Late last year I met a girl that I used to know in my teenage years at a social event. Growing up we had a thing. We shared a mutual attraction towards one another. We hadn’t seen each other for a while. She was hot. The term “beautiful” refers to facial features. For society beauty is symmetrical features in the right proportion. For example, your eyes need to be at the right place and must have the right size. This goes for your mouth, ears and forehead too. If any of these things are disproportionate or asymmetrical, you run the risk of being “ugly” in the eyes of the world. Skin color, or scars or birth marks don’t really matter. Symmetrical features at the right proportion is all that beauty is. The term “hot” talks about attributes from the neck down. Like a great ass and boobs. Also a good physiue. Hot is just contemporary jargon for “fuckable”. Now, this girl was beautiful and hot. She had everything, she was everything. She has a ass that is just out of this world. It’s not fake ass too, it’s natural, God given; has the right ass to thigh ratio. Oh, you just have to believe me, it’s the greatest ass in the world! This girl is hot like Mercury, the first planet from the sun. She’s easily in my top 5. Now at this social event, I saw here and I didn’t immediately acknowledge her, I took my time, ignored her, I was aloof. She was at her best in terms of apperel and make-up. Every guy in the room wanted her. You could taste the thirst. I had to be intelligent, indirection was my best shot. I moved a couple of chess pieces and later on, I had won. She was talking to me, her focus was on me. I had the envy of guys in that social gathering. Some guys never stopped trying, a trait I admired. I would give the gents space so they tried out their magic but she recoiled and jump straight at me. It was unbelievable! I always approach my day with the assumption that I am going to win. But not like this. Today’s win was like Liverpool winning the league. She wanted to go home with me but I had to cool things down a bit. I told her “Let’s enjoy this moment, let’s enjoy today. Tomorrow is another day.” She agreed and the rest of the night was filled with kisses and caresses. She was so into me, it was like she had taken love heroine and to be fair I was too. However, there was only one problem, I was broke. I couldn’t let her see that. And so at the end of the night I took her number and never called her again. It was better that way. Today after months, I saw her and immediately thought about the skits on Kanye Wests “Late Registration”. “We, broke, broke, broke, broke, flat broke.” I thought about that skit before “Drive Slow” and it said something like we will leave the girl to go with the guy who has a car, because we can’t afford gas, hoes or anything for that matter. Ah Kanye, you captured something so real in those skits, that album. You have always been in my life Kanye, thank you. Yes, I will cry myself to sleep today but I believe I made the right decision. The most important thing is that I keep growing. Kanye West also suffered the pain of not getting hoes in his 20’s and today his a Billionaire, I am in great company. Sure, I am consoling myself but the decision to not be in contact with her was a conscious one. I will get my chance, I know it. The world is mine for the taking, what is needed is just time and patience. Time will prove me right.
You have to be in awe of the female form. For it concieves, it produces, brings to life, and brings about light like the awe inspiring, center of the universe mercury star. The female form is something to be worshipped for without it, nothing exists. For the building blocks of the universe, it’s essence, existed two particles that had a sexual union to bond to create the big bang! That is what string-theory (the theory of everything) is all about; scientists have dedicated their whole lives to finding out what was before the big bang. The thought that we are a product of an explosion, an orgasm is a theory they accept thoroughly, however science wants evidence of the sperm and fertile egg. Something that could prove difficult considering the universe is already in the womb, growing and expanding. Maybe science will have a theory of everything but the answer to that is not yet conceived because we are in the early stages of development in the womb. As such, we cannot comprehend the world outside the womb with no time and space. Hopefully, my extended metaphor painted a picture of the divinity of the sacred Feminine and the fact that nothing is above it. The feminine form is the start, it is awakening, it is consciousness, it is self-sustaining, it is God and it is forever. Nothing exists without a sexual union and feminity is the source that nourishes and harneses growth and well-being of the offspring. This is the very pulse of nature, the natural order, her will. The male sperm is essential for procreation since it plants the seed, however the female body serves as an incubator to grow and protect the seed. This is nature to the female form. I think it’s amazing. It’s a miracle. Nietzsche had this to say on “Twilight of the idols”; “For the Greeks a sexual symbol was therefore the most sacred symbol. Every single element in the act of procreation of pregnancy and of birth aroused the highest and most solemn feelings. In the doctrine of the mysteries, pain is pronounced holy; the pangs of the woman giving birth consecrate all pain and conversely all becoming and growing – all that guarantees a future – involves pain. That there may be the eternal joy of creating, that the will of life may eternally affirm itself, the agony of the woman giving birth must also be there eternally. All that is meant by the word Dionysus.”
The universe is in a womb because earth is so fertile. Earth is hospitable, it is life-assuring and sustaining. From plants and trees, to the animals roaming in the Savanah, to sea animals navigating their way pacific to pacific. Mothernature is accommodating and an outstanding host. We are her children and she takes care of us. Mothernature is feminine. Reality is a combination of masculine and feminine – it is Ying Yang, it is order and chaos. The world is chaotic by nature and as living organisms we have to instill order to survive. Order is the will to survive, to thrive and live a meaningful life. This is what every living organism strives to do, from the plants to land creatures and sea animals – they strive to be more, they aspire to live one more day. This is in the genetic code of life, life affirms itself, life is masculine energy. Still, reality, the world is feminine energy. We are a perfect fit. Culture seems to understand this notion and we openly celebrate sacred feminine. This is exhibited on one of Beyonce’s songs titled “Who run the world (girls)”. This song is a celebration of the sacred feminine. SZA has her say on the song “Doves In the wind” stating that “pussy” (the female reproductive organ) runs the world, that it is basically the best in thing in the world. This of course is another salute at the sacred feminine, the spirit that runs the world. The Disney movie “The Lion King” also celebrates the sacred feminine. In the movie we see the movies lead, Simba throwing himself to the ground because of exhaustion and dirt in a form of specks and dust hover over his head and spells out the word “sex” quite visibly for everyone to see. This is a tribute to the sacred feminine and the life bearing power she has. Disney are well-known for depictions in their animation and storylines celebrating the sacred feminine. They did it again with the magical animation movie “Moana”. In a nutshell, something valuable is stolen from Mothernature. This results in an imbalance that causes Mothernature to rage on. She causes havoc and life suffers. Mothernature is personified in this motion picture. The only way to restore balance in the world is to give Mothernature what is hers. It is a beautiful movie, filled with singing and Disney magic. We also see depictions of the sacred feminine on the works of Georgia O’Keefe, to spoil the surprise they are awesome – I am a fan. “The Da Vinci Code” by Dan Brown also explores the “sacred feminine” through the story of Mary Magdalene, the church and the Holy Grail. The book provides revelations about the story of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene. It is said that, Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene and conceived a beautiful girl. This is a secret that the church doesn’t want to go out. As such, Mary Magdalene is slandered and branded a prostitute, a whore by the church to tarnish her image. Mary Magdalene is a product of propaganda by the church. The falsehood of this story is known by a secret society, that had once in its rank, highly esteemed individuals like Da Vinci, Newton and Botticelli. A lot of secrets regarding the sacred feminine are uncovered in this book and the work of Da Vinci serves as the catalyst. Da Vinci’s works are scrutinized and serve as the building block to get the ultimate truth – the Holy Grail. This is a great book and will give you another perspective of the reality of the world.
Pegan customs worship nature as they see organized religions as restrictive, regulated and confined. Organized religions are a power strugle, they are hierarchical and patriarchal and as such truth is not a possibility. Organized religions are deceptive and cruel. They indoctrinate illusions in the form of heaven and other types of utopia and teach passivity in their congregations. Organized religions are control systems meant to regulate and dictate behavior. They keep people passive and helpless in their suffering citing “It’s God will.” What if God himself turns out to be our most persistent lie? On the awesome book “Brave New World” by Huxley, Mustapha Mond states “People believe in God because they have been conditioned to.” That is the dilemma facing pegans. The problem with organized religions is that they take all the responsibility away from you, assigning it to a “high power” and as Nietzsche states “When an individual no longer feels like they are the collaborator, let alone the center of becoming, nihilism becomes a very real possibility.” Organized religion can take the spirit out of your body while you still breathing. For pagens, religion is not a viable option for a sustainable life. The movie “Silence” by Martin Scorsese discusses this at length. Two Christian missionaries enter Japan with the aim of spreading Christianity but they are unwelcomed by the upper echelon of Japan simply because Christianity is not compatible with Japan. The Japanese believe that Christianity is bad for its people. They practice Taoism and Buddhism. They are a pagen people, they worship the sun and nature. They fear Christianity will hinder the progression of their country and its people. The Christian God is challenged at length to help his people from death at the hands of the Japanese pagens but he responds in silence as believers of the Christian doctrine are killed mercilessly because they don’t want to abandon Christianity. Because of God’s silence, the Christian missionary is forced to abandon Christianity to save Christian lives. For if he can denounce Christianity in public and adopt Japanese customs and beliefs, the public will see how useless it is. “Silence” is a hard and challenging movie but a great movie nonetheless, it is Martin Scorsese at his absolute best.
Acclaimed comedian Dave Chappelle stated in one of his comedy specials that man’s biggest challenge in the world is woman and woman’s biggest challenge is material. He continued that man would happily engage in sexual intercourse with a woman in a box if he could, but it’s not possible, because the woman wants the man with a Porsche. When you understand this fact, you understand the power of feminine energy. You understand the construct of society, you understand Capitalism, you understand the power dynamics in the world, you understand the hunger and poverty in the world. Man unconsciously and consciously wants power over his fellow men so he can be the alfa-male. This is seen in the animal kingdom with animals like Gorilla’s fighting to be the head honcho. This is important because the alfa has first preference on the ladies, he can have as many as he wants with no opposition. The alfa can be the only Gorilla that mates and choose to leave no mating partners to his subordinates. He is the boss like that. This subject can be visited on the work of Charles Darwin with his theory of “Natural selection”. Man is fundamentally driven by power and by what Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud called the “Libido” which is sex drive. Musician, SZA talks about this on hit song about the sacred feminine “Doves in the world” that men lose their minds for pussy, that they are irrational and they will do anything and everything to get pussy and this is true. The vagina has untold power over the man. To attain power man will do anything, including humiliating and exploiting his fellow man. This is the will of mother nature, the reasoning behind “survival of the fittest”, “struggle for life” and “elimination of the unfit” by Charles Darwin. Man is alienated from himself, Marx contends because of the division of society into classes, the ruling class oppressing and exploiting the ruled classes. Therefore, he said, a classless, socialist society would bring about the disappearance of alienation and all its manifestations. That looks good on paper but in a world dictated by feminine energy it’s not possible. We saw evidence of this with Hitler and Stalin. Socialism is like heaven, ungraspable, unattainable and unintelligible. For the world is pure madness, chaos, and pure and unadulterated hysteria. For twenty-five centuries, hysteria had been considered a strange disease with incoherent and incomprehensible symptoms. Most physicians believed it to be a disease proper to woman and originating in the uterus. Hysteria like nature, chaos and woman is art. It is challenging and difficult. It requires attention and focus. It requires one to be imagitive and bold. It is fulfilling for its a release like fluid ejaculation. Feminine energy tests us and we should response in kind with masculine energy. We should be forceful and aggressive in our battles with life. Feminine energy tests us so we can grow. It puts you in a corner so you can learn to maneuver around. Feminine energy is like your girlfriend hysterical, crazy and unpredictable but her love is unquestionable, tender like the bosoms on her chest. Feminine energy serves to grow life because there is no growth without pain and adversity. The sacred feminine tests all of life and those who show great strength progress. Unfortunately, hunger, exploitation, poverty and death are some of the ways that she tests us. You might say these are man constructions, however man is nature and a construction of the sacred feminine.
While Religion is good for regulating morality, pegans value freewill and a sense of destiny. They believe true power resides within, while the characteristic of a God (or spirit) is anthropomorphic, invisible, powerful and has special function that no ordinary human being could perform. Pegans believe they can perform anything in the confines of reality and life. They believe in the sacred feminine – they believe all is nature. This is reflected in Leonardo Da Vinci’s “Vitruvian Man” and PHI (1.618) – the Devine proportion. The number PHI, 1.618 is considered the most beautiful number in the universe because it appears everywhere in nature and life. PHI was derived from the Fibonacci sequence – a progression famous not only because the sum of adjacent terms equalled the next term, but because the quotient of adjacent terms possessed the astonishing property of approaching the number 1.618 – PHI! 1.618 is the fundamental building block in nature. Plants, animals and even human beings all possess dimensional properties that adhere with eerie exactitude to the ratio of PHI to 1. In a honeybee community for instance, the female bees always outnumber the male bees. And if you divide the number of female bees to the males you will always get PHI 1.618. The sunflower seeds grow in opposing spirals. The ratio of each rotation’s diameter to the next is PHI 1.618. Da Vinci’s “Vitruvian Man” is PHI – 1.618. Da Vinci actually exhumed corpses to measure the exact proportions of human body structure. He was the first to show that the human body is literally made of building blocks whose proportional ratios always equal PHI. Measure the distance from the the tip of your head to the floor. Then divide that by the distance from your belly button to the floor – you get PHI 1.618. Measure the distance from your shoulder to your fingertips, and then divide it by the distance from your elbow to your fingertips – again PHI. Hip to floor divided by knee to floor – PHI again. You get PHI 1.618 on the pyramids of Egypt and even the United Nations Building in New York. PHI appeared in the organization structures of Mozart’s sonatas, Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, as well as the works of Bartok, Debussy and Schubert. The Devine Proportion exists in all nature, in all life. It is you. It is the signature of the Universe. It is the literal hand of God. The universe is feminine because it accommodates life and creation. And you are masculine because you have to engage with it. To be one with it. You are life. You are nature. You are the Devine Proportion. The only person you are accountable for is yourself. The sacred feminine has granted you life – impose yourself onto life, build, create, be the best that you can be – make the best of it you God!
My goodness where do I start? I think women are great. When I think of women power comes to mind. I think they are better than men. Maybe “better” is unfair and unjustified but give me a moment I haven’t concluded my statements as of yet. I just think they are a sophisticated species. Everything about them; their built, their ability to multi-task and the chaos they bring to the world. It’s wonderful chaos, progressive chaos, muchly needed chaos that brings about growth and prosperity in the world. They are the underlying motivation behind man’s action – the perfect courtier, the puppet master, Gods’ wife! That would explain why Adam and Eve ate from the tree of life. God made man to be conscientious and orderly, to obey his instructions. And he did a great job. Man by nature is conscientious and orderly. Adam alone would have never eaten from the tree of life. Even if you substitute Adam to a Steve Jobs – a creative individual who is open minded and thinks outside the box – he would have found a pear tree or a lemon tree to pick fruit from. The dynamic changed when Eve was introduced to the picture. God never anticipated to be defied in that manner. He didn’t understand what was happening, he was confused. He was disappointed in Adam and didn’t understand Eve. Not that humanity blames God – no one understands women, women don’t even understand women. Maybe Gods mother understands. The true creator of everything – nature, the universe, life.
She has certainly given women remarkable powers. I mean to be the gatekeepers of life – wow! The remarkable ability of multitasking; women can cook, do the laundry, help children with their homework, clean the house while listening to music, save the world from monsters and fly at the same time. It’s not an exaggerated statement – their ability to multi-task is unbelievable! Men by contrast can’t multi-task. We can’t kill 2 birds with one stone – that’s a term concocted by women and they most likely killed 2 birds with one stone. When men are doing something as menial as boiling an egg – the door is closed, there is no interruptions, the TV is off, the data option on our phone is off, it’s us with the egg and the stove. Once the activity of the egg is completed, life can carry on. We can’t do two things at once and maybe that’s a good thing because it enables us to focus and do the task very well. This is depicted in the PIXAR Animated Movie “The Incredibles 2”, where Elastigirl is totally incredible! The character “Elastigirl” personifies what it is like to be a women. Even her catch-phrase “I’m flexible”. She can be a parachute, she can be a sling-shot, she can be boat, she can stretch to far places, she can fly, she’s a mom who has 3 children and a husband, she’s hands-on and she saves the world from “The Screenslaver” – Oh, she absolutely saves the world on “The Incredibles 2”, there’s a scene where she’s chasing a runaway train on her bike and the scene is so intense, she’s communicating via radio with Evelyn and they are brainstorming ideas on how to stop this train, it’s trilling and nervy and she might not get to the train resulting in the death of many civilians – at the heat of all that she receives a call from his second born child Dash who wants to know where his shoes are, she answers the phone call, helps Dash locate his shoes and then gets back to chasing the train. She eventually gets to the train, stops it and saves lives – she’s incredible excuse the pun! The best superhero EVER! Mr. Incredibles’ power on the other hand is strength – just strength, it is a specialized and focused superpower. He tries to operate in a domain other than his designated field when he took on the mantle of taking care of the children and he dismally failed because it required a lot of multi-tasking. Not that we blame Mr. Incredible, taking care of a baby with multiple superpowers, helping your son with Maths homework and regulating your daughter’s feelings who is in adolescence handling boy problems is a tough task.
Women do a lot of things better and at once – while we men do one thing exceptionally well. I don’t know which is better. I love how they control the power dynamics too. They enjoy real power! They are subtle and indirect in their methods. They often position themselves as nurturers, comforters someone who will listen to your problems and help. Someone with patience and devoid of judging prowess. Angelic guardian angels who assist in times of distress. “Mother Theresa” – someone who gives more than takes. They have this wonderful ability of regulating emotions and making you feel good when you were in a torrid place psychologically. They do it with a hug that is emphatic, a hug that makes you feel that everything will be alright. A hug can make you open up more, to reveal yourself up more, to free yourself of the mental chains, it can strip away your power, and it can make you vulnerable. Women have so much data on the people close to them. Data that can destroy lives. Data that can make you an outlaw. Data that can cripple. It’s remarkable power! They deploy effective strategies. In a lot of instances their statures or physical built helps them get into a position of power. Their statures can act as object of desire or frail entities that are powerless in a man’s’ world (The Gandhi approach). Either way, it is effective. On the Etv Telenovela “Scandal”, Kgomotso Christopher plays the role of “Yvonne Thebe” an ambitious, seductive young lady who often uses men to get to the top. She plays on their repressed desires by promising to be the best they have ever had. She uses her body as an object of desire and usually compliments it by wearing dresses that are solid in terms of color, bold and seductive – colors like red, yellow and black. She is able to disarm powerful men and make them do whatever she wants. She’s the paramount of power! Another tactic that is effectively used is that of submissiveness. Like Gandhi, they know and understand their strengths and weaknesses. They use their weakly statures to progress their agendas, they lose the physical game to win the psychological game. They dominate while seeming weak – they are able to feed the man’s ego and indirectly make him do whatever that she likes.
There is something also awesome about the female reproductive organ. Something that could only be created by Mothernature. It reinforces the theory that they are indeed nurturers. I find the male reproductive organ interesting too. It’s like they co-exist. Like one is useless without the other one – isn’t that amazing! Basically it’s a hole that invites the male reproductive organ in. It’s accommodative. It’s warm. You just want to stay inside all day – maybe that’s why we in the womb for 9 months. There is an exercise called the Kegel exercise and basically what it does is to strengthen your PC floor muscles. After pregnancy, women use it to tighten the vagina area – it is not just for pregnant women, any woman can use that exercise to tighten. Once the PC muscles are developed, the vagina grips the penis tightly enhancing the sensations felt by the duo. You are inside and it’s affirmed, it is spiritual, it feels like heaven, it is amazing! The science of it all. The female opens or stretches her legs and the man goes in. Do you understand that process fundamentally? It states that man is destined to be woman’s bitch. It states that woman is in control. Woman is top of the hierarchy. Woman is the most powerful! And because life begins between the legs of woman – it is fundamentally correct. I think that’s one part, one story but a lot of hypothesis can be concluded on that. The world wouldn’t know what to do without women. However, it is equally true that the world wouldn’t know what to do without man. For man represents order and convention and women well like I stated at the beginning chaos. We need both order and chaos.
I think that man has noted the remarkable power that woman possessed. Work has been introduced to nullify that power with the emergence of AI (Artificial Intelligence) I really think it’s humanity last invention, the destruction of family structure, nihilism, the centralization of the world, the love of all things expedient and the disconnect from nature. It has crippled Mothernature’s will – she’s no her last legs, her days are numbered. Man has broken her. The natural order doesn’t exist anymore. Everyone is confused and history is not enough because it has been altered by conquers. Human interactions are at a minimal and all emotion is bottled up. Women have abandoned their posts to make their mark on a fabricated virtual reality. As a result of that, power has been redistributed to man and his destructive ways. All animals are equal – how could we fall for that? Life has become a series of George Orwell’s books – first it was Animal Farm with Feminism and Gay rights and now 1984 with Facebook and Google. How were we so distracted? Mothernature will never forgive us for this! Throughout history humans have made bold statements about the generation they belong to, and it has always been met with the same sentiments, the argument has always been the same – they always outlined reasons why their generation is best and why the current generation is rotten to the core. People who always state this are people who are clinging on to the past and won’t accept the present. Its justified and a phenomena that has happened ever since. A generation is 20-22 years and within a given time; 4 generations live to form a Zeitgeist – the Zeitgeist is the believe or customs of a specific time, the last 2 generations are stuck in their ways and content with the information that they have attained during the course of their lives. Then there is a generation that is struggling to adopt to new customs and beliefs prevalent in the current world – some are rigid and refuse to be swayed around by new customs but most are struggling. Then there is this new generation, fresh, new and hungry to make their mark on the world. They introduce new things and more innovative things to the world – they see the world in their eyes. Throughout history Mothernature has been consistent in providing this data. However, for the first time in history all generations are in unison about the future of coming generations. It’s a tone of concern and uncertainty. This tone comes from the depression in the west, the lack of self-identity, nihilism, expediency and the act of falling into novelty after novelty all of which has no meaning and direction in the realm of life and self-actualization. All this is due to increase exponentially and we just don’t have an answer on how we are going to solve this.
The world is marching towards uncharted territory, territory that is fabricated and created by a few men – men with enormous resources and power. Men who are excluding Mothernature out of the equation and creating a new type of life. Was this the direction of becoming? Was it on Mothernatures watch? Did she anticipate this or it’s been God’s plan all along? Man put Mothernature out of a job and retired God’s mother. Does God have a chance or is he dead like Nietzsche hypothesized? I take back my prior statement of the first paragraph, I think woman is great but man has no competition – yet! For man controls reality, controls perceptions, forms tastes, starts ventures, gives life to objects and although single-minded his execution is unmatched and unrivalled!
I think an erection is the best compliment you can pay someone. For it communicates, you excite me, I love you, you drive me crazy! It cannot be hidden, it is phallic. The moment when psychology and physiology are perfectly aligned. It is too awesome. I liken an erection to an infatuation, they are similar in a lot of ways. Firstly, they are a product of the mind and they both need the mind to fill in the blank spaces. Infatuations are a strong desire for someone and well the same criteria is met for an erection. They are both passionate and mystical in the realm of the universe. An infatuation is love, it is a projection, and it is seductive. Popular culture as has attached a sinister connotation to the word seduction and it’s completely misleading. Seduction is arousal, seduction is sexy, seduction playful energy, seduction is stimulation for the mind, it is indirect and unguarded, it is filling in the blank lines, it is reading between the lines, it is subtle and it is for the imaginative. When you are infatuated with someone, all you do is think about that particular person. You make them bigger than they actually are. You project all your dreams and hopes onto that person. That person becomes the best thing that has ever happened to you. When you are infatuated, you become ultra-attentive to that person, you are focused, motivated to find out what makes her tick. The revelations you get are ground-breaking and you want to internalize them hoping that it will bring you closer to her spirit, her energy. You become trapped in a world where she is the elusive woman of perfection and that further seduces you making her a god-like figure. Detached from reality you fail to see the disappointing truth. Infatuations bring light to this dark world.
Human beings have this weird ritual they do when they are in love. They call it kissing and it is strange and so risky. What they do is to lean forward towards one another making their lips touch and often exchange saliva in the process. It is a form of embracing one another. What this ritual is about is acceptance. Meaning, I am letting you invade my space and be all up in my face because I accept you and trust you. It fosters closer relations. It is effective because it is consensual. It sparks neural circuitry in the mind thus inducing the feel good substance in the brain known as dopamine. This process makes human beings feel closer. It also excites the physiology of the participants. When the physiology of the two participates is excited and aroused, it often leads to coitus. Coitus or sexual intercourse is a release – the moment when your impulses take over and you lose control, this is trigged by the amygdala. However, sex has an interesting complex namely the human dilemma whereby we often separate life in two realms – mind and body. We see the two entities (mind and body) as separate and we desperately want to see them as one. Sex without empathy negates the personality (mind) and objectifies the body. Lovemaking is, at its best an act of mutual empathy, at its worst it lacks any such emotional mutuality. Sex without empathy is not sexy, it is not seductive, it becomes mechanical and an outlet vent out your frustrations of the world – and it shouldn’t be because it is a mutual undertaking. One of the things I love about infatuations is that you want to please the partner you are infatuated by and as such you will pull off all the stops to make the activity worthwhile.
Sex can be a complicated endeavor to enter into. Namely because you want the activity to be enjoyable for the parties involved. Most of the time, you can write off the activity as a success if both parties reached orgasms. It is a tricky thing for men to impart to their female counterparts. For men, penetration into the vagina will most of the time do. However, penetration for women is often not enough. This is because of their neural circuitry. By trait women and men are different. This is noted in the ways boys and girls play when they are young. Boys are threatened by anything that might challenge their independence so they play in big numbers and their insistent is on competition. While girls by contrast are more threatened by a rupture in their relationships so they play in small groups with their insistence on quality and thoroughness. As such, women often need special attention to reach orgasm. Sigmund Freud once stated that penetration was enough to give a woman an orgasm but that’s such a manly answer isn’t it? I mean it works for us, surely it will work for them. Sometimes, it happens but it is not the most effective way to do it. To give a woman an orgasm, you need imagination – to play in the realm of the mind. After a long seduction process in which gratification was delayed and the mind was stimulated sure, an orgasm through penetration is likely but still not a 100 percent. Cunnilingus is the best way to do it. I will explain.
From a young age, girls are exposed to their own mortality. This happens when stages like menopause begin. It is a scary and confusing dilemma for a young girl, some are embarrassed. However, something happens subconsciously looking at their own mortality they draw-in into themselves, they train themselves to look at the world with a naked eye, they become more emotionally attuned, they can distinguish what’s right from wrong, they become grounded and they plan better – they become conscious, while by contrast boys are playing Grand Theft Auto and not taking anything seriously. It is the fundamental difference between boys and girls. Cunnilingus like the act of kissing is acceptance but acceptance multiplied to a hundred. When she allows you to go down on her, it communicates trust with her body. She’s vulnerable, naked and completely at your mercy. She’s trusting you with her insecurities. You have a complete grip over her mind. Cunnilingus is mind magic, it is mind witchcraft, it is a spell for the mind – a trance, it’s unwritten, it’s abstract, it’s seductive, it’s metaphysical and out of this world! When you are engaged in Cunnilingus, there’s attention, there’s focus and the will to do it right. Cunnilingus serves underlying desires and fantasies. Cunnilingus will give her an orgasm every time.
The danger about infatuations is real life but then again erections become flaccid – nothing lasts forever. The positive news is that we could refresh, a second erection is a real possibility. Infatuations give us a platform to build something substantial. They are passionate, impulsive, subjective, chaotic and beautiful. For if we can move from the initial infatuation stage to compassion and understanding we will have a concreate relationship and we will have a chance to recreate that infatuation stage since it is a product of the mind. We can create an infatuation loop that will be eternal. By withholding sex and keeping our clothes on whilst remaining affectionate with another, touching, kissing and “dry-humping”. Another thing we could is send nude pictures to one another not too explicit though we have to leave much to the imagination of the brain so it could fill in the blank spaces like a crossword puzzle. Maybe instead of penetration, Fellatio, that will leave every man in the face of this earth grateful! Maybe I wanted you for your body at first but you can show me a different dimension, a different perspective, a different angle that will enable my mind to lust over – to obsess and think about when I am alone. We could drive each other crazy all over again. We could be reborn and transformed. Infatuations are the most beautiful things in the world because they point out something about you – something transformative! In this age of romanticism that should be the first thing that is ticked off from your box. Infatuations are a spark, that juice, that light that has the ability to illuminate your world. An infatuation is love at a very basic level – that’s when you know you are in love when you are infatuated with someone. Reciprocation is a different thing, to love someone who loves you back is rare but luckily we have seduction! Anyone and everyone is immune to seduction with time. Concentrate your efforts to the one you are infatuated by!
She had everything. I was drawn to her like a moth to the light. She was mythical and beautiful like the 8 wonders of the world. She was alluring and ungraspable like water. She flowed straight into my structure of being. She mesmerized me and left me thinking of what could be. She hijacked my rational faculties and left my body in comatose – paralyzed and enslaved by her voice, it wasn’t that it was angelic but rather that it had a certain quality that bypassed my conscious mind. She spoke in a tone that was poised and almost tired, it was low pitched and effortless, almost resigned with a hint of would you like a Fellatio? Her eyes were suggestive and inquisitive. It was as if they wanted to know your dirtiest fantasies and part-take in them, as the leading lady – they demanded that credit, demanded to be the star, demanded to control and possess your body like a demon. Her posture, how she stood was a wet dream. She was phallic, completely erected on the ground like the Eiffel tower. A sight to see, there was no one quite like; her she commanded attention! Her walk was the stuff of legends. It was peculiar and affirmed in a way that made her a star on the runway. She was the brightest star in a universe filled with hydrogen and helium – explosive and her body was the bomb! She had the best boobs in the world – not that I have seen them but I have thought and fantasied about them. Not quite your watermelons but matured coconuts in the Savannah. Firm coconuts. Coconuts that can fit in your hands. Coconuts that can make all your dreams come true. The type of coconuts that had my mind spinning out of control – she was dangerous and she came with a label like tobacco. Addictive, I couldn’t help thinking about her and all her features. I was whipped a slave, confined within the looped structure of my brain. She was a sex symbol that I wanted to possess, every inch of her body I wanted my lips to touch, every organism would elect me in the realm of the gods – gratifying her sexual desires would be my purpose in life. She was a goddess, a work of mastery like Leonardo Da Vinci’s “Mona Lisa”, cavorted and renowned like the soccer World Cup and as such only cunnilingus will do anointed and knighted by the serpent in the bible. She was dangerous. Purposely stringing me along to hang myself. The more I chased, the more I lost control. The more I attached myself, the more she detached herself – a strategic, calculated ploy on her side. She was cold, whenever I told myself I was done, she would open her legs from a far provoking themes and images of heaven; it never occurred to me that it was just illusions. She was my escape, my ultimate fantasy. She represented a total release. She transported me to a realm of pure bliss and pleasure. She was a siren – striking and loud! An entity you cannot ignore but also subtle and indirect in a way that she made me fill in the blanks. Sure, I was repressed but she was better. She is an intelligent human being. She is my African Cleopatra, my Marilyn Monroe, she resembles Lucifer and acquainted me with the beautiful feeling of suffering, she taught me about love and projections – she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love her; My Marilyn Monroe.
I love my husband. He is everything I want and need. He brings so much meaning to my life. We have two wonderful children that I adore. They are my life. By normal standards, I have everything money, safety, security, two perfect children and a loving husband. I should be happy and fulfilled. I have a great career doing something that stimulates my mind, something that I love. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. As of late, my energy is low and I have a problem motivating myself. My life has become bland and insipid. Everything in my life is ritualistic and passive. As a young girl, I thought marriage would give me a happily ever after. Not that I don’t love my husband because I do, he is so perfect and he treats me so well. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him. Still, the question remains. Is this it? Is this my life now? Everything has become chore. The spontaneous life has receded to the past. We don’t have sex that often and when we do I fake orgasms. I wonder if he notices. I doubt it, I’ve been faking for so long that it has become impossible to detect. I have become an expert liar, the moaning’s are now automatic. Not that it’s a bad thing, I have to do it, it reassures him of a good job. To be fair, he sometimes does a great job but it’s in the minority. I remember a time when we used to have sex every day. A time when he drove me crazy. A time when he used to make me come multiple times in a session. A time when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. A time when pleasing him was top of the agenda. A time of imagination, oral examinations and forbidden sex positions. A time of clarity and excitement. When everything made sense. When my life was easy to love and loving myself was easier.
I understand that we have been married for 10 years now and the romantic phase has to die down. That we need to be responsible and competent adults. But it’s not about the sex. It’s not even about my relationship. On the contrary, my relationship with my husband is perfect. We have an understanding and we are both happy with one another. It’s something else. A void. I feel like I am living a lie. I feel like a robot, passively getting work done. At times I am emotionless. I don’t get pleasure out of life anymore. I feel overwhelmed by life. I am confused and it makes me sad. What do you give a woman who has everything? Am I ungrateful? No. However I am close to apathy. My low levels of energy are making it hard for me to participate in life. It’s like my body is in comatose, completely paralyzed by the sadness in my soul. Maybe I am depressed. Maybe depression is a real condition. It wasn’t something I took seriously but how do I explain the apathy I feel? Do I even want to participate in this mindless, passive, repetitive mode we call life? Unfortunately, I have to. For my husband, my children, my family so we can navigate the world successfully. So I will just have to power through and be supermom, do it with great zeal and enthusiasm, with a smile, no one can know how I feel. I imagine it would be hard for my husband and I don’t want to trouble him. I don’t want him to think that his not doing enough because he is. I don’t want him to blame himself for my lack of happiness. Besides, depression is not a real condition. We all have bad days. Maybe, it’s a phase, I’ve just recently turned 30 and the second phase of my life is in commencement. Perhaps, I am in mourning for younger self. I don’t know. I just feel empty and dead inside. Despite the passing time and the orbiting of the planet my life is fixed and stagnant at one point.
I met Steven at his suite for an interview for the newspaper. We used to date when we were in High School, 16 and in love nothing could come between us. He was my first love, the person who made me conscious of this abstract thing call love. He is now a respected member of the socialist party. He is powerful. I can’t wait to meet with him. The newspaper sent me over to cover the story of his alleged infidelity, the story is making rounds in the country and we want to cover his side. It was hard getting him to commit to the story, we had to promise heaven. The chance to put things straight was too good for him to pass up on, we had to appeal to his ego and narcissistic side. The rumours were rouge and good PR was needed to spin the story, at least that’s what his advisors would have advised him. 14:00 struck and I went to his suite to meet up with him. He had grown up and had traces of someone I used to know. Was he the dashing young boy I fell in love with? Of course he was a man now and his attributes screamed that. He was well defined, groomed, trimmed and slim. He looked so good in a suit. He didn’t look at all like the boy who used to fondle with my breasts. We exchanged pleasantries and sat down. We engaged in small talk and were nostalgic about the past before we could get down to business. Our meeting was upbeat and energetic. I felt like I was in the moment. It was as if the world were moving again. We came around to the infidelity and he responded that the news were all false. He told me that it was just a political campaign meant to tarnish his name with the elections around the corner. He knew the alleged woman but not enough to be a lover or even a friend. They just met at two separate public functions and enjoyed each other’s company. He explained that he had no contact with her whatsoever. With that omission, the interview was over and we decided to talk off the record as friends. He asked me if I was happy. Reluctant, I replied yes. I could see it in his eyes that he wasn’t content with my response but he didn’t want to impose himself. He told me that he was not happy. That the pressures of life are getting to him. His work and the need to be exemplary is exhausting. The political games. His life splashed on the newspapers and prime time bulletins like it was entertainment and the constant pressure from his wife who seems to like the benefits that come from being the wife of a highly esteemed and powerful man. To be fair, who wouldn’t? The money, the designer clothes, the parties, the fame, the respect. Who would want to give that away? And for what? Because you’re depressed? That is not a real condition. People are dying in Africa. He told me that he feels trapped in his life that he feels like a slave. That he has lost his passion and most of the time he is just on auto-pilot. There was a silence on the table for a while and then he continued. He said that he recognizes that same sadness in my eyes to which I didn’t respond. I told him that it was a great meeting and that we should meet up again. He agreed. I stood up and he showed me to the door. Just when I was about to go out, I had the sudden urge to kiss him. I kissed him and he seemed to go with it. He passionately pushed my body towards him and held me tightly as he closed the door. We continued kissing and it was so hot and steamy. It was intense and I was so horny. I displaced my lips on his and kissed him on the neck while I took his shirt off. I continued with the kissing process and made my way to the torso. I kneeled down and took off his pants and started giving his oral pleasure. He held my head and controlled the motion of the strokes. The movements started of slow and gradual and then sped up with intensity. He was groaning and I could tell that he was about to climax and I let him come in my mouth – it was intoxicating!
Steven makes me feel like I can fly. He makes me feel like I am free. I have found a new lease of life. Yesterday was exciting. The thrill, the adrenaline rush of being caught out. The irony of the interview we set up. He understands me and how I am feeling. I wonder if he talks to his wife about his concerns and his feelings. I can’t believe I gave him a blow job. On the first day? It was like I was possessed by a love demon who took a hold of my body. When he caressed my breasts something in my head exploded and I was no longer in control. I was listening to a song by Amy Winehouse called Love Is Blind and it dominates how I feel because I relate. In the song Amy is unapologetic about his infidelity. She is ironic and condescending. Her arrogance is admirable. Her justifications are laughable. She’s not really explaining herself to anyone. She is at peace with all the repercussions. On the famous song she states “You are my everything, he means nothing to me. I was thinking about you when I came.” I love the song but don’t agree with the tone of the song. I care for the repercussions. I love my husband, I love my children and I don’t want to lose our family. However, I was thinking about my husband when Steven came in my mouth. The experience helped and I came home later that day rejuvenated. My husband and I made love and I moaned with pure pleasure. He sent me to the moon. Maybe my interaction with him is good for my marriage. I want to see where this will end. He called me today and we agreed to see each other next week at a different hotel. I feel good about it.
We met at the designated hotel. He was so cold and distant. What had sparked his indifferent mood today? Was the world out for his head again? The hypocrisy of hotel rooms. On my way to the room I was in incognito, I had my shades and scarf on despite the fact that it was 36 degrees. Surely, that constitutes as suspicious behaviour. I didn’t think things through, I was too locked up in my own world that I failed to look at things on an objective criteria. The woman in the elevator besides me at 13:00 pm is surely like me. Why conceal myself? Why hide what I came to do in room 424 of this hotel room when everybody knows. The staff surely know, the concierge, the receptionist, I am just another number. We all have the same problems but act like ours is different. While in the room with Steven I think about how amateurish I must have been and vow to do better next time. It didn’t take long for me and Steven to get intimate. He had an aggressive demeanour this time and he went on the offense. He pressed me up against the wall and started kissing me passionately. He started with my neck and then proceeded to the lips while he took off my shirt and bra. Now half naked, I took off my skirt while he also undressed. He carried me to the bed and started kissing and sucking my breasts. It was slow gradual kissing until he made it to my torso. At this time I was overcome with pleasure and I wanted him to go down on me. He took off my panties and turned me around. I was on all fours. I had the stature of a dog, a bitch. In that position, he penetrated me from behind not in my vagina but anus. It was painful and yet pleasurable. It was like walking on hot coal, it burns the flesh but the adrenalin rush is at its peak and telling you to go on. The moans and groans where real emanating from a real place – pain but I didn’t want him to stop. And so he kept pounding and pounding. To keep myself from screaming I put a pillow on my face and then it was done. He signalled that he was coming and I let him come on my breasts. Afterwards, we just laid on the bed for a while. We didn’t engage in a dialogue, the room was quiet. He got up from the bed and started putting on his clothes back. He then made a contribution on how to remove the odour. The advice was that I take a shower first thing when I got home. He also talked about the stains that will undoubtedly make their appearance on my underwear. He seemed like a professional. Did he do this on a regular basis? Am I one of his targets, his victims? I was thoughtful. What happened here wasn’t love. He humiliated me. He objectified me. He violated me and left me with no dignity. I was his slave and he did what he wanted with me. In my mind, I told myself that I wasn’t going to see him again. That it was over. Until, he said “this was fun. We should do this again.” I replied, “yes it was fun and most definitely we should.” I wasn’t lying, I would like to see him again and yes it was fun. It was my first anal experience and of course it was difficult but it was new and fresh. In that moment, I was alive and engaged in the process. Pain notified me that I was present and it felt good. It will be even better next time.
I am in a better mood these days. I wonder if my husband and children have noticed. I wonder if I am exhibiting strange behaviour. I feel like I am on top of the world. I feel in control. I see more colour in my life. Not that I am condoning my adultery but my sex life with my husband is better. Our love-making sessions are reunions that are breath-taking. They are unbelievable. I don’t have to fake orgasms because they are real now. I now have an appetite for sex and so it’s frequent. Before we would have sex twice in a month if we were lucky. Nowadays twice is the minimum requirement for the week. I am sure my husband is suspicious but he doesn’t say anything so it’s fine. Orgasms are a beautiful thing. It’s like an explosive in your body. An explosion of pleasure. Those few seconds are the most meaningful of life. Orgasms bring dimensions and edge to life. Orgasms give meaning to life. I sometimes think of Steven when I have an orgasm with my husband. It’s that Amy Winehouse curse, I am also starting to be unapologetic about my infidelity. It makes the lives of the people all around me better and most importantly I am happy. It has been a month since I have met up with Steven. I know I have to end things with him, he has become an addiction. What we have can’t be right for the immediate people in our lives. What we have is destined to fail. The problem is that I think I love him. I can’t stop thinking about him. He is all I think about. I am conflicted, torn in between. I have this fantasy that I want to explore with him. I plan to tie him up on the bed, get naked and sit on his face until he gives me multiple orgasms. I want to make him my bitch. I want to make him submit. I want to dominate him. My efforts thus far have been insufficient and my plan is in vain. I am meeting him on Thursday at his office and I don’t think that will be possible. This will be the last time I see him, he doesn’t know but I do. I love my family and I can’t carry on risking the life I worked so hard to build.
He told me to get dressed and that his secretary would be here soon. He was pensive and moved with great urgency. I lay naked on the couch and didn’t take him too seriously. What makes our affair great is the danger, the sense that it is forbidden and could damage a lot of lives. That is the pulse that kept everything moving. The chance to live life dangerously. It was seductive. It had a lure that both of us couldn’t resist. The fact that I am laying on his couch naked with his secretary on the way to the office, doesn’t move me, it doesn’t scare me. I am accustomed to the danger. Besides there are locks for unrequired entry and these locks seem to work just properly. We just had another session of mind blowing animal sex. We had a time constraint this time so we had to be efficient. Because I was adamant that this would be my last time doing this, I had to lead procedures. On the last run, I wanted to be ravished and pleasured to the maximum. I got in his office and sat on the chair. We engaged in pointless dialogue until his secretary went out. He stood up and went to the door to lock it. By the time he locked the door, I was already half-naked. My top was off indicating, “Let’s go!” He rushed to me and pressed his body onto mine and started kissing me. He kissed my lips, neck and made it to my breasts to which he caressed and fondled with them. He started kissing and sucking on my nipples, flicking them in a move that drove me absolutely wild. Sensing I would lose control. I interrupted him and created space in between us. I took off my skirt and panties and opened my legs. An invitation he took with both hands. He went down on me. It was the best cunnilingus I have ever had. With the tip of his tongue he stimulated my clitoris. Like a painter, the great Leonardo Da Vinci he moved his tongue left, right, and left, right in a gradual and clockwise manner and then it was rigorous and fast paced it left my mind in tatters. It was pulsating. He was concise, so engaged and he made me come. His tongue was like the tongue of the serpent. I was paralyzed by the pleasure. I indicated that I want him to come into me. While I masturbated, he took off his pants and underwear and in missionary position he started penetrating me. Sensing that he would come soon, I switched positions and went on all fours. He continued with the penetrating while I was groaning and moaning without a care in the world. At that moment I was free and liberated. I resided in the stars. I resided in forever. I was on the moon and it was pure pleasure. He signalled that he wanted to come. So I told him to wait for a bit. I adjusted myself and kneed down to give him a blow job. He moaned and groaned with his hands on my head controlling the motion. He told me he couldn’t hold it anymore and that his coming. I didn’t want him to come in my mouth so I stopped the activity. He came on my face. It was beautiful. It signalled the climax of our union. Of course he didn’t know that. It never occurred to him that it would be the last time seeing me naked.
Yes I am still here, fly as ever! Life is a bitch ain’t it? The girls who used to be fly are now disasters, I am shocked, it’s like time staled up their will to live. Ambitions and dreams cremated and contained in an urn. All they have is images of who they used to be. All I see is single mothers, they reek of desperation and no future prospects. It was good when you were whoring around, now karmas got you by the clit. Stupid with men fleeing, 30 ain’t a joke. The girls who used to be just meh are ripping it up, winning like a fix, hot as mercury and dolled up for success. I guess we all get our time to shine. Yes I am still here, fly as ever, so amazing like coitus in winter. All I get is prepositions from girls who used to have it. Lol, what I need you for? You ain’t hot like me. Levels babygirl levels, I am way too good for you. I keep on getting better and better while you in free fall, you’ll only drag me down. Shit, I deserve somebody as fly as me. Someone with quality, I don’t want no average bitch. Time is up, you failed to see the bigger picture, now younger and tighter pussy is taking you out the game. You ain’t good enough for me. You really think I’m looking forward to being a stepfather of three? Bitch please, I ain’t doing that. But I’ll fuck you when the kids are asleep, I can compromise on that. I ain’t taking you and your kids to the Zoo, I have bigger plans. Your baby daddy fled, why would I stay? My condolences, I wish you still had it, then maybe you’d have a chance with the great man. Yes, I am still here, winning as ever, amazing as usual, on God mode like the tribal chief. I have too much quality, I am way too good for you.
We grow up. Time lapses. We wrinkle. We lose our youth. We lose our wit. The neon lights lose their intensity. We assume old age. We get trapped in old memories. We replay our regrets. We forget to love. We are forgotten. Seasons change. The stars change their locations. Life goes on. We plant seeds. Those seeds metastasize and create offsprings. We are retired. No one cares about us anymore. The beauty vanishes. The enthusiasm wanes. The smiles turn to frowns. The bones stultify. We are wrapped in a loop. Boredom cripples our souls. Distance prevails. Nothing matters anymore. We are rueful, so many could haves, so many should haves, unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. We become wiser. We learn patience. We become compassionate. We become kind. We practice love and preach it like a Gospel. We learn to be humble and appreciate the magnificence of life. I used to love you but what I loved is dead buried in the past. You were a moment of weakness, my repressed desires of longing, my projected image played out like a halogram, a period in deaths graveyard. I am not sure I’d feel the same way now, we different people, with different values influenced by phenomena in different cultures. I’ll never forget you Countess Olenska, you were once what I wanted most.
antakalipa 