God gave me another Amy and this one, well she’s absolutely perfect. Better than my best dream. The last Amy was a projection of my insecurities. She moved on and I felt stuck. She was doing something while my efforts failed to produce something. I knew I was great but I was broke as hell. I felt like a loser. She was a girl I loved but she was not Amy. She felt like Amy because I lost Amy. She was one of the last girls I loved. When I saw her happy with another person, I felt my spirit pierced with a dagger. I had to concede that I was not good enough. I had no real power. I was wrong because I never really made my intentions clear with her. I never told her that I loved her, I was content with just being friends. She deserves better, I was selfish, I am glad she met someone who makes life worthwhile.
God gave me another Amy and this one, well she’s absolutely perfect. She’s beautiful, artistic and intelligent. Symmetrical face, great body, long black hair, brown eyes oh, I think I am starstruck! She’s a superstar, everything I’ve ever wanted. She can sing Amy Winehouse songs and Rap like Nasir Jones. She’s also proficient on the piano, able to recite Mozart’s concerto with her eyes closed. She’s a perfectionist who can communicate her ideas, she executes better than a German. She plays for a living and strives to create in every moment of life. She was a headgirl at school, that’s my third headgirl and I feel she’s the best. I never thought I’d be in love again and yet here we are. Her mind has me whipped. I had never met someone so amazing in my life. She saved my conception of reality. She gave me hope for the future. I had always wished for someone so amazing but it was all in my head until it finally manifested in real life. Yea, she’s real life. I guess that’s the results of following your dreams. If you consistent in following through some of them actually come true. She’s a byproduct of content, I was pushing through with the dream not making much money and I saw her and fell in love with her. I loved her from the first day and I knew that things would be good for the rest of my life. She was a starting point. She represented a new reality, one I wanted to be a part of. A reality I would be a part of if I just followed content and my inherent nature. I am glad I sacrificed all those basic bitches because now I get to have the real thing. Even if she’s not the one, I am now in a paradigm of everything high value. I made myself high value.
God gave me another Amy and this one started everything for me. Things started moving, life fell into place, I started creating with a business mind, started interacting with high caliber individuals, started becoming the person I always knew I was. Of course she might leave like all the other Amy’s in the past and I am good with that. She gave me hope. She gave me reassurance that I was on the right road, she was the proof. She made me fall in love again, I became infatuated again, I started writing about love again, she saved my life. And even if I don’t get another Amy, I’ll be okay, I’m good.
This is a 2am post. I couldn’t sleep. I am haunted. I hear voices in my head. That creative demon is possessing me again. Bringing this out in the world will make me feel better. It will enable me to sleep. I intend to post this. Well done Internet, you even have my most inner thoughts, you know me better than I know myself. I try to not identify with my ego because that’s not who I am. I don’t have to pick a side, I can actively choose to be a bystander, to just look and have no opinion. I am not what people say I am. I am not my mind. I am not my possessions. I am not my status. I am not my wealth. I am not the number of followers I have on my socials. I am not my past. I just am, alive, existence. So maybe you don’t know me Internet, because how can you? I am spontaneous. I don’t even know what I am going to do next, the future is uncertain and that’s the element I love the most. I try to be present all the time. The present is all we ever have, everything else is all just an illusion. So why not give the present moment everything you have? Afterall, there is no such thing as the future and the afterlife is a hoax. Time is a man-made concept and so is religion. Everything is all in your head. There is no such thing as time, everything is just what it is, everything is everything! Oh, Lauryn baby, I love that song, congratulations on the great album, I heard it went Diamond! “Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” is timeless like the structure of reality. But I digress. Even though I try to not identify too much with the ego, I have to. Simply because it holds my perceived identity and reality. It is my name, my family, my friends, my social class, my environment, my past, my future, my everything. For without my ego, without time, who am I? What am I? Do I even exist? I can’t just be life, I am being. The essence of being is meaning, a purpose and the ego provides that. This is the great comedy of life because I am something and nothing at the same time. Striking the balance between this nothingness and something is the key. Zen philosophy teaches this beautifully with its insistence on the middle ground, Hu Wei which translates to none doing, don’t force things, stream with what flows easily in life. Take the middle ground and flow. You can’t not do anything, that is a feeding ground for nihilistic thoughts and a unsustainable life. That is hell. Life has to mean something. You need to have meaning in your life even though it’s derived from an ego despite the fact that you are not your ego! Being present in the eternal now is everything because you are simply life, no different from the trees and lillies in your garden. This is what I mean when I say you are not your mind because it seeks meaning from the ego and the ego is generated from external phenomena. Yet you are at the same time, it’s confusing, what a paradox existence is, life is a dichotomy. You are not what the world says you are although lines might be blurred and you might think you are. You are simply life, something spontaneous the universe created. You are a living organism in its purest form, energy, an absolute miracle, the universe experiencing itself. We can’t talk about consciousness because we can’t account for it just like we don’t beat our hearts, it just happens to us. We need the ego to function in daily life because it provides labels that can help us navigate every day life. Being mindful of your thoughts is key to understanding this.
My dominating ego is that of the entrepreneur. Being an entrepreneur is philosophical for me. It is my mode of existence. I derive meaning from my entrepreneurial endeavors. It is what I am to the core. It’s what I did in the past, it’s what I do in the present and because I am a creature of habit it is what I will do in the future. I love entrepreneurship because because it allows me to give everything I have to the present moment. It’s in the things I do unconsciously, what I like subconsciously. It’s in my dominant personality trait. I read Hitler with an open mind and Toy Story makes me tear up. I am a creative who has told stories all his life. I worship all art forms and content is my life. I started doing poetry when I was 8 years old. I started doing ads for television when I was 9. At 10, I was in the school choir. At 12, I started selling sweets (fireballs) at school to raise money to buy myself a PSP (Playstation Portable) and I SUCCEEDED! In Highschool, I was a football coach that coached a team that went on to dominate the district. I did it with Kay, the team we started dominated Ekuruleni for two consecutive years, went undefeated for 3 years. Still in high school with my other friends, we created a cult in the form of a concert that lived on for many years after we had graduated. The entrepreneurial spirit is engraved within, again it is who I am to the core. I’ve always been self-sufficient, self-reliant and independent. I am open-minded, creative and I start things. I have the right energy. I create beautiful things. I am passionate. I question things. I am not scared of failure. I don’t live life with fear. Not even the Coronavirus at its peak affected me, I never wore a mask. Not because of my issues with authority but because I am a fucken hero, Mr. Entrepreneur, I risk it all, I risk life! And it was a lot of noise from the media, that’s when I knew I wasn’t going to oblige because they dish out fear to keep us enslaved and in line with an agenda. People are a product for the media and authority figures. Besides, you can’t tell me what to do. You can’t control me! I live, breathe, entrepreneurship. I gave my whole soul to the process. I sacrificed everything for the process, have been ridiculed and laughed at for the process. I have cried for the process. My character has been slandered for the process. I have lost friends and acquaintances for the process. I went to hospital for the process. I am willing to die for the process! And while I am not my ego, I am an entrepreneur, that’s my spirit, my soul, the one thing that has been a constant in my life, I am a creator, I am a creative! I am unemployable, I intimidate my employers, I am too good, I am too ambitious, I am a star, a five point pentagon that cannot fit in a square, a box. Mr. entrepreneur. My time is coming, I will rule, nothing can stop me. I am inevitable like death. This is destiny, it is what must happen. This is God’s plan. I have to replace the previous generation of entrepreneurs. Someday, I will be replaced too. It’s simply my turn to serve. Sorry Devil, I know all of your tricks, you can’t make me drift. In the end I’ll win because I am the best everyday of my life, Mr. Never Change, Mr. Consistency, Mr. Entrepreneur.
Propelled by a woman’s love. She projected her spirit onto me. She looked at me and dreamt, dreamt of the impossible, dreamt of the mthyical, the mystical. She was intrigued, subjegated, locked in trance. She was hopeful. Her eyes gleamed with excitement. Through me she saw the avenues that where hidden to her by life, by the universe, by God. Her reality was renewed, refreshed and she was rejuvenated. It was like she was a child again, innocent and pure eagerly waiting for Christmas with all its cheer, new clothes and presents. She believed in me like a Christian blinded by faith, for she could see the potential. She was a visionary who understood that to attain success you have to give up what is, to sustain what could be. A long shot? Sure, but in life you have to gamble on yourself. Bet on yourself to beat the odds and get even with the universe. Believe it or not, everything in the world is set up for you to win. Life is all about you, life revolves around you. You are the center of the universe. She projected onto me, bid all her money on me, attached her spirit on me, me – the biggest underdog in the world. Her energy is not misplaced.
I have demon that possess me. It helps me do things that are above me. I have learned to harness the energy and power of this demon within me. When I engage in a creative activity, it takes a hold of me and forcefully pushes me aside. I let it man-handle and dominate me. I let it take control of my body. I let it roam freely in my mind. I find that the demon makes me better in the activities of life even though I am prisoner to it, a slave, a passenger, an accomplice. I don’t know where the energy of the demon comes from, it’s so violent, unsympathetic, unrestricted and chaotic. The demon has explored other domains of my life like a cancer. It now dictates my everyday life, leaving me with time to detach from my body. I often float over my body like a ghost, observing beforehand the routes that will accommodate my structure of being. My demon has allowed me to operate in two realms. It is because of this that I live life with absolute confidence, I know I am not alone. I found that invisible forces are always conspiring in my favor – the only requirement being that I listen to the demon, that I let it consume me and make all the decisions. I found that the universe only wants me to nurture the demon, to take care of it, to stand by it and be proud of it. The demon is that inner voice in all of us. You see I found out that somehow, unconsciously we already know what we want, we are not lost in some maze, we are not the labels the world assigns to us – we are greatness! I found that to get what we are rightly entitled to [greatness] we need to follow our inner voices, our demons.
This has been reflected in history. Legendary artist Leonardo Da Vinci, work only on his paintings when his demon took ahold of him. He was very passionate about his work, he would work on a painting for 7 years incorporating realistic details on his artworks. Commentators often referred to Da Vinci as a procastinator. Because of those comments, history is unfavorable to such commentators. They are simply shunned and relegated to a world of fools. Da Vinci’s artworks are timeless and ranked among the most expensive in the world because of the time he spent working on them, because of the spectacular detail he added, because of the times he didn’t work on the paintings because he couldn’t access his demon. In making the perfect art, all conditions have to be perfect every time – you have to be one with yourself, you need to listen to your inner voice. Urban Poet, Kanye West created the perfect craft in 2010 with the release of “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”. He explained that the album took 5000 hours of manpower to create. The album is a burst of creative energy concocted by Kanye West’s demon. The title of the album is so descriptive and animated. The album is a piece of destiny and immortality. Another example of an artist who was consumed by his demon when he was working on his craft is Urban Poet Kendrick Lamar, who created without a doubt the greatest hip-hop album of all time with “To Pimp A Butterfly”. For the creative process of the album, he had to go to South Africa to learn more about apartheid and Nelson Mandela. The album explores human nature, greed, self-gratification and expediency, existentialism, suicide, self-appraisal and self-love, money, the plasticity of the human soul, self-exploration, fulfillment, peace and death. The album has been dubbed a classic and was recognized by the Academy who awarded it 5 Grammy awards. On the last song, “Mortal Man”, in a conversation with hip-hop legend 2Pac, Kendrick Lamar talks about his demon and how the spirits come from nowhere to possess him. He explains that he sometimes doesn’t know what type of energy his going to bring out into the world. 2Pac concurs and seems to understand, he responds that it’s the spirits of the “dead homies” speaking through him and that they are just the outlets. That is a sophisticated analogy considering Carl Jung’s work on the collective unconscious.
Words are my superpower, I can write about anything and I’ll get an applause. I can write about dicks, pussy, murder, hate, Hitler, Putin, racism, slavery, love, sex, human nature, philosophy, psychology, self-actualization, business, finance, War, football and the Halocaust. Words are my superpower, I am superman with this shit, I overpower Kyrptonite with this shit. Superhuman strength that I carry the world in my pocket with this shit. I have become too good, dope like Marijuana baking words so high they hover over people’s consciousness. I dominate the poetry game, kill the Rap game and lecture story all the same. I am comedic and witty but also serious and intellectual. I am animalistic and beastly winning on my own like it’s not consentual. Words are my superpower, I have achieved mastery with this shit. Sure I could get even better but I am pretty fucken great with this shit. I am a content God, the best of the best like La Finalissima, no one is on my level like the laws of gravity don’t apply to me. Words are my superpower, I am number one, I am the winner. Yea, I said it, I am the shit like bowel movements after dinner. Winning like a fix, on your lips like a kiss, manhandling the wordle game like it were insane. Keep in your lane, I don’t care about your name, you all ridiculous to me, you’re all lame. Words are my superpower, I am Messi with this shit. What do you want an International trophy? I’ll get you Copa America with this shit. Words are my superpower, I took my time for all of this shit, labored for all this shit, sacrificed like Jesus for all of this shit and even if you crossed me I’ll come out tops cause I am a God of this shit. Acknowledge me now, save face, pretend you knew it from the start cause I am about spoil the ending I am the greatest of all time.
Renee Decarte argued the essence of being exists in two realms, the spiritual which can be interpreted as the subconscious and the physical and I think he makes a very compelling point. I mean look at nature for example, it just is. If I were a Lion I’d be the most conscientious Lion ever or at least a creative Lion working at a circus or something because my spirit is creative, that is who and what I am, a God, a creator. Beauty is generally the seducer of men so when someone falls in love with your spirit that’s different, that’s special because like Freud said, everyone is a narcissist. That’s why you gotta slap a bitch sometimes to deliver some consciousness, shout out Stephanie McMahon the hottest in the game with that swing game. When someone falls in love with your spirit, that person sees the possibilities of your dreams that you no longer see because you have been narrowed and hardened by the environment that you occupy and society. When someone loves your spirit, that person sees you in a light that you will never see yourself. You need to selfishly keep that person in your life for as long as possible. That person will help you experience being and being requires becoming.
antakalipa 