ANTAKALIPA

Keep your eyes on the prize.

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Keep your eyes on the prize.

Winston Churchill once stated :”success is going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm.” That’s one thing I love about computers and A.I. (Artificial Intelligence), it has the same rigorous relentless energy even on its billionth try. This is because it is a program and it is programmed to get to an end result. We can learn a lot about A.I. & computers because our minds are also programs. More specifically our subconscious minds, they dictate our reality and interactions in the world. Your body is a part of your subconscious mind and so when you brush your teeth or drive your car a program kicks in and you do it automatically, you don’t have to consciously think about it anymore. The act of brushing your teeth or driving your car is hardwired. This is a practical example of how your subconscious rules your life, 95% of your actions are because of your subconscious mind. You are the program of your subconscious mind. Everything is mind, your reality is a product of the thoughts you tell yourself. We are aiming creatures and if for example you want a BMW, the world will structure itself to your beliefs and wants and you will begin to see more BMWs in your map of reality. If you want to be a painter all you will see in your map of reality is art schools and other opportunities to do with being a painter. If you want to be great, you will encounter phenomena that makes you great. When you say someone is evil all you will see is that persons evil deeds. Perception is everything. Reality structures itself to your value systems and beliefs. Your subconscious mind bends reality. There is no such thing as an objective criteria because the world is by nature very subjective, however we can compromise and find a middle ground. The world is the same today, will be the same tomorrow and will forever be the same. It is your personality that colors in what you see. Your personality is made up of thoughts, experiences and beliefs. So you see there’s no such thing as failure or impossible. Those are just labels that don’t mean anything. They are hinderances to the mind. Nietzsche once stated any person who has a why can bare any how. This means that when you have a “why” that’s powerful enough and life bearing you can conquer anything. When you have a “why” your limitations crumble down and all you see is your goal. You become invincible! The impossible becomes the inevitable. What do you see when you look in the mirror? What lies are you telling yourself? Why don’t you think you are great? It’s time to reboot your subconscious program.

The right program operating in your subconscious is critical to living the life you deserve. Developing a program of enthusiasm and optimism will enable you to create the life you envision because it is positive energy. When this is programed into your subconscious mind, it will enable a growth mentality and you will be able to pick out a way forward in the grimmest of times. With this outlook nothing is bad or a failure but an opportunity to gather data, internalize it and move forward with the intention of dominating next time. You are the creator of your life. Stay away from negative people and losers because they influence your lens on the world. There is no such thing as failure. There is no such thing as “giving up”. When you “give up”, you never had a “why” and so your plan was doomed from the start. Life is a process and pleasure is in the attainment of the goal not the prize. It is not about about being a Billionaire but the person you become to get there, the habits you must continuously adopt. The prize is the end and doesn’t mean anything on its own. Meaning, process and progress is what makes the goal worthwhile. Kinda like courting and pursuing a girl you like who’s giving you blueballs and when finally get with her you think “Is this it?”. The journey is the reward. Besides you don’t have the right to “give up” or even to kill yourself, you don’t belong to yourself, you are the property of God and the Universe. God would never tell you to give up. You won’t get any pity from me. Don’t cry, survive. Surround yourself with people who share your vision. Belief in yourself with impunity. Know you will win and you will, nothing escapes the law of causality. Be positive and optimistic on a constant. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude, this helps you when the dark night besiege, it enables you to count your blessings and by doing so you turn the situation into a positive and so you are able to move forward in your decisions confidently. Nothing is eternal and suffering is inescapable of course but you choose your thoughts and attitude about life. You can choose a life of pessimism and nihilism or you can choose one of optimism and creation. You can choose a life of depression and misery or you can choose one of happiness and love. Everything is in your lens of experience. You can be anything you want. You can do anything you want. Don’t let them steal your shine. Don’t seek the approval of fools. Move confidently in the direction of your dreams and slay the dragon you hero! It’s all in your mind, just keep your eyes on the prize.

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Barbie

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Barbie

A friend was holding a ceremony of the uniting of families, the sound of wedding bells is audible for all to hear. It was not a wedding just something before that. The two days were great I had a lot of fun. On the last day on a Sunday, I met someone I used to attend Primary School with. Her name Lehlogonolo but we just called her Barbie. It was a nickname given to her by Tumiso.

When we were in Primary school Barbie was a beast! She was absolutely great at everything! She was so artistic and creative. She had the best handwriting ever. She had imagination. She was a straight “A” student and she was beautiful – still is beautiful. I remember one day in Grade 6, I got a 98% grade on my SS (Social Sciences) examination and I was the highest in the grade. Barbie got 96%, my results were higher, I was elated, it was a Black Swan event. Normally Barbie was number 1, she had plenty of badges on her Blazer and on breaks she worked at the Library. Barbie was perfect. She was also one of the few Grade 5 students at the time to be selected for the school choir, I was also chosen. I never got badges though. It was difficult to get a badge because you had to get A’s in all the subjects! Imagine that, 80% or more in all your subjects? Nah, that’s too much work. I was always a 70% guy with a 80% there and there, just enough to go to Prize Giving (Award Ceremony) and I always went. Barbie had blue badges, silver badges and gold badges – she was really incredible. She wasn’t stuck up too, she had a great energy, great smile, she could communicate well with people, she was well-liked. She was the best.

On this great Sunday evening night, I met Barbie and she was enthused to see me so we had a great conversation. We talked for a while maybe an hour or so. I asked her about her passions and what she’s currently doing and I was so happy with her responses. She’s entrepreneurial! She told me that she loves Architecture & Interior Design. I lost my mind! Totally excited, I told her about Architectural Digest and she knew what I was talking about! She matched my enthusiasm and showed me her work. I was impressed, she was still so gifted and creative. She has great taste. I asked her about her favorite style and she said she liked the minimalistic style. I also love the less is more approach to design. She cited the Kim Kardashian house as her absolute favorite. I thought it was cute that she said Kim Kardashian’s house because that’s clearly Kanye’s house, but okay, it’s both their house and it’s a great house with a lot style and taste. I told her I want Brimstone and Marble for my house and her eyes lighted up. I want plenty of natural light too, the house has to have multiple floors, a firepit, massive bar, spacious kitchen, wonderful garden, custom made pool, studio and a cinema room is vitally important! Ebenazer Dam in Limpopo still my dream location, it’s so serene and peaceful. It’s secluded from the outside world, has wonderful natural views and nothing in this world beats that dam. I would need like a 100 million to build my dream house there. Still I am not limited, I can get multiple houses with different briefs and purposes. Me and Barbie talked and talked and talked. She even told me about her Events company but I didn’t show much enthusiasm for that. Sure you can get creative with an Events company but Architecture & Design is limitless, I like the latter vastly better, especially for her, she could change the world! Talking to her was so great, it’s wonderful to just talk about architecture, marble, chandeliers, minimalism and design with an enthusiast. I just want to learn more, now more than ever I am in love with Architecture and design. My conversation with Barbie was great.

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Where’s the money?

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Where’s the the money Thabiso?

Where’s the money Thabiso? That’s what I keep hearing. Sure you’re talented and you have everything but where’s the end result? Damn! I don’t have an answer. Like sure “we see you and you doing amazing thing things, but where’s the money?”.  That’s my only deficit, the money. No one cares that I am building for the future but oh they will. Still it frustrates me because it’s like they have something on me. Sure I can refute everything but I am alone with the damning truth, wheres the money? It’s like I’ve become an afterthought. I feel like I am useless. They see my talent and all I’ve done but it doesn’t mean anything because everyone has talent and everyone has done something worthwhile. Damn! I don’t get the respect that I deserve. I opened all these doors but where’s the money? It’s like it’s all people think about. I am a creator and I create but in the outside world I am nothing because I don’t do it for the money. Money is important of course and hence I’ve dedicated my life to be a Billionaire but what about now? All your peers are moving forward in the world and you’re being a rebel? What’s with the dreadlocks all of a sudden? Damn! Where’s the money! It’s like they have forgetten who I am. When have I ever failed? I am building a life, just a little patience, in the end I will have everything but the fact still remains. Where’s the money Thabiso? Damn, I don’t know, that’s why I always advise them girls to go with the guy with the GTI because in this day and age my mental stability means nothing. I have all of this knowledge but it means nothing. It’s all about instant gratification and who has the coolest shoes. I can’t compete with that, I am old school. I believe in labor, focus and dedication. Still, I am close to destiny that I can taste it, I am there! I am the one but people don’t see it. I don’t want a salary, I aiming for millions! I am on that frequency! Damn, I wish I attracted people on my frequency because then we would build amazing things. Capital, infrastructure and resources is all I need! True, I don’t care about the money, I care about people because I know that people are the ones who create great things. Unfortunately my previous partners have lost the sparkle in their eyes and I understand because life is difficult but damn, God give me someone who won’t give up on me! Give me someone who is better than me! Give me someone whose enthusiastic about failure! Challenge me! Please! Break me down, defeat me, please! I don’t care about being ridiculed, I don’t care about people because they are too cowardly anyways, they don’t have the courage to go for what’s in their heart. I apologize for insulting people because I am drunk in any case but don’t dismiss me because it’s my shadow speaking and it’s in free flow telling the truth that’s in my heart. I wish I were around great people and I was the weakest. I will delete this post in the morning, I am emotional and too drunk. Still, my time is coming…

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Why you like this?

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Why you like this?

They ask me “Why you like this”, your methods are uncanny, you are too peculiar, too unconventional, out the box, tell me why you like this, why won’t you conform, you’ll never make it out in the world like that, we won’t let you inside looking that. It’s like you are looking for it, you’re a taboo, everything outlawed, a repressed memory that keeps popping up. I don’t understand why you like this, why can’t you be like other people, stop being so controversial, listen, stay in your lane, dull down the color and be grounded like gravity.

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Words are my superpower

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Words are my superpower

Words are my superpower, I can write about anything and I’ll get an applause. I can write about dicks, pussy, murder, hate, Hitler, Putin, racism, slavery, love, sex, human nature, philosophy, psychology, self-actualization, business, finance, War, football and the Halocaust. Words are my superpower, I am superman with this shit, I overpower Kyrptonite with this shit. Superhuman strength that I carry the world in my pocket with this shit. I have become too good, dope like Marijuana baking words so high they hover over people’s consciousness. I dominate the poetry game, kill the Rap game and lecture story all the same. I am comedic and witty but also serious and intellectual. I am animalistic and beastly winning on my own like it’s not consentual. Words are my superpower, I have achieved mastery with this shit. Sure I could get even better but I am pretty fucken great with this shit. I am a content God, the best of the best like La Finalissima, no one is on my level like the laws of gravity don’t apply to me. Words are my superpower, I am number one, I am the winner. Yea, I said it, I am the shit like bowel movements after dinner. Winning like a fix, on your lips like a kiss, manhandling the wordle game like it were insane. Keep in your lane, I don’t care about your name, you all ridiculous to me, you’re all lame. Words are my superpower, I am Messi with this shit. What do you want an International trophy? I’ll get you Copa America with this shit. Words are my superpower, I took my time for all of this shit, labored for all this shit, sacrificed like Jesus for all of this shit and even if you crossed me I’ll come out tops cause I am a God of this shit. Acknowledge me now, save face, pretend you knew it from the start cause I am about spoil the ending I am the greatest of all time.

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The Narcissist II: mine

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The narcissist II: mine

I ran into an old friend I used to attend school with. He was good, in great spirits, looked healthy but he wasn’t happy with how I looked. He said, “You are so thin, is that you? You are finished.” I replied “Yea, it is me.” I replied to his sentiment disregarding the content obviously happy to see him. We engaged in a bit of small talk until he came back to his main point “You are so thin, you are finished my brother”, we exchanged pleasantries and drifted off in different directions but his comments stayed with me. It was as if he were looking down on me, it was pity, a side of schadenfreude, he was in disbelief, I felt like a disgraced fallen soildier. A couple of days before, a friend told me I had lost weight and I agreed to his observations but I didn’t think it was that bad. You mean I put on weight just to lose it again? Plausible, I was stressed and neglecting my eating schedule. Did you hear the whispers? They say I am on drugs, nyaope. Oh no! But you don’t treat me like an addict, my skin is still glowing and your girl is still on my dick! So it must be slander, yet another dirty trick from the devil. It feels like I have tumbled to the bottom and no one respects me anymore. The latest comments got to me because it was an echo, one that was rampant because it was true and I knew it. I did lose weight. Things were not that good for me. I was broke. I was not happy. I suffered. Fighting for what I believed in and my dreams of the future has been hard. Would you believe in what you believed in even if you were the only one? It has been cold and I get no love from my immediate surroundings, just disappointments. Pangs of torment piecing through my skin on a daily signaling electrical currents to my brain to induce trauma and pain. It’s a recurring occurrence, people think they are superior to me because I am struggling to feed myself, some think they own me. It doesn’t help that I am sensitive, an empath, a magnet for narcissists. Lately it seems like they have the upper hand. They keep making proclamations like:

You are mine and I own you. I bought everything you eat and you swallow my essence. I am the reason you living a good life, I own you. Your friends loves me, your whole family, they all love me, what are you going to do, they all love me, I own you, you are mine. I own everything you see here including you, you are mine. I am the pulse that gives you life and I can make you flatline if I wanted to, I own you. Your hands behind your back, you are in bondage, to my whims, my needs and everything I desire because remember, I own you. You are mine to do what I like with. You may think you have rights but you are mine and I own you. Everything you touch, your clothes, the hair, the shoes, your happiness, all mine, I own you. Get that into your mind, you are nothing without me, I own you, I can make you suffer, I can make you cry, you are mine, I own you.

Nothing worthwhile comes easy so I thank you, I learned to rely on my own wits and less upon other people. I am better. I am stronger. I will fight ahead and when I win its going to be on my terms.

I am still here, the vision is still intact, I will bulk up weight, I am stronger and I will rule. Your victory was a fleeting experience, the War is mine. I play the long game and I always win. You are wrong. I never wavered, my eyes are still on the prize, you don’t own me. All the petty humiliations were child’s play. I shrugged off your insults like dirt on my shoulders. I forecasted all your conditions like the weather and so I was prepared. You couldn’t play me even if I were a piano. I saw your power plays and opted to stand idle. I’d rather be a spectator watching you make a fool of yourself. Give them the rope, they all hang themselves if it’s got leeway. I am a sentient being and freedom is a given. I’d rather be hungry and thin than succumb to your views about my life. I never listen to anything you say. I belong to God and I have the faith of a mustard seed. You might have the cards now, but the game goes on and the deck has to be reshuffled. An early lead doesn’t guarantee you the marathon win. I am not a title deed, I have never been yours even for a second. Your perceived superiority is all in your head. The Gaslighting won’t work, I know all the facts. You can never break me even if we were playing pool. Your worst nightmare is coming to fruition, I am everything you deemed and I don’t need you. My dreams are finally gaining traction and your perceived power waning. I am coming for everything and you will acknowledge me!

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Red and Blue team

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Red and Blue team

I remember when I was young and depressed seeking an escape from the world. My life was dull and lathagic lacking any color. There was no focus to my lense and hence nothing to capture. Brain dead, I switched on the television set and a game was on. I had nothing to do and so I watched. The team with the red and blue colors played exquisite football. It was moving around in trigonometric patterns and sequences around the field. It was shared and distributed all around the field, it was one touch football. They kept the zones small and the opponents chased ceaselessly after the ball with no avail. The crowd was in awe and offered their appreciation for this type of football, they applauded, it was heaven, it was beautiful, they scored a lot of goals. The players had grace, they had elegance, they had a swagger and an arrogance. They had complete autonomy, almost like they didn’t have set positions, every role was interchangeable and vacated as the moment demanded. It was chaos and opponents didn’t have a reply, everything about that play defied structures and systems. It was a marvel to watch, the players on my screen turned the commentators into poets. I watched poetry unrevel right before my eyes and the commentators captured the magic of the moment. I fell in love, with the colors, the badge, the flags, the stadium and everything about that world. The red and blue hue spread out from my television set into my life to give it some color. From the seeds everything metastasized and blossomed into rich colors. The red and blue team saved my life.

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I know

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I know

I see all your pretensions and theatricalies,
staged with meticulous acting and false modesty,
masked in deceits that hide your true identity
like a VPN.
I know you’re a pretender.
A bystander.
I know you’re the one spreading rumors, tarnishing my name like a slander.

I know the humorous stories that you tell,
Mr. Comedian,
Kevin Hart,
“Laugh at my pain”,
I hear everyone is amused.
Why wouldn’t I be happy for you,
I am bemused.

My fingers are crossed like a Christian,
I hope you make it.
I love your crowd and how they reciprocating your energy,
you’re in sync like a Mexican wave.
Timid with your little skirts hiding in the cave.
Bitches!

I know you are intimidated by my greatness
and you pray for my downfall like a drought.
The sky is clear and I am still reigning.
I see your insincere smiles and back handed comments.
Moving and inhabiting my space like a comet.

You tell on yourself like a mirror
reflecting all your fears and insecurities.
You lack an inner campus and that’s just one of your propensities.
I know,
I reside in your mind rent free like a landlord, struggling to straighten me out like a phone cord, listen,
press record,
spoiler alert,
I win,
you might as well be reborn.
Bitches!

I know,
I know,
you worship the land I walk on.
Imitate my style
and would like my life for a mile.

I know,
I am everything you yearn to be.
I know I haunt your conscious reality.
I know you wanna be me.
Silence is not weakness,
I see everything like big brother,
trust me,
I know.

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Cotton-soft niggas

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Cotton-soft niggas

All I see is pretty niggas.
Sweet muhfuckers,
I hate it.
Like,
“How do I look? I want to take the perfect selfie”.
Damn!
If you putting on make-up, what’s the ladies supposed to do?
Oh I get it you’re a peacock nigga right?

I am tired of these soft,
ass muhfuckers.
We used to be men and now we just disappointing.
What you pouting for? 
Are you Kim Kardashian my nigga?
Are you a bitch my nigga?
Likes aren’t going to make you whole my nigga.

All I see is pretty niggas.
Sweet muhfuckers,
I hate it.
Holding their handbags and probably pads inside. Worried about how they look and how society will perceive them.
Putting on filters to hide their imperfections.
Are you a bikini model my nigga?

Pussies!
And the world is just fucking you raw.

All I see is pretty niggas.
Sweet muhfuckers,
I hate it.
Niggas who are protected from the world by their mothers.
Niggas who get their self-worth from the world. Taking pictures of the food they eat.
Guess what my nigga?
You came here alone and you dying alone.

I am tired of you peacock,
cotton-soft,
pretty muhfuckers
posing on the camera like a porno.

All I see is pretty niggas.
Sweet muhfuckers,
I hate it.
You cotton-soft niggas.
Yall are pissing me off.

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Sharing a Joint

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Sharing a joint

There’s nothing better than sharing a joint. It’s a unique experience. Participants involved in the partaking of the activity are complicit and committed. We smoke for the whole journey. When you are smoking a joint with someone you are enjoying the process and the end result. We know what we are doing, we want to get high, just to relax or have a good time. It’s a very good thing, plus it won’t kill you, unlike cigarettes, it kills off cancer. Regardless, there are many ways to die. Put in some viga or dry gin, it absolutely makes no difference to me. Remember “Life’s a bitch” on Nas’ Illmatic album, lauded by everyone as the greatest hip-hop album of all time! “Life’s a bitch, and then you die, that’s why we get high, because you never when you gonna go, Life’s a bitch and then you die, that’s why we puff lye” and then that horn at the end, it is such a beautiful song. It has a Scorsese, Godfather, Scarface feel to it.

When you choose to get high, you want to alter you mood and emotions. You want to escape to travel the milky-way and different galaxies and cosmoses. Life is difficult, you want to go through it not high? Well Godspeed my brother, I wish you all the best, I need some zol in my life, it’s God’s gift to humanity, it’s good, it comes from the earth. Imagine, Monsanto can’t do anything to my weed! That is great, thanks God, we thank you for our weed. Man, I am also a better roller these days, I am beginning to perfect my cones, at the end of this year, my cones will be perfect. I can also roll slenders now, I can just about roll you any type of joint my brother. Smoking a joint with someone is such a blessed experience, it is spiritual, magical, an experience ordained by angels and life in its entirety. There also can’t be negative energy when we are smoking. There’s no attitude problem and no one is going to get raped.

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