In the realm of celebrity, everything is bigger here, the tabs are bigger, holes deeper and the feeling of imposter syndrome realer. You thought money was going to solve everything only to realize it doesn’t solve anything. You worked your whole life chasing a fleeting experience, numbness and cocaine now your daily experience, cause you are alone despite the millions of followers, money stacked high but you have never felt lower. Operating in the realm of celebrity, I always thought being with the stars will enhance my shine, reality is the rot aches like a tooth cavity. The 15 minutes is actually 5, how’s that for brevity? Everyone wants to be famous, everyone wants to be a celebrity. In the realm of celebrity, the stars are just like me, insecure and sensitive not knowing who to be. Expectations and blurred lines hindering who they should be. I will buy that Sportscar, even though it’s not me. Celebrity, celebrity, I thought with my stock high, I’d defy gravity, yes I am floating in the sky in all levity, but I am also empty lacking capacity. In the realm of celebrity, reality is a hoax enhanced by the lights, the friends are actually enemies who are eager for a fight, awaiting for an opportunity to dim out your sight. Celebrity, celebrity, it’s not how it’s advertised. You a slave to the market and money has you hypnotized. Surrounded by celebrities, I thought the feeling would be different but it’s all the same. They should have all the power but they are toothless and tame. Some are struggling to pay rent, living with friends to hide the shame. Some are broken and beat down, maybe it’s the fame. Celebrity, celebrity, got me feeling like Pinocchio, living in a fabricated world and I just want to be a real boy.
I used to be famous back in the day, you know when Dube was on 2 and Stokvel on Sundays. My claim to fame was to entertain you, to make you happy. I graced magazines covers and walked different stages like a catwalk. Panties would be soaked wet when I appeared on the screen and did what I did best. The spotlight was always on me and I’d leave many starstruck, shinning like light reflected on a diamond. I used to be famous and finessing was easy, I would just show up and I would be lavished with gifts and money streamed like a waterfall into my bank account, there wasn’t anything I couldn’t afford or a girl I couldn’t get to the fort. It was automatic, my presence unlocked all doors and left many knees weak. Mute and in awe like a vegetable that can’t speak. I used to be famous, walking on the street was near impossible. Every time I was sighted, the paparazzi would be on my case, bombarding me with flashes that would send an epileptic into space. I used to be famous, I was loved and appreciated for my skills. I mattered, I used to exist. Now I am a fragment of yesterday’s slide show, a glimmer of a star that used to shine bright, a dinosaur that history has left out of its archives. I walk on the streets and no one wants a picture of me, with me, paparazzi is present, they just fed up with me. Finessing is harder as my efforts are off target, Mercedes Benz repossessed as money is proving hard to get. I used to be famous and everybody knew my name, today everything is relative, we are all the same. Panties dry and left to crack on the washing line, abandoned like a kid in foster care who’s never been mine. The spotlight and lights off me, career dimmed out like 6 o’clock in winter. I used to be famous, I was on Billboards that oversighted highways. Today the trajectory of my career is sideways. No one cares, I am an afterthought and kinda look like somebody who used to be famous for a while. Maybe the glitz and glamor was all in my head, maybe I am worthless after all. I used to be famous, I was special and different. Nowadays, I struggle to pay rent. Cause the people who used to love me are now suffering from voluntary Alzeheimer disease, they choose to forget that I once ruled the set. Or maybe they just don’t care. I used to be famous back in the day.
There’s a beauty in infatuations, they color in the world, they have the ability to put you in a dream-like trance, they can make you fly, they can make you touch the sky and they have the promise of making all of your dreams come true. What is it about love that makes people lose their minds? Is it oxytocin, the love chemical that fosters closer relations with people? Human beings are social beings by trait and we need validation of some sort to survive, to live, to thrive. Love is on the first level on the Maslow hierachy of needs. Then again, love also induces cordizol, the stress hormone for it can leave us anxious, stressed and utterly mortified. Which one is it? You know we get butterflies in our stomachs when we are in love. It sounds like a part of speech but it isn’t, you can literally feel them flapping their wings and flying all about in your stomach. It is a feeling that can make a statue out of you, one that mould you into a perfect sculpture or the perfect snowman because it makes you freeze. It is a wonderful, yet terrifying thing. Infatuations, love can make you feel vulnerable like a big bullseye sign in a dart competition, the soft spot, the flank – it has the capability of taking off your panties and laying you down, down into a deep abyss of apathy and helplessness. So what do you do? Do you sit on the sidelines or do you play ball? Do you tell the one that you love, your crush that you love her and that you can’t live without her?
Infatuations are a product of the mind. They are unconscious features that are repressed within you, your mind. A sort of transference and projection. The spirit or soul is boundless, it has no restrictions or demarcations, however society deems to assign it a role, a gender based on the reproductive organs of the body. So, we indoctrinate the soul into the customs of this specific gender. The other half of the soul we repress, relegate and surpress in the realm of the unconscious. By nature, the human soul is bisexuel. When we grow up, we subconsciously take and adopt desirable qualities or features from the parent inverse our gender. Meaning, that a boy is more likely to marry a girl who has the qualities of her mother and likewise with the girl. It is a subconscious phenomena and we do this because they feel familiar. Sigmund Freud, the godfather of psychology calls this the “Oedipus complex”. He states that the little boy is jealous of his father and wishes to possess his mother but is at the same time frightened of this rival and of castration as a punishment for his incestuous feelings toward the mother but nonetheless, he wishes death onto his father. I think it’s a bit extreme but it deserves a mention. It would also explain why sons are much closer to their mothers and why daughters are far more closer to their fathers. It could also be a Ying-yang thing. I like Carl Jung’s take on this with his work on the Anima and Animus. Carl Jung states that the Anima is the female side of the male that is repressed. And the Animus is the male side of the female that is repressed. According to this, we are likely to choose a partner based on our Anima and our Animus. Of course, parents play a big role in this decision because from a young age, as children that’s where they get their education. The individual bears within himself all kinds of opinions and feelings from his parents and ancestors, but which he believes to be his own. Nietzsche states; In the son becomes conviction what in the father was a lie. Not only fathers, but mothers also determine the conduct of the individual. Every person carries within a picture of women which he acquired from his mother. From this picture, he will be determined to respect or despise women or be indifferent toward them.
Based on this telling evidence, you are crazy, you are not normal. It’s all in your mind. You are suffering from a projection that is making you see things that are not there. You are implanting characteristics and traits to a receiver that is bound to reject them. Psychology tells us that man projects onto woman one of several ready-made pictures that he carries within him; the picture of the mere sexual object, of the femme fatal, of the muse, the virgin-mother, those belonging to what Jung latter called archetypes. The same goes for woman but with different archetypes like the woman to save him and the worshiping woman among others. You think she’s perfect because you don’t know anything about her. You know what your mind is telling you about her and your mind draws data from occurances that transpired or what feels familiar, safe or homely. They say that love is blind and that’s true because when you are in love, you are focused, your brain induces chemicals, your physiology reacts and your subconscious mind fools you. Thus being infatuated with a person is the biggest compliment you can pay. The conscious mind has very little control instead your shadow assumes control. Carl Jung describes the shadow as “The sum of those personal characteristics that the individual wishes to hide from others and from himself.” The shadow lurks in the subconscious and is operant when the conscious mind has lost all sight of reality. This makes sense because when you are infatuated with someone, all you do is think about them. You bill them up to more than they actually are. You see no imperfections and frailties, your reasoning capabilities are out of touch and you think they are the most wonderful person in the world! And maybe they are because truth is a subjective concept and you, well you are crazy but it’s alright.
Tell your crush you love them. This is a test, this is about you. By doing this, it will reveal things you didn’t know about yourself. It is an act that will make you courageous. It will empower you because this comes from your lens, your reality, your map of experience. It is personal and subjective and it will liberate your soul. You crush possess traits and characteristics that you love on a subconscious level, it is like holding a mirror to your soul. Take advantage of it, that’s the universal, God or whatever you believe in telling you to go for it – it is a map of experience that is specifically designed for you. It is an experience, a moment in this vast and expanding universe to know something of substance and value about yourself, your history and even your ancestry line. It is an opportunity to free apathy from your life. It is an opportunity to follow your dreams. It doesn’t matter how you do it, do what comes natural to you, do it so you maximize your returns. Write a poem, sing a song get your creative juices running. Be encouraged, be inspired – this is a big moment in your life. Sure, he/she might reject you and rightfully so because like we covered you are crazy but so is everyone else. This important feat is not about the response you’ll get, it’s about personal growth and self-gratification. It is about understanding of the self. Love is difficult, complicated, unreliable and unstable and you took a risk, you took a chance! Who knows maybe in a perfect world, the person of your affection will return your love. Maybe your life will be perfect. Isn’t it a chance you should take?
antakalipa 