Monsters lurk everywhere in the world and it’s hard to spot them. They have learned to camouflage themselves in the darkness, it engulfs and consumes them, blackening their souls turning them into shadows. Analytical Psychologist Carl Jung explains that human beings carry within themselves both elements of the good and bad, that we are both angels and demons, sick, demented, evil, dark, spoiled. Because we live in a world where we have to co-exist to survive, we surpress these undesirable qualities relegating them into the shadows. Unchecked the shadow can grow to consume our personality and rule our subconscious minds enabling us to act unconsciously. Our shadows can turn us into psychopaths who lack empathy and thrive on destruction. The shadow can enable the individual to be narcissistic, egoistic and maniacal. Shedding a light on our dark sides helps in controlling the shadow. Acknowledging you have a dark side keeps the shadow at bay. Life is a balance of both the good and bad, of the light and the darkness. We are both polar extremes of the same spectrum. You are a killer and a murderer, human nature says you are. You might find pleasure in murdering your brother in cold blood. Cain certainly did when he murdered his brother Able to spite God. The murder was premeditated, he felt no remorse, the action liberated him. I know I am bad, I am capable of savagery and genocide. I may even take pleasure in torturing and tormenting you to appease my dark side. Your suffering might even give me comfort. Am I another Jeffrey Dahmer? Would I drug you, strangle you to death, masterbate over your body, have sex with your unconscious body, dissect and sever your body parts, skin the flesh from your bones, cook and eat your body parts for dinner? The capacity for evil in a human being is unfathomable. Maybe I am not familiar with my own darkness. I don’t know what I might do to you in the right circumstances. The story of Jeffrey Dahmer haunts me because he did it time and time again. A serial killer with a death toll of 17. No one was safe, from boys aged 14 to adults aged 33. He butchered his victims, cut off their limbs, drilled holes in their skulls and injected hydrochloric acid, severed their heads and preserved them in the refrigerator, inserted the bones in the oven to burn them and then crushed them with his sledgehammer, he cut his victims into pieces and then boiled them, he cooked his victims and he ate them, he ate them! He used acid and other chemicals to burn the skin of his victims skulls to preserve them. He bleached the skulls and if they were too weak he pulverized them, some he kept and used when he was masterbating. He felt no remorse, it was a compulsion for him, he was conscious of his actions, he knew what he was doing, he wasn’t crazy or diagnosed with some sort of mental illness, he consciously experimented with his victims bodies in his own words to create zombies, he loved doing it, it was his vocation. I don’t want to believe that I am as wicked and evil as Dahmer but I know it’s possible. To deny this is to repress my own darkness and wickedness. To know I am capable of such darkness frightens me. I hope Jung and Freud have an answer for somebody like Dahmer. Maybe it is the ID out of control. Sigmund Freud explained that the ID is the seat of both the repressed material and the drives, to which had been added to the unconscious fantasies and unconscious feelings, notably guilt feelings. Expanding on this idea, Freud states that the mind is divided into 3; into what we call the ID, Ego and the Superego. The Superego is the watchful, judging, punishing agency in the individual. The ID is self-gratifying and amoral and the Ego is the middle ground of the two and strives to be moral. I don’t think Freud and Jung would understand an individual quite as complicated as Dahmer, to try and understand somebody like Dahmer is impossible. I mean he seduced and lured his victims to his place, drugged them, killed them, cut them and sat with the stench of their decomposing bodies. The smell was second nature to him. Sometimes psychology is not enough, perhaps this is a genetic thing, maybe his the exception in the family tree. When he was finally caught he didn’t resist, he was compliant and told the whole truth, every horrific detail, where he hid body parts, how many he had killed, the hearts, biceps, legs he ate, when the killing spree commenced – everything. He knew what he had done was evil and he asked for the death penalty that was not granted because it was banned in his State. He was accepting of who he was, he was not bothered, he was not haunted by ghosts and demons, he was not remorseful, he even had fans who corresponded with him in jail, fans who projected onto him their undesirable feelings, desires and fantasies and he reciprocated back that energy. Jeffrey Dahmer is your definitive example of a monster, he scares me. Maybe I am just scared of myself.
Better call Saul is basically a show about a guy doing bad stuff. As his arc progresses he does more bad things and encounters bad people. A scumbag Lawyer who resorts to underhanded tricks and creative methods to win his cases. He will fabricate evidence, smear your reputation, deceive, manipulate to make you the demon, morality is not a vice. He went from serving senior citizens with their wills and estates to serving hardened criminals, prostitutes and junkies. Nonetheless, he is the perfect guy to get you out of a rock and a hard place. Colorful, eccentric, slippery and unpredictable, presiding judges never know what to expect. He knows how to get you out of a sure thing. Vince Gilligan and Peter Gould will make you cheer for the bad guy, cause if everyone in the show is a bad guy, who are you going to root for? Obviously the guy with Halocaust numbers and that makes you contemplate about your human nature. Am I as pure as I would like to believe? Am I a good guy? Do I want to be a good guy? Cause Saul learned a lesson when he was a boy and it also hit hard. There are two types of people in the world, the sheep and the wolf, decide where you fit in. Do you really wanna be a sucka all your life? Standing on the stands, watching life frizzle into obscurity. The wolves are the go getters, they make things happen, they will things into existence, they make the money, they fuck the bitches, like Tony Montana they are portrayed as the bad guy. Would you rather be the lousy sheep? Following orders, “doing the right thing”, staying in your lane, playing it safe, boring as watching two coat paint dry. The Gilligan Universe shows us something different, fast paced, big money, bloody, murderous, exciting! Life is boring why not add spice, lie, cheat, extort, manipulate, murder, get away with it and repeat. Walter White had noble aims for dealing Crystal Meth, a high school teacher struck with the news that he has cancer, to compound things he has mortgage problems and can’t avoid to pay for Chemotherapy. He turns to Chemistry and starts cooking Crystal Meth and it proves to be lucrative. As his power accrues he becomes a monster and killing becomes routine. Cause when you kill one, then you have already crossed the line, you have transgressed, you are already a sinner, you are already condemned and going to hell why not do it again? One day it starts being normal and the cost of business and killing in cold blood becomes a part of you, you gain a reputation, you become the grim reaper.
I had a foe disguised as a friend who spread rumors about me and I happened to be in attendance when his life crumbled and so I smiled at his misfortunes, it was a case of schadenfreude and I reveled in his suffering. He deserved it, two timing son of a bitch, why would I feel sorry for a monster? Crocodile tears don’t work on a porn star. I know I am evil but it’s a property and not a character like how De Niro paints houses and does his own carpentry. Let him suffer, that’s my official commentry. Body and bones decomposing in the cemetery. I have love but I can also practice hate, pulling heads out like masturbate. I have dark and impure thoughts. I hear voices in my head to push buttons and pull triggers. Killing in cold blood doesn’t lurk in my shadows, it’s illuminated by the sun. I am not a psychopath and indifferent to people’s suffering, but my schadenfreude episode felt good. I am emphatic but don’t piss me off for I can switch like a light, illuminating your ignorance and dimming out your sight. The smile is a facade and the silence a warning, you don’t know me. I am the offspring of Adam and Eve, directly related to Cain and Able, dangerous like a distorted label. I know I am evil, I am disturbed, I fantasize about murder and splattered brains. I pump out ice-cold blood in my vains. I am cold blooded and calculating, my brothers Cain. I might torture you and discard your pain.
Monsters lurk everywhere in the world and it’s hard to spot them. They have learned to camouflage themselves in the darkness, it engulfs and consumes them, blackening their souls turning them into shadows. Analytical Psychologist Carl Jung explains that human beings carry within themselves both elements of the good and bad, that we are both angels and demons, sick, demented, evil, dark, spoiled. Because we live in a world where we have to co-exist to survive, we surpress these undesirable qualities relegating them into the shadows. Unchecked the shadow can grow to consume our personality and rule our subconscious minds enabling us to act unconsciously. Our shadows can turn us into psychopaths who lack empathy and thrive on destruction. The shadow can enable the individual to be narcissistic, egoistic and maniacal. Shedding a light on our dark sides helps in controlling the shadow. Acknowledging you have a dark side keeps the shadow at bay. Life is a balance of both the good and bad, of the light and the darkness. We are both polar extremes of the same spectrum. You are a killer and a murderer, human nature says you are. You might find pleasure in murdering your brother in cold blood. Cain certainly did when he murdered his brother Able to spite God. The murder was premeditated, he felt no remorse, the action liberated him. I know I am bad, I am capable of savagery and genocide. I may even take pleasure in torturing and tormenting you to appease my dark side. Your suffering might even give me comfort. Am I another Jeffrey Dahmer? Would I drug you, strangle you to death, masterbate over your body, have sex with your unconscious body, dissect and sever your body parts, skin the flesh from your bones, cook and eat your body parts for dinner? The capacity for evil in a human being is unfathomable. Maybe I am not familiar with my own darkness. I don’t know what I might do to you in the right circumstances. The story of Jeffrey Dahmer haunts me because he did it time and time again. A serial killer with a death toll of 17. No one was safe, from boys aged 14 to adults aged 33. He butchered his victims, cut off their limbs, drilled holes in their skulls and injected hydrochloric acid, severed their heads and preserved them in the refrigerator, inserted the bones in the oven to burn them and then crushed them with his sledgehammer, he cut his victims into pieces and then boiled them, he cooked his victims and he ate them, he ate them! He used acid and other chemicals to burn the skin of his victims skulls to preserve them. He bleached the skulls and if they were too weak he pulverized them, some he kept and used when he was masterbating. He felt no remorse, it was a compulsion for him, he was conscious of his actions, he knew what he was doing, he wasn’t crazy or diagnosed with some sort of mental illness, he consciously experimented with his victims bodies in his own words to create zombies, he loved doing it, it was his vocation. I don’t want to believe that I am as wicked and evil as Dahmer but I know it’s possible. To deny this is to repress my own darkness and wickedness. To know I am capable of such darkness frightens me. I hope Jung and Freud have an answer for somebody like Dahmer. Maybe it is the ID out of control. Sigmund Freud explained that the ID is the seat of both the repressed material and the drives, to which had been added to the unconscious fantasies and unconscious feelings, notably guilt feelings. Expanding on this idea, Freud states that the mind is divided into 3; into what we call the ID, Ego and the Superego. The Superego is the watchful, judging, punishing agency in the individual. The ID is self-gratifying and amoral and the Ego is the middle ground of the two and strives to be moral. I don’t think Freud and Jung would understand an individual quite as complicated as Dahmer, to try and understand somebody like Dahmer is impossible. I mean he seduced and lured his victims to his place, drugged them, killed them, cut them and sat with the stench of their decomposing bodies. The smell was second nature to him. Sometimes psychology is not enough, perhaps this is a genetic thing, maybe his the exception in the family tree. When he was finally caught he didn’t resist, he was compliant and told the whole truth, every horrific detail, where he hid body parts, how many he had killed, the hearts, biceps, legs he ate, when the killing spree commenced – everything. He knew what he had done was evil and he asked for the death penalty that was not granted because it was banned in his State. He was accepting of who he was, he was not bothered, he was not haunted by ghosts and demons, he was not remorseful, he even had fans who corresponded with him in jail, fans who projected onto him their undesirable feelings, desires and fantasies and he reciprocated back that energy. Jeffrey Dahmer is your definitive example of a monster, he scares me. Maybe I am just scared of myself.
Dragon Ball is such a sophisticated show. It’s so rich in content, it is so intelligent. There’s no limit to creativity and genius in the human spirit. I salute the creators and developers of the show. The genius of Dragon Ball is that they depict life and reality as energy. This view concurs with the fundamental universal law that we all come from the same source. Everything in the universe is energy from our thoughts, to the animals, plants, mountainsoceans and rivers. Everything emits a frequency. Everything vibrates and everything is linked. Also, death is an abstract concept in the show because energy cannot be destroyed. Instead the warriors who are defeated transcend into some sort of utopia and attain a halo above their heads. These warriors are “dead” but they exist and they also retain all their memories, abilities and skills. This is a sophisticated analogy considering that information is indestructible. This form of existence represents a transfer of energy from one point to another. This is in accordance with the laws of physics. And so the departed warriors can be wished back with Dragon Balls that summon a dragon that can grant any wish. In addition to covering the the laws of physics, the show deals with morality, mastery and self-realization in the storyline. The shows lead, Goku is the archetype of the hero. He shares the same qualities as Jesus, and Neo from The Matrix in the regard that he too is a dead man that was resurrected. Goku is the savior, the one. By trait Goku is an open minded individual who strives to be better and better. His childlike persona blinds him to his limits and enables him to push through any barrier. The will to always be better enables him to surpass limitations imposed on him by his mortal body. It is this will that puts him on par with the God’s in the Tournament Of Power. The tournament of power is a tournament that gathered together the strongest fighters in the cosmos with the intention of finding out which is the strongest Universe. Participating in the tournament are 11 Universes that have 10 fighters in a team. If all fighters in the team are eliminated, the given Universe will be wiped out from existence. The last team standing in the battle royale wins the tournament and gets the super Dragon Balls. In the tournament Goku and his team mates encounter an unbeatable foe by the name of Jiren. Jiren is the most powerful fighter in the cosmos. He has denied himself worldly pursuits to be the greatest warrior in the cosmos. Jiren is a warrior of tremendous skill and focus, he is the ultimate master of his trade. Early in the competition Goku and Jiren engage in a battle and Goku while giving his all is defeated without much effort from Jiren. After dispatching of Goku, Jiren coming to the conclusion that no one is worthy or strong enough to fight him decides to conserve his energy and meditates. The fight between Goku and Jiren was a mismatch, one sided and bitterly disappointing. Still, that didnt deter Goku and he continued progressing in the tournament. Ultimately Goku reaches and perfects a form that even God’s have great difficulty getting to, let alone perfect it. This form “Autonomous Ultra Instinct” enabled Goku to be stronger than Jiren. This form comes from Goku pushing past his limits. It comes from not knowing when to quit. It is an admirable quality, one of the hero. The character of Goku teaches one how to live. To be courageous and bold. To push through our limits and keep getting better. Goku teaches us to be open minded. When he was compiling his team for the tournament, he approached the ruthless, sinister and evil Emperor Freeza; a foe he dispatched off and sent to hell. Emperor Freeza is the opposite of Goku and yet Goku was accomodative and fair promising to reinstate Freeza’s life if they win the tournament with the super dragon balls. In the end it is Goku and Freeza who eliminate the great Jiren from the tournament of power and in the process sparing their Universes fate. For his efforts Emperor Freezas life is reinstated. Defeating Jiren required teamwork, it required two opposite extremes in Goku and Freeza working together for a common goal. Emperor Freeza is also the hero but with flawed morality. This is insightful because morality is often subjective. Just maybe his methodology is just foreign. Philosopher Michael Walzer states: Justice is relative to social meanings. A given society is just if its substantive is lived in a certain way, in a way that is faithful to the shared understandings of the members. This teaches us that the devil can also be the hero – context matters of course. But let’s go back to Goku. Immanuel Kant teaches that “A good will isn’t good because of what it effects or accomplishes. It’s good in itself.” This is the main difference between Goku and Freeza. Freezas assistance was categorical while Goku was imperical. Still, the duality of these two identical characters was beautiful to see. Goku teaches us to be progressive. He teaches us about not letting the childlike spirit in our lives die. Goku teaches us about friendship and family. He teaches us gratitude and love. He teaches us not to be scared of death. He teaches us how to be heros in our own lives.
Lord Jesus Christ is one of the few people in history who had a consciousness that calibrated at 1000 energy level. He was an enlightened man. He preached the word of love and peace. Even when death stared him right in his face, he embraced it and mastered the art of dying. On the cross, when he was tortured and beaten ceaselessly he prayed for the forgiveness of man – he prayed for mankind. He didn’t feel sorry for himself. He didn’t ask God why me. He didn’t ask for God to save him, he never asked God to show himself. He was accepting of his fate. I think that’s remarkable. He had reason. He had willingness. He was wise. Socrates another enlightened individual who was killed for supposedly corrupting the youth of Greece shared the personality traits of Jesus Christ. When he was trialed, he refused to defend himself. He just let things be. He had a willingness about his fate. He was accepting. He had reason and he perfected the art of dying. He was at peace with everything. He was happy and ready to die. He had done everything he could do for humanity. He shared his wisdom. He made people aware and self-critical of themselves. He got people thinking and talking about their ideas. He knighted Plato and Aristotle with his wisdom and knowledge and still had the presence of mind to state that the wise man is the man who admits that he does not know anything. Incredible insight! He also preached love and peace for humanity. It seems as though humanity has a problem with enlightened figures.
Life is energy. Life is information. It seems as though Jesus Christ and Socrates had the right frequency. They were one with life. They were grounded in the reality of life. Psychoanalyst Carl Jung stated that the “psyche” which means spirit or soul comprises of the consciousness, personal unconsciousness and collective unconsciousness. Collective unconsciousness is the spirit of everything in life, it is the pulse of life, it is the culture and period we are born in to, it is the different ecosystems of the world, it is our collective consciousness as life that is hidden but dictates everything that we do unconsciously every minute and moment of life. Figures like Jesus Christ and Socrates understood this fundamental aspect of the reality of life and that enabled them to have courage. Through courage, they learned to stay neutral and open, seeing and experiencing life with new eyes every day. Now that they had courage and neutrality they had the confidence of partaking in life, they had the willingness to live and share their experiences with life. They grew to understand and accept being with all of its conditions and structures. Through acceptance they learned how to reason. Through reason they discovered the most fundamental aspect of life – namely love, for love nourishes the soul of the universe. Love has a positive frequency that exuberates when emitted. Love unites. Love is the one single force that has the power to change the world. They understood that only love brings true joy and fulfillment in life. Through love and joy, you can find peace. Peace is a beautiful phase to reach because it entails that you are one with the pulse of life. Peace entails freedom. At the conscious level of peace, death is not repressed but rather in the open. You are aware that it might happen any day and you are content with it. Peace is an encounter with pure and unadulterated happiness. And through peace, you find enlightenment. The world follows people like Lord Jesus Christ, Socrates and Lord Buddha among others because of their status of being enlightened – and it’s useful because they make us better individuals, they bring us solace, they lift the burden of existence from our shoulders. Their lives are dedicated to the salvation of all humanity.
Existence is a burden. Existence is a challenge. Life consists of suffering, boredom and death. This is a fact, it is a fate we all share. Depression and nihilism are and have always been the epidemics of the world. We see this in the 20th century, where people like Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin and Mao ran totalitarian regimes. It was bad. We came close to extinction. People were killed for entertainment, for fun, to generate statistics. Joseph Stalin, once stated “one death is a tragedy, but a million deaths a statistic.” These were men with no moral compasses. They tortured human beings for experiments. They tortured human beings for their amusement. They were men overly intoxicated with power. They were egotistical and narcissistic men. They were men with deep underlying insecurities. The world was run by Pride and pride calibrates at a conscious energy level of 175. Pride is dangerous. Pride is critical. Pride is blind. Pride is Shame. Pride is guilt. Pride is confusion. Pride is fear. Pride is hatred. Pride is hopelessness. Pride is falsehood. The lack of a campus resorts in a man operating in the lower levels of consciousness. Life starts when you operate at a conscious energy level of 200. The level of 200 is courage. Below the conscious energy level of 200, is all things run by the amygdala, it is survival and fear driven. War generated this atmosphere of dog eat dog world – a world where nobody was save.
It seems as though Christianity is a good idea. Lord Jesus Christ dedicated his life for the betterment of humankind. He was an enlightened man and his ideas calibrated at 1000. Christianity managed to do the impossible. It proclaimed that every man is equal regardless of status positioning, wealth, gender and race. It gave women rights in a world where they had none. Somehow, it managed to level us all. It preached the importance of love and the idea of sharing. The concept of sharing is a very sophisticated idea for it teaches one about the delay of gratification. The idea that if I had two pieces of steaks and only needed one, I can give one steak to my neighbor with the realization that one day in the future my neighbor might give me a piece of steak when I had none. It is a concept that teaches you how to negotiate with time. Through the crucifixion of Christ, it taught us that life is suffering, it taught us about love and gave us the assurance that everything will be alright. It taught us peace and taught us how to embrace life and death. It even created a Utopia, a heaven to help us with the process of dying and to give solace. Christianity taught us how bring our hopes and dreams into the world by means of praying. Praying is another sophisticated concept where you concentrate all your forces and energy into something in hopes of bring it to life. Energy is involved in the process of praying so it brings it out into the universe, into life, the world. Because you prayed for it, it exists in the world – all you need to do is to put some more energy into it and it will reflect on to the world. Praying is the law of causality – isn’t it a beautiful concept? Christianity and the ideas of Lord Jesus Christ should be practiced for the improvement and perfection of one’s soul. Christianity is an extremely subjective practice. Its insistence is on the spirit of the individual. If a few individuals are regulated and fulfilled, it generates a ripple effect by virtue of association making everybody happy and fulfilled. A positive wave length is contagious!
There is a story in the bible about brothers Able and Cain. They are the children of Adam & Eve. The first humans ever. Adam and Eve were created by God whereas Able and Cain are the byproducts of Adam and Eve. It tells the story about how God was happy about one brother’s (Able) contribution and unhappy about another’s (Cain). Cain does everything to impress God but he does it in vain as he is met with Gods disapproval. Whereas his brother Able impresses him with ease, without much effort. This makes Cain grow resentful and angry towards his brother Able. Worse, is that Able is genuinely a good person, everyone likes him and women always want to be around him. Cain cannot find fault with him, his authentic and perfect and that makes him grow even more resentful and angry towards his brother. His resentment and anger leads him to Satan and he is drawn to Hell. Cain overpowered by emotions of envy, jealously and anger decides to kill Able. He does it to spite God, to spite the world by killing everything he wants to be. How did things become so rife? Everyone has a contract with God and you fulfill your contract by being you, by doing the things that come natural to you, by being authentically individualistic. By being yourself, you honor God and it pleases him, he becomes happy about your contributions. Cain was so envious of his brother that he didn’t honor his contract with God. He was not an individual. He lacked a self-campus. He wanted to be like his brother and that displeased God because he didn’t create a replica of Able. God also wanted Cain to be himself, to self-actualize, to impose himself on the world and show his true character and virtues. God wanted Cain to honor him by becoming himself. However, Cain’s heart was tainted and impure. Once he started having resentful thoughts about his brother, they took a life of its own. By continuously having these thoughts, he fed the beast until it lead him to a point of no return, Satan – Hell. Satan is not a red beast with horns on his forehead just like how Hell is not a place filled with fires and demons. Hell is a state of mind and you get there by feeding negative emotions. Negative emotions are not conducive to life. They are destructive and inhospitable. One must always aspire to go to Heaven. Heaven is a fertile place for growth. Love lives in heaven and there’s progression and growth. Heaven is stimulating and conducive. Heaven is the state of mind we should all strive to be in.
The two brothers were in two completely separate wavelengths. They were in two different worlds. One brother was in Heaven while the other was in Hell. One brother was with God while the other was with Satan. It is a useful story because it educates us about envy and self-actualization. Envy calibrates lower than 200 energy level. It is primitive and destructive. Envy is vain and self-sustaining, it feeds off other negative emotions and energy levels. Envy is unintelligible and insecure. Envy is prideful and hopelessness. Self-actualization on the other hand is above the conscious energy level of 200. Self-actualization is courage. Self-actualization is learning. Self-actualization is willingness. Self-actualization is reason. Self-actualization is freedom – the ability to embrace God and thank him for the gifts that he has bestowed upon you. Self-actualization is enlightenment, the process of knowing your purpose in life and fulfilling it. Self-actualization is the most beautiful thing God has given to us. We should strive to become who we could be and negate the external factors of the world. We should be truthful to ourselves at all times. That’s how we give praise to God. That’s how we show him that we are grateful for the gift of life. That’s where Christianity comes in, God has given us his son Jesus Christ to teach us about the virtues of life. He gave us Jesus Christ to enlighten us, to make us pure, to give us hope, and to complete that void in our hearts. I am not talking about organized religion, organized religion has made a mockery of the Christian doctrine, it has polluted and stained its ideas, it is the reason for the nihilism and depression in our world, it is the reason we are devoid of goals! I am talking about subjective Christianity, Christianity for your spirit and soul as an individual, for yourself. I am talking about Christianity as an ideal we should strive for!
Energy Level Calibrations: Energy Level: 20 Shame Energy Level: 30 Guilt Energy Level: 50 Apathy Energy Level: 75 Grief Energy Level: 100 Fear Energy Level: 125 Desire Energy Level: 150 Anger Energy Level: 175 Pride Energy Level: 200 Courage Energy Level: 250 Courage Energy Level: 310 Willingness Energy Level: 350 Acceptance Energy Level: 400 Reason Energy Level: 500 Love Energy Level: 540 Joy Energy Level: 600 Peace Energy Level: 700 – 1000 Enlightenment
I had a bad dream. It was horrible. I dreamt I burnt a school to the ground. Worse, the students, teachers and I included were in the premises. What was the motivation? I don’t know. Why did I do it? I don’t know. The fire was an inferno that burned everyone to their bones. I can still hear the cries of anguish. The cries of torment and hell. The school was locked and razor fences surrounded the perimeter. It was hard to escape, nearly impossible. Everyone was cooped in the boiling pot until it turned to aches. The fire, it was everywhere. I couldn’t breathe and my vision was blurry and tainted. It was a movie in the theatre of my mind. I managed to escape. It the midst of all that chaos, I located a spot that was devoid of razor fencing; instead stood a wall so I climbed over it and made it to another person’s property – following me was a blind person, his life was spared to. Now in a different demarcation we ran towards the gate to escape the chaos. Till we were stopped by a muscular colored guy. He pointed a rifle gun to my head and stated that I was not going anywhere. He told me that he knew that I was the one who had started the fire and let go the blind guy. I was perplexed. How did he know? He said he knew it from his soul. I looked over at the school from the muscular colored’s premises and everyone and everything was burned to a crisp. No survivors. It was like a battlefield that was bombarded with nuclear – it was quiet with no sign of life. The place was dead and unresponsive. It was horrible. I had burned down a place of education, a place of growth and sustainability. I had burned down a place of hope. I burned down knowledge, culture and heritage. I murdered my friends. I murdered my teachers. I robbed people of their potential, their lives. I altered the future for a lot of families. I don’t know why I burned the school. I remember having petrol and matches and I set the school alight. Even in my dreams, I knew the screams of the people who were burning would haunt me forever. That I would have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and it would change my life forever, that it would hinder me from appreciating all of life. I feared that this incident would scar my mind. Dying would be better. I begged the big colored guy to end my life. However, he didn’t. He just kept the gun on my face and held me hostage. I thought that maybe I should force his hand and try to run; that he would shoot me from behind and end my life, but I was scared of death. So I just stood there with the gun on my face on the one hand and the carnage and destruction on the other. I felt trapped and I woke up.
Why did I do it? Am I bad person? Am I an evil person? What is the difference between bad and evil? Bad is an adjective that describes your nature as a human being. It is straightforward, it is a fact, it is objective, it is the stripes on the zebra, the sun in the sky and the fish in the ocean. While evil has to do with acts of ethics and morality. Evil is premeditated behavior and actions, it is hiding evidence, lying to preserve your way, cheating and murder. A sequence of evil acts make you a bad person. If lying and murder becomes habit, you are a bad person. Evil can be undone with a sequence of good deeds and targeted incentives. Bad is set in stone, it is difficult to redeem if not impossible, it is hopeless with no will of life. It is with this definition that I try to analyze who I am. Surely, an evil act of this magnitude makes me a bad irredeemable person. Bad and rotten to the core. I senselessly murdered thousands in an academic institution – a place of education and self-betterment. I ruined the future of many families. I am just like Josef Stalin who starved his people until death. A narcissistic, egotistical maniac who killed millions in the Soviet Union to conserve his way. Was Lucifer bad or evil? Lucifer was an angel of God, who sang mightily beautiful and he/she committed a big evil act. Lucifer had been good in the past, what if he/she was redeemable. Did God give up on Lucifer? Maybe, I am Lucifer – In my dream I committed a horrendous act of evil, an act that is unforgivable. Am I unworthy of God’s love?
It seems as though if you don’t know who you are, the world and even God is happy to categorize you in box. I think the notion that we are all born sinners is the right one. Simply because inside each and every one of us lurks evil. And if the evil is disproportional to the norms and confines society has constructed you run the risk of being barred. It happened to Lucifer. You have a Lucifer in your soul. It is in this vein that we must approach life intelligently and try to avoid chaos. While chaos is all that defines the structure of existence we must try to instill a bit of order in ourselves. Assume the person you are talking to knows something that you don’t. Listen and don’t make judgements. Approach everyone with respect. Don’t offend the wrong person. Not because you are scared but because you want an orderly life. Insecure fools and idiots roam the streets, motivated by Lucifer in their souls they aim to insight evil. They want to immerse you in petty squabbles. Repressed and unconscious they want to project their powers onto you. The best way to solve such things is to shun them off. Not because you can’t stand up for yourself but because you won’t react. Reacting puts you at a disadvantage because you run the risk of running into a trap that was specially designed for you. You will get them at your own terms, playing by your rules. We are mortal and fragile. A shot to the head might end it all. A knife in the heart might end it all. As people we are all evil, some more evil and others just bad. Consciousness has given us the powers of sympathy and empathy meaning we know how to hurt a fellow human being because we can be hurt too. I struggle with understanding morality, the subject of good and evil because fundamentally I am guilty. Hence, my answer is the life of order. The life of the hero, fundamentally correct because he tries to restore order.
I find the symbolism of the blind guy in my dream who escaped the inferno amazing. The mind is so intelligent. The dream was about my struggle for good and evil and besides me was a blind who was on a journey with me, who abstractly “saw” everything and yet he left undeterred, unharmed, saved. While I was tormented by screams and cries of people burning to their bones. I think the message was clear, “Ignorance is bliss” and it works particularly well in the subject of good, bad and evil. We see this every time on court cases where the defense asks for an insanity plea and it gets granted for a murder committed in cold blood. We see sleep-walking patients butchering their families and walking free in court. Does it mean that idiots, mentally challenged patients and people devoid of sensory abilities are devoid and exempted from morality? Is being ignorant the key to happiness in the world? Is being crazy the key to fulfillment? Is being an idiot, a complete fool the key to bypassing the issues that plague humanity?
antakalipa 