Crush

Mbalenhle

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Mbalenhle

2008 and I am the new kid at school, I am in a foreign environment, everything is different, the kids are different, the culture at school is different, we have white kids here and the kids can bring their cellphones to school. That’s unbelievable! At my previous school, you couldn’t bring your cellphone to school, that was forbidden but when you got to the 7th grade, you had your own toilets that nobody else could use! Reserved only for the seniors of the schools, exclusively for grade 7’s, nobody else used them. The toilets were nicer, they were cleaner and they smelt good. Afterschool when everybody went home, I would use the toilets reserved only for the grade 7’s. It was a dream to be a senior and to be able to use those toilets. I never did, I left when I was in the 6th grade. Maybe I should have stayed one more year and concluded my primary education there, if not for the education then at least for the toilets. I was popular, I was the best poet in the school, I was in the school choir, I played sports and I was destined to be a “Counselor”, a “Counselor” was a “Prefect”. I so wanted to be a counselor and my chances were so good, it was basically guaranteed that I’d be one had I been a senior, but I left. I chased the feeling of wanting to be the new kid in a different environment, it excited me, it was my decision, I wanted a change. The new school was formal, we had a demerit system, that was new to me, I mean the idea of transgressions? It basically stated what learners could and could not do, like a free pass, the whole system perpetuated behavior it seeked to avoid because now technically I can get away with murder and have a few points docked. We never had that in my previous school and you never would have gotten away with murder! Not surprisingly, the kids in my new school were quite liberated, there was an entitlement about them, they were smug, they knew they had rights and they were arrogant. For me it was a big shift in culture but it was cool, small stuff, I could handle it.

For the first few days, I was under the radar, I moved in stealth and acquainted myself with the new environment. On breaks I sat alone and listened to music on my cellphone, something that suited me because I am introverted, I was happy but I got friends fairly quickly and by the third day I was chilling with some kid on breaks. His name was Tefu, strange kid, tall and lanky, looked way bigger for his age, was a year or two bigger than me but I liked him. Months elapsed and I made new friends, Tefu and I were not that close anymore. One of my new friends Mondli also a relatively new kid was a hip-hop head and an aspiring cool kid. Mondli loved the ladies. Our class had the most beautiful girls in the school, no lie, I counted at least 3 girls that I liked. I still remember their names, Leala, Mbalenhle and Amelia. My first preference was Leala but the other two were cute. Luckily I sat next to Leala because her surname starts with a “P” and mine with an “S”, so we sat towards the end. If we sat in pairs, I sat with Leala. She was brilliant, smart, beautiful and creative. She had a personality that was made of gold, Leala was cool, her energy was calm. We connected, we used to talk all the time, I knew her, she became my friend. I even knew who she had a crush on, it was this white kid named “Chad” and you could see the dreamy eyes on Leala’s face whenever she was around Chad. Her body language was different, she was flirty, she wanted Chad to see her. Chad changed schools in the 3rd week but I knew Leala’s Kyrptonite. One day I blurted out that she liked Chad and she transformed, something in her changed, it was as if she were possessed by demons, she made a scene in front of the whole class and told me off, she dismissed me like a naughty child that needed discipline, everyone’s attention was cast on me and I became the butt of the joke so everyone laughed. Right there I knew that Chad was a sensitive issue, never mess with a young girls feelings but her reaction confirmed my suspicions, I touched a nerve, I was right and she knew it. Later because me and her were so tight she confirmed that I was right.

Leala was my closest friend, we didn’t chill together on breaks or anything like that but in class we talked a lot and our conversations were fire! We liked each other’s company, we laughed a lot, we were comfortable with one another, she was my friend. Still, outside the classroom I needed to fit in or risk being ostracized by my peers. I invested my time with Mondli. He had the biggest crush on Mbalenhle and it was warranted, Mbali was beautiful! She was the most beautiful girl in school hands down! He told me about her and made advances on her. All day, every day, he used to talk about Mbali and he transferred the fever on to me. I started noticing her more and more till finally, I fell in love with her. She haunted my conscious reality, all I thought about was her. So I decided to do something, through some clever maneuvering, I managed to get her numbers, fine I got them from Mondli but I was in stealth mode, I stole them, he didn’t know I had them. After getting the numbers, I sent her an SMS professing my love for her. It was such a cowardly SMS, my feelings were all over the place, it’s so embarrassing. It had a lot of anonymity, I didn’t want her to know who it was from, it was just about getting it out of myself. Like “Eish Mbali you are the most beautiful girl in the world and I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t believe I am saying this but I love you”, you know some simp stuff, I can’t quote it word for word because I don’t remember it but it was something along those lines. The next day, everybody in the class knew about the SMS, the horror, luckily I didn’t sign my name. She knew it was not from Mondli because she had his number and they were chatting on mxit. She asked me straight up if it was from me, I denied it. Like “Me? Never! I don’t even have your number”. It was a sneaky little SMS, I used a different number and I later disposed of the sim card. It was better that way. I mean why did the whole class know about the SMS? Although I wanted her to know that I loved her, taking ownership of the SMS was suicide, I avoided it but she knew it was from me, you could see it in her eyes, she was certain, there was no one else, but she didn’t probe further, she let things be.

After the SMS, things changed for her, despite my awkward and nervous energy, she grew fonder of me, it was in the way she looked at me, her gaze was intense and focused, she didn’t shy away from letting me know that she was staring, she had pet names for me, when my friends were teasing me in class she defended me, she blew me kisses, I freaked out! I have never had a girlfriend before, I don’t know what to do! YES SURE, I am in love with her but I don’t know what to do! I was just an artsy, awkward kid so I didn’t do anything. I followed my purpose, wrote poetry and dominated the district instead. On the last day of school, she wrote her numbers on my shirt, she stopped being subtle, she wanted me to call her, I never did. I wish I did something with Mbalenhle but I was a coward that’s why I am writing this instead.

Xhosa Queen

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My Xhosa Queen.

I am convinced that there is nothing better than a Xhosa woman. They rank at the pinnacle when it comes to the women of the world. Of course, this is only my experience, my map of reality. Xhosa women have that something extra, that something special. Apologies that I don’t have the vocabulary to describe them but how do you describe someone like Arjen Robben operating on the right flank? I know I am drifting towards soccer but please bear with me, I am making a point. Do you have the superlatives to describe the brilliance of Arjen Robben? Someone who dominated football with his trademark finish. You know it’s coming, you know his going to cut in from the right and curl the ball with his left foot. You have seen it a million times, you have analyzed it with attention and great detail, you know it’s coming and yet there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. How do you describe that phenomenon? What do you say? I think Xhosa women are like that. You can’t describe them. All you can say is “that’s something special”. I have been in love with Xhosa women all my life. They are my cheat code. They make me weak on my knees. Plus they have a Miss Universe, how do you beat that? It’s impossible! Zozi Tunzi is a standard, a real thing of beauty, she’s something special. I have at least 2 Xhosa women in my top 5. I remember I used to have a crush on Zolani from “Freshly Ground”, remember those guys, remember Zolani? Ah, she was something special! Congratulations to the whole group for making authentic beautiful music music, I am still a fan. Imagine Eastern Cape, a place where they are made. Isn’t that place heaven? I think the Xhosa tribe have a good energy. As a people they are progressive and they have vision. They are an intelligent people. I mean how do you beat Nelson Mandela and Trevor Noah? That’s huge! Xhosa people are our best. This comes from a subjective reality and analysis. This is bias commentary, this comes from my love for Xhosa women. Xhosa women are rooted in my past. My first kiss was with a Xhosa girl. I fell in love for the first time with a Xhosa girl. I imagine my future life with a Xhosa woman. I want to be Proust and recapture lost time. I want to be self-indulgent and reminisce about the past. Also, I am done reading “In search of lost time”. I did it with a year to spare. Thank you for the lessons Proust, you taught me so much about life. I can’t believe how I enjoyed reading your book but I digress. This is my conversation with the Universe. I also hope to attract a good quality Xhosa woman, so to the Universe do your thing man.

I love the Facebook tradeoff, sure it’s exploitative but it gives you a choice. Choices are good because we are all in charge of our lives. Like I stated in the past Facebook has a wonderful business model, I envy Zuckerberg and the team that started it all. I like the tradeoff like “give us all your data, we want to know what makes you tick, we want to know your location, we want to know your favorite food, your favorite movies, books hobbies, we want to know what makes you laugh, what outrages you, we want all your memories and pictures, we want to know your virtual communities, we want to know your dreams and hopes, we want to know EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU and in exchange for all your data, we will show you pictures of your crush. Fair trade don’t you think? What would I do without Facebook? These guys are life-savers! I recently saw a picture of my crush and I lost my mind! Damn! She’s still the hottest thing under the sun. My Xhosa Queen, the woman of my dreams. So it seems like I am still a customer Facebook, you can have all my data! “Fell in love through photographs, I don’t even know your name, wonder if you follow back, I hope to see you one day, I won’t show my nigga now, I’ll keep this one for myself, love today has gone digital and it’s messing with my health.” Oh Cole my nigger! But maybe that song is misleading, I didn’t fall in love with my Xhosa Queen through photographs. I was mesmerized by her beauty every day. And she used to send me pictures, pictures that made my mind moonwalk. I can’t put into words how her energy made me feel. She was truly something special. I was in love with her, she was awesome and had everything in the world that I wanted. She was perfect. What a compliment the concept of love is. When you are in love with someone, you are observant and focused on that person and in time you get to know everything about that particular person. You get to know the walk, how she stands, how she sits, her body posture, the back of her head, her voice and her laugh. All this becomes second nature to you. You are intrigued by her and want to know everything about her. You can’t wait to see her and when you don’t the day is automatically wasted. I felt a void in me when I didn’t see her. It was a physical void that could not be filled. My energy was down and my spirits could not be lifted. For the day, I would be like a phone on flight mode, utterly useless. Like the Goddess she was, she had the power to make my day. She constructed my ideal of reality. Her presence and energy nourished my soul. Seeing her motivated me, because if a woman can’t motivate you, what can? Maybe I should start from the beginning. This is the story of the first Xhosa girl in my top 5.

She was one of the girls I have ever fallen in love with. I had known her since our teenage years. I waited after High School to ask her out. I expressed my undying for her. To help me with my course, I had chocolate, I had learned how to design logos and I designed one in a form of her name, it was so dope and I wrote her poetry. I fitted all the content (the logo and poetry) on one A4 paper and I laminated the paper, in my mind to make it last forever. Damn! The whole lamination process was expensive! It cost my R20! But it was fine, I had a vision and I needed to do everything in my power to get this girl. She was too important to me. The chocolate cost me R15 and transportation costs would be around R40 roundtrip. This was good. I was motivated. We met up and we had a good time. We had a good conversation and I went on the offensive. She listened to my story and gave me an audience. We hugged and we parted ways. I remember feeling good about myself. The metamorphosis was complete, I transformed into a butterfly that day. Finally, I did it! I was relieved. I was proud, now I can die in peace. It was a very good day. However, I was too overzealous and persistent. We were not on the same wavelength. Poor girl, I was relentless, it was embarrassing. I was unfair and selfish. I was too expedient. I wanted her right now! But she handled everything like an expert, a pro, she is so good, she is too intelligent. I am talking about Emotional Intelligence and the ability to regulate other people’s emotion. To control the situation and steer it in the direction that was best for the both of us. Wow, I was impressed, she was awe-inspiring. What a woman! I understood that time was my best shot. I needed to be patient. I needed to respect her. I needed to be more sensible. I needed to be her friend. I needed to be a human being. And so I started playing the long game, it was my only chance, I couldn’t risk pushing her away, she is important, her spirit motivates me somehow, I can’t explain it, she’s just something special. I was willing to do anything, she was worth it. I believed I worked harder than anyone, I believed I was more patient than anyone, I believed with time I would have a chance. And I did, it took a couple of years but the game plan was a success. She started giving me her time and we would meet and have awesome, awesome conversations. She told me about her life, her family, her hopes and dreams and I was in heaven. To the Universe thank you for giving me time with her, I am appreciative and grateful. She was worth the time, the years, the effort, she was worth everything, My Xhosa Queen.

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Feel Good

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Feel Good

I believe Lira’s Feel Good is one of the greatest albums of all time. It has such a high energy level. It sounds like heaven and I mean that in a literal sense. It is an enlightened album that covers sophisticated subjects, subjects that calibrate at a high conscious level, subjects like; love, gratitude, self-realization, happiness and freewill. It explores the psychology of a young, bright woman who is optimistic about the world. She sees the world through the eyes of a child and sees novelty in everything. A woman who is so intelligent and knows her worth. She has such a strong, confident personality that it is contagious. It spreads through the listeners ears, hearts and finally life through melodious choruses and striking chords. It is the ultimate feel good album. On “Typical” she is dismissive of girls trying to get to her man, stating that “his not into the the typical”. This of course communicates that she is not “typical”, she hints at possessing something extra, something that makes her irresistible. She’s so confident in her self that she states “it doesn’t matter what you do, he still remains my baby love.” In this song, she understands her worth and communicates to the listener on a subtle level that we all have something about ourselves that is desirable and that we should love ourselves and not be concerned by the attributes of other people. This song is about self-love and appreciation because no one views themselves as “Typical”. It is a song brimming with confidence. It is assured and has plenty of attitude. Another song with attitude that shows self-worth and understanding is “Ixesha”, quite simply the chorus translates to “Stop wasting my time”, this eludes to a woman who has things to do. “Dance of life” is more celebratory, it literally sounds like a dance and this is enforced by the striking chords of the piano. The song is upbeat, festive and positive. It references dance styles like “the cha-cha” and the slow-dance. The whole song is a metaphor celebrating the life shared by Lira and her partner and she explains that life is like a ball in which they have to keep moving and dancing, implementing new and different styles at times. Life is fun and beautiful and she is just so happy and blessed that he is besides her dancing in the game of life. The song is bursting with imagination, originality and creativity – listening to it is pure bliss. “Ngiyazifela” explores the love he has for his lover. It’s not infatuation or romanticism. The love she has for him is pure and heart-warming. She states that she is proud and will patiently wait for him. That she loves him and wants to be with him forever. In the chorus she states that she can’t help loving him. That her love is automatic and natural. Her voice sounds sincere and honest. Her lyrics are like a love letter or a poem and she gives all of herself by delivering an amazing highnote that highlights that she would do anything for him. The song is an expression of love and it sounds so beautiful. On “Crush” she talks about someone she is smitten by. He is the object of her desire. He is the image of perfection and he just drives her crazy. The man is too good to be true and she is locked in a trance. She doesn’t know what to do. She wants to talk to him but she is scared to do so. She doesn’t want him to ignore her, she wants to be seen. For the first time in the album she questions herself and displays her insecurities, questioning “Do I even stand a change?” This results in apathy and she is left to just contemplate about him. The song ends in her stating that “his such a beautiful stranger”. “Crush” is descriptive and will leave you reminiscing. The song is nostalgic and golden. The type of song that has the ability to make your soul dance. “Twisted” is a more soulful song. It is intimate and thoughtful. It explores Liras feelings at depth about the relationship she is in. It is a reflective song and this is reflected by the horns and Lira senerading us. The song is mature like good wine. On “Ngiyabonga”, Lira expresses her gratitude to her family and friends. She is grateful for the gift of life and where she is in life. She is open and expressive. The song is joyous, festive and celebratory. On “Iris” she explores choices and being whatever you want to be. She covers freewill, an inner scorecard and an inner campus. The song sounds like liberation. It sounds like it’s setting is in nature with the trees and animals roaming around. The acoustic guitar solo is like a painting of nature with its mountains and lake. She pleads to the listener “You don’t have to be what people say”. “Iris” is about individuality and the process of self-realization. In the land of Iris is an ideal we should all aspire to be. This is my favorite song in the album. “Dumisa” is another song about gratitude. The song is minimalistic and contains mainly an acoustic guitar in its background while Lira takes center stage and serenades the listener. It is a soulful and harmonic song. “Feel it in me” is about intuition and an inner voice that we all have. It is about the will to life that pushes and propels you forward. It is a genetic code, a kind of destiny, the universe and even the God in you. The song states that everything is in you, that you are the source of everything in your life. The song is upbeat and vibrant. It contains drums that steal the show to turn it to a Fiesta. The song feels alive, youthful and celebratory. “Yeah, yeah, yeah” is a beautiful song dedicated to her mother. It is smooth and light with the only instrument being an organ or piano of somesort. It contains melodies that complimentary to the texture of the song. Lira is thankful to her mother for everything; the lessons, the sacrifices and the unconditional love, this highlights a recurring theme in the album – gratitude. The last song “Change the world” is highly optimistic and discusses how me and you can change the world. It is ambitious and Lira aims to solve the biggest problems in the world. She implores us to change individually so we can alter the world collectively. She states that if we can live as one nation then we change the world. By “live” she states love because it is it that unites. Love is patient, love is kind and by practicing love in our lives, we have a chance to change the world. The eternal optimist, something she is certain we can achieve. In the main theme of the album is choice and love. Lira states that we have a choice to want to be happy. The first song “Feel Good” is about a choice to lead a life that is meaningful. It is about saying yes to life in its totality, to embracing it and living it in a way that makes people grateful of your existence. The album is a great example of reason and pure unadulterated love. The album is a mirror of life, it embodies nature and the idea of life striving to be more. The album is free and natural. It is an album that can resonate with anyone because it is so philosophical in its lessons. The aim of philosophy is to teach and “Feel Good” teaches one how to live a fulfilled life; a life of gratitude and love. This is such a great album and I salute Lerato and her team for bringing this to the world. Lerato because I want to be closer to her, to her spirit. She is such an amazing artist, a brilliant creative who created one of the masterclasses of the ages.

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