Who told you I am a nice guy? I am a scoundrel, I live in dirt like an earth worm, I am slimly, slither like a snake and devour my own kind like I do to cake. I don’t care about you, I am scoundrel, itching for an opportunity to show you, but a stab in the back will do, stick it deep so it appears on the front to kill you. I will steal from you if you leave me unattended, empty the cash register so nothing comes out like you constipated. I am a scoundrel, I don’t care about your feelings. Dissect your heart and leave you helpless bleeding. Leave you with hyenas so the can start feeding or humiliate you just so I can hear pleading. I don’t care about anyone, I am a scoundrel, rape your grandmother in her house to prove I am a scoundrel. The lowest of the low, reeking alcohol from the pores and frequenting brothels at four. I am irredeemable from the core and accept bribes like cops. I am a scoundrel, I’d sacrifice you cause I don’t have a vice, reptilian pumping out ice and take your daughter cause she look nice. In the morning I am rolling dice, hungover from last night or pulling another heist. A scoundrel, Mr. Steal your money, spend it at the tarven and leave the family hungry, beat them for good measure because I paid the dowry. Screwing like a bunny and leaving baby mama’s with no honey. You can sue if you want to but I ain’t got no money. Who told you I am a nice guy? I am a scoundrel, I am what I am, I am a bad man.
I want an amazing life, no compromises because when Retshi died I promised things to myself and my life. Yea, I know what they say about promises and how keeping them is difficult but this was more of a vision of my life. It was subjective and heartfelt; I promised to be the best I could for him. I am more afraid of not living than dying, to be a carbon copy of everyone else and not understand what constitutes my essence, to be a slave of my impulses and not being able to regulate my emotions, to stand idle while my dreams disappear in the distance, to lose myself, to get swayed by novelty and not have an anchor that grounds me – that scares me, dying is easy and quicker. He lived a short life, he deserved more, his passing was tragic, he was a junior and he beamed with excitement at the prospect of being a senior, life had other plans and his life disappeared like an illusion, like mirrors, like it never happened. One moment he was there and the next he was gone like evaporation. Such is life, it’s all this big theatricality that disappears right before your eyes and metastasizes as something else if reincarnation is the correct hypothesis. The pictures he left behind became myths and his whole life mythological but at least he left a legend. Do his past friends and family members still remember him? Who cares? It’s like the past swallowed him into oblivion and irrelevance but I remember, I can’t quite forget about him like the feeling of nostalgia, he takes me back to simpler times. His death was honorable and respectful, he was loved, he metastasized into a hero, a noble soul and an inspiration to all, like Batman he became a symbol that transcended everyday living. You need to be deadman to be a hero and the successor to your deed needs to be alive, if both of you are still living then that’s just normal everyday living but you do have heroic characteristics. If everyone is dead, it becomes a massacre or to avoid hyperbole a draw. He fits the description of what it is to be a hero.
One nightmarish day, he jumped into the river in attempts to rescue a boy who was swallowed in the deep end, drowning, gasping for air with water flooding his body and his senses failing him. The little boy was doomed with no saviors to watch you from the bay, no Pamela Anderson with her volaptious titties to save the day, it was a swim in the river the little boy would dread. He must have saw the white light and angels singing choruses. Out of nowhere, like he was Godsent, Retshi jumped in and saved a drowning soul on the steps of heaven from perishing but he drowned and died instead. The biggest sacrifice one can make. “Damn! Just like that? He lives, and he dies? That’s not fair!” I realize my protests are futile, I just wish he didn’t jump in because then we’d still have him. I know my reasoning is selfish, spiteful, arrogant and doesn’t take into consideration the person he was even at a young age, but morality is suspended from my reasoning and discourse, I am not perfect, I am flawed, unworthy, a sinner and maybe I hate him for being the reason that my friend is gone. Yes of course, I know, Retshi is going to save some drowning kid his never met before because he was considered a good swimmer, he was tall, had a good heart and empathy of the highest order. There’s solace in that his death was ordained by the God’s, he did what came naturally to him, he didn’t have to think twice and today someone reaps the fruits of that decision. There’s also the fact that he loved swimming and so he was killed with his own dagger, the irony, poetic justice. I can’t blame him or be rueful of the past because I too appreciated the qualities he had as a human being. He had a pure soul, he loved to help, was empathic, a good listener, calm and just chilled – he was my best friend. Although I wish he hadn’t acted, I understand and I respect him even more.
When he died, I cried and mourned his life. Before his death, we had a fight and didn’t talk to each other for a week and now he was gone. It was a stupid fight that holds no weight but pride prevented us from squashing the beef and now that fight is the last memory I have of him. Just like that my friend of many years, who lived on the same street died, it was serious, it was fatal and nobody could ressurect him. It was over and I was never going to see him again, it crushed my spirit and heaven couldn’t provide consolations. When he died, I wanted to achieve great things for him, to let the world know that he was still here operating in the spirit with us. I asked his spirit to be with me, to inhabit me, that we would share this meaty body in the three dimensional world. He has always been with me and motivated my decisions for the future. Having and knowing him changed my life, he made a mark and I am constantly haunted by my mortality, I am aware that things might switch up at any moment, that I mustn’t take life for granted, that everyday is a blessing and an opportunity to live out your best life. I am still fighting for an amazing life not just for me but for my friend who never got his chance. An amazing life for me is one with excess capital to create, make my dreams come true, to love and help as many people as I can. I want to make a contribution that is everlasting for humanity, but maybe none of that matters, the universe is in a constant flux and everything perishes. The ego is an illusion, no one will remember me, no one really cares and nothing matters in any case.
This is dedicated to my friend who died saving someone else, thank you for the lessons, memories and absolutely everything, as long as I am alive, you are alive – forever alive in our memories.
RETSHI – he had Respect, Empathy, stood Tall, was Special, was Hercules amongst us, let him always be our Inspiration.
Remember that you are going to die. It’s inescapable, everyday you are nearing the end. The good time, the bitches, the alcohol it’s all temporary. What isn’t temporary is your legacy, what have you done for the next generation? Your kids, did you do all that you can to ensure they have a better life? Are you proud of the life you have led? Is life better because you existed? Forget about friends, they don’t have your best interests at heart. They will leave you, it’s all a matter of time. To tell you the truth, they don’t care all that much about you, they are living their own lives and running their own race. What have you done for yourself? You came into this world alone and you are going to exit alone, consider that. No one really cares about you. You have to do that for yourself, maintain your composure, take one step at a time and head for your dreams, accomplish your goals, believe in the magic that’s you and never give up. What people say or think about you doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is your opinion about yourself. Have good thoughts about yourself, don’t say things that make you weak, empower yourself, have pride, be confident. Wake up, wake up, wake up! Fight for freedom, for truth and keep going because winners don’t quit on themselves. You can accomplish it, your wildest dreams, stay concentrated, keep moving and have patience. Make the right choices, adopt the right habits, habits are destiny. Remember that you are going to die, life is impermanence, elevate your perspective to have a broader view of life, refrain from acting in the moment, consider the cosmic events of things – everything is cause and effect, show love and it will come back to you. Do things today that will serve you tomorrow. Embrace positivity and you will lead a positive life. Stick with things that enable you to grow, be with the people who want the best for you and let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore. Every step, moment, counts, stand for something, be brave, walk alone, risk ridicule, never be afraid of being who you truly are. Everything dissipates, the stars lose their shine, day becomes night and the youth lose their enthusiasm. In the end we all perish, we become dust and our memory is forgotten. You are going to die, it’s a certainty, heaven can’t save you and God approves of it. Enjoy today, be in the moment, be like a child, see the wonder in everything, do everything that you can, today might be your last day on earth. Remember you are going to die, stop postponing what you can do now, today. Have urgency, move with purpose, time is not on your side, everyday you are close to death. Relegate fear to the side, it’s not life-affirming, it won’t save you, it’s useless. Instead be fearless, live like today might be your last day because it might. Do everything that you have ever wanted because life is brief. There is no tomorrow only the the eternal now. Memento Mori my friend, stop wasting time, everything that you need is already within, the outside world can’t offer you anything. Stand grounded, keep your head down, keep moving, be humble, be grateful for the magnificence of life, love and you will attract beautiful things in your map of experience. Memento Mori my friend, remember that you are going to die, do all that you can with the time that you have.
I’ll take it from here, relax you’re tired, you can’t go further that this. Time has elapsed and you’re no longer the shit. It’s alright, it happens to the best of us. Impermanence means that things never last, the bones stultify and everything turns into dust. You were good but your prime is in the past. I’ll takeover culture now, I am younger, faster and I’ll milk any cow, to make cheese, I’ll settle the invoices, mute voices and make time freeze. I’ve got the equation for immortality, win without technicality and walk on water casually. I’ll takeover culture, I am the best, I’ve beaten all the rest, repel bullets without a vest and breath fire with my chest. Checkmate, this is chess, you disposable like a pawn, fucked on camera like a porn and I am here to save your soul like the lord. Relax, let me handle this, the drinks are on me, unlimited with variety cause everything is on me. I’ll takeover culture you’re bound, conflicted with new found responsibilities you can’t play the sound, I got speakers and they loud, blasting to serve a whole nation or a crowd. I’ve been here from the start, serving people with my art and pumping blood into the organism like a heart. I am consciousness, five world cup tournaments like Messi and I am not done, it’s about to get messy, have you on your knees begging for mercy cause I have longevity like Pepsi. I’ll takeover culture, the ladies love me, lips irresistible and plump, they all kiss me, I’ve been everywhere cause they all lease me, I’ll takeover, the culture needs me.
2008 and I am the new kid at school, I am in a foreign environment, everything is different, the kids are different, the culture at school is different, we have white kids here and the kids can bring their cellphones to school. That’s unbelievable! At my previous school, you couldn’t bring your cellphone to school, that was forbidden but when you got to the 7th grade, you had your own toilets that nobody else could use! Reserved only for the seniors of the schools, exclusively for grade 7’s, nobody else used them. The toilets were nicer, they were cleaner and they smelt good. Afterschool when everybody went home, I would use the toilets reserved only for the grade 7’s. It was a dream to be a senior and to be able to use those toilets. I never did, I left when I was in the 6th grade. Maybe I should have stayed one more year and concluded my primary education there, if not for the education then at least for the toilets. I was popular, I was the best poet in the school, I was in the school choir, I played sports and I was destined to be a “Counselor”, a “Counselor” was a “Prefect”. I so wanted to be a counselor and my chances were so good, it was basically guaranteed that I’d be one had I been a senior, but I left. I chased the feeling of wanting to be the new kid in a different environment, it excited me, it was my decision, I wanted a change. The new school was formal, we had a demerit system, that was new to me, I mean the idea of transgressions? It basically stated what learners could and could not do, like a free pass, the whole system perpetuated behavior it seeked to avoid because now technically I can get away with murder and have a few points docked. We never had that in my previous school and you never would have gotten away with murder! Not surprisingly, the kids in my new school were quite liberated, there was an entitlement about them, they were smug, they knew they had rights and they were arrogant. For me it was a big shift in culture but it was cool, small stuff, I could handle it.
For the first few days, I was under the radar, I moved in stealth and acquainted myself with the new environment. On breaks I sat alone and listened to music on my cellphone, something that suited me because I am introverted, I was happy but I got friends fairly quickly and by the third day I was chilling with some kid on breaks. His name was Tefu, strange kid, tall and lanky, looked way bigger for his age, was a year or two bigger than me but I liked him. Months elapsed and I made new friends, Tefu and I were not that close anymore. One of my new friends Mondli also a relatively new kid was a hip-hop head and an aspiring cool kid. Mondli loved the ladies. Our class had the most beautiful girls in the school, no lie, I counted at least 3 girls that I liked. I still remember their names, Leala, Mbalenhle and Amelia. My first preference was Leala but the other two were cute. Luckily I sat next to Leala because her surname starts with a “P” and mine with an “S”, so we sat towards the end. If we sat in pairs, I sat with Leala. She was brilliant, smart, beautiful and creative. She had a personality that was made of gold, Leala was cool, her energy was calm. We connected, we used to talk all the time, I knew her, she became my friend. I even knew who she had a crush on, it was this white kid named “Chad” and you could see the dreamy eyes on Leala’s face whenever she was around Chad. Her body language was different, she was flirty, she wanted Chad to see her. Chad changed schools in the 3rd week but I knew Leala’s Kyrptonite. One day I blurted out that she liked Chad and she transformed, something in her changed, it was as if she were possessed by demons, she made a scene in front of the whole class and told me off, she dismissed me like a naughty child that needed discipline, everyone’s attention was cast on me and I became the butt of the joke so everyone laughed. Right there I knew that Chad was a sensitive issue, never mess with a young girls feelings but her reaction confirmed my suspicions, I touched a nerve, I was right and she knew it. Later because me and her were so tight she confirmed that I was right.
Leala was my closest friend, we didn’t chill together on breaks or anything like that but in class we talked a lot and our conversations were fire! We liked each other’s company, we laughed a lot, we were comfortable with one another, she was my friend. Still, outside the classroom I needed to fit in or risk being ostracized by my peers. I invested my time with Mondli. He had the biggest crush on Mbalenhle and it was warranted, Mbali was beautiful! She was the most beautiful girl in school hands down! He told me about her and made advances on her. All day, every day, he used to talk about Mbali and he transferred the fever on to me. I started noticing her more and more till finally, I fell in love with her. She haunted my conscious reality, all I thought about was her. So I decided to do something, through some clever maneuvering, I managed to get her numbers, fine I got them from Mondli but I was in stealth mode, I stole them, he didn’t know I had them. After getting the numbers, I sent her an SMS professing my love for her. It was such a cowardly SMS, my feelings were all over the place, it’s so embarrassing. It had a lot of anonymity, I didn’t want her to know who it was from, it was just about getting it out of myself. Like “Eish Mbali you are the most beautiful girl in the world and I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t believe I am saying this but I love you”, you know some simp stuff, I can’t quote it word for word because I don’t remember it but it was something along those lines. The next day, everybody in the class knew about the SMS, the horror, luckily I didn’t sign my name. She knew it was not from Mondli because she had his number and they were chatting on mxit. She asked me straight up if it was from me, I denied it. Like “Me? Never! I don’t even have your number”. It was a sneaky little SMS, I used a different number and I later disposed of the sim card. It was better that way. I mean why did the whole class know about the SMS? Although I wanted her to know that I loved her, taking ownership of the SMS was suicide, I avoided it but she knew it was from me, you could see it in her eyes, she was certain, there was no one else, but she didn’t probe further, she let things be.
After the SMS, things changed for her, despite my awkward and nervous energy, she grew fonder of me, it was in the way she looked at me, her gaze was intense and focused, she didn’t shy away from letting me know that she was staring, she had pet names for me, when my friends were teasing me in class she defended me, she blew me kisses, I freaked out! I have never had a girlfriend before, I don’t know what to do! YES SURE, I am in love with her but I don’t know what to do! I was just an artsy, awkward kid so I didn’t do anything. I followed my purpose, wrote poetry and dominated the district instead. On the last day of school, she wrote her numbers on my shirt, she stopped being subtle, she wanted me to call her, I never did. I wish I did something with Mbalenhle but I was a coward that’s why I am writing this instead.
I am undisputed, champion of the world, greatness is constituted by God and the style prostituted by pussy ass niggas who attempt to fuck up the world with what I initiated but you lack charisma and you just hated. You can never climax at the top even if you masterbated while I come all night, all day, implanting seeds in your mind to make you grow and make this dough. I am undisputed, on top of mount everest, beating everybody to prove I am the best, pull the plug on your ass to give you permanent rest, why because I can, prohibited like a ban, flow crazy deserves to be in the can, Mr. Steal your girl and defeat your man. Damn! I’ve been winning ever since, where yall niggas, making light work on you like mince, secretive like a sphinx, I’ve been winning ever since, where yall niggas? Who wants to challenge me niggas? I am undisputed, sitting on a Throne that I looted, took it from a weakling king that I booted, banished him from his castle and he left muted. I am the one, I wear the crown and I am far from done, illuminate the town like the sun, head down to penetrate the cunt, sorry, I’m obscene, sometimes I paint pictures with my words to create a scene, if this were a horror movie, you would scream cause I devour punani like cream! I am undisputed, everything you see is mine, look at the signs, obey and we will be fine, wanna be a hero and we will take it aside, turn you into a sweater and make your insides your outside.
I have loved movies my whole life. I remember when I was a kid aged about 8, I used to go to Kings Cinema located on 2nd Avenue, in Alexandra Township every week! Kings was the greatest place in the world and I am not even exaggerating, it was better than heaven, it was bliss! I don’t think I’d like heaven all that much, the thought of church all day, singing and worshipping for all eternity doesn’t appeal to me. Look thank you for saving me God, I appreciate it but could I checkout the service once in a while? I mean it’s heaven, give me a break. While heaven doesn’t appeal to me all that much, I wouldn’t mind being locked in King’s Cinema for all eternity! They played great stuff! For just R5 for kids and R7, later R10 for adults you got to watch TWO movies! One Kung Fu and the other one a Hollywood movie. The Kung Fu movies were the best! We were always so entertained, the crowd loved them! I am talking about Jet Li, Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan and all those other Chinese guys who kicked ass. It was always an experience, the movies were funny, they were always about revenge and honor, that’s when I fell in love with Cinema, I credit Kung Fu movies. I think that’s why I loved Kill Bill so much, it felt familiar like nostalgia, I even dreamed about it, I could not get the bride out of my psyche and she stayed with me until my late teenage years. I still can’t get over Kill Bill, it’s a masterpiece. I remember watching Shaolin Soccer and cracking up real good, the audience loved it. Shaolin Soccer was a King’s special, the posters inside the cinema were never removed, I remember it had a frame. All the other posters were changed and removed every week to advertise what was showing next week or in the foreseeable future except the Shaolin Soccer poster. It had that aesthetic, that feel, it described what King’s Cinema was all about. There was a program and when you purchased your ticket you basically agreed to spend your whole day at the Cinema. The box office opened at 12:30 pm and would sell tickets until 13:00 – 13:30 pm. After 13:30, the gates are closed and no one comes in the theatre. Once seated the first movie comes on, usually a Kung Fu movie that plays for 2 hours or so and then there is a recess, a little intermission so you can buy your Popcorn and snacks for the second movie – the main movie, what you came to the cinema to see, the big box office movies like Mission Impossible, Spiderman and Rambo. Hardly no one bought popcorn and snacks for the first movie but the stand was still open nonetheless. The Kung Fu movies were like preparation for the second movie but we loved them anyways, to tell you the truth, sometimes they were better than the big Hollywood movies. The second movie would play until like 17:30 to 18:00. So you would be in the cinema from 13:00 to 18:00 but it didn’t feel that way because time flew!
I loved how economic King’s was. For the day I needed just R12. That would be enough for the entrance, popcorn, juice and sweets (smarties). I would go there Saturday and Sunday and R24 would suffice, sometimes R20 for two days would do. But when I went with a grown-up I would get everything! I’d get Popcorn, Coca-Cola not Juice, a hot pie and sweets! Every time I had a hot pie and Coke was a great day! I remember the days like it was yesterday, the first time I went with my cousin and we watched Spiderman. The next time was with my mother and we watched X-men 2. Pie was expensive, it cost R7 and Coke was R5! My mother would give me the R12 to get me off her hair, she never complained. I loved the cinema, I’d go with my friends most Saturday’s, and on Sunday when they went to church, I’d go again on my own. I remember watching “Gladiator”, oh my lord, it was so epic! Like “Are you not entertained? Isn’t this what you came for? Spaniard! Spaniard! Spaniard!”. The audience in the cinema went crazy! Spaniard was our hero, when he died at the end, we felt an injustice like something was amiss, we hated the fact that Spaniard died but we understood, everything was stacked up against him and at least he killed the villian and restored order in the kingdom, it was a bittersweet ending. We loved movies with action, fighting and violence! The whistles would reverberate in the theatre and we actively cheered for the hero! Love scenes in the cinema were also cool but sometimes awkward and uncomfortable, most of the time you’d hear wooing. When the hero kissed the girl there was always an applause and whistles, we loved it! I also remember watching Troy, ah! It was such an awesome movie and the audience loved it. To tell you the truth, I’ve only watched the movie once, I forgot the plot but I remember the name of the movie and Brad Pitt was awesome! I watched a couple of Harry Potter movies at Kings but not “The Goblet of fire”, that installment I watched in the cinema at Sandton. When we watched “Passion of the Christ” everybody was emotional, the mood was tense and serious. You could hear sobs everywhere in the cinema. Even my friends didn’t talk to me, their gaze was fixed on the screen and they totally ignored my attempts to disturb them. It was strange and uncomfortable, even my friends cried for Jesus. I didn’t like “Passion of the Christ”, it had a lot of subtitles and I got bored following through the story, I didn’t understand what it was about. Still I remember that day vividly because everyone in the cinema was crying for Jesus and I felt guilty because I didn’t cry. I finished the day thinking I was going to hell, thank you for the feelings of guilt and shame Mel Gibson, fucken asshole. Mission Impossible 3 was awesome, that’s your definitive King’s movie in terms of engagement with the crowd, it had the audience going crazy in a lot of scenes! Tom Cruise didn’t disappoint, he did the impossible. I have two movies that could rival Mission Impossible 3, that’s “Cradle to the grave” and “Romeo Must Die”, reason being Jet Li, the hood loved Jet Li! His movies always filled up the cinema, Friday, Saturday and Sunday! Jet Li was the ultimate hero and he would beat the bad guys clean, everyone in the cinema cheered and whistled him on. He had a strong crowd. Kings was an experience, for me it was a place where I went to be myself. I relaxed, I laughed, I cheered, I rested my feet on seats, I interacted with the stories, I fell in love with cinema, it is my whole childhood. I spent a lot of my life in that cinema and I watched a lot of movies. Thank you King’s for everything!
I am a winner, I am competitive, I never stop. I create systems and follow through until I am on top. The pick of the crop, my reign showers fields to ensure supply never stops, I deliver and demand triumphs a cops. Most wanted, five star performance every time, rig the game to take your last dime. I am a winner, better than a sinner, focus intensified better than a fat man at dinner, come close and I’ll kill ya, leave you bloodied like an encounter with a spinner. I am simply better, leave your girl wetter, have the public write you off, we don’t need no letter. I am a winner, I am always number one, the spotlight is on me, you’ll get it when I am done, who can stand alongside me, the answer is none, nobody can fuck with me like a nun. I am the best, the leader of any conquest, I’ll give you preferential treatment cause you just a guest but if you get on my face I’ll doom your ass cause you’ll be a pest. I am a winner, I have all the trophies, the budget is high so we don’t tolerate no low fees, bro please, stand aside so I can teach you how to appease, I am the consciousness of culture, haters in circles over my body like a vulture but I’ve got reserves stacked up like vouchers. I go overtime, I kill to solve the crime, get dirty to remove the grime and stand on the Throne to show its mine. I am a winner, I’ve got the calves to prove it, I’ve got stamina. A marathon runner with the speed of a sprinter. Penetrate resistance like a splinter, go deep like coitus in winter. I am a winner and all I do is win, win, win no matter what, I am always the victor.
Cheeseboy son look at the shoes, look at the watch, look at the car, this shirt costs more than you make in a month. I got the latest gadgets, ladies get wet when they see me, the style screams see me and I know you do. I could buy the whole shop and you know I do. Cheeseboy son, Royale with cheese, charisma scotching hot and the swag is a breeze. Kenny’s family is poor always begging please. I’ll give you a lease on the style so you won’t have to be parasitic like fleas, I take over any charges with interest and added fees cause the presence is huge and intimidating like a beast! Cheeseboy son, can’t tell me nothing, Royale with cheese. Don’t be mad cause I am doing me better than you doing you. Just give me an invoice and I’ll settle what’s due. Buy your love with alcohol and bounce that’s my queue. You can never compare to me that’s cute. Let’s laugh at Kenny, his family is poor. Cheeseboy son, lunch is on me. The bar is open and we can drink until three. No need to worry about the costs cause I got the keys, to unlock any woman with resistance, just say my name and they will cease to show all of this resistance. Cause the name is consistent, make it rain to make her dance like strippers who are persistent. Cheeseboy son, Royale with cheese, look at the pool, it’s heated. My stature is bigger than yours when I am seated. I got maids, I got cooks. I can get you laid, improve your looks. Cheeseboy son, Royale with cheese, I could change your life, only if you’re honest and loyal like a wife, the money could be rife. Cheeseboy son, just tell me what you want and I’ll deliver, you’ll be on your knees, I’ll make you a believer. I can move you up that list and get you that liver, only if you acknowledge your best position is silver.
antakalipa 