Death

Memento Mori II

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Memento Mori II

Remember that you are going to die. It’s inescapable, everyday you are nearing the end. The good time, the bitches, the alcohol it’s all temporary. What isn’t temporary is your legacy, what have you done for the next generation? Your kids, did you do all that you can to ensure they have a better life? Are you proud of the life you have led? Is life better because you existed? Forget about friends, they don’t have your best interests at heart. They will leave you, it’s all a matter of time. To tell you the truth, they don’t care all that much about you, they are living their own lives and running their own race. What have you done for yourself? You came into this world alone and you are going to exit alone, consider that. No one really cares about you. You have to do that for yourself, maintain your composure, take one step at a time and head for your dreams, accomplish your goals, believe in the magic that’s you and never give up. What people say or think about you doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is your opinion about yourself. Have good thoughts about yourself, don’t say things that make you weak, empower yourself, have pride, be confident. Wake up, wake up, wake up! Fight for freedom, for truth and keep going because winners don’t quit on themselves. You can accomplish it, your wildest dreams, stay concentrated, keep moving and have patience. Make the right choices, adopt the right habits, habits are destiny. Remember that you are going to die, life is impermanence, elevate your perspective to have a broader view of life, refrain from acting in the moment, consider the cosmic events of things – everything is cause and effect, show love and it will come back to you. Do things today that will serve you tomorrow. Embrace positivity and you will lead a positive life. Stick with things that enable you to grow, be with the people who want the best for you and let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore. Every step, moment, counts, stand for something, be brave, walk alone, risk ridicule, never be afraid of being who you truly are. Everything dissipates, the stars lose their shine, day becomes night and the youth lose their enthusiasm. In the end we all perish, we become dust and our memory is forgotten. You are going to die, it’s a certainty, heaven can’t save you and God approves of it. Enjoy today, be in the moment, be like a child, see the wonder in everything, do everything that you can, today might be your last day on earth. Remember you are going to die, stop postponing what you can do now, today. Have urgency, move with purpose, time is not on your side, everyday you are close to death. Relegate fear to the side, it’s not life-affirming, it won’t save you, it’s useless. Instead be fearless, live like today might be your last day because it might. Do everything that you have ever wanted because life is brief. There is no tomorrow only the the eternal now. Memento Mori my friend, stop wasting time, everything that you need is already within, the outside world can’t offer you anything. Stand grounded, keep your head down, keep moving, be humble, be grateful for the magnificence of life, love and you will attract beautiful things in your map of experience. Memento Mori my friend, remember that you are going to die, do all that you can with the time that you have.

Live Your Life – Play

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Live your life – Play

I am convinced that God is a comedian. Life was never meant to be serious. We humans complicate the process. We desire, we envy and postpone the present for an hypothetical future. We suffer more in imagination than reality. We love the illusion of control, we insist on micromanagement, we hold tight and firm to our preconceived notions, we want things to happen our way. God laughs because much of what happens is spontaneous. No one knows anything real about life. Even the term “real” attempts to make sense of what just is, an impossibility, that’s like biting your own teeth. Life is obsurd, no one has the answers, if someone had a cheat code then the game wouldn’t be worth playing anymore. How can you take serious what dissappears right before your eyes. I once had a girl who professed feelings of love towards me. I asked her are you serious or are you playing with me? She said she was serious and I was disappointed because I wanted her to play with me. Who wants a serious girlfriend? She be clinging on to me, suffocating my space, preserving me out of insecurity and controlling my perception of reality. Nah babygirl relax, calm down, it’s not my responsibility to make you happy, you must do that for yourself and then we will be happy together. I am not your world, get the fuck outta here! I am amazed with the mind games that people play on a daily, the sly manipulations and gaslighting to get you to do their bidding for them. Don’t get me wrong, I know that people control and manipulate me everyday, some tactics I see like the marketing and advertising that’s prevalent around me, some manipulations are paternal, they have been happening ever since I was born, some manipulations are to control frames to make sense of our interactions in the world cause somebody has to be passive and compliant to have a successful interaction, two alpha wannabes interacting won’t get you far. I love when women attempt to manipulate, the crocodile tears and the victim mentality, I always laugh, oh you a good actress but overt manipulations don’t work on me. Life is funny, it’s play. It’s not a coincidence that people who are successful in life do what they love, it’s not work for them, it’s play, they get to do what they love everyday and there is a glow about them, they are shining stars, they are fulfilled, they are happy. It’s play, they dance for the sake of dancing. The musicians, they play music. To play with no end game in mind, that’s the purpose of life. There’s a contrast in people who work and not play in their professions, they can’t wait for the day to be over, they are absent-minded, they postpone their happiness, they live in the future, their present sucks. You see it with all the serious professions like defence, your soldiers, crippled by PTSD and living life with paranoia. The need to be serious all the time, they are not happy. Why would you want to be serious all the time? That’s not life. It’s so unfortunate because the present is all we ever have, to deny it, is to deny your life.

Life is play, everyday is an opportunity to do what you want, to engage in what you love, to be around people who enhance the quality of your life. There’s wisdom in “YOLO” which translates to you only life once. You have to take play seriously! That’s why we get together with the gents, buy 48 Corona, 2 bottles of Hennessey, smoke Chronic to set the mood and the whole day is on autopilot. We play, we have fun, we connect, we live in the moment that’s now. It’s counterproductive to be with people who don’t share your values, people who you don’t see eye to eye with, the playing experience won’t be optimal. It’s a waste of life. Why would you want to be with someone you don’t want to play with. The rules of play are governed by two simple rules, respect and reciprocity, it’s give and take, give pleasure to receive pleasure. Simple cause and effect, that’s how you know it’s truthful. Albert Camus once said the real question of life is to whether to commit suicide or not. Why would you want to play if the activity doesn’t give you pleasure? 9 to 5 working a job you hate for a boss who treats you like crap and doesn’t like you. The pay is horrible and you can’t even recognize yourself in the mirror anymore. Isn’t it wise to end the game? The location is already pre-determined, death. No one can escape it, everyday you move closer to it, it calls out your name and the sound rebounds like an echo until time. We take life way too seriously when it’s already determined, a formality. Why? What for? You won’t survive it, even if you live longer, you won’t survive it. Life is play, every day is play, you are the Universe experiencing itself, you are not separate from it, you are it like everything around you, you are just a different expression, live your life, you choose how to live it, play, be happy, don’t be too serious, life is not serious. Play, be in the process. Love the process. Do the things that you love and be with the people you love. Play, be like a child in the moment, be immersed in the present, block out the external world, people’s thoughts about you, they don’t matter, they never have, the only thing that matters is what you think about yourself, play, find flow, laugh, be silly, feel the wet grass from under your feet, run, explore, be yourself, find the expression that’s truest for you, embrace your individuality, play, be all that you can be.

Dahmer

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Dahmer

Monsters lurk everywhere in the world and it’s hard to spot them. They have learned to camouflage themselves in the darkness, it engulfs and consumes them, blackening their souls turning them into shadows. Analytical Psychologist Carl Jung explains that human beings carry within themselves both elements of the good and bad, that we are both angels and demons, sick, demented, evil, dark, spoiled. Because we live in a world where we have to co-exist to survive, we surpress these undesirable qualities relegating them into the shadows. Unchecked the shadow can grow to consume our personality and rule our subconscious minds enabling us to act unconsciously. Our shadows can turn us into psychopaths who lack empathy and thrive on destruction. The shadow can enable the individual to be narcissistic, egoistic and maniacal. Shedding a light on our dark sides helps in controlling the shadow. Acknowledging you have a dark side keeps the shadow at bay. Life is a balance of both the good and bad, of the light and the darkness. We are both polar extremes of the same spectrum. You are a killer and a murderer, human nature says you are. You might find pleasure in murdering your brother in cold blood. Cain certainly did when he murdered his brother Able to spite God. The murder was premeditated, he felt no remorse, the action liberated him. I know I am bad, I am capable of savagery and genocide. I may even take pleasure in torturing and tormenting you to appease my dark side. Your suffering might even give me comfort. Am I another Jeffrey Dahmer? Would I drug you, strangle you to death, masterbate over your body, have sex with your unconscious body, dissect and sever your body parts, skin the flesh from your bones, cook and eat your body parts for dinner? The capacity for evil in a human being is unfathomable. Maybe I am not familiar with my own darkness. I don’t know what I might do to you in the right circumstances. The story of Jeffrey Dahmer haunts me because he did it time and time again. A serial killer with a death toll of 17. No one was safe, from boys aged 14 to adults aged 33. He butchered his victims, cut off their limbs, drilled holes in their skulls and injected hydrochloric acid, severed their heads and preserved them in the refrigerator, inserted the bones in the oven to burn them and then crushed them with his sledgehammer, he cut his victims into pieces and then boiled them, he cooked his victims and he ate them, he ate them! He used acid and other chemicals to burn the skin of his victims skulls to preserve them. He bleached the skulls and if they were too weak he pulverized them, some he kept and used when he was masterbating. He felt no remorse, it was a compulsion for him, he was conscious of his actions, he knew what he was doing, he wasn’t crazy or diagnosed with some sort of mental illness, he consciously experimented with his victims bodies in his own words to create zombies, he loved doing it, it was his vocation. I don’t want to believe that I am as wicked and evil as Dahmer but I know it’s possible. To deny this is to repress my own darkness and wickedness. To know I am capable of such darkness frightens me. I hope Jung and Freud have an answer for somebody like Dahmer. Maybe it is the ID out of control. Sigmund Freud explained that the ID is the seat of both the repressed material and the drives, to which had been added to the unconscious fantasies and unconscious feelings, notably guilt feelings. Expanding on this idea, Freud states that the mind is divided into 3; into what we call the ID, Ego and the Superego. The Superego is the watchful, judging, punishing agency in the individual. The ID is self-gratifying and amoral and the Ego is the middle ground of the two and strives to be moral. I don’t think Freud and Jung would understand an individual quite as complicated as Dahmer, to try and understand somebody like Dahmer is impossible. I mean he seduced and lured his victims to his place, drugged them, killed them, cut them and sat with the stench of their decomposing bodies. The smell was second nature to him. Sometimes psychology is not enough, perhaps this is a genetic thing, maybe his the exception in the family tree. When he was finally caught he didn’t resist, he was compliant and told the whole truth, every horrific detail, where he hid body parts, how many he had killed, the hearts, biceps, legs he ate, when the killing spree commenced – everything. He knew what he had done was evil and he asked for the death penalty that was not granted because it was banned in his State. He was accepting of who he was, he was not bothered, he was not haunted by ghosts and demons, he was not remorseful, he even had fans who corresponded with him in jail, fans who projected onto him their undesirable feelings, desires and fantasies and he reciprocated back that energy. Jeffrey Dahmer is your definitive example of a monster, he scares me. Maybe I am just scared of myself.

Breaking Bad

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Breaking Bad

What is good? What is bad? Cause when Walter White started cooking crystals to secure his family’s future I was with him. Life is not fair and sometimes it makes no sense at all. I mean what is the alternative? He has cancer and can’t afford to pay for Chemo because he works in a profession that doesn’t pay much. He is overqualified and his teaching job isn’t maximizing his talents. He has kids and has been diagnosed to live for a couple of months. Even if he reached into the family’s savings to pay for the Chemo, its not guaranteed that he’ll survive, cause what if he pays the 300K for the treatment and perishes anyways. What then? What about the kids? What about their futures? What about the house? The unsurmountable debt? No college fund, what about the kids dreams? No insurance, what about that safety net? Is that the legacy you want to leave for your family? Are you really going to leave behind your kids hungry, scrambling for survival, living off bread crumbs? What about your honor as a man? What about your pride? What is your use? You lived your whole life as an honest man, working to secure your family’s future and now cancer is wiping off your whole existence. Maybe you know of people who can pay off the treatment but is that a way to live? Being a charity case for people who screwed you over? People who built their empire on what you started and claimed it for themselves. It’s guilt money, a bribe, they are paying you off! Of course that’s not how they will present it because human beings are sophisticated creatures and theatricality is the order of the day. Maybe they do care and genuinely want you to beat the cancer but deep down you’ll know. You’ll feel the bondage and entitlement. Sure they stole your work to get to the top but they also saved your life, let’s face it, you owe them. How is that fair? You screw me over and still manage to get the last laugh. Nah fuck em! If I can do something to alter destiny then I will, even if it means cooking crystals. I am already on borrowed time, I am knowledgeable, I might as well go all out. This way at least I have a chance, I can procure the funds for the Chemo treatment, I can secure my family’s future, I can be useful, I can be a man, I can be proud of myself. It’s not like I am stealing the money, I’ll be earning it. I understand that drugs cause harm and death is a relative but what is the alternative? Give up to cancer and die? Leave my family broke, leave them with nothing except a memory. A memory that was stained by suffering and a prolonged death towards the end. Everything I do, I do because of my love for my family. What’s so bad about that? What’s the use of having the knowledge and not putting it to use? Laboring years for a system that rebukes you. What does “overqualified” even mean? Everyone else is flourishing as a result of their hard labor. Why can’t I be the best that I can be? What is ethics and morality in a Godless Universe? Everybody dies, time forgets and nothing matters in any case. You tell me, what is good, what is bad? Is your criteria subjective or objective? Cause if the people want crystals I am happy cooking it for them, we are adults with freewill and it will be the best, most purist crystal meth in the world.

You think you got a good wife but when the kitchen gets heated she dashes out and goes fucking her boss. After everything I’ve done for the family, after everything I’ve sacrificed. I did everything for the family, she doesn’t recognize that, she doesn’t acknowledge me. All she does is criticize, criticize and criticize. How I wish words were sufficient to make you see the broader picture. It’s like I’ve become an outsider, an enemy, she wants a divorce, she doesn’t love me anymore, it’s like we don’t have a history. Sure I lied but it was to protect you and the family. I wasn’t fucking random bitches, I was working to secure the family’s future. A man’s job is to provide and it has been that way since the beginning of time. How you gonna persecute me for doing what comes natural? Watching the show, I was disgusted with Walts wife Skylar, she abandoned him. She had a righteous aura about her, she judged Walt, she elevated herself above Walt. The balls on her to sleep with her boss. Walter Jr, is correct, she is a bitch! I mean sleeping with your boss to spite me, to get me to react, to get your way? That is devious, beyond Machiavellian. How is that morally justified? I cook crystals to secure the family’s future and you fuck your boss because you disagree with my methods? Where’s your loyalty? You made an oath to be by my side. Nobody’s perfect but how you gon consciously do that? Repeatedly at that! You don’t respect me. You don’t support me. You don’t want to see my perspective. Who made you God to judge over life like that? You are a bad person Skylar, an example of what a wife shouldn’t be. Fuck you too bitch, here are your divorce papers all signed, you got what you wanted I am leaving! Hope you choke on that assholes dick and die!

“Woah! Slow down big fella don’t make this personal”, I’ll try. The show made me emotional and my moral compass was tested. You might make a point for Skylar and suggest that she was only thinking about what was best for her and her family. When it comes to family self-preservation and survival triumphs all. Distancing yourself from a drug dealer is a good move as implications might lead to a difficult life. Stay and you are an accomplice, an accessory, a collaborator of all the crimes. Stay and everybody is a murderer cause you all enablers. Who wants to be on the front pages of morning papers and grace the tabloids columns? It’s disgraceful and worse you might lose everything you worked so hard to achieve. Good points but there’s holes, Skylar was already flirting with his boss before she found out the truth about Walt. It was just a matter of time before something metastasized. She just wanted an excuse to fuck him and she got one. Lines are blurred, I don’t know what is good and bad anymore but I do identify with the protagonist, that’s my nigga, I am with him, I understand. I progressed with him on his Arc. In my view good and bad is a matter of perspective, they are labels that don’t mean all that much – life goes on, we all make our choices and then they make us. Life is not black or white it’s far too complicated because we are complicated creatures who live in a world we don’t understand. There is no definite blueprint for a successful life and everybody is doing their best. Everybody in the show transgressed, everybody in the show is bad, everybody in the show is guilty. I salute the creator Vince Galligan and everyone involved with the show. The characters of the show are complex and troubled. How do you save somebody like Jesse when he believes in his heart that he is a bad guy. The criminals are super professional, have high levels of empathy, supremely intelligent and hide in plain view. Judge one of the characters and it reflects back at you, you feel like a hypocrite because you see yourself in their actions. It is an absolute masterclass, one of the greatest shows of all time. The acting is unbelievable and the writing superb. I was addicted to the show, I couldn’t stop watching. It is excellence. It gripped me, I loved it!

In search of lost time

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In search of lost time

Easily one of the greatest books of all time. It follows the life of the author and his experiences throughout his life. “In search of lost time” covers the subjects of Love, homosexuality, death, old age, art, the Dreyfus case, social conventions, politics, family, friends, the war and lost time. It is such a masterpiece. If only I could write like Proust. He writes like a detailed painting. You can see the brush strokes in his words. You can see the different hues. His words are passionate and full of life like Spring. His words are so vivid, they evoke feelings and transport you to his time. He describes everything in its smallest detail. He is reflective and honest. He can make you laugh and he can make you sad. He makes you reflect about your life, your decisions, your future. He makes you see how tragic life really is. Even with all the money in the world and the most esteemed people by your side, it still doesn’t mean anything. The esteemed people in the highest positions in the world are still humans and they have a nature that is universal. They have fears, they are in a world in which they didn’t create, a world they cannot successfully navigate because there is no blueprint, they are vulnerable to sickness and death and despite their best efforts they don’t know what they are doing. Boredom is an inescapable fact of life and so they keep themselves occupied with social conventions. They attend parties and invite other celebrated individuals and talk art all day. They talk art, books, music, drama and fashion. At least that gives life meaning. It makes it bearable. I learned important social skills and emotional intelligence is important in the context of life. Social skills and Emotional intelligence is better than IQ. You can be high in IQ but if your peers and colleagues find your conduct undesirable you risk being stagnant and never moving in an upward trajectory. Social skills and Emotional skills is how you navigate your way through life. It is how you find desirable mates, it is how you increase your list of acquaintances. Acquaintances enable you to move up the social ladder. You must be able to perceive and regulate other people’s emotions. That is true intelligence because human beings are emotion creatures. The ability to regulate your impulses and act in a just manner will attract things to you, it will enable you to move up. Social skills and emotional intelligence are important because as you navigate the world you meet different people with different tastes and customs. You encounter foreign traditions, a high level of emotional intelligence will enable you to be open-minded as you won’t fall prey to your urge to exert you ego, this will enable you to communicate and project yourself with desirable effects. “In search of lost time” centers a lot around society and social conventions, it explores finding favor with people, undesirable qualities in individuals and how to be well-liked and adored. The characters in these social classes are intellectuals bred from the highest aristocratic families in the world, they are the elite. This doesn’t mean they are snobbish, although a couple of characters do exhibit this snobbery behavior but rather that they are finicky and know proper culture. They engage in stimulating and witty conversations. I have to admit I loved going to the Duchess Guermantes place. It was good and she was charming. Orianne oh, my beautiful Orianne. She was funny and witty and everyone loved being in her presence. She also didn’t just entertain anyone, you had to be of a certain pedigree, you had to be a master of your trade, you had to be cultured, you had to be interesting, you had to be special. The parties were quite exquisite and wonderful. I enjoyed being in the presence of great people and engaging with them. It was quite an experience!

“In search of lost time” also explores the subject of love and how peculiar it is. The first volume of the book covers the love affair between Charles Swann and Odette De Crecy. Swann an important man in the eyes of society falls in love with a peasant girl Odette. He loves her despite her infidelities. He is conscious of her infidelities and yet he still persists. He gives her money, he does absolutely everything for her. Odette makes him suffer through jealous streaks and unquenchable paranoia. This is what draws Swan to Odette, the suffering, it is familiar to him and he just can’t get over it. Swanns is repressed and as such his subconscious is doing all the navigating in the world. Swann loves Odette with all his heart and he figures that’s enough. Eventually, Odette will come around. This makes Swann a laughing stock in the eyes of society because evidently the peasant girl is using him for his money. Swann knows this and he accepts it since it enables him to be with Odette. This is the strange thing about love, we love what makes us suffer, we love what is familiar. Because love is a psychological phenomena, we love the repressed qualities of ourselves and project them onto another person. This is explored in the work of Carl Jung with his Amina and Animus. I am not attributing the Anima for Swanns situation but it is the most intelligeable option. Besides, consciousness is a difficult topic to explore because no one can account for it, at least work has been done on the subconscious mind. Love is difficult because it can be unconscious like most of our actions. And so the most intelligent conclusion would be to say that Swann didn’t know what he was doing neither did Odette. Swann was attracted to the suffering that Odette was inflicting on him. This says a lot about the human condition, the fact that we need suffering to feel alive, to be alive. Numerous other love affairs are covered in the book like the authors affair with Albertine, a Femme Fatale who almost leads Proust in the wrong direction. Albertine too makes Proust suffer and it is what reels him in. The book also covers the authors infatuation with the Duchess Guermantes. This infatuation locks him in a trance of behavior that he doesn’t understand. He becomes obsessed with her. He spies and gathers data about her and when she takes her walks. He ultimately falls in love with her and talks at great length about her features and fashion sense. He asks his friend to introduce him to her considering that they are family and everything blossoms from there onwards. This behavior exhibited by the author shows us that love is not logical. Love is the ego exerting itself. Love is selfish and consumes. Love possess like a demon. Love is the universal unconscious form exerting itself on life. It is pheromones in the air that accessing a unwilling host. It is a phenomenon that just happens to you. Popular culture often talks about “Love at first sight” perhaps there is scientific evidence in this notion. It would certainly explain the concept of homosexuality and the urge for young boys like the character M. De Charlus in book. Maybe Charles Darwin didn’t cover the whole scope of evolution. Surely, this is only De. Charlus’ nature. M. De. Charlus is portrayed like a zealot who engages in morally unjustified and elusive behavior, maybe the society in Prousts time is wrong. The fundamental question here is that do we choose who to love? Perhaps the idea of choice is our biggest illusion.

The book also covers our common ground, the destination we all share namely death and old age. It is a certainty that we are all going to die. That our family, friends and cherished acquaintances will all some day perish leaving nothing but a memory and even that isn’t much because they vanish and die down like smoke. Proust communicates to the reader how fragile life is, how nothing in this existence is ever guaranteed and the importance of orienting yourself to your passions. This is important because life goes where energy flows. For Proust writing brought him solace and he was able to navigate life because of this passion, it gave his life meaning in an otherwise meaningless life where we all experience boredom, suffering, old age and ultimately our demise. These ideas are also covered in Martin Scorsese classic movie “The Irishman” where death and old age follows us to its climax. This is useful because death can serve as a catalyst to show us how to live. Death inspires and teaches you how to appreciate life and live in the present. After all, the present is all we ever have, everything else is just an illusion. Urban poet Kanye West makes this point on his sophomore album “The Late Registration” on the song “Drive Slow” and he advises the listener to fully be present because you never really know what can happen tomorrow. He favors a life of meaning over expediency. In the book several of the authors close family members and acquaintances die including Aunt, grandmother, girlfriend and best friend. This serves as a reminder that nothing lasts forever. It serves as a reminder to never take life for granted. We also see Proust maturing in the eyes of society, we see him as a young man full of youthful exuberance and him maturing into an old man who is teased and made fun off by the current generation of youthfuls. We see the Duchess Guemantees lose her wit, charm and beauty because of time. We see her position replaced. We see countless marriages happen because of death and separations. We see people rise up to the top of society. We see people who had it all and lost it all. We see regrets, we see people never reaching their potential. Throughout the book humannature is put through the microscope and we observe people’s tendencies and habits. It is habits that make a person and we are judged by our actions. Words are used to deceive and don’t carry any weight. Proust teaches us that life is short. In today’s climate and world, the life expendency is 70 and we spend a third of that time sleeping. Another third of it is spent doing things like brushing our teeth, commuting to work, eating, entertainment and work. We have a third of that to ourselves, that third is less than 15 years. How do you plan on spending that? What habits can you caltivate to ensure you live a meaningful life? Is self-development important to you? Whose life are you living? Is your life worth living? These are the types of questions that Proust forces us to answer about our life. We are all going to die, the youth is going to force us into retire, we are all going to be insignificant, we are all going to be useless, we are all going to vanish and leave no trace of time. Time is an illusion anyways, time is a creation of man created as a means to dominate nature, everything is what it is. Proust teaches us to make the best of the present moment every chance we get. Proust teaches us to elevate our perspective, he teaches us that change is the only constant.

Thank you Marcel

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The Hero

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The Hero

It seems as though Science has proved the existence of God. A statement that Stephen Hawkins would disagree with however it’s in plain sight. I will explain. Existence came about a big bang that created space and time. Science explains that the big bang just happened – that it came out of nowhere. Okay, fair enough however that big bang created a vacuum and the existence of the universe and life is contained in that vacuum of space and time. What surrounds that vacuum of space and time is nothing. Pure nothingness. We cannot comprehend that “nothingness” because we are in this vacuum of space and time. Human beings cannot sit for an hour without being distracted by their smartphones; what is an hour to forever. It is clear an entity outside space and time created the universe. The bible states that God is abstract and all around. It states that God is formless and forever – that is to say exempted from time and space. There is no time outside the Universe, no space – it’s just nothing. Seems like a beautiful canvas for God to put his paint brush on don’t you think? Human beings we are terribly limited, we are not intelligent enough, we rely on our senses which are not reliable, we are vulnerable and we die. Is there an afterlife? Since I am propagating God’s existence, I will answer in the affirmative. My main argument being the transcendence of consciousness and near death experiences. I read studies by Dr. Jeffery Long who is an author and leading researcher on the subject of Near Death Experiences. He has devoted his life to the subject of NDE and has surveyed and interviewed thousands of participants who experienced NDE. What he concluded from these interviews and studies is that NDE patients usually experience a transcendence of consciousness meaning that they temporarily exit or harbor above their bodies and are able to see everything despite the fact that they are clinically dead. They also report that they feel peace and see a light that they enter into. Entrepreneur and Rapper, Curtis Jackson aka 50 Cent also encountered a Near Death Experience when he got shot 9 times. On the way to the hospital, 50 was clinically dead and interestingly enough he also reported that he was separated from his body and could see everything despite the fact that he was unconsciousness.

Our culture is proficient in articulating Near Death Experiences. You see this displayed on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows when “The Dark Lord” Voldemort kills Harry Potter with the Death Curse spell. At that moment, Harry Potter dies and separates from his body. He walks into a white light and everything crystalizes as he sees himself on a train station. He meets Dumbledore, a late friend and mentor and they converse for a while. Harry is made aware of his options. He can stay there with Dumbledore and experience peace forever or he can go back into the real world and defeat “The Dark Lord”. Harry chooses the latter and rejoins his body. Typically, it is the route of all patients who experience NDE. They walk into a light and experience peace and then they converse with a “Guardian Angel” who helps them find their way. The aftereffects of patients who have experienced NDE are groundbreaking, unbelievable – amazing! The aftereffects are met with a drastic change in personality and outlook on life. There is greater appreciation for life, a greater compassion for others, a heightened of purpose and self-understanding, a desire to learn more and an elevated spirituality – some might say that it is Gods touch. It is comically represented on the hit cartoon show “Regular Show” when Rigby’s body quits on him. Rigby eats so much junk food that his body can’t take it anymore – the body forcefully separates Rigby’s consciousness out of its constrains and runs away. When Rigby finally reunites with his body, he vows to never mistreat it again – this behavior is typical of a person who has experienced a Near Death Experience. NDE is a useful phenomenon as it suggests that the world is metaphysical as Plato and Socrates hypothesized. It validates God’s existence and makes a point for true world destinations – who knows maybe there is a heaven.

Ancient Mesopotamian religions take on the reality of things is interesting and I want to explore that. Before the world and universe existed; there existed, Gods Tiamat who is known as the Goddess of Chaos and Apsu the husband of Tiamat. They created a union, which was sexual (creative) and gave birth to the World of gods. Shortly after the creation of the World of gods. Apsu, the great king, the husband of Tiamat dies. He leaves Tiamat who is known as the goddess of chaos alone. Tiamat is feminine energy. She represents what is unknown – she represents chaos. Now that the great king of Order Apsu is dead, the cosmos is met with instability. The cosmos is now surrounded and run by chaos which is feminine energy. The World of Gods that was conceived by the great king Apsu and the Goddess of Chaos Tiamat is ran by their son – Marduk. As the son of Apsu, Marduk represents Order and he brings about order in his world. Seeing this order, Tiamat imposes herself and serves as a threat that wants to diminish this order. Marduk challenges Tiamat and defeats her – indoctrinating order and chaos in the world. To live in the world of the gods now meant that you were in point A, what is, the unbearable present and going to point B, what should be, the ideal future. To get to the ideal future, you have to go through chaos and triumph. It is the ideology of the hero. The hero makes himself out of the chaos. Chaos strengths him and keeps him focused. A hero explores unchartered territory which is chaotic and instills order. The hero conquers chaos to triumph.

This is seen every day in the world we inherited from the Gods. Rapper Jermaine Cole affectionately known as J. Cole is the perfect example of a hero conquering the unknown. As a young boy Jermaine always wanted to be a rapper. He envisioned himself as the greatest. However, his dreams didn’t align with his present. The present was hard and unbearable. He came from a small town that no one in the world knew existed. The town didn’t have notable heroes and crime was rife. To compound matters, he was raised by a single mother who had abusive partners – resulting in her mother resorting to drugs. Jermaine understood that his only chance was school and so he got good grades and was offered a scholarship to go study in New York. In New York, he endured a lot. He was alone and he was often broke. However, he survived and fought for his dream to be a Rapper. He forced things and by chance met his idol Jay – Z and asked him to listen to his mixtape. Jay –Z shunned the young Jermaine. That didn’t deter the young Jermaine Cole who kept on working hard on all fronts of his life. He was often in survival mode. Broke, studying, working piece jobs and at the same time actively pursuing his dream to be a Rapper. Two years later after he was shunned by Jay- Z, he received a call from the big man who was interested in signing him. Jermaine Cole had done it, he had conquered New York City. He had attained a degree and was signed to Jay –Z’s Rocnation. He had realized his dreams. He was fulfilled. He explored unchartered territory and made it familiar – he made it his own, he dominated it. He showed characteristics of the hero. He triumphed against chaos to get to his dreams. He had a great future. Interestingly, he often referred to himself as Simba in his songs. Simba is a fictional character in the story “The Lion King” who is the son of the great king Mufasa. After his father’s death, Scar the brother of Mufasa forces Simba to retreat so he can become king of Pride Rock. Scars inauguration signals chaos in the animal kingdom and puts an imbalance in the ecosystem of most life forms. After a hiatus, Simba comes back to defeat Scar and restores order to the animal king. Simba is the hero. He is the slayer of chaos. He is the archetypal son – like Marduk.

Another example of the archetypal son as the hero can be found in Egyptian mythology. In a battle for order (to be king) brothers Set and Osiris engaged in war. Set wins this battle and cuts his brother (Osiris) into multiple pieces before scattering these pieces underground. Set therefore wins the battle of order – he becomes the king. The underground which represents chaos is occupied by Isis. Isis recuperates the pieces of Osiris and assembles him again. Isis makes herself pregnant from the pieces of Osiris. From the pregnancy, Horus is born. Horus comes out from the underground to battle his uncle Set and wins. This made Horus the divine son of order and chaos. After the battle with Set, Horus went underground and devoured his father Osiris. He did this so they could be one, so he can restore order in the world with his father. Horus is the archetypal son, the hero, the restorer of order – the great god. This Egyptian tale is great for goal directed behavior. The notion that you can build yourself with pieces on the ground to create something greater. Isis reminds us that defeat is only temporarily, that if you can navigate your way through chaos you will be a king. Horus is Simba the archetypal son who saves the world from chaos. Horus is Jesus Christ, the hero of humankind.

The world, reality is Ying Yang. It is order and chaos. We are always in a place of insufficiency aiming for better or the best. The world is explored territory and unexplored territory. It is the hero and the adversary. It is order and tyranny. It is destruction and creation. It is exploration and repression. The world is divided into two and it seems we have the luxury of choice. If you want a life of self-actualization and realization you need to identify with the hero. The life of the hero is the only way to live. It is specifically and custom made for you – the individual. It requires that you turn unexplored territory into explored. It requires that you step out of your comfort zone. It requires that you build yourself out of external forces to propel yourself into greatness. It requires a thirst for life. It requires fight. It requires you being uncomfortable. How do you live the life of the hero? By following the things that have meaning for you. By paying attention to the structure of your being. By following the things that manifest themselves as interesting to you. Egyptians worshipped the human eye because they understood that it was the thing that paid attention. There is a game in the Harry Potter franchise called Quidich and how you win that game is by following this golden snitch that beckons all around. The golden snitch is so fast in its movements that it is almost impossible to detect it with your eyes. The golden snitch requires special attention and a “seeker” from either team is assigned to retrieve it. The golden snitch requires someone of great focus, someone with great determination, someone who is creative and is willing to do anything to get it. The golden snitch represents chaos and the one who retrieves the snitch wins the match for his team because he has instilled order. The message of the game of Quidich is simple; follow what you are interested in, it will be difficult sure, it will hell of course, but it will make you a better person. A person with character and strength. A hardened, knowledgeable machine who is self-sufficient and confident. The life of the hero will make life bearable. The life of the hero will give you control. The life of the hero will make you great. God is alive and you honor him by being the best that you can be. You honor him by approaching great uncertainty and making it a certainty. You honor God by instilling order in your life.

Never be afraid, approach action with boldness, be comfortable in being uncomfortable, fight, discover uncharted territory, identity with the hero, bring order to chaos, be masculine energy to the feminine, bring light to the night, discover the unknown and conquer nihilism with your dreams and goals. Don’t let anyone deter you. God is on your side. God is being at peace with yourself. God is manifesting your talents. God is you. God is everything you touch and do. Identity with the archetypal son, be Horus, Jesus, Spiderman, be Neo on the matrix, the one – be yourself and explore!

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Retshi

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Retshi

I want an amazing life, no compromises because when Retshi died I promised things to myself and my life. Yea, I know what they say about promises and how keeping them is difficult but this was more of a vision of my life. It was subjective and heartfelt; I promised to be the best I could for him. I am more afraid of not living than dying, to be a carbon copy of everyone else and not understand what constitutes my essence, to be a slave of my impulses and not being able to regulate my emotions, to stand idle while my dreams disappear in the distance, to lose myself, to get swayed by novelty and not have an anchor that grounds me – that scares me, dying is easy and quicker. He lived a short life, he deserved more, his passing was tragic, he was a junior and he beamed with excitement at the prospect of being a senior, life had other plans and his life disappeared like an illusion, like mirrors, like it never happened. One moment he was there and the next he was gone like evaporation. Such is life, it’s all this big theatricality that disappears right before your eyes and metastasizes as something else if reincarnation is the correct hypothesis. The pictures he left behind became myths and his whole life mythological but at least he left a legend. Do his past friends and family members still remember him? Who cares? It’s like the past swallowed him into oblivion and irrelevance but I remember, I can’t quite forget about him like the feeling of nostalgia, he takes me back to simpler times. His death was honorable and respectful, he was loved, he metastasized into a hero, a noble soul and an inspiration to all, like Batman he became a symbol that transcended everyday living. You need to be deadman to be a hero and the successor to your deed needs to be alive, if both of you are still living then that’s just normal everyday living but you do have heroic characteristics. If everyone is dead, it becomes a massacre or to avoid hyperbole a draw. He fits the description of what it is to be a hero.

One nightmarish day, he jumped into the river in attempts to rescue a boy who was swallowed in the deep end, drowning, gasping for air with water flooding his body and his senses failing him. The little boy was doomed with no saviors to watch you from the bay, no Pamela Anderson with her volaptious titties to save the day, it was a swim in the river the little boy would dread. He must have saw the white light and angels singing choruses. Out of nowhere, like he was Godsent, Retshi jumped in and saved a drowning soul on the steps of heaven from perishing but he drowned and died instead. The biggest sacrifice one can make. “Damn! Just like that? He lives, and he dies? That’s not fair!” I realize my protests are futile, I just wish he didn’t jump in because then we’d still have him. I know my reasoning is selfish, spiteful, arrogant and doesn’t take into consideration the person he was even at a young age, but morality is suspended from my reasoning and discourse, I am not perfect, I am flawed, unworthy, a sinner and maybe I hate him for being the reason that my friend is gone. Yes of course, I know, Retshi is going to save some drowning kid his never met before because he was considered a good swimmer, he was tall, had a good heart and empathy of the highest order. There’s solace in that his death was ordained by the God’s, he did what came naturally to him, he didn’t have to think twice and today someone reaps the fruits of that decision. There’s also the fact that he loved swimming and so he was killed with his own dagger, the irony, poetic justice. I can’t blame him or be rueful of the past because I too appreciated the qualities he had as a human being. He had a pure soul, he loved to help, was empathic, a good listener, calm and just chilled – he was my best friend. Although I wish he hadn’t acted, I understand and I respect him even more.

When he died, I cried and mourned his life. Before his death, we had a fight and didn’t talk to each other for a week and now he was gone. It was a stupid fight that holds no weight but pride prevented us from squashing the beef and now that fight is the last memory I have of him. Just like that my friend of many years, who lived on the same street died, it was serious, it was fatal and nobody could ressurect him. It was over and I was never going to see him again, it crushed my spirit and heaven couldn’t provide consolations. When he died, I wanted to achieve great things for him, to let the world know that he was still here operating in the spirit with us. I asked his spirit to be with me, to inhabit me, that we would share this meaty body in the three dimensional world. He has always been with me and motivated my decisions for the future. Having and knowing him changed my life, he made a mark and I am constantly haunted by my mortality, I am aware that things might switch up at any moment, that I mustn’t take life for granted, that everyday is a blessing and an opportunity to live out your best life. I am still fighting for an amazing life not just for me but for my friend who never got his chance. An amazing life for me is one with excess capital to create, make my dreams come true, to love and help as many people as I can. I want to make a contribution that is everlasting for humanity, but maybe none of that matters, the universe is in a constant flux and everything perishes. The ego is an illusion, no one will remember me, no one really cares and nothing matters in any case.

This is dedicated to my friend who died saving someone else, thank you for the lessons, memories and absolutely everything, as long as I am alive, you are alive – forever alive in our memories.

RETSHI – he had Respect, Empathy, stood Tall, was Special, was Hercules amongst us, let him always be our Inspiration.

Memento Mori II

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Memento Mori II

Remember that you are going to die. It’s inescapable, everyday you are nearing the end. The good time, the bitches, the alcohol it’s all temporary. What isn’t temporary is your legacy, what have you done for the next generation? Your kids, did you do all that you can to ensure they have a better life? Are you proud of the life you have led? Is life better because you existed? Forget about friends, they don’t have your best interests at heart. They will leave you, it’s all a matter of time. To tell you the truth, they don’t care all that much about you, they are living their own lives and running their own race. What have you done for yourself? You came into this world alone and you are going to exit alone, consider that. No one really cares about you. You have to do that for yourself, maintain your composure, take one step at a time and head for your dreams, accomplish your goals, believe in the magic that’s you and never give up. What people say or think about you doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is your opinion about yourself. Have good thoughts about yourself, don’t say things that make you weak, empower yourself, have pride, be confident. Wake up, wake up, wake up! Fight for freedom, for truth and keep going because winners don’t quit on themselves. You can accomplish it, your wildest dreams, stay concentrated, keep moving and have patience. Make the right choices, adopt the right habits, habits are destiny. Remember that you are going to die, life is impermanence, elevate your perspective to have a broader view of life, refrain from acting in the moment, consider the cosmic events of things – everything is cause and effect, show love and it will come back to you. Do things today that will serve you tomorrow. Embrace positivity and you will lead a positive life. Stick with things that enable you to grow, be with the people who want the best for you and let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore. Every step, moment, counts, stand for something, be brave, walk alone, risk ridicule, never be afraid of being who you truly are. Everything dissipates, the stars lose their shine, day becomes night and the youth lose their enthusiasm. In the end we all perish, we become dust and our memory is forgotten. You are going to die, it’s a certainty, heaven can’t save you and God approves of it. Enjoy today, be in the moment, be like a child, see the wonder in everything, do everything that you can, today might be your last day on earth. Remember you are going to die, stop postponing what you can do now, today. Have urgency, move with purpose, time is not on your side, everyday you are close to death. Relegate fear to the side, it’s not life-affirming, it won’t save you, it’s useless. Instead be fearless, live like today might be your last day because it might. Do everything that you have ever wanted because life is brief. There is no tomorrow only the the eternal now. Memento Mori my friend, stop wasting time, everything that you need is already within, the outside world can’t offer you anything. Stand grounded, keep your head down, keep moving, be humble, be grateful for the magnificence of life, love and you will attract beautiful things in your map of experience. Memento Mori my friend, remember that you are going to die, do all that you can with the time that you have.

Live Your Life – Play

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Live your life – Play

I am convinced that God is a comedian. Life was never meant to be serious. We humans complicate the process. We desire, we envy and postpone the present for an hypothetical future. We suffer more in imagination than reality. We love the illusion of control, we insist on micromanagement, we hold tight and firm to our preconceived notions, we want things to happen our way. God laughs because much of what happens is spontaneous. No one knows anything real about life. Even the term “real” attempts to make sense of what just is, an impossibility, that’s like biting your own teeth. Life is obsurd, no one has the answers, if someone had a cheat code then the game wouldn’t be worth playing anymore. How can you take serious what dissappears right before your eyes. I once had a girl who professed feelings of love towards me. I asked her are you serious or are you playing with me? She said she was serious and I was disappointed because I wanted her to play with me. Who wants a serious girlfriend? She be clinging on to me, suffocating my space, preserving me out of insecurity and controlling my perception of reality. Nah babygirl relax, calm down, it’s not my responsibility to make you happy, you must do that for yourself and then we will be happy together. I am not your world, get the fuck outta here! I am amazed with the mind games that people play on a daily, the sly manipulations and gaslighting to get you to do their bidding for them. Don’t get me wrong, I know that people control and manipulate me everyday, some tactics I see like the marketing and advertising that’s prevalent around me, some manipulations are paternal, they have been happening ever since I was born, some manipulations are to control frames to make sense of our interactions in the world cause somebody has to be passive and compliant to have a successful interaction, two alpha wannabes interacting won’t get you far. I love when women attempt to manipulate, the crocodile tears and the victim mentality, I always laugh, oh you a good actress but overt manipulations don’t work on me. Life is funny, it’s play. It’s not a coincidence that people who are successful in life do what they love, it’s not work for them, it’s play, they get to do what they love everyday and there is a glow about them, they are shining stars, they are fulfilled, they are happy. It’s play, they dance for the sake of dancing. The musicians, they play music. To play with no end game in mind, that’s the purpose of life. There’s a contrast in people who work and not play in their professions, they can’t wait for the day to be over, they are absent-minded, they postpone their happiness, they live in the future, their present sucks. You see it with all the serious professions like defence, your soldiers, crippled by PTSD and living life with paranoia. The need to be serious all the time, they are not happy. Why would you want to be serious all the time? That’s not life. It’s so unfortunate because the present is all we ever have, to deny it, is to deny your life.

Life is play, everyday is an opportunity to do what you want, to engage in what you love, to be around people who enhance the quality of your life. There’s wisdom in “YOLO” which translates to you only life once. You have to take play seriously! That’s why we get together with the gents, buy 48 Corona, 2 bottles of Hennessey, smoke Chronic to set the mood and the whole day is on autopilot. We play, we have fun, we connect, we live in the moment that’s now. It’s counterproductive to be with people who don’t share your values, people who you don’t see eye to eye with, the playing experience won’t be optimal. It’s a waste of life. Why would you want to be with someone you don’t want to play with. The rules of play are governed by two simple rules, respect and reciprocity, it’s give and take, give pleasure to receive pleasure. Simple cause and effect, that’s how you know it’s truthful. Albert Camus once said the real question of life is to whether to commit suicide or not. Why would you want to play if the activity doesn’t give you pleasure? 9 to 5 working a job you hate for a boss who treats you like crap and doesn’t like you. The pay is horrible and you can’t even recognize yourself in the mirror anymore. Isn’t it wise to end the game? The location is already pre-determined, death. No one can escape it, everyday you move closer to it, it calls out your name and the sound rebounds like an echo until time. We take life way too seriously when it’s already determined, a formality. Why? What for? You won’t survive it, even if you live longer, you won’t survive it. Life is play, every day is play, you are the Universe experiencing itself, you are not separate from it, you are it like everything around you, you are just a different expression, live your life, you choose how to live it, play, be happy, don’t be too serious, life is not serious. Play, be in the process. Love the process. Do the things that you love and be with the people you love. Play, be like a child in the moment, be immersed in the present, block out the external world, people’s thoughts about you, they don’t matter, they never have, the only thing that matters is what you think about yourself, play, find flow, laugh, be silly, feel the wet grass from under your feet, run, explore, be yourself, find the expression that’s truest for you, embrace your individuality, play, be all that you can be.