I am undisputed, champion of the world, greatness is constituted by God and the style prostituted by pussy ass niggas who attempt to fuck up the world with what I initiated but you lack charisma and you just hated. You can never climax at the top even if you masterbated while I come all night, all day, implanting seeds in your mind to make you grow and make this dough. I am undisputed, on top of mount everest, beating everybody to prove I am the best, pull the plug on your ass to give you permanent rest, why because I can, prohibited like a ban, flow crazy deserves to be in the can, Mr. Steal your girl and defeat your man. Damn! I’ve been winning ever since, where yall niggas, making light work on you like mince, secretive like a sphinx, I’ve been winning ever since, where yall niggas? Who wants to challenge me niggas? I am undisputed, sitting on a Throne that I looted, took it from a weakling king that I booted, banished him from his castle and he left muted. I am the one, I wear the crown and I am far from done, illuminate the town like the sun, head down to penetrate the cunt, sorry, I’m obscene, sometimes I paint pictures with my words to create a scene, if this were a horror movie, you would scream cause I devour punani like cream! I am undisputed, everything you see is mine, look at the signs, obey and we will be fine, wanna be a hero and we will take it aside, turn you into a sweater and make your insides your outside.
The tedium of going to castings, you risk it all and gain nothing for your efforts, you saw people who are just like you in the waiting room, some even prettier than you, willing to do the same job, what’s done is done. The casting director lady has seen it all, the frizzling enthusiasm of youth vanish. First couple of months, you had the spirit, but lately you just coming in to mark the register, until you win or lose hope. You thought you did your best and that you’d get the part, so you wait and wait for a call that never comes. Indifference, it’s like you don’t exist. Agitated and flooding with anxiety, you offered to shoot the scene again but were met with “No thanks, that’s not necessary, we have everything we need”. There’s nothing you can do, it’s not in your hands. They decided against you the moment you left the room, meanwhile you’re living in hope, painting dreams in your mind that never come to fruition. Broke. A nobody. That call back is everything, you get another chance, the chance to meet the director, this could be it.
I was at the Pieter Toerien Theatre for the opening of the Paul Slabolepszy’s, play “Bitter Winter”. Amazing play, brilliant in it’s execution. I was with SamSays, we were in B3 and B4 – at the very front. Thank you Collett Dawson for the weekend. Alan Committee was super great the day before with his show “Olympic Gold”. He is up on the podium with a Gold medal with that performance: incredible delivery, quick witted, energetic, on his feet, interactive, very humorous and just a straight-up banger! Comedians are the cleverest people, providing social commentary, reflecting reality in a humorous undertone and helping us mould our human existence in an environment where everything goes, I was laughing throughout, it takes a lot of hard work and mastery to be Alan Committee, he makes it look so easy, so effortless, the show is just pure comedy gold.
The play is set in a Casting directors office, call back, two guys are cast, old has been guy, with present guy. Present guy is angry and hostile at first, his character arc progresses and he opens up to the old has been guy, that’s when he starts being open with us, the audience, music on his headphones is off and put away. He walks in the scene avoident and closed off, secluded, trapped on his phone, listening to music on his phone – Kendrick Lamar “Money Trees”. Present guy is cast as the main guy, the old man is led into believing that he is cast for the role, only to reveal in the last minute that he is not cast. Someone from overseas filled the role. The play has a lot of heart. It is beaufully craft, perfect in a way that only art can be, excuted by performers who love what they do – the performers were extraordinary, performing with purpose, being in the moment, embodying the craft. The show has personality and quirks, it is relatable and humorous. As the play progressed we learned about the protagonists lives, their families, their past, we became invested. The set was office-like, backdrop, Jozi. Andre Odendaal plays Jean-Louis Lourens, the old has been guy. Oarabile Ditsele plays Prosper Mangane, the present guy. Chantal Stanfield plays Felicia Willemse, the casting director lady. The play is just brilliant. Congratulations Lesedi Job and the whole team and a deserved standing ovation.
I am a winner, I am competitive, I never stop. I create systems and follow through until I am on top. The pick of the crop, my reign showers fields to ensure supply never stops, I deliver and demand triumphs a cops. Most wanted, five star performance every time, rig the game to take your last dime. I am a winner, better than a sinner, focus intensified better than a fat man at dinner, come close and I’ll kill ya, leave you bloodied like an encounter with a spinner. I am simply better, leave your girl wetter, have the public write you off, we don’t need no letter. I am a winner, I am always number one, the spotlight is on me, you’ll get it when I am done, who can stand alongside me, the answer is none, nobody can fuck with me like a nun. I am the best, the leader of any conquest, I’ll give you preferential treatment cause you just a guest but if you get on my face I’ll doom your ass cause you’ll be a pest. I am a winner, I have all the trophies, the budget is high so we don’t tolerate no low fees, bro please, stand aside so I can teach you how to appease, I am the consciousness of culture, haters in circles over my body like a vulture but I’ve got reserves stacked up like vouchers. I go overtime, I kill to solve the crime, get dirty to remove the grime and stand on the Throne to show its mine. I am a winner, I’ve got the calves to prove it, I’ve got stamina. A marathon runner with the speed of a sprinter. Penetrate resistance like a splinter, go deep like coitus in winter. I am a winner and all I do is win, win, win no matter what, I am always the victor.
Set in a totalitarian state, that’s always fun. The subtext communicating that darkness and lack of control prevails. The story world is uncertain, suspicious and not sure of itself. It seeks resolution, justice and truth. The bounds of morality are put through a microscope. What’s right? What’s wrong? Are you right for suffocating your parents with a pillow because they abused you as child? Is taking another life ever justifiable? Definitely not a show for snowflakes. Murder, blood and torture are a running feature in the show. There’s indifference in the murders by the characters for humors sake and just sociopathy. The story starts off in an interrogation room when a writer Kutarian is questioned of the murder of children resembling and mirroring what he wrote in his short stories. The details of the murders and his stories are identical. The detectives even find tangible evidence in his house of the victims severed body parts. The deaths are gruesome and graphic, from razor blades shoved in the throat to toes being cut off leading to bleeding to death. The writer Kutarian claims innocence and the detectives Tupolski and Ariel press down on him heavily to get the truth out of him, deploying “good cop, bad cop” and torture techniques. Kutarian’s brother Michal is also in custody in another room awaiting the same brutish treatment. Michal is a “special” case and the words retard and slow are loosely used to describe him. It is revealed that he is the killer and not his brother. Finding out the truth, Kutarian murders his brother in a jail cell and takes the fall for everything, hoping to spare his brother torture and preserve his writing for years to come. In the end, he too is put to the sword but his work survives for another 50 years.
Unbelievable story, I simply loved everything about the show. The subject matter dark and uncomfortable but it was under the hands of expert storytellers. A couple of hours with an interval, we went deep into the story and understood what motivated the characters. The writer Martin McDonagh is the real hero. The writing is simply exquisite! The pacing of the show, the dark humor, the sharp wit and sarcasm – it contributed some comic relief to a tense storyline. The miniature stories told throughout the story using animation and art projected on the screen was a great touch. We had visual aids, we could see the stories the performers told. That was such a cool experience, I’ve never experienced theatre like that, it’s risky, unsettling, cringe and out of the comfort zone theatre. The show was captivating, a real thriller, I was locked in that world. The performers were outstanding, they stayed in role even after the show was over. They didn’t even take a bow, the story and ending didn’t call for them to take a bow. Darkness just permeated until the auditorium was lit indicating that the show was over. If I were to rate it, I’d give it perfect stars – all the stars! It was an immensely satisfying show.
My hat goes off to Hugh Becker who played Katurian, the writer who initiated all the chaos. Ildi Kungl who played Tupolski, detective number 1 and good cop. Tebogo Tladi who played Ariel, detective number 2 and bad cop and Wentzel Lombard who was untouchable as Michal. Congratulations Paprika Productions for an amazing show, definitely coming back for a second run. Thank you Daphne Kuhn and Theatre on the square for another classic.
I always liked Taylor Swift, especially in her country days. My earliest experience of her music was “Speak Now”. It has one of my favorite songs of all time “Never grow up”, an acoustic guitar-led ballad about time, youth, growth, nostalgia, life. It’s beautiful and personal, it always made me reminisce about my life, my experiences, my childhood, simpler times when everything made sense. The lyrics are so descriptive and vivid, the guitar strings you along the different perspectives. How I wish I lived in a loop where youth is forever, time stands still and the smiles lasted an eternity. It’s an emotive song, it’s tragic, life goes on and we all grow up. The album also contains “Mine”, “Sparks fly”, “Dear John” and another favorite of mine “Mean”. Her writing always distinguished her from everybody else, she writes with a lot of feeling and from real life experience, you feel her words anchored in reality. I always liked Taylor Swift and when she released her fourth album “Red”, I went to the music store and purchased the CD. I loved “Red”, it had “Starlight”, “Begin Again”, “Everything has changed”, “Sad beautiful tragic”, “The Last Time”, “Holy Ground” and “Stay, stay, stay”. It also had your chart toppers like “22”, “I Knew You Were Trouble” and “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”. It was great album, still love this album to this day, my last Taylor Swift album, I lost touch after “1989”, ironically, that’s when she really took off! She’s an icon now, selling stadiums is easy, topping charts is a given, platinum records automatic and four “Album of the year” Grammy awards – no one has ever done that period.
I always liked Taylor Swift, she’s the biggest gangster in the game, when she releases an album everyone else changes their release dates. She re-recorded her albums because the record company was playing hardball with her masters – ownership, they will never give you what’s due to you, exploitation is the name of the game. She took her publishing and re-recorded the music so she can own the masters. She redistributed the music as “Taylor’s version” and they sold better than before. She is the first billionaire with music as the primary source of income. The lesson? Ownership will make you a Billionaire. 14 Grammy awards and just about every conceivable award in music – Taylor Swift, the biggest gangster in the game.
Showtime Australia is having a Taylor Swift tribute show of different eras at the Joburg Theatre in April and Bronwen invited me for a meet and greet with the star of the show, Josette. She’s leaving for Australia in a couple of days to prepare for the show so it was imperative that I meet her. She’s pretty and she loves Taylor Swift. Her first experience of Taylor was at home on the internet, her broadband disappointing, she could only stream the first 15 seconds of “Teardrops on my guitar”, so she played it over and over again. Her favorite album is “Fearless” and the self-titled album. I love the fact that she has been with Taylor from the very beginning. The show is a blend of different eras, we had different costumes that dazzled with sequins to illustrate this. From the country days, to Red, to her current era. All in all, 7 eras, the show promises to be a great one. She’s enthused, there’s a sparkle in her eyes, she’ll be performing the music of a cultural icon and she’s still alive, Josette knows she has to bring it, there will be an expectation. She explained that she won’t go out of her way to be Taylor Swift, that’s not possible, she’s still alive, selling out stadiums in the process – no one is expecting that, she will perform as authentically as she can embodying Taylor’s stage presence and mannerisms and honoring her in the best possible way. It’s a tribute show of a cultural icon, one of the most influential people in the world, the biggest gangster in the game and Showtime Australia is behind it. This is going to be a great one, I can feel it.
Cheeseboy son look at the shoes, look at the watch, look at the car, this shirt costs more than you make in a month. I got the latest gadgets, ladies get wet when they see me, the style screams see me and I know you do. I could buy the whole shop and you know I do. Cheeseboy son, Royale with cheese, charisma scotching hot and the swag is a breeze. Kenny’s family is poor always begging please. I’ll give you a lease on the style so you won’t have to be parasitic like fleas, I take over any charges with interest and added fees cause the presence is huge and intimidating like a beast! Cheeseboy son, can’t tell me nothing, Royale with cheese. Don’t be mad cause I am doing me better than you doing you. Just give me an invoice and I’ll settle what’s due. Buy your love with alcohol and bounce that’s my queue. You can never compare to me that’s cute. Let’s laugh at Kenny, his family is poor. Cheeseboy son, lunch is on me. The bar is open and we can drink until three. No need to worry about the costs cause I got the keys, to unlock any woman with resistance, just say my name and they will cease to show all of this resistance. Cause the name is consistent, make it rain to make her dance like strippers who are persistent. Cheeseboy son, Royale with cheese, look at the pool, it’s heated. My stature is bigger than yours when I am seated. I got maids, I got cooks. I can get you laid, improve your looks. Cheeseboy son, Royale with cheese, I could change your life, only if you’re honest and loyal like a wife, the money could be rife. Cheeseboy son, just tell me what you want and I’ll deliver, you’ll be on your knees, I’ll make you a believer. I can move you up that list and get you that liver, only if you acknowledge your best position is silver.
Alcohol scars, they surround my body like an island, I am doomed, I am trapped, I don’t know where I landed. I don’t know how I got the scars, it’s a blur, all I remember is last night’s slur and today I am sipping blood from my skin like a slurp. Scarface like Montana, they curl my body like bananas and I slip. Dozing off intoxicated, I trip. Falling like a missile like a punchline on a script. The scars aren’t hard to decrypt but why didn’t I feel pain, numb like anesthesia but what happened to the brain? I think I am going insane. When did this happen and this, suffering from memory loss that wipes off your first kiss. It’s never bliss cause the scars heal like a blitz leaving me confused like a kid in a quiz. Alcohol scars, I don’t remember what happened. I was happy on the day, that’s one thing that happened. Claims of pregnancy but did I really do that? Cause you ugly as fuck and I doubt I’d hit that. Alcohol, alcohol I am leaving you! You convince me that she’s cute and you never accept what’s due. Your suggestions leave me in sticky situations like glue, have me contemplating about suicide out of the blue. I am done, we through, even if you were a bolt, I wouldn’t screw. If I were a lawyer I’d sue, cause your claims are slanderous, outcomes deadly and dangerous. Alcohol you trick me and make me feel invincible, when the truth is lonely and sadly invisible. My fights are never sensible, offside to elude the goal and tomorrow the pain burns like a coal. Alcohol scars, I wish I was prepared cause then I’d have Plan B to show you that I cared. But you’d have to take it in front of me, just to be sure and let life be. No unintended seeds, they grow, lead lives filled with anger and cold like snow. All because I couldn’t say no, because I chose to elope, changing addresses to avoid envelopes. I don’t remember what happened and these scars are not mine, I was out of my mind, a product of wine. I didn’t do it, I went to bed at nine, even though the pain hurts and it’s not benign.
Opening day of My Fair Lady at the Teatro, my first time, the theatre is exquisite, what a beauty! I asked Sam if “bestest” was a word after the show, she replied “no but it’s usable”. Greenlight, the show is amazing, somehow “best” is not enough, I need another “est” to transcend this post. It’s simply a perfect show, no flaws, no imperfections, just your definition of excellence. From the acting, to the lighting, choreography, script, sets, orchestra and the Maestro, singing, props, costumes, feel, mood, everything. It is story-telling at the highest level. A witty musical that had the audience laughing all the way through. The story follows Henry Higgins who believes accent and English can get you to the very top of society. Just maybe “bestest” is not a good idea for this post. She meets a meager girl, with a strange accent, Eliza Doolittle and makes a wager with his friend Colonel Pikering, a fellow phenetics expert. He wins, he’s right, with Henry Higgins help, Eliza ends up dancing with a foreign prince at the ball. Things started coming right after “The rain in Spain”.
Craig Urbani who plays Henry Higgins deserves special praise for his performance. He is unbelievably great! He commands the show, the acting is out of this world. He has incredible range, he can make you laugh, he can make you sad, he sings, he dances, he acts, he is incredible. His viewpoint on women makes me laugh, he doesn’t understand them, he wants to know, why can’t they be like men, why can’t they just be like him. He covers how women ruin lives on “I am an ordinary man”, a humurous piece that had the audience laughing out loud.
Graham Hopkins is a legend, he plays Colonel Pickering, like Craig, he does everything, he is humorous, he is engaging, he is superb! Leah Mari who plays Eliza Doolittle is amazing, unbelievable, the singing is outstanding, the acting top-class and she’s just gorgeous! It would be a great injustice if I left out Mark Richardson who played Eliza’s father Doolittle, he is on the same level of the other cast members, he too is great on every front.
Music by Frederick Loewe Musical direction by Kevin Kraak Designed by Greg King Choreography by Duane Alexander Sound Design by Mark Malherbe Lighting designer by Dennis Hutchinson Original Costume Designer Neil Stuart Harris Costume Co-ordinator Martha Visage Additional costumes Andrew Botha
Congratulations Steven Stead and the whole team for the bestest show ever and a deserved standing ovation.
Money, money, money, must be funny, in a rich man’s world. Money, money, money, must be sunny, in a rich man’s world. Yet another great production from Showtime Australia, yet another great pass from Bronwen and B-Sharp entertainment.
I was at the opening of the ABBA Dancing Queen concert hosted by Joburg Theatre. It was Abbasolutely Fabbaulous! I was with Sam and Mia, big fans of ABBA and it’s easy to see why. They were excited about the show but it was not just them. The excitement was in the air and it was contagious! Everyone was excited for this show. The atmosphere was 70’s like, with disco balls and retro music playing in the background before the show commenced. Everyone was in their 70’s outfits, sequins and sparkles were everywhere, it was dazzling! A full house, I love the Joburg Theatre, the experience was memorable. When we finally got inside the auditorium, there was an expectation. We were primed with classics from Micheal Jackson and the Village People – everyone was singing YMCA and that’s before the show! When the show finally commenced it exceeded all expectations. The lighting, the band, the performers, the costumes, it was all grand, we were in the ABBA world and it was awesome! The audience couldn’t stop singing and dancing. The show is interactive, the performers led the songs we were singing and encouraged us to let loose. The show was simply outstanding! Some of the songs performed were Dancing Queen, Waterloo, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!, Mamma Mia, Take a chance on me, SOS, Money, Money, Money, Knowing Me, Knowing You, Fernando, Thank for the music and other timeless classics! I loved Money, Money, Money, the performers encouraged the audience to participate and we all sang at the top of our lungs. The last song of the program, ” The Winner takes it all” was truly epic, it was mezmarrizing, it was fire – Dracarys!
Jessica Driver is Agnetha Falskoy, Andre Behnke is Benny Andersson, Jimmy James is Bjorn Ulvaeus and Giverny Allen is Anni-Frid Lyngstad. I even saw familiar faces from previous shows produced by Showtime Australia like Dale Ray who was Prince, I see you and Hi Nadine, she was in the Micheal Jackson HIStory Show! Outstanding show, we couldn’t get enough of it! Everything is perfection, from lighting, cheography, music solos, the singing is just out of this world – no hyperbole, go see for yourself, I’ll put my reputation on the line!
Congratulations Showtime Australia and the whole team and a deserved standing ovation!
antakalipa 