight.

Beauty in the broken

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Beauty in the broken

On the square for the opening of “Beauty in the broken”. Theatre royalty, I love Theatre on the square.

The show chronicles Gaynor Youngs story, she tells the story. Once an actress, she fell 18 stories down an unguarded lift shaft backstage during a show at the State Theatre in Pretoria. The accident left her with extremely serious injuries: brain damage, many broken bones (including both arms, both legs, ribs, facial fractures). She was in a coma for five weeks, followed by months in hospital and a long rehabilitation process. Hearing was lost; she was totally deaf for 18 years. She also lost a large portion of her eyesight and was physically impaired from the accident. Over time, with a combination of therapies (physical, occupational, speech, etc.) and strong support from family, she regained many abilities. She credits her mother for helping her get back.

Kintsugi: an ancient Japanese practice that mounts and joins broken pieces with gold is central to the play. The idea that you can be better than before. Renewal: To love yourself with impunity. Gaynor was once broken, her dreams in the dust and she rebuilt herself, broken bones and all she fought back to get her dreams!

She’s back on the stage, doing what she loves, filling up theatres, inspiring everyone. The human spirit is so resilient. Life is a gift and we take it for granted sometimes. Stories like these remind us of how fragile life really is. How nothing is ever certain. How you have to fight for everything you have because life is always fleeting. You cannot be a victim, get up, show some strife – no one really cares.

A great touch that she was invited back to the State Theatre after many years for a Naledi Award – her speech so powerful. She talks about the woman she is now as opposed to what ifs. There’s love and gratitude for life in her tone. What a remarkable woman!

She tells her story with personality, humor, emotion and a lot of heart. She has an angel on the other side of the stage who helps her. She is engaging and captivating. The set is simple, I can only assume that it’s her living-room, with a stacked book shelf at the back, table and chair on either side and a blue resting chair in the middle. It is warm and intimate. The lighting just right, it moves the story. In the last scene Gaynor’s dog comes onto the stage and she embraces it with love and affection. A truly moving show.

Thank you Daphne Kuhn and Theatre on the square for bringing this to the stage.

Congratulations Maralin Vanrenen and the whole team for a great show and a deserved standing ovation.

📷: Phillip Kuhn and SamSays

Pain

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Pain

Pain, pain, pain is in my heart. Trying to put myself together but it just rips me apart. Voices in my head telling me to push the button, cause life ain’t worth it I’d rather be chopped mutton. Every day is a struggle to get out of bed, what’s the use? Life happens without me, it frizzles into obscurity and I am left to watch on the sides observing like security. I am a spectator watching on the stands while life rules me like some kind of dictator. I don’t know who I am and lately I can’t stand what the mirror says I am. Alcohol as a form of escapism numbs the pain, it transports me to a world where everything is sane, supplement that with some white lines and the world just feels insane. Rather that than to be with people who are vain. Abiding to some false narrative to hid the shame. This life is like a sick game and every day is the same. I’d rather be boozed and snorted out on powder, the high is more exhilarating than fame. Pain, pain, pain, it fountains my existence. Often times I wish my life was in the past tense, because I don’t want to do this anymore. My life doesn’t make sense anymore, my friends and family are not with me anymore. I can’t take this anymore, living in a Godless universe with each passing day feeling like a curse. I don’t see the colors in the world and can’t appreciate a poetry verse. I feel like a motherless child, a bastard, an orphan, like nobody wants me. Zoned out on narcotics and meaningless sex. Gambling problems extort me more than tax. Pain, pain, pain, fighting a losing battle with myself. The blows are self-inflicted, I love it like a sadist because it makes me feel. I have a void in my heart that’s hard to fill.

Master Manipulator

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Master Manipulator

If you can’t detect a master manipulator you are in a deep pit. Cause the boss is the one who screams out to the whole world that he’s in charge, right? Please. Let’s fight, let’s beef, cause I ain’t gonna take your bullshit, master manipulator, trying to direct my reality like you’re Speilberg. What is this Jurassic Park? You ain’t get the part, not even an extra nor a minor, your efforts to dictate this picture are infantile like a minor, throwing tantrums and causing scenes cause deep down you’re just a minor. Maybe you need a little reminder, on who’s running this show. Lines blurred out cause they were written on the snow? Playing the victim and the emotional blackmail, what am I slow? Guilt tripping and love bombing to enhance the flow. Come on, that’s a no. I see you even when you Ghosting like Casper, I am a Ghost Buster. Gaslighting won’t give you lustre, you could never be my master, cause you a copy-head, copying and pasting your projections on anyone you don’t want to get ahead. Master manipulator, controlling all the cards, using fake moralization to control the nation, then separate your target, that’s called isolation. Master manipulator, let’s beef, let’s fight, I can’t stand your mere sight. Your mannerisms offend me and your chunks are hard to bite. I’d like to spit on your face for mere spite. You’re a liar, you lack empathy and nothing you do is ever right. Master manipulator, serial gaslighter, puppet master like Gepetto, triangulating the situation so you can remain on top, going over the limit and never having the decency to stop, please cut off the strings so I can be a real boy like Pinocchio.

I choose antakalipa

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I choose antakalipa

I know aligning and associating with me is difficult. I represent everything repressed and unconscious. I am vulgar, explicit and at times offensive. My words have a lot of salt and can cut deep. It’s my sense of humor, it’s all wrong and I put bad guys on a pedestal. I understand why the industry recoils, I understand why anybody would  recoil. I challenge and dare you to look! I represent humanity’s darkside and repressions. Let’s be real, if I had a prominent seat I’d probably get cancelled. Oh yes, I am the cancelled type. Regardless, it’s my perspective and these are the stories I want to tell. I don’t want to be cool, I don’t want to be anyone’s role model, I just want to be. For me being the consciousness of culture entails telling stories in my own voice even if it makes people uncomfortable, angry or otherwise. So I am at a crossroads, try to appease the industry and hope they will accept me despite the fact that I am a long shot or carry on being the controversial, undesirable “antakalipa”. I really like “antakalipa”. I am going to choose “antakalipa” – consciously. It’s okay, the industry can turn their backs on me, I understand. Maybe I won’t be rich, maybe I won’t collaborate with industry greats, maybe I won’t get the resources, maybe I will be shunned, maybe I won’t amount to much, but I will tell my stories, I will share my perspective. I choose me and my controversial take. I choose antakalipa. I am already a long shot, I am already an underdog, I came this far, I have to carry on, I bet on myself despite everything, even if it prolongs the journey, even if I don’t succeed, I choose antakalipa. Love me or leave me alone, I am not changing for anybody. Don’t do me any favors, you can leave if you want to. I choose antakalipa.