The different smiles are all ingrained in my psyche. Life isn’t about your senses, that’s deception, stay woke.
There’s a lot we don’t know and even that I know. Slow down fella, calm down, I know.
I am amazing, but control your emotions.
Just admire, compliment and let things be, move along, just a fabrication of reality.
You can’t Backstab me, I have things sorted, I am the best, it takes the best to beat me.
Just know when I strike, it’s game over. No chance, I wipe you out.
Let’s see how you play your cards. Control yourself fella, calm down, let’s be professionals, its okay, we can let this discipate into the sparks of life.
But it’s still on record, And I see you, I remember.
The Universe has been telling me to change my ways but I’ve been too steady and complacent. It’s my fault, I deserve the robbery. It was a typical Friday and I had on my SpongeBob shirt, my awesome silver Cassio watch, my neck beeds and my classic “Champion” jacket. In my pocket I had my keys and my Mint cellphone. It was a signature great day. I went to my friend’s which is a 18-24 minutes walk and we had a great time. At around 1 o’clock in the morning, I decided that I want to go home, I was tired. So I walked back home. I know it’s irresponsible to walk home so late especially in Alex, Gomora but I’ve been doing this for years. Plus I don’t think I would be robbed, hurt or killed. You see the most important thing is the walk, it is your posture, your steps, you have to project a confident aura and no one will fuck with you. Your shoulders must be broad and open, make that alpha walk an inherent part of you. Look like you might do shit! That’s what I learned and it has served me well thus far. Plus, I have Inside knowledge, I chill with niggas who rob and steal at the corners. The insight I’ve gained is that niggas are hungry, I can relate, they don’t want trouble, in fact they are good guys, they don’t want to hurt anybody, they just want your possessions so they can flip them. It’s that simple, they are professionals conducting a transaction, I can appreciate that, I understand. It is Darwins survival of the fittest, they don’t have much options, go for the weakest prey. I made myself a target. No one is born with hate in their hearts, the truth is that we all need to do what we can to make it through. This is true for everyone in the world and so everybody can relate. Besides if you are dumb enough to walk alone in the AMs of the morning, you probably deserve it. You are passive and comfortable. You think life is a given, the Universe needs to shake you up. That’s what happened to me.
For the record, I don’t think I’m passive and comfortable, I just feel that there’s nothing that I can’t do. I live life with no fear. I feel that there’s nothing I can’t handle and I do what I want. Besides niggas bleed just like you so I am not scared of anybody. If you are going to win, win because you have a better hand. They had a better hand. I was walking alone in the dark, the place was quiet as a graveyard. If you had dropped a pin the sound would be audible. My strides were long and fast paced. Then out of nowhere 3 guys appeared in front on me. One guy approached me and cocked his gun. The sound was cold and metallic. “cling-cling”. It was death appearing like a bad dream and I was lucid. I stopped but I was unfazed. I was trapped. I was under their control. I was calm, everything was just surreal. I knew what they wanted. I understood their mentality. I decided to cooperate and give them what they wanted, it wasn’t like I had a choice. The guy with the gun was like: “we got you now, you didn’t think this day was coming didn’t you, welcome to hell” but in vernacular. Another guy came up to me and started searching me to the third guys demands. I was still cool, undeterred, not bothered, I accepted the situation for what it was. To be honest, I knew that this day had to come sometime. I was relaxed, they got nothing of me in terms of emotions, I was blank as a canvas. They instructed me to keep walking forward while they searched me and so I did for a while. They took my phone, my keys and my watch and so I stopped walking. As if to signal, enough guys you have everything, now can I go back to my life? I was still in control, they can’t deny me of my will. As I stopped, they stopped, that’s when I realized my power and saw weakness on theirs. They were accident murderers, you know, shook one’s. I didn’t challenge them because they might hurt me to prove their dominance but I was superior. Niggas is reckless when they have power in their hands. One bad move or misplaced comment and ‘Bang Bang’. So relax. My control of the situation was subtle. Being passive and listening to their demands gave them the illusion of power. When I asserted myself, they didn’t know what to do because I had cooperated at first, plus they already had my phone, watch and keys so it wasn’t worth it. As I stopped walking and listening to their demands, they guy dictating the robbery said, “take that Champion jacket too.” I was shattered. They took it off me and all that mental superiority evaporated like steam. I felt helpless as a new born baby. After they took my jacket, I just left because I still had my pride. I didn’t let them dismiss me, I didn’t give them that power, they never had that power. All they had was a tool that helped facilitate the reposition process more effectively, that’s it. It was a professional encounter, they took my valuables, no one was hurt, the process was smooth and everybody was happy. I was happy too because I got to test myself in a high pressure situation and it didn’t get to me. It was like I was above the whole situation like Jesus when he walked on water. It was a stress test and I passed with flying colors. I was patient with them. I read the situation, their body language, their mannerisms and followed the cues. I learned that emotional intelligence is everything because we are all emotional creatures. Moreover for them because their lives are dictated by the amygdala, fear and survival makes up their reality. I learned that love triumphs fear. Have humility. Be soft, yield, be like water and move with the waves, anything other than that is counterproductive. Be present to people’s emotions and mannerisms so you can at least have a chance to guide the ship. I don’t blame them because they are my brothers and I love them, I understand. Life is difficult and on that day I was the sucker who made their excursion worth it. Overall it was a successful robbery like the last scene of “Pulp Fiction” and I am Samuel L. Jackson.
It helps being minimalist because the things they took are not worth much in terms of monetary value but sentimentally they meant everything to me. I transferred a lot of emotions to my watch, jacket and cellphone. Kalushi gave me that Cassio watch with a lot of love. It represents friendship and our pure entrepreneurial drive when we started our farm with big plans and dreams in mind. He is a good friend and I feel they took his spirit away from me. My cellphone was 6 years old, KG, a legend, one of the best people I know recommended that I buy that cellphone back in 2015. It was such a deal! A steal really. It cost R100 and it had Bluetooth, radio, internet, mp3 and had a 4gb memory card. Back then a 4gb memory card alone cost R80! But for R100 I got a phone with all those features and a memory card. It makes sense that Kg was the one who spotted that deal because his a legend and that deal was so legendary. It feels like they took the wisdom of Kg away from me. And my “Champion” jacket was bought in the 1990’s in London. It belonged to my father. It was vintage and so cool, I loved it, it was my favorite jacket, it somehow toppled my leather jacket. They took a gift that was hereditary, something with value and substance. I am gutted but that’s life for you and as you grow up things get taken away from you. This forsters growth and the opportunity to evolve because change is the only permanent thing. I am grateful for the experience, I know it’s all God’s plan. This is to make me better. I am happy it happened because now I get to reflect and concoct a way forward. There’s a beauty in seeing life as a blessing, a gift.
Lord Jesus Christ is one of the few people in history who had a consciousness that calibrated at 1000 energy level. He was an enlightened man. He preached the word of love and peace. Even when death stared him right in his face, he embraced it and mastered the art of dying. On the cross, when he was tortured and beaten ceaselessly he prayed for the forgiveness of man – he prayed for mankind. He didn’t feel sorry for himself. He didn’t ask God why me. He didn’t ask for God to save him, he never asked God to show himself. He was accepting of his fate. I think that’s remarkable. He had reason. He had willingness. He was wise. Socrates another enlightened individual who was killed for supposedly corrupting the youth of Greece shared the personality traits of Jesus Christ. When he was trialed, he refused to defend himself. He just let things be. He had a willingness about his fate. He was accepting. He had reason and he perfected the art of dying. He was at peace with everything. He was happy and ready to die. He had done everything he could do for humanity. He shared his wisdom. He made people aware and self-critical of themselves. He got people thinking and talking about their ideas. He knighted Plato and Aristotle with his wisdom and knowledge and still had the presence of mind to state that the wise man is the man who admits that he does not know anything. Incredible insight! He also preached love and peace for humanity. It seems as though humanity has a problem with enlightened figures.
Life is energy. Life is information. It seems as though Jesus Christ and Socrates had the right frequency. They were one with life. They were grounded in the reality of life. Psychoanalyst Carl Jung stated that the “psyche” which means spirit or soul comprises of the consciousness, personal unconsciousness and collective unconsciousness. Collective unconsciousness is the spirit of everything in life, it is the pulse of life, it is the culture and period we are born in to, it is the different ecosystems of the world, it is our collective consciousness as life that is hidden but dictates everything that we do unconsciously every minute and moment of life. Figures like Jesus Christ and Socrates understood this fundamental aspect of the reality of life and that enabled them to have courage. Through courage, they learned to stay neutral and open, seeing and experiencing life with new eyes every day. Now that they had courage and neutrality they had the confidence of partaking in life, they had the willingness to live and share their experiences with life. They grew to understand and accept being with all of its conditions and structures. Through acceptance they learned how to reason. Through reason they discovered the most fundamental aspect of life – namely love, for love nourishes the soul of the universe. Love has a positive frequency that exuberates when emitted. Love unites. Love is the one single force that has the power to change the world. They understood that only love brings true joy and fulfillment in life. Through love and joy, you can find peace. Peace is a beautiful phase to reach because it entails that you are one with the pulse of life. Peace entails freedom. At the conscious level of peace, death is not repressed but rather in the open. You are aware that it might happen any day and you are content with it. Peace is an encounter with pure and unadulterated happiness. And through peace, you find enlightenment. The world follows people like Lord Jesus Christ, Socrates and Lord Buddha among others because of their status of being enlightened – and it’s useful because they make us better individuals, they bring us solace, they lift the burden of existence from our shoulders. Their lives are dedicated to the salvation of all humanity.
Existence is a burden. Existence is a challenge. Life consists of suffering, boredom and death. This is a fact, it is a fate we all share. Depression and nihilism are and have always been the epidemics of the world. We see this in the 20th century, where people like Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin and Mao ran totalitarian regimes. It was bad. We came close to extinction. People were killed for entertainment, for fun, to generate statistics. Joseph Stalin, once stated “one death is a tragedy, but a million deaths a statistic.” These were men with no moral compasses. They tortured human beings for experiments. They tortured human beings for their amusement. They were men overly intoxicated with power. They were egotistical and narcissistic men. They were men with deep underlying insecurities. The world was run by Pride and pride calibrates at a conscious energy level of 175. Pride is dangerous. Pride is critical. Pride is blind. Pride is Shame. Pride is guilt. Pride is confusion. Pride is fear. Pride is hatred. Pride is hopelessness. Pride is falsehood. The lack of a campus resorts in a man operating in the lower levels of consciousness. Life starts when you operate at a conscious energy level of 200. The level of 200 is courage. Below the conscious energy level of 200, is all things run by the amygdala, it is survival and fear driven. War generated this atmosphere of dog eat dog world – a world where nobody was save.
It seems as though Christianity is a good idea. Lord Jesus Christ dedicated his life for the betterment of humankind. He was an enlightened man and his ideas calibrated at 1000. Christianity managed to do the impossible. It proclaimed that every man is equal regardless of status positioning, wealth, gender and race. It gave women rights in a world where they had none. Somehow, it managed to level us all. It preached the importance of love and the idea of sharing. The concept of sharing is a very sophisticated idea for it teaches one about the delay of gratification. The idea that if I had two pieces of steaks and only needed one, I can give one steak to my neighbor with the realization that one day in the future my neighbor might give me a piece of steak when I had none. It is a concept that teaches you how to negotiate with time. Through the crucifixion of Christ, it taught us that life is suffering, it taught us about love and gave us the assurance that everything will be alright. It taught us peace and taught us how to embrace life and death. It even created a Utopia, a heaven to help us with the process of dying and to give solace. Christianity taught us how bring our hopes and dreams into the world by means of praying. Praying is another sophisticated concept where you concentrate all your forces and energy into something in hopes of bring it to life. Energy is involved in the process of praying so it brings it out into the universe, into life, the world. Because you prayed for it, it exists in the world – all you need to do is to put some more energy into it and it will reflect on to the world. Praying is the law of causality – isn’t it a beautiful concept? Christianity and the ideas of Lord Jesus Christ should be practiced for the improvement and perfection of one’s soul. Christianity is an extremely subjective practice. Its insistence is on the spirit of the individual. If a few individuals are regulated and fulfilled, it generates a ripple effect by virtue of association making everybody happy and fulfilled. A positive wave length is contagious!
There is a story in the bible about brothers Able and Cain. They are the children of Adam & Eve. The first humans ever. Adam and Eve were created by God whereas Able and Cain are the byproducts of Adam and Eve. It tells the story about how God was happy about one brother’s (Able) contribution and unhappy about another’s (Cain). Cain does everything to impress God but he does it in vain as he is met with Gods disapproval. Whereas his brother Able impresses him with ease, without much effort. This makes Cain grow resentful and angry towards his brother Able. Worse, is that Able is genuinely a good person, everyone likes him and women always want to be around him. Cain cannot find fault with him, his authentic and perfect and that makes him grow even more resentful and angry towards his brother. His resentment and anger leads him to Satan and he is drawn to Hell. Cain overpowered by emotions of envy, jealously and anger decides to kill Able. He does it to spite God, to spite the world by killing everything he wants to be. How did things become so rife? Everyone has a contract with God and you fulfill your contract by being you, by doing the things that come natural to you, by being authentically individualistic. By being yourself, you honor God and it pleases him, he becomes happy about your contributions. Cain was so envious of his brother that he didn’t honor his contract with God. He was not an individual. He lacked a self-campus. He wanted to be like his brother and that displeased God because he didn’t create a replica of Able. God also wanted Cain to be himself, to self-actualize, to impose himself on the world and show his true character and virtues. God wanted Cain to honor him by becoming himself. However, Cain’s heart was tainted and impure. Once he started having resentful thoughts about his brother, they took a life of its own. By continuously having these thoughts, he fed the beast until it lead him to a point of no return, Satan – Hell. Satan is not a red beast with horns on his forehead just like how Hell is not a place filled with fires and demons. Hell is a state of mind and you get there by feeding negative emotions. Negative emotions are not conducive to life. They are destructive and inhospitable. One must always aspire to go to Heaven. Heaven is a fertile place for growth. Love lives in heaven and there’s progression and growth. Heaven is stimulating and conducive. Heaven is the state of mind we should all strive to be in.
The two brothers were in two completely separate wavelengths. They were in two different worlds. One brother was in Heaven while the other was in Hell. One brother was with God while the other was with Satan. It is a useful story because it educates us about envy and self-actualization. Envy calibrates lower than 200 energy level. It is primitive and destructive. Envy is vain and self-sustaining, it feeds off other negative emotions and energy levels. Envy is unintelligible and insecure. Envy is prideful and hopelessness. Self-actualization on the other hand is above the conscious energy level of 200. Self-actualization is courage. Self-actualization is learning. Self-actualization is willingness. Self-actualization is reason. Self-actualization is freedom – the ability to embrace God and thank him for the gifts that he has bestowed upon you. Self-actualization is enlightenment, the process of knowing your purpose in life and fulfilling it. Self-actualization is the most beautiful thing God has given to us. We should strive to become who we could be and negate the external factors of the world. We should be truthful to ourselves at all times. That’s how we give praise to God. That’s how we show him that we are grateful for the gift of life. That’s where Christianity comes in, God has given us his son Jesus Christ to teach us about the virtues of life. He gave us Jesus Christ to enlighten us, to make us pure, to give us hope, and to complete that void in our hearts. I am not talking about organized religion, organized religion has made a mockery of the Christian doctrine, it has polluted and stained its ideas, it is the reason for the nihilism and depression in our world, it is the reason we are devoid of goals! I am talking about subjective Christianity, Christianity for your spirit and soul as an individual, for yourself. I am talking about Christianity as an ideal we should strive for!
Energy Level Calibrations: Energy Level: 20 Shame Energy Level: 30 Guilt Energy Level: 50 Apathy Energy Level: 75 Grief Energy Level: 100 Fear Energy Level: 125 Desire Energy Level: 150 Anger Energy Level: 175 Pride Energy Level: 200 Courage Energy Level: 250 Courage Energy Level: 310 Willingness Energy Level: 350 Acceptance Energy Level: 400 Reason Energy Level: 500 Love Energy Level: 540 Joy Energy Level: 600 Peace Energy Level: 700 – 1000 Enlightenment
Everyone thinks they’re right and in the process we lose our humanity and further surpress our mortality. We forget to love one another and act justly. Even Adolf Hitler thought he was right and he thought that he was going to live forever. He justified the atrocities that transpired in the 20th century to God. He vilified the Jews so much and propagated hate that everything he said made sense. He got supporters. The world fell under his hypnotic frame and genocide became accepted. It’s the same thing with white supremist groups like the KKK and slavery, everyone thinks they’re right and it also makes sense too. In elevating our status we demean the statuses of others and come to see them as weak, we believe we are superior, better, chosen and that we are going to live forever. The hate becomes our refuge and it protects us from the injustices of the world namely that life is suffering and there is no apparent reason for this suffering, so we commit more suffering since that creates some sort of meaning and justifies our existence. The thought that perhaps God doesn’t care about us is unbearable but we entertain it since if God doesn’t exist then all is permitted. Everyone thinks they’re right and there’s always a feedback loop that justifies their findings. Kaffers are dangerous and apartheid fair, while the negro is genetically built to serve his master, the white slaver. Jews are corrupt to the core and spread this plague like a virus throughout the world. Everyone thinks they’re are right and God is always on their side. I learned it’s not important to be right, in fact I don’t want to be right. I’d much rather be wrong and make my way up, as long as there’s breath in my lungs I have a chance to be less wrong. I want to be a good man and have love in my heart. My time is limited and so I meditate on that so I can practice my humanity and make the world a bit better than I found it. My mortality haunts me but it motivates me to be kind, loving and a good person. I don’t want to be right, I want to be just.
I remember when a friend of mine had some news he wanted to tell his inner circle. He decided to start a business and the responses were overwhelmingly positive except for one comment. It wasn’t that bad but it was disguised, sly, hidden and subtle. The comment was “Well done, hopefully you’ll make some money”. I felt it was in bad taste because he implied that he was doing this for the money. He shifted the focus of the news of starting the business to making money.
The comment was passive aggressive. That is what cognitive dissonance is about. Saying one thing and doing another. It is poisonous praise. It is being conflicted, it is being split into two, it is confusing, it is inconsistent. Like God loving us and sending us to hell. What a suspect anology Christianity.
I think that passive aggressive language and behavior works so much because it is indirect and leaves much to the imagination. Being passive aggressive is popular today. Like that one person who always comes late for meetings and always apologizes, like “alright man we get it, you superior to all of us”. Or that one guy who takes an eternity to respond to your texts despite the fact that his been online all day, we see the power play my man.
Deep narcissists are masters of passive aggressive behavior. They want to keep you dependent on them. They are deluded because we always see what they are doing. They think they are clever and slick but we see. Everyone knows a deep narcissist.
Carl Jung has taught me to accept people as they are, accept them as facts, don’t take things personally because we are all repressed and we tend to project on to people a lot. We also have shadows and biases. Being a human being is hard work.
The Underground Railroad series by Barry Jenkins is a masterpiece. It is uncomfortable, disturbing, difficult and painful. The depiction of slavery is earth shattering! Its so raw, exposed and unapologetic. The imagery evokes the feeling of dread and fear. The oppression is heavy as a 10 ton truck and the situation is just hopeless – it is what it is. Slavery is the most horrific event that has ever occurred in our history. It’s so barbaric and lacks any conscience. Our ancestors had it bad. It was brutal. From the whips that devour your bloody mince meat back. To the fires that consume the body turning it to a coal. The total disregard for human life is heartbreaking. How are you better than me as a human being because your hue is diluted? Why are you offended by my melanin tone? Why do you have to humiliate me and disregard my right to life? Why is your God prejudice and so selective? We see characters lose hope – it’s difficult not to lose hope, optimism is like aircon in hell. We witness suicide, we see hunger devouring the very essence of a man leading him to his death. Cause what’s the use? Why eat? For what? For who? I am tired of laboring in the name of slavery. I have made my peace with the Lord, they can’t do anything to my soul no more. They don’t care about you, you just a nigger, an animal with no reasoning faculties, genetically built to serve the white man. You just mere property like tools and we need you to procreate so we can sell your children to turn a profit. Don’t tell me about love, niggers don’t have that capacity, this is strictly mechanical and a white man will be present watching you as you lay pipe. You can’t even run away, they chase after you and once caught punishment in the form of flesh eating whips awaits. Suicide is difficult, you are always monitored, all they want is a daily dose of your spirit like concentrated syrup until it runs out. The hangings, the violence, the killings, the hate, the ignorance, the fear, the horror, the suffering, oh the suffering, each scene was like a dagger to my soul. It never got better too, the good hearted characters who assisted the protagonist on her journey always died horrific deaths because slave owners always win and slavery is justified. The good and heartwarming scenes never last, there’s always a shadow that ultimately engulfs the protagonists present turning her world into disarray and scrambling for survival.
I was relieved when Cora shot dead Ridgeway, he was a bad man and I hated him like a recurring nightmare. I don’t understand the hate in his heart, his father did his best to show him the way. We are all one, we are one spirit, try to see yourself in another person. Yes, there is a order and everybody has a role but what about your humanity? Why do you have to conform to the norm when you are haunted by it’s conditions? Maybe I will never understand, maybe he had a slave catcher mentality and being an observer of the series, I will never quite understand that psychology. I would have shot Homer dead too. To many times in the story he has been the difference. He is a loose end, he knows too much. Granted he was under Ridgeway’s frame and had to serve him but he was complicit, he knew what he was doing. He even committed murder to save Ridgeway. Still I understand the decision to spare his life, Cora didn’t have any beef with him and if she killed him she would be hanged and this time around the killing wouldn’t be justified. I feel sorry for Homer now that Ridgeway is dead cause what’s he going to do now? He is just a nigger kid, how’s he going to survive? He was dependent on Ridgeway in more ways than one. He was like a father to him. How’s he going to navigate the world alone? He is going to have to regress to a slave to make it through, now isn’t that poetic justice? Isn’t killing Homer mercy? Maybe not, we all deserve a chance at life and he is resourceful, just maybe he’ll be okay. Cora has showed us its possible time and time again.
I salute the makers of the craft, Barry Jenkins and his team delivered an absolute masterclass. I imagine it was difficult creating that, the mental strength required to play the role of Cora cannot be underestimated. Full credit to Thuso Mbedu for delivering perfection. I am pretty sure she had support, a psychiatrist, psychologist or some sort of professional had to be on site at all times. Playing a character with so much depth can be scaring and psychologically distressing. Who knows what’s hidden in the deep recesses of your subconscious. She had to go to dark places and inhabit them. She had to disconfigure herself and willingly go under the sword. She had to combat the shadows that were well hidden by time. She faced the monsters in her closet. She captured the essence of being a slave. She was a slave. She is just an amazing artist. But it’s not just her, everyone performed at such a high level. Unbelievably there was no weak link, everyone was a solid 10. The visuals, the pictures, the camera work, the slow motion takes, the deliberate use of silence, the costumes, the score, music and soundtracks, the fire, the singing, the slaves, the sets, the characters, the actors, the brutality, the violence, the beats, the dialogue, the sequences and the overall story – it is content on another level. The genocide scene at Indiana was hard but expected now that we were so late into the story, you can never really trust these white folks, they have never been friends, I was disgusted but not surprised by their actions, nothing they did surprised me anymore. Watching the show I became pessimistic and cynical, I learned true human nature. It was a difficult story to tell and execute and they excelled with flying colors.
Negotiating with niggas don’t work, sometimes you gotta take what you want by force. If you swelling up nigga then we can combat, let’s go! Being nice with niggas don’t work, sometimes you gotta invade their privacy and haunt their subconscious minds. By being a recurring nightmare that’s how you get their attention. Showing compassion to niggas don’t work, they’ll think you weak and will take advantage of your kindness. They take you for granted, that’s why sometimes you gotta rearrange faces and deliver that punt kick. Complimenting and showing love to niggas don’t work, you supplying the ego and fuelling their narcissistic tendencies, that’s why sometimes you gotta deliver that low-blow to cut them down to size. Sometimes you gotta start a war and crush a nigga. Finish the job, no second chances, no apologies, pull the trigger aiming for that headshot. Don’t show compassion, the time for talking and politics is over, it’s all about casualties, missiles, bullets and bombed up infrastructure. Sometimes you gotta be a terrorist to prove a point. I don’t mind being the bad guy, the world needs a Vladimir Putin. Are you going to retreat or die for what you believe in? Don’t show your teeth to niggas, that’s a sign of submission, a mean mug works best. Going the extra mile for a nigga is pure stupidity, if you want loyalty get a dog. My advice is just don’t be too nice to niggas.
antakalipa 