Broke motherfucker, letting him nut in me is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever allowed. More than 3 billion niggas with prospects and I chose one who is still bound, to mummy, can never commit to our future without them discussing it aloud, been together for 5 years and we still can’t fuck without making a sound, cause “it will wake mummy” , I am done with this dummy. Broke motherfucker, can’t get a job, I do everything for our family and what is his job? Fuck bitches on the down-low to make me sob. I am done with the sort. Broke motherfucker, can’t provide for his little girl. Frequenting tarvens on a daily and lusting over women who are keen to make a twirl. Promising heaven on earth without a pearl. While her daughter is bold and other girls have curls. Broke motherfucker with a tiny dick! Could have chosen anyone in the world and this was my pick? Should have chosen his friend with a huge prick. This motherfucker makes me sick! Broke motherfucker, can’t even take me out on a date. Every time I suggest a restaurant, he already ate. My love has dilapidated and what I feel is hate. My plan is to pack my things and head for the gate. We can’t repair things, it’s far too late. Broke motherfucker, his local with no dreams. Decaying on the corner and I am supposed to be his queen? Everything ain’t what it seems, his life is on the dim while my light just beams. Broke motherfucker, I am leaving you for another motherfucker, one who will provide for all my needs and know how to fuck her.
Late last year I met a girl that I used to know in my teenage years at a social event. Growing up we had a thing. We shared a mutual attraction towards one another. We hadn’t seen each other for a while. She was hot. The term “beautiful” refers to facial features. For society beauty is symmetrical features in the right proportion. For example, your eyes need to be at the right place and must have the right size. This goes for your mouth, ears and forehead too. If any of these things are disproportionate or asymmetrical, you run the risk of being “ugly” in the eyes of the world. Skin color, or scars or birth marks don’t really matter. Symmetrical features at the right proportion is all that beauty is. The term “hot” talks about attributes from the neck down. Like a great ass and boobs. Also a good physiue. Hot is just contemporary jargon for “fuckable”. Now, this girl was beautiful and hot. She had everything, she was everything. She has a ass that is just out of this world. It’s not fake ass too, it’s natural, God given; has the right ass to thigh ratio. Oh, you just have to believe me, it’s the greatest ass in the world! This girl is hot like Mercury, the first planet from the sun. She’s easily in my top 5. Now at this social event, I saw here and I didn’t immediately acknowledge her, I took my time, ignored her, I was aloof. She was at her best in terms of apperel and make-up. Every guy in the room wanted her. You could taste the thirst. I had to be intelligent, indirection was my best shot. I moved a couple of chess pieces and later on, I had won. She was talking to me, her focus was on me. I had the envy of guys in that social gathering. Some guys never stopped trying, a trait I admired. I would give the gents space so they tried out their magic but she recoiled and jump straight at me. It was unbelievable! I always approach my day with the assumption that I am going to win. But not like this. Today’s win was like Liverpool winning the league. She wanted to go home with me but I had to cool things down a bit. I told her “Let’s enjoy this moment, let’s enjoy today. Tomorrow is another day.” She agreed and the rest of the night was filled with kisses and caresses. She was so into me, it was like she had taken love heroine and to be fair I was too. However, there was only one problem, I was broke. I couldn’t let her see that. And so at the end of the night I took her number and never called her again. It was better that way. Today after months, I saw her and immediately thought about the skits on Kanye Wests “Late Registration”. “We, broke, broke, broke, broke, flat broke.” I thought about that skit before “Drive Slow” and it said something like we will leave the girl to go with the guy who has a car, because we can’t afford gas, hoes or anything for that matter. Ah Kanye, you captured something so real in those skits, that album. You have always been in my life Kanye, thank you. Yes, I will cry myself to sleep today but I believe I made the right decision. The most important thing is that I keep growing. Kanye West also suffered the pain of not getting hoes in his 20’s and today his a Billionaire, I am in great company. Sure, I am consoling myself but the decision to not be in contact with her was a conscious one. I will get my chance, I know it. The world is mine for the taking, what is needed is just time and patience. Time will prove me right.
I told her straight up “don’t wait up!” I was serious as a heart attack. If something better came along she was free to board along and experience the voyage like a cruise because the cost of not doing so was Titanic! Not that I don’t hold myself in high-esteem but I was being practical. Unlike an IPO, I had nothing to offer in a monetary sense. Like a shattered mirror I was irrevocably broke. But I did love her but what’s love got to do with it if you can’t provide? Without money, what are you? Surely, not a man because a man needs money to exist and navigate reality. Money represents power and I had none like a weakling. Devoid of muscle, how can I carry my lady like the queen she is all over the world? Better men exist in the world, men who can grant her whatever her heart desires. Men who can love her without insecurities. Men who can touch, stroke and caress her like the keys of a piano. Men who can satisfy her sexual urges, kiss her, make her moan a 8pmnd groan like the horns in a Jazz festival. I am the shadow of that man and hence my appearance at the rear. Jealously is not practical and conducive for a flourishing life. Not that I have never been jealous before, I have. I remember the distinct feeling of wanting to possess my love object like a demon, ironically I was the one possessed. Needless to say she saw right through me and chose to hike to a better life. Life requires flexibility and the presence of mind to hop onto a moving train en route to your destination. Stagnation leads to decay. Life is a continual process of evolution and hence, she will find better, it’s mothernature’s will. I don’t say this to drive her away or to instigate mind games, I do this because my love for her is as white as snow. I would hate to be a burden. I wouldn’t want to hinder her progress towards becoming. The worst thing that could happen to me is that she stays with me because she is obligated and contracted like a marriage. Love is simply electrical signals and chemicals processed by the brain and body, it is not enough to sustain all of life. Me and her are not enough, moreso that I am stripped of financial resources. I think all the time about how I wish things were better. I see myself as an archetype of a great man. However, greatness takes time. It would be unfair of me to ask her to stay along even though I know things are going to be better. With time we will have everything, including the capital to purchase Satan’s soul. But how do I make that vow to her in a subjective reality? Am I even in a position to make that vow? What makes me so confident to believe I can win a rigged game? I don’t know, it’s just something I feel. Something I want to believe with my whole being. I realize how laughable my sentiments are that’s why I propose “don’t wait up!” If something better comes along, don’t hesitate, make the climb to the rest of your life. Make memories, start a family and create a life. I will never hold that against you. I have been chasing dreams for years and now finally I realize that they were illusions, hallucinations only prevalent in my own inner theater. Everything is an illusion and our minds hallucinates reality, and as such to share what’s in my inner theater would be to delude you because it’s not in the objective. I told her don’t wait up to encourage her to chase what is objective and prevalent in reality. Everything else is just fairy dust, wishful thinking and maybe that’s my claim to fame. Maybe I am guilty of this. There is no evidence that I will make it. Such is the certainty of life; the fact that nothing is certain. Instead of victory, I have a vault of business entities that didn’t make it. Promises that has been extinguished. She deserves better than promises. She deserves better than my “feelings of greatness” and even though she loves me, just don’t wait up. A
antakalipa 