Mbalenhle

2008 and I am the new kid at school, I am in a foreign environment, everything is different, the kids are different, the culture at school is different, we have white kids here and the kids can bring their cellphones to school. That’s unbelievable! At my previous school, you couldn’t bring your cellphone to school, that was forbidden but when you got to the 7th grade, you had your own toilets that nobody else could use! Reserved only for the seniors of the schools, exclusively for grade 7’s, nobody else used them. The toilets were nicer, they were cleaner and they smelt good. Afterschool when everybody went home, I would use the toilets reserved only for the grade 7’s. It was a dream to be a senior and to be able to use those toilets. I never did, I left when I was in the 6th grade. Maybe I should have stayed one more year and concluded my primary education there, if not for the education then at least for the toilets. I was popular, I was the best poet in the school, I was in the school choir, I played sports and I was destined to be a “Counselor”, a “Counselor” was a “Prefect”. I so wanted to be a counselor and my chances were so good, it was basically guaranteed that I’d be one had I been a senior, but I left. I chased the feeling of wanting to be the new kid in a different environment, it excited me, it was my decision, I wanted a change. The new school was formal, we had a demerit system, that was new to me, I mean the idea of transgressions? It basically stated what learners could and could not do, like a free pass, the whole system perpetuated behavior it seeked to avoid because now technically I can get away with murder and have a few points docked. We never had that in my previous school and you never would have gotten away with murder! Not surprisingly, the kids in my new school were quite liberated, there was an entitlement about them, they were smug, they knew they had rights and they were arrogant. For me it was a big shift in culture but it was cool, small stuff, I could handle it.

For the first few days, I was under the radar, I moved in stealth and acquainted myself with the new environment. On breaks I sat alone and listened to music on my cellphone, something that suited me because I am introverted, I was happy but I got friends fairly quickly and by the third day I was chilling with some kid on breaks. His name was Tefu, strange kid, tall and lanky, looked way bigger for his age, was a year or two bigger than me but I liked him. Months elapsed and I made new friends, Tefu and I were not that close anymore. One of my new friends Mondli also a relatively new kid was a hip-hop head and an aspiring cool kid. Mondli loved the ladies. Our class had the most beautiful girls in the school, no lie, I counted at least 3 girls that I liked. I still remember their names, Leala, Mbalenhle and Amelia. My first preference was Leala but the other two were cute. Luckily I sat next to Leala because her surname starts with a “P” and mine with an “S”, so we sat towards the end. If we sat in pairs, I sat with Leala. She was brilliant, smart, beautiful and creative. She had a personality that was made of gold, Leala was cool, her energy was calm. We connected, we used to talk all the time, I knew her, she became my friend. I even knew who she had a crush on, it was this white kid named “Chad” and you could see the dreamy eyes on Leala’s face whenever she was around Chad. Her body language was different, she was flirty, she wanted Chad to see her. Chad changed schools in the 3rd week but I knew Leala’s Kyrptonite. One day I blurted out that she liked Chad and she transformed, something in her changed, it was as if she were possessed by demons, she made a scene in front of the whole class and told me off, she dismissed me like a naughty child that needed discipline, everyone’s attention was cast on me and I became the butt of the joke so everyone laughed. Right there I knew that Chad was a sensitive issue, never mess with a young girls feelings but her reaction confirmed my suspicions, I touched a nerve, I was right and she knew it. Later because me and her were so tight she confirmed that I was right.

Leala was my closest friend, we didn’t chill together on breaks or anything like that but in class we talked a lot and our conversations were fire! We liked each other’s company, we laughed a lot, we were comfortable with one another, she was my friend. Still, outside the classroom I needed to fit in or risk being ostracized by my peers. I invested my time with Mondli. He had the biggest crush on Mbalenhle and it was warranted, Mbali was beautiful! She was the most beautiful girl in school hands down! He told me about her and made advances on her. All day, every day, he used to talk about Mbali and he transferred the fever on to me. I started noticing her more and more till finally, I fell in love with her. She haunted my conscious reality, all I thought about was her. So I decided to do something, through some clever maneuvering, I managed to get her numbers, fine I got them from Mondli but I was in stealth mode, I stole them, he didn’t know I had them. After getting the numbers, I sent her an SMS professing my love for her. It was such a cowardly SMS, my feelings were all over the place, it’s so embarrassing. It had a lot of anonymity, I didn’t want her to know who it was from, it was just about getting it out of myself. Like “Eish Mbali you are the most beautiful girl in the world and I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t believe I am saying this but I love you”, you know some simp stuff, I can’t quote it word for word because I don’t remember it but it was something along those lines. The next day, everybody in the class knew about the SMS, the horror, luckily I didn’t sign my name. She knew it was not from Mondli because she had his number and they were chatting on mxit. She asked me straight up if it was from me, I denied it. Like “Me? Never! I don’t even have your number”. It was a sneaky little SMS, I used a different number and I later disposed of the sim card. It was better that way. I mean why did the whole class know about the SMS? Although I wanted her to know that I loved her, taking ownership of the SMS was suicide, I avoided it but she knew it was from me, you could see it in her eyes, she was certain, there was no one else, but she didn’t probe further, she let things be.

After the SMS, things changed for her, despite my awkward and nervous energy, she grew fonder of me, it was in the way she looked at me, her gaze was intense and focused, she didn’t shy away from letting me know that she was staring, she had pet names for me, when my friends were teasing me in class she defended me, she blew me kisses, I freaked out! I have never had a girlfriend before, I don’t know what to do! YES SURE, I am in love with her but I don’t know what to do! I was just an artsy, awkward kid so I didn’t do anything. I followed my purpose, wrote poetry and dominated the district instead. On the last day of school, she wrote her numbers on my shirt, she stopped being subtle, she wanted me to call her, I never did. I wish I did something with Mbalenhle but I was a coward that’s why I am writing this instead.