Paul Heyman and Roman Reigns on my socials for years and there’s still some confusion about my position in the mortality spectrum. I do whatever to win! I thought my position was clear when I stated that ‘I am on a heel turn’. I despise purity because it’s pretentious, disguised and filthy. It’s the pure ones that do all the manipulating, they have learned to camouflage themselves with the consensus of the majority while aligning themselves with virtues that seem righteous but are two-faced like a coin and leave much to the imagination. Hypocrites, they hide under the morality that plagues their existence. They are fakes, they smile in my face and start smear campaigns when my back is turned. I like the bad guys more, there’s no pretensions, anything can happen, things are out in the open and your life is in danger. There’s no mirrors, smokescreens and theatricalies, no need for passive aggressive antics, just the consciousness that if you get out of line, I am going to whack you. I don’t like the pure ones because they secretly yearn for power, it’s in their actions, their demeanor, the disguised sly commentary, passive aggressive behavior, the perceived innocence white as snow, the victim mentality and their righteous indignation. Meek is dangerous ask Gandi and the English. How can you trust an individual who has blood more pure than Christ? I wish human beings were good, saintly, creatures who lived on love and farted butterflies. But it’s not like that isn’t it? A dark side exists and people want what you have, violence and if you’re stubborn death is a means for reposition. How can someone be truly whole when they don’t acknowledge their dark side? To claim you are white as snow is to refute you’re black as death. Arrogance, do you think that you are a better human being than me? White privilege can’t save your soul. I don’t like the pure ones, they make me uncomfortable, everything is a show and their smiles are fake. Face drips off schadenfreude through their pores every time I have a bad day. Nah, I don’t like the pure ones, I prefer drunkards, wife-beaters, criminals and prostitutes, at least they are real, they don’t try to be what they are not, they are flawed, vulnerable, confused, human and roaming about a maze they didn’t create and attempting to survive. Psychopaths exist but they are a product of this maze so they have my compassion and understanding. All of life has my compassion and understanding. Existence is difficult, no one has the answers and we all are going to die. Why would you want to be Jesus Christ? Did you forget his best friend was Mary Magdalene? I’d rather call Saul.
What is good? What is bad? Cause when Walter White started cooking crystals to secure his family’s future I was with him. Life is not fair and sometimes it makes no sense at all. I mean what is the alternative? He has cancer and can’t afford to pay for Chemo because he works in a profession that doesn’t pay much. He is overqualified and his teaching job isn’t maximizing his talents. He has kids and has been diagnosed to live for a couple of months. Even if he reached into the family’s savings to pay for the Chemo, its not guaranteed that he’ll survive, cause what if he pays the 300K for the treatment and perishes anyways. What then? What about the kids? What about their futures? What about the house? The unsurmountable debt? No college fund, what about the kids dreams? No insurance, what about that safety net? Is that the legacy you want to leave for your family? Are you really going to leave behind your kids hungry, scrambling for survival, living off bread crumbs? What about your honor as a man? What about your pride? What is your use? You lived your whole life as an honest man, working to secure your family’s future and now cancer is wiping off your whole existence. Maybe you know of people who can pay off the treatment but is that a way to live? Being a charity case for people who screwed you over? People who built their empire on what you started and claimed it for themselves. It’s guilt money, a bribe, they are paying you off! Of course that’s not how they will present it because human beings are sophisticated creatures and theatricality is the order of the day. Maybe they do care and genuinely want you to beat the cancer but deep down you’ll know. You’ll feel the bondage and entitlement. Sure they stole your work to get to the top but they also saved your life, let’s face it, you owe them. How is that fair? You screw me over and still manage to get the last laugh. Nah fuck em! If I can do something to alter destiny then I will, even if it means cooking crystals. I am already on borrowed time, I am knowledgeable, I might as well go all out. This way at least I have a chance, I can procure the funds for the Chemo treatment, I can secure my family’s future, I can be useful, I can be a man, I can be proud of myself. It’s not like I am stealing the money, I’ll be earning it. I understand that drugs cause harm and death is a relative but what is the alternative? Give up to cancer and die? Leave my family broke, leave them with nothing except a memory. A memory that was stained by suffering and a prolonged death towards the end. Everything I do, I do because of my love for my family. What’s so bad about that? What’s the use of having the knowledge and not putting it to use? Laboring years for a system that rebukes you. What does “overqualified” even mean? Everyone else is flourishing as a result of their hard labor. Why can’t I be the best that I can be? What is ethics and morality in a Godless Universe? Everybody dies, time forgets and nothing matters in any case. You tell me, what is good, what is bad? Is your criteria subjective or objective? Cause if the people want crystals I am happy cooking it for them, we are adults with freewill and it will be the best, most purist crystal meth in the world.
You think you got a good wife but when the kitchen gets heated she dashes out and goes fucking her boss. After everything I’ve done for the family, after everything I’ve sacrificed. I did everything for the family, she doesn’t recognize that, she doesn’t acknowledge me. All she does is criticize, criticize and criticize. How I wish words were sufficient to make you see the broader picture. It’s like I’ve become an outsider, an enemy, she wants a divorce, she doesn’t love me anymore, it’s like we don’t have a history. Sure I lied but it was to protect you and the family. I wasn’t fucking random bitches, I was working to secure the family’s future. A man’s job is to provide and it has been that way since the beginning of time. How you gonna persecute me for doing what comes natural? Watching the show, I was disgusted with Walts wife Skylar, she abandoned him. She had a righteous aura about her, she judged Walt, she elevated herself above Walt. The balls on her to sleep with her boss. Walter Jr, is correct, she is a bitch! I mean sleeping with your boss to spite me, to get me to react, to get your way? That is devious, beyond Machiavellian. How is that morally justified? I cook crystals to secure the family’s future and you fuck your boss because you disagree with my methods? Where’s your loyalty? You made an oath to be by my side. Nobody’s perfect but how you gon consciously do that? Repeatedly at that! You don’t respect me. You don’t support me. You don’t want to see my perspective. Who made you God to judge over life like that? You are a bad person Skylar, an example of what a wife shouldn’t be. Fuck you too bitch, here are your divorce papers all signed, you got what you wanted I am leaving! Hope you choke on that assholes dick and die!
“Woah! Slow down big fella don’t make this personal”, I’ll try. The show made me emotional and my moral compass was tested. You might make a point for Skylar and suggest that she was only thinking about what was best for her and her family. When it comes to family self-preservation and survival triumphs all. Distancing yourself from a drug dealer is a good move as implications might lead to a difficult life. Stay and you are an accomplice, an accessory, a collaborator of all the crimes. Stay and everybody is a murderer cause you all enablers. Who wants to be on the front pages of morning papers and grace the tabloids columns? It’s disgraceful and worse you might lose everything you worked so hard to achieve. Good points but there’s holes, Skylar was already flirting with his boss before she found out the truth about Walt. It was just a matter of time before something metastasized. She just wanted an excuse to fuck him and she got one. Lines are blurred, I don’t know what is good and bad anymore but I do identify with the protagonist, that’s my nigga, I am with him, I understand. I progressed with him on his Arc. In my view good and bad is a matter of perspective, they are labels that don’t mean all that much – life goes on, we all make our choices and then they make us. Life is not black or white it’s far too complicated because we are complicated creatures who live in a world we don’t understand. There is no definite blueprint for a successful life and everybody is doing their best. Everybody in the show transgressed, everybody in the show is bad, everybody in the show is guilty. I salute the creator Vince Galligan and everyone involved with the show. The characters of the show are complex and troubled. How do you save somebody like Jesse when he believes in his heart that he is a bad guy. The criminals are super professional, have high levels of empathy, supremely intelligent and hide in plain view. Judge one of the characters and it reflects back at you, you feel like a hypocrite because you see yourself in their actions. It is an absolute masterclass, one of the greatest shows of all time. The acting is unbelievable and the writing superb. I was addicted to the show, I couldn’t stop watching. It is excellence. It gripped me, I loved it!
Would I be an Adolf Hitler or a Josef Stalin or Mao? Would I be the person credited for almost ending the world if I had absolute power? Am I a good person or am I evil? Am I in control of my actions or just a puppet stringed along in this parody of a play called life? Is there such a thing called freewill? Is there such a thing called freedom? Am I really conscious? Do I really have thoughts or I am just deluded and everything I know comes from culture and mythology. Do I have it in me to kill in cold blood? To take away existence, confiscate the human soul out of its confines? Do I have faith? Do I believe in God, myself? Am I terrified of death? Can I put my trust in man? Do I have a hatred of life? Would torturing a human being bring me pleasure? Do I love myself? Am I happy? Would I kill my brother and rape my sister? Would I starve millions to make a point? Would I blame others for my inadequacies? Am I the image of God or extremely flawed? Is this all of life; the trees, mountains, seas and the sky? What is the end goal of life? Is it the continual suffering of mankind as stated in religion, mythology and philosophy? Is life worth it? Isn’t ending it mercy? After all consciousness is a disease one that will plague humankind till its doom.
I am intrigued with the subject of bad and evil – the subject of morality. For years religion has been the driver of instilling morality in society. It contrasted “good” with evil very vivid with the fabrication of heaven and hell. It is a very sophisticated analogy. Heaven is a utopia, a place where suffering is not permitted. While Hell is a place of torment and demons that eat you alive. Life is energy and religion teaches us to practice things that have a high positive energy level. Things that are good for the continual species of man. Religion teaches reason, regulation of impulses and emotions, self-actualization and most importantly love and peace. These ideas or topics calibrate at a high conscious level, they build the soul and make life bearable – they take you to heaven. On the other side of the coin, it depicts a picture of evil. On the tale of Cain and Able, the bible depicts evil as a cancer cell that starts slow and gradually, undetected it multiply like compound interest ultimately consuming all of your soul. Evil is bad. Evil is not conducive. It makes life wither. It operates at a negative energy life. It is hidden and life threatening like the thief in the night. The story of Cain and Able is a very interesting. Cain and Able are the first humans in the world; they come from Adam and Eve while Adam and Eve were created by God. It is because of that, that I can relate better with Cain and Able considering that I am also human. The story tells the tale of how Cain killed his brother Able, because he was favored by God. Cain killed Able to spite God, to hurt God, he killed everything he wanted to be (his brother) to spite the world and it was a conscious action. Rejected by God on a constant, Cain was hurt and he started being conscious of how he felt. Knowing how he felt was the realization and consciousness that he could hurt the world, God and he did it because evil had consumed his soul. Was he wrong to do it? What criteria are we using? Objectively sure because killing another human being is wrong. However, subjectively how can we be sure? Everyone has a little evil in his soul? Cain’s evil just grew. Everyone has the capacity to kill. Before we can give the verdict we need to understand Cain on a subjective level because often truth is subjective. Didn’t God let down Cain?
Morality like Justice is a hard thing to factor in. Simply because we are human beings, navigating this world and our nature is not known to us. We don’t know what consciousness is and we are always in auto-pilot. Yes, we can stop for a while and contemplate for a while about the world and the events transpiring all around us. However those are not our thoughts, they come from the world, they come from the books that we have read, the movies we have seen, the music we hear, from religion, from philosophy, from academic institutions, the tales our families tell us – in a nutshell culture, we have no original thoughts – everything in the world is always getting refreshed and rebooted to meet our current stance – that’s if you have the right frequency and energy needed to merge with what’s in the world. The world is feminine energy – chaotic! Hidden to us like the reproductive organs of a female and maybe that’s why need we objective criteria to serve as order. However, we are deluding ourselves. We are all hypocrites. After all, If I had absolute power in Germany with the backing of the SS, at the back of World War one when Germany suffered greatly, In a period where War and invading other countries was the norm and with my specific make-up and how I grew up; maybe I could have been Adolf Hitler. Instigating war and killing people to prove that I am the ultimate alpha. Torturing people and experimenting with them like Guinea pigs. Propagating Propaganda because of my denial of death and attempts at immortality. Maybe I could have been Hitler invading other countries and killing its people. Spreading tyranny and fear with terrorism and death. Imposing my ideas on the world and killing Jews for my entertainment. With absolute power, what would I not do? We all have a little Hitler in ourselves. Maybe I would have been Hitler had I been born in the age that he was born into, had I experienced everything that he experienced as a boy, maybe I would have been Hitler had I been in the Socialist party. I could have been Hitler, a bad man, an evil man in the objective criteria of the world. He is a bad man, an evil man because he violated people. He stripped people off their dignity, of their manhood. He experimented on people and tortured them while they were still alive. He killed people. The thing that makes you a good person is empathy and sympathy. Hitler did not have that and I can conclude that he was a bad man, an evil man.
The topic of good and bad is a difficult one because when is good bad or bad good? Is it definite like math or infinite like numbers? The beauty of the tales in the bible is that they can be interpreted in a million views. I don’t think Cain is bad or evil. He committed a bad and evil crime but considering he is human, he can be saved and redeemed. He killed Able because he operated on the lower levels of consciousness. Fortunately when you are down, the only way to go is up! With love, an energy force calibrating higher than everything he can be saved. He can find Peace and Joy and later attain Enlightenment. Cain can be the light of the world if we don’t lose faith in him.
In the Spiderman franchise Directed by Sam Raimi we see a drastic change in Spiderman’s character and demeanor. He goes from being bright and positive swinging from building to building to being dark, edgy and angry. This is reflected on the change of costumes from Red and Blue to completely Black. What we know about Spiderman from the first two installments of the movie is that he tries to use his powers for the benefit of humankind. He saves people from physical harm. He dedicates himself to the salvation of men. He is at the peril of men. Crime is very low in the busy city of New York City. He instills order in the chaotic city of New York. He is a hero. He is also morally aligned, he always does good things not necessarily for him but for everyone else. As Peter Parker he denies himself the pleasures of the world like being with the woman he loves Mary-Jane Watson because he is Spiderman. He is often broke, failing to pay rent in his little apartment room that is fit for a peasant. And because he is always out in about saving the world, he doesn’t have the time to do his assignments resulting in the accumulation of poor grades. His professor thinks he is brilliant though and doesn’t understand why Peter Parker just won’t apply himself more. Peter Parker is heroic in all spheres of life. The juggling of his superhero life, personal life, academic life and he still has a job as a photographer for the city’s newspaper company – his efforts are honorable and superb. Despite the fact that he is often broke, he doesn’t have the urge to rob a bank or shop, I find that admirable. The best quote of the whole franchise is “I believe there’s a hero in all of us that keeps us honest, noble and finally allows us to die with pride. Even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the things we want the most. Even our dreams.” It is a powerful quote, one that defines the life of Peter Parker.
Everything in Peter Parker’s life changes when he learns that the man who killed his uncle on the first installment of the movie is still alive and remarkably escaped the confines of prison. Filled with outrage and anger, Peter Parker puts on his Black suit costume and hunts down “Flint Marco”. He hunts him down with the intention of killing him. He locates him and they engage in battle. Peter Parker wins the battle and the last words he utters are “Good riddance” indicating the demise of Marco Flint. It is the first time that we see Spiderman doing something that is morally wrong. What he committed was not justice. This was frontier justice – it is putting the law in your hands. What gives you the right to murder someone else? Is it because he murdered your uncle years ago? That is not a justified response. It is wrong. Oswaldo Mowbray (the Hangman of Red Rock) explores “Frontier Justice” on the brilliant Quentin Tarantino movie “The Hateful Eight” released in 2013. “If you’re found guilty, the people of Red Rock will hang you in the Town Square. And as the Hang Man, I will perform the execution. And, if all those things end up taking place, that’s what civilized society calls ‘Justice’. , However, if the relatives, and the loved ones of the person you murdered were outside that door right now, and after BUSTING down that door….they drag you out into the snow and hang you up by the neck, that would be Frontier Justice. To me it doesn’t matter what you did. When I hang you I’ll get no satisfaction from your death. It’s my job. I hang you in Red Rock, I move on to the next town. I hang someone else there.”
Luckily Marco Flint survived. Spiderman would have killed an innocent man. Marco Flint was a victim of circumstance. Yes, he killed Uncle Ben but he didn’t intent to. He was not even aggressive and hostile towards him. His only mistake was that the gun was loaded and it went off accidentally. Marco Flint was an accident murder. It was not his intent to kill Uncle Ben. He didn’t want to resort to robbing people to get money but he needed to do that. He had a motive. A morally justified motive. His daughter was dying and he needed money to save her. That was his only crime, his love for his daughter. Marco Flint committed murder but is he a bad and evil man? Cain killed Able to spite the world, God and himself. Is he a bad and evil man? Hitler, Stalin and Mao killed millions for their amusement. Are they bad and evil men? Where do we draw the line? What is our criteria? Which murder is morally correct? Which man is good? Which man is bad? Can you honestly state that you are a good person and believe it?
I had a bad dream. It was horrible. I dreamt I burnt a school to the ground. Worse, the students, teachers and I included were in the premises. What was the motivation? I don’t know. Why did I do it? I don’t know. The fire was an inferno that burned everyone to their bones. I can still hear the cries of anguish. The cries of torment and hell. The school was locked and razor fences surrounded the perimeter. It was hard to escape, nearly impossible. Everyone was cooped in the boiling pot until it turned to aches. The fire, it was everywhere. I couldn’t breathe and my vision was blurry and tainted. It was a movie in the theatre of my mind. I managed to escape. It the midst of all that chaos, I located a spot that was devoid of razor fencing; instead stood a wall so I climbed over it and made it to another person’s property – following me was a blind person, his life was spared to. Now in a different demarcation we ran towards the gate to escape the chaos. Till we were stopped by a muscular colored guy. He pointed a rifle gun to my head and stated that I was not going anywhere. He told me that he knew that I was the one who had started the fire and let go the blind guy. I was perplexed. How did he know? He said he knew it from his soul. I looked over at the school from the muscular colored’s premises and everyone and everything was burned to a crisp. No survivors. It was like a battlefield that was bombarded with nuclear – it was quiet with no sign of life. The place was dead and unresponsive. It was horrible. I had burned down a place of education, a place of growth and sustainability. I had burned down a place of hope. I burned down knowledge, culture and heritage. I murdered my friends. I murdered my teachers. I robbed people of their potential, their lives. I altered the future for a lot of families. I don’t know why I burned the school. I remember having petrol and matches and I set the school alight. Even in my dreams, I knew the screams of the people who were burning would haunt me forever. That I would have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and it would change my life forever, that it would hinder me from appreciating all of life. I feared that this incident would scar my mind. Dying would be better. I begged the big colored guy to end my life. However, he didn’t. He just kept the gun on my face and held me hostage. I thought that maybe I should force his hand and try to run; that he would shoot me from behind and end my life, but I was scared of death. So I just stood there with the gun on my face on the one hand and the carnage and destruction on the other. I felt trapped and I woke up.
Why did I do it? Am I bad person? Am I an evil person? What is the difference between bad and evil? Bad is an adjective that describes your nature as a human being. It is straightforward, it is a fact, it is objective, it is the stripes on the zebra, the sun in the sky and the fish in the ocean. While evil has to do with acts of ethics and morality. Evil is premeditated behavior and actions, it is hiding evidence, lying to preserve your way, cheating and murder. A sequence of evil acts make you a bad person. If lying and murder becomes habit, you are a bad person. Evil can be undone with a sequence of good deeds and targeted incentives. Bad is set in stone, it is difficult to redeem if not impossible, it is hopeless with no will of life. It is with this definition that I try to analyze who I am. Surely, an evil act of this magnitude makes me a bad irredeemable person. Bad and rotten to the core. I senselessly murdered thousands in an academic institution – a place of education and self-betterment. I ruined the future of many families. I am just like Josef Stalin who starved his people until death. A narcissistic, egotistical maniac who killed millions in the Soviet Union to conserve his way. Was Lucifer bad or evil? Lucifer was an angel of God, who sang mightily beautiful and he/she committed a big evil act. Lucifer had been good in the past, what if he/she was redeemable. Did God give up on Lucifer? Maybe, I am Lucifer – In my dream I committed a horrendous act of evil, an act that is unforgivable. Am I unworthy of God’s love?
It seems as though if you don’t know who you are, the world and even God is happy to categorize you in box. I think the notion that we are all born sinners is the right one. Simply because inside each and every one of us lurks evil. And if the evil is disproportional to the norms and confines society has constructed you run the risk of being barred. It happened to Lucifer. You have a Lucifer in your soul. It is in this vein that we must approach life intelligently and try to avoid chaos. While chaos is all that defines the structure of existence we must try to instill a bit of order in ourselves. Assume the person you are talking to knows something that you don’t. Listen and don’t make judgements. Approach everyone with respect. Don’t offend the wrong person. Not because you are scared but because you want an orderly life. Insecure fools and idiots roam the streets, motivated by Lucifer in their souls they aim to insight evil. They want to immerse you in petty squabbles. Repressed and unconscious they want to project their powers onto you. The best way to solve such things is to shun them off. Not because you can’t stand up for yourself but because you won’t react. Reacting puts you at a disadvantage because you run the risk of running into a trap that was specially designed for you. You will get them at your own terms, playing by your rules. We are mortal and fragile. A shot to the head might end it all. A knife in the heart might end it all. As people we are all evil, some more evil and others just bad. Consciousness has given us the powers of sympathy and empathy meaning we know how to hurt a fellow human being because we can be hurt too. I struggle with understanding morality, the subject of good and evil because fundamentally I am guilty. Hence, my answer is the life of order. The life of the hero, fundamentally correct because he tries to restore order.
I find the symbolism of the blind guy in my dream who escaped the inferno amazing. The mind is so intelligent. The dream was about my struggle for good and evil and besides me was a blind who was on a journey with me, who abstractly “saw” everything and yet he left undeterred, unharmed, saved. While I was tormented by screams and cries of people burning to their bones. I think the message was clear, “Ignorance is bliss” and it works particularly well in the subject of good, bad and evil. We see this every time on court cases where the defense asks for an insanity plea and it gets granted for a murder committed in cold blood. We see sleep-walking patients butchering their families and walking free in court. Does it mean that idiots, mentally challenged patients and people devoid of sensory abilities are devoid and exempted from morality? Is being ignorant the key to happiness in the world? Is being crazy the key to fulfillment? Is being an idiot, a complete fool the key to bypassing the issues that plague humanity?
antakalipa 