As of immediately I retire from playing Fifa on any Playstation or Xbox consoles. I have beaten them all. There is no one left. No one wants to play with me anymore. They say I dominate them despite the fact that I give them a chance to score, I am not a bad guy. Yes, sometimes I’ll take a cleansheet victory but only if you pissed me off. Regardless I understand, I have become too great. Having dominated the game for decades, I leave on top untouched and invincible. I would like to take the opportunity to thank all my victims for graciously accepting that I am the better man and don’t worry I’ll beat you at something else.
The gents were having a Fifa tournament, Lloyd was hosting and in attendance was Thulani, X and Stumza. I was excited, it had been a while since I had played. Everyone in attendance was a good player. I was shocked when Thulani scored a penalty when he played X, I still don’t know how to score a penalty. In fact, you will never concede a set-piece goal against me. On this day we decided to create a tournament set in England. I picked Manchester United, Stumza selected City, X picked Liverpool, Lloyd picked Spurs and Thulani picked Arsenal.
One thing to know about me is that I win at everything, no seriously, I am the best in everything I engage in. If you beat me at anything, well done, you showed excellence, you deserve it, you are the best, no excuses and I will acknowledge that. True to my professional prescription, I beat everyone. Well, almost everyone. Stumza was the dent in my almost perfect record. The gents couldn’t handle Bruno Fernandes, he scored and assisted in every game. My game against Stumza was a hot game, Manchester derby. I scored first and he equalized before half-time. Then at the start of the second half, I regained my lead only for him to equalize and then I don’t know what happened. He scored 2 more goals out of nowhere! There was nothing I could do about the goals, I didn’t make a mistake, he just simply scored. The thing about Stumza is that a shot is a goal. He scores because he wants to, just because he can. The goalkeeper won’t save it because he can’t. All of Stumza’s goals are pure strikes – top corner. He will never score a scrappy goal like a rebound or tap-in. He just scores and there’s nothing you can do about it. After he scored the 4th goal, I realized what I was up against and I changed my strategy. Not that I quit but winning this game was a long shot. I decided to rest Paul Pogba and give Mctominay gametime. It was a defensive approach, the game plan was now don’t concede a 5th goal. Fred was still fresh and he worked exceptionally well with Mctominay at keeping Stumza at bay. I also had a couple of chances but they weren’t clear cut. With the 90 minutes over, the referee added 3 minutes of stoppage time. Stumza scored the 5th goal on 3:23, once again there was nothing I could do about the goal. I wasn’t disheartened or disappointed, I merely congratulated him and told him to his face that his the best. It wasn’t as if the level was “semi-pro”, it was “ultimate” but he scores like it’s “semi-pro”, it’s bullshit really just bullshit. The 5-2 Manchester derby defeat wasn’t a fluke. In a completely different tournament he beat me 5-2 again. This time we had a country tournament. I picked Portugal, I had Bruno Fernandes and Ronaldo. The gents picked Ivory Coast for Stumza because we wanted to weaken him. It didn’t work. Thank God Neo came in and void the tournament. He picked a team and disappeared while the tournament was in progress. We used “quick sim” and Stumza lost. Technically, Neo is the only person who beat Stumza that day.
Still I had a good tournament. Bruno Fernandes was the top assist guy and among the goals. De Gea was the goalkeeper with the most clean sheets and I had 6 players in the team of the tournament! Sure, I was second on the log to Stumza but I was first everywhere else. I won with Stumza!
An acquaintance was hosting a little business circle, a circle were entrepreneurs met and connected. Like a zoom meeting or a stokvel for business in the sense that everybody was familiar with one another. It was occasional and the people in the group were kind of his team. It wasn’t an open invitation but if you wanted to invite someone to the gathering, you could, provided they are bright enough. It was exclusive but not quite. It was controlled like an experiment. As always I was the youngest in the room. We talked business, Investments, totalitarian regimes, the fourth industrial revolution and A.I. It was wonderful. Plus the food was great and that’s just everything! Later in the day, his son came back from wherever he was with his girlfriend. I didn’t know the son but wait a minute, on closer inspection, I knew the girlfriend. Our eyes met and she recognized me too. It was Mpho, she grew up before my eyes. I was like a big brother to her. I went to her and embraced her with a hug. She was enthused to see me. I introduced myself to her boyfriend. He was a good guy, well groomed and well mannered like his father. He came from money too so that helps. He made himself at home while I conversed with Mpho. He didn’t like how I was familiar with his girlfriend. He didn’t say anything but you could sense the energy and his vibe. It didn’t help that Mpho was drop dead gorgeous. He wanted to cut me down to size and the avenue just didn’t present itself. Luckily for him something came up, his little brother was playing Fifa in his room, he saw this as an opportunity. He is younger so I understand his choice, talking about business and investments would disadvantage him. He came to me with my engagements with Mpho and asked for a game. I was hesitant. Firstly, I hadn’t played in a while and I was there for his father not him. He persisted saying “His dad won’t mind, one game won’t kill anybody” he continued “all these games are the same, as long as you can pass and shoot, you’ll be okay”, I accepted. We went to his little brother’s room and Mpho followed. He had Fifa 20. The first game I picked Bayern Munich and he picked Manchester City. I beat him 3-0 and let him watch my celebrations and highlights. I did this on purpose, I wanted to break him down psychologically. After the second goal Mpho started cheering for me and abandoned his boyfriend. It was not going according to script, I was embarrassing him. He pleaded for a rematch but this time with different teams. I could sense the urgency and desperation in his tone of voice and so I obliged him. A man deserves a chance to redeem himself. Beating him would be difficult this time around because he was determined. Plus it wasn’t like the first game was a total mismatch, he had a lot of great chances, he had more shots and more possession. I won because of a superior game-plan, I played counter-attacking football and had Manuel Neuer – that wins you games. For his do-or-die game he picked Real Madrid. I would deploy more or less the same tactics so I chose Atletico Madrid. Atleti had one of my favorite strikers in Diego Costa and of course the impenetrable Jan Oblak. He scored two quick-fire goals in the first 25 minutes but I wasn’t concerned, I knew that I’d score at least 1 goal and that’s enough, I don’t need to prove myself to this young boy. Felix got on the scoresheet and Diego Costa equalized before half-time. His early confidence disappeared like an illusion. He knew he was in trouble. He knew I had the upper hand and the momentum was with me. In the second half I scored 3 more goals without reply and won the game 5-2. He now respects me.
antakalipa 