Every second, minute, breath, moment is a chance at creation. You just have to push yourself against the world. If you do it frequent enough with zeal, aggression, hunger, determination and a lot of effort cracks will emerge and then it’s easier from there onwards. At first the world will be this hard concrete wall erected on a skyscrapers foundation and you will run headfirst into the wall with no avail. You will feel that your efforts were in vain. You will be so wrong. It’s just operant conditioning – with the Universe as BF Skinner structuring and molding you for future greatness. You will know to wear a helmet next time. There’s only one rule in the Universe – don’t ever give up. Don’t you ever do it! You can rest for a minute and gather your thoughts but follow it up with a movement even if you crawl or roll – keep moving forward! The world is seduction and seduction occurs over a period of time. Take your time. The life of expedience is not the answer, pursue a life of meaning. The fundamental law of seduction is that your target, goal, victim should give you a tough time, it should reject you – that’s when you know that you have struck gold. Keep pushing forward and your goals will attract like a magnet. You are too good, keep on go farther, hero.
If you’re going to try, go all the way. otherwise, don’t even start.
if you’re going to try, go all the way. this could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and maybe your mind.
go all the way. it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days. it could mean freezing on a park bench. it could mean jail, it could mean derision, mockery, isolation. isolation is the gift, all the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. and you’ll do it despite rejection and the worst odds and it will be better than anything else you can imagine.
if you’re going to try, go all the way. there is no other feeling like that. you will be alone with the gods and the nights will flame with fire.
do it, do it, do it. do it.
all the way all the way.
you will ride life straight to perfect laughter, its the only good fight there is.
They say you don’t know what you have gone till it’s gone, it’s true she’s gone. I was too slow chasing dreams and immortality. And now our future is dead, buried under my voices of rue. Come back, back, back. We were almost something special and magical like the pyramids of Egypt. But you could still mummify us and bring us back to life like Isis. The queen of my heart. The story behind my art.
I remember when I played pool with Oscar, he humiliated me; white wash, he put all his balls in before my move. I will forever remember that day, he kept on putting in his balls and looking at me with a smug face. I was helpless, there was nothing I could do. But to be fair, I can only blame myself for that day. Oscar is a good guy, it wasn’t his intention to humiliate me, he just wanted to put me in line. Before him I didn’t even know how to play pool. After school, we would go to this cool pool place and just play. Oscar taught me everything, from the rules and holding the stick for maximum efficiency. I witnessed myself getting better every time we played. He was cool about everything, his intention was not on beating me but rather on having fun. Then one day we were playing, at this time I could hold the stick and I knew my angles and I beat him. But my win was suspect, I had 2 balls left and a black ball. He still had like 4 balls left. I put in one ball and was left with 1 ball and a black ball. I put in the black ball first and then put in my last ball. He kept on saying I lost because the black ball goes in last and my response was, “what’s the use I put them all in, while wena you still have 4 balls on the table”. I told him with 2 balls left, it’s my choice which ball I put in first. That response seemed to anger him because I didn’t listen, but he didn’t lash out. To his credit, he relented and gave me my false win. Still he didn’t like my arrogance. For two weeks, all he heard was how I “dominated” him at pool. When he requested we play again, I didn’t oblige him. Even though the win was suspect, it was all I had on him. It was the case of the student beating the master and I milked that for all I could. Through clever maneuvering, patience and playing to my ego he got his rematch 3 months later. It felt like an ambush. He let me break play and what followed was a bloodbath. I had never seen him so focused. His balls just kept on going in, towards his last balls, he was dancing, laughing and having a good time. I lost my cool and left him at the pool place. He didn’t even let me put in 1 ball. At least balance was restored again, he was superior again and I never played pool with him ever again.
Don’t be a romantic is what I gathered from Johann Wolfgang von Goete’s book “The sorrows of Young Werther”. The book tells the story of a passionate doomed love affair between a young poet called Werther and a beautiful clever young woman named Charlotte. Unfortunately for Werther, Charlotte is married, so the love affair is impossible from the very start but that doesn’t stop Werther, a dreamy and practical young man who loves the arts above all else. Werther is under pressure to have a sensible career and join the bourgeois life but he can only think about one thing: the impulses of his heart. Eventually young Werther can’t take it anymore and kills himself, but rather than condemn him as a lunatic and a hothead, Goete one of the founding fathers of romanticism directs all our sympathies towards Werther. We are supposed to be on his side admiring his passionate and entirely impractical attitude to love. I think that love is a biochemical that the conscious mind can’t detect. We often find it hard to account for it when it is in process; it consumes and controls leaving us in a remote state from our mind and body.
Romanticism seduces because it comes from the works of artists, poets and philosophers. I am drawn to Amy Winehouse in a way I cannot truly comprehend. I reckon because she died lonely, depressed and misunderstood – I find those elements seductive and soothing. I want to be there for Amy, I love Amy, I would give my life for Amy, I would do anything to make her happy. I am seduced by her tragic death, by the fact that she was vulnerable and alone – I am seduced in a primordial, primitive sense. I was intrigued by her and based on that evidence I can hypothesize that I am a romantic. “Hypothesize” because it is not a fact nor a concluded statement simply because I know with certainty that the world of romanticism was fabricated by mortals. Therefore you can choose to be excluded from this mass hysteria.
Romanticism is what I call “Kayfabe” a termed coined from Professional Wrestling which means the portrayal of staged events within the industry as “real” or “true”, specifically the portrayal of competition, rivalries and relationships between participants as being genuine and not of a staged or predetermined nature of any kind. You could argue that everything in the modern world is “Kayfabe” and you’d make a compelling argument but that’s a topic for another day. We all know “romanticism” is “kayfabe” – a concept fabricated perceived as good and effective but disastrous for couples in the modern era. Evidence of this can be found in the high divorce rate, the anxiety storm in the west and the demand for drugs from pharmacies to help elevate stress and depression. The drugs don’t help because no one is happy. Striving for happiness is like an unquenchable thirst: we may attain some brief satisfactions, some momentary release, but in the nature of things these can never be more than temporary, and then we are on the rack once more. So unhappiness, or at least dissatisfaction is our normal state of affairs. Romanticism promises eternal happiness something that is not possible because happiness is expedient. Romanticism is ruining relationships.
Romanticism is being deeply hopeful about marriage. It united love and sex. Previously people had imagined that they could have sex with characters they didn’t love and they could love someone without having extraordinary sex with them. It elevated sex to the supreme expression of love. Romanticism made infrequent sex and adultery into catastrophes, proposed that true love must mean an end to all loneliness. It promised that the right partner will understand us entirely possibly without needing even to speak to us. Romanticism believed that choosing a partner should be about letting oneself be guided by feelings rather than practical considerations – that you are loved because you have a “special” feeling. It has manifested a powerful disdain for practicalities and money. The myths have reached cult-like status. That we should meet a person of extraordinary inner and outer beauty and immediately feel a special attraction to them and they to us. That we should have highly satisfying sex, not only at the start but forever. We should never be attracted to anyone else. That we should understand one another intuitively. We should have no secrets and spend constant time together. That our lover should be our soulmate, bestfiend, Jesus, Allah – My Universe! Oh, this is an extreme case of kayfabe and is now almost embedded into our cells – our senses. It has become a world of destruction that we walk into willingly with everything – our hearts, souls, hopes and dreams and come out empty-handed with nothing but battlescars that never heal. Romanticism is not love. Romanticism is a world that is fabricated solely from psychological needs.
Urban poet Kanye West expresses that “Love is cursed by monogamy” in the hit song “No Church in the Wild”. I think this is partly because of romanticism for now love “restricts” and “confines”. It has become contractual and formalized. It is now bounded with a checklist of do’s and don’ts. It has become about expectations and ownership. Love is passive with no will to power or the courage to be imaginative. It is cursed, set in stone, in a spell, intoxicated, bad and ruined. Marriage and monogamy should be expressive, open-minded, mature and enable the beloved to grow and self-actualize. This is reflected in the movie Emmanuelle about a young woman who takes a trip to Bangkok to enhance her sexual experience. The young woman is happily married and her husband encourages to follow her desires citing that Emmanuelle is not his property, and not his beauty – that her beauty belongs to the world. This enables Emmanuelle to grow and trust in the relationship because of the mutual communication, respect and honesty. To love someone means to see him as God intended. There are no restrictions to Gods lenses – no confinements. All he wants is for you to flourish and fly as nature intended. All life is meaningful.
Pop star Adele expresses love in its truest forms in one of her songs on the hit album “21” lovesong: “Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am free again, whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am clean again”. Those are words with meaning, words that matter, words with a lot of love, words that are full of serenity, words that provide a second chance, another glance at life. They are pure, heartfelt and honest and what I liken love to be like – a second chance to truly be myself, to share the best of myself and be all that I can be. To be liberated – I can be that when I am with you. It’s practical and concise. It builds and regulates one’s conduct and character, it inspires – it is love.
The gents were having a Fifa tournament, Lloyd was hosting and in attendance was Thulani, X and Stumza. I was excited, it had been a while since I had played. Everyone in attendance was a good player. I was shocked when Thulani scored a penalty when he played X, I still don’t know how to score a penalty. In fact, you will never concede a set-piece goal against me. On this day we decided to create a tournament set in England. I picked Manchester United, Stumza selected City, X picked Liverpool, Lloyd picked Spurs and Thulani picked Arsenal.
One thing to know about me is that I win at everything, no seriously, I am the best in everything I engage in. If you beat me at anything, well done, you showed excellence, you deserve it, you are the best, no excuses and I will acknowledge that. True to my professional prescription, I beat everyone. Well, almost everyone. Stumza was the dent in my almost perfect record. The gents couldn’t handle Bruno Fernandes, he scored and assisted in every game. My game against Stumza was a hot game, Manchester derby. I scored first and he equalized before half-time. Then at the start of the second half, I regained my lead only for him to equalize and then I don’t know what happened. He scored 2 more goals out of nowhere! There was nothing I could do about the goals, I didn’t make a mistake, he just simply scored. The thing about Stumza is that a shot is a goal. He scores because he wants to, just because he can. The goalkeeper won’t save it because he can’t. All of Stumza’s goals are pure strikes – top corner. He will never score a scrappy goal like a rebound or tap-in. He just scores and there’s nothing you can do about it. After he scored the 4th goal, I realized what I was up against and I changed my strategy. Not that I quit but winning this game was a long shot. I decided to rest Paul Pogba and give Mctominay gametime. It was a defensive approach, the game plan was now don’t concede a 5th goal. Fred was still fresh and he worked exceptionally well with Mctominay at keeping Stumza at bay. I also had a couple of chances but they weren’t clear cut. With the 90 minutes over, the referee added 3 minutes of stoppage time. Stumza scored the 5th goal on 3:23, once again there was nothing I could do about the goal. I wasn’t disheartened or disappointed, I merely congratulated him and told him to his face that his the best. It wasn’t as if the level was “semi-pro”, it was “ultimate” but he scores like it’s “semi-pro”, it’s bullshit really just bullshit. The 5-2 Manchester derby defeat wasn’t a fluke. In a completely different tournament he beat me 5-2 again. This time we had a country tournament. I picked Portugal, I had Bruno Fernandes and Ronaldo. The gents picked Ivory Coast for Stumza because we wanted to weaken him. It didn’t work. Thank God Neo came in and void the tournament. He picked a team and disappeared while the tournament was in progress. We used “quick sim” and Stumza lost. Technically, Neo is the only person who beat Stumza that day.
Still I had a good tournament. Bruno Fernandes was the top assist guy and among the goals. De Gea was the goalkeeper with the most clean sheets and I had 6 players in the team of the tournament! Sure, I was second on the log to Stumza but I was first everywhere else. I won with Stumza!
I remember when the guys Benji, Kalushi & Donald approached me regarding a talent show they wanted to host at the school. The gents were enthused and their excitement was emitted through their pores, it was contagious and I was infected. It was a great idea. They were thinking dancers, rappers, singers, poets and just anything that had a creative expression. They called it OPI concert, it stood for Ordinary People’s Initiative. They were thinking OPP for Ordinary People’s Production but it didn’t stick. The gents wanted me to join the team and to sweeten the deal for me they said I could handle the poetry side. I accepted right away. I also took charge of Marketing and Advertising, word needed to go out. For my Marketing campaign, I was thinking preliminary posters that were vague and just contained the OPI logo, I created the logo myself, it needed to have primary colors and be bold at the same time. This would generate an interest and get people talking and thinking. I wanted people to ask “What is this OPI”? When there was buzz, we would then tell the school. The 3rd phase of my campaign would be to replace the old posters with new posters that were catchy, exciting and billed up the event. The last phase would be a little preview a week from the concert. That was my plan and that’s how everything went down. The campaign was immensely successful. That’s all the school was talking about “OPI this, OPI that”. There was a genuine excitement about the concert.
I remember when I started compiling the poetry team, Donald was so enthused. Donald was also a classmate in Computer class and Electrical Technology so we often talked about who would be a great addition to the poetry team. He talked about Nomonde and her friend Amanda. I knew who Nomonde was, she had that aura of “creative”, “can’t box me” , “can’t tell me nothing” . She was different, she had short hair and a boyish demeanor, had a rebellious spirit and attitude. She was individuated and authentic. She was smart and so cool. Nomonde had an X-factor about her, she was a superstar. As a creative myself, I recognized her worth and value, she was pure artistry. I heard from my friend Christopher that she beat some guy in a Rap battle once. I knew Amanda because she was her friend. Donald told me that Amanda was a great writer and a poet too. He said he would talk to them. “Dope” I thought, I wanted Nomonde in the team. I held auditions after school and sure enough Nomonde, Amanda and Shoko came through. Nomonde was great and she was the first person in the team. Amanda read through her poetry in her book, I thought it would be difficult because she lacked stage presence but the content was so good that I took a chance with her. She was cool, the book would be apart of her act, plus we would have microphones, so problem solved – the audience would be able to hear her content. I really liked Amanda and so I put her in the team. Shoko didn’t do so well with the audition, he was nervous. He was the introverted type but at least he tried, that was cool, he had the will. Then Sophie came in, she was a Grade 8 pupil, she made me excited, she was awesome. Sophie would be my revelation to the whole school, she would be a talent I unveiled to the world, I wanted her to do exceptionally well. I put her on the list. When Ayanda came through, I was happy because I pretty much knew that she would kill it, like Nomonde, Ayanda was an artist, she was creative, she had that aura about her. She killed it and I put her on the list. The last person on the list was Busisiwe, she had a powerful stage presence, her voice commanded attention, her content was amazing, she was outstanding. I put her on the list. A lot of guys didn’t make it, I picked the best of the best in the school. I was so confident with my team, plus they were professionals, they were the best, they knew what to do, I didn’t need to make them better or coach them. The only person I worked with extensively was Sophie. I helped her with rehearsals and gave her general tips to help regulate her emotions and breathing techniques. Other than that, she was a natural.
Everyone had their hands full. Kalushi was responsible for everything technical. This includes sound, microphones, lights, curtains and backstage stuff. He worked so hard, the day of the concert he came at 5:30am to fix and get ready the sound. The show would have been a disaster without him. He was also in charge of scouting talented rappers. Cool guy Simon Rakai also helped immensely when it comes to the operations in the hall. Mdice, a very talented music producer was in charge of the music – he served as the DJ. Donald was in charge of tickets, he did a great job. Everything was in order and the tickets were distinguishable from one another, we had 3 classes of tickets; Economy which cost R5, First class was R7 and Royalty was R10. The colors were different colors – it was a great system. Benji was the program director, Martin Scorsese, Quentin Tarantino, the boss. He was the co-ordinator of the show, the big picture guy who obsessed about the tiny details. Benjamin was the visionary who said “No” to things that didn’t meet the standard, the guy who can push you out the show or give the greenlight, he was the gaffer.
On the day of the concert despite it being a normal school day, our class was exempted. This was because everyone was helping make the concert a success. All the gents were in the hall doing something, mopping the floors, helping with the sound, organizing the music program, operating the lights, fixing curtains, opening windows, just anything and everything. The girls helped us with selling tickets. We had a lot help with ticket sales, this was because a lot of tickets were purchased on the day of the concert, so everyone was busy! Everyone helped. No RCLs, no teachers, no authority – it was our Initiative, just us Ordinary People.
The hall was a full house, filled to the brim like a fountaining glass. The energy was euphoric. The concert comprised of Poets, musicians, rappers, dancers and a modelling section. The modeling section would serve as interludes or intervals during the show. We wanted to create a platform for beauty queens and aspiring models. We got together the best looking students and they walked the stage like a catwalk. The reception was insane. Yes, Rorisang was a part of the models and the 2014 Head Girl, Davina. It was great. Every artform was accommodated. The talent on display was unbelievable. We had all types of dance crews. All girl groups, all guy group, mixed groups, Hip-hop groups, Sbujwa groups, just every style. They all killed it! Every performance by the dancers was memorable. They were well practiced, totally committed and focused. I also remember a Rapper who totally killed his set – he was so impressive, he got the crowd to sing along with him. We had Rnb singers, soul singers, some people even added some Piano to their acts – it was magical, the lighting was spot on, the moments seemed to flicker like a fairy-tale, like a moment destiny created in this vast expanding Universe, like a dream. One of the highlight reels of the show was when Stabza played that Kanye West Homecoming music chord on the Piano, the crowd when crazy, it was so crazy, it was special, you had to be there to understand – what a talented guy. Another highlight for me was when Lethabo sang on the Piano, I loved Lethabo, she was my favorite singer ever so when she was backed up by a music instrument, I went crazy! Muluka also stole the show, he sang an Alicia Keys song – everyone loved it and the scenery was amazing. The crowd was in sync with him, he had a magnetism about him, he commanded the audience, his performance was one of the performances of the day. Ayanda (the poet) also added something special to her poetry. She collaborated with other creatives and the result was amazing, outstanding, just great! She made me so proud. Nomonde also stole the show, she was great. The crowd however booed Amanda, my fear manifested itself. They didn’t appreciate that she read poetry off her book. She wasn’t given much of a chance. That’s not all, they also booed my gift to the world Sophie, they didn’t give her chance, they started throwing things on the stage at her. It was so horrible. She came to me backstage in tears, I didn’t know what to say, I hugged her. Luckily Busi came around and comforted her. Busi helped me so much with that situation, I disappeared shortly after. The crowd was a madhouse, they were out for blood, it was difficult, you really needed to know your stuff – you couldn’t take chances. I don’t think Busi got the chance to perform, the program was too long and it needed to be shortened. Still, I knew the boss and told him I want Busi to go on. He was reluctant but he moved things and had a slot for her but Busi wasn’t available backstage. So I stepped up. I really didn’t want to do it, I had a lot on my mind, I had a lot of responsibilities and my poem was too long. In my current mindset, I had a fear that I’d forget it, it was a very real possibility. Plus, I wasn’t adequately prepared because I considered myself an extra, a “just in case”. But I requested a favor from the program director, I basically fought for it. I went on the stage and killed it for the poets. At least the narrative was now positive – the Sophie debacle was a low point for us (the poets). I wish Busi was the one who had killed it for us but she was needed elsewhere. Busi was great and on that day I needed her, she did what God intended, she was perfect.
The concert was a success and it generated a cult following. Everyone great was involved. Four years after I graduated, it was still a thing. The name stood – “OPI” (Ordinary Peoples Initiative) – the people’s concert.
I would do anything for Kalushi, he is my blood brother. There’s so much to say, the things we saw and experienced together many people would ascribe to as fiction. Frankly I have a tough time believing our experiences. Just maybe it is fiction or just a dream. Still we had a lot of fun, I wouldn’t trade the experiences for anything. Obviously I can’t cover everything but I’ll provide a highlight reel.
The story starts with feminine energy, I was in Grade 9 and I saw this girl who blew me away. She was in Grade 8, yellow-bone, pretty and perfect tits. Her name Mapule, she was top quality. But I just admired from a distance. My life was in shambles and I was depressed and sad. My parents got a divorce and they played me like a chess piece. It wasn’t fair, I was objectified like a piece of meat. They were like kids, they couldn’t handle their problems like adults. How can you use your kid for nefarious ends? I didn’t allow it though, I saw through all their mental games and their attempts to control me. I chose to distance myself and venture out into the unknown. I became an adult at a very young age. I came back to Alex and I was separated from my brother, sister and my mother who was pregnant at the time. From Kempton Park they moved to Olifantsfontein and we didn’t even have a number to connect. Months elapsed and still no contact. Everything seemed so final like I would never see them again. I was sad and depressed and it reflected with my image and my results at school. That year, in the first term I failed 6 out of 9 subjects. I failed because of inactivity, I didn’t have the will anymore, I just didn’t care. Thank God for FC Barcelona and Lionel Messi, literally they were the only thing that made me happy. My eyes sparkled when Messi had the ball on his feet and my spirits were lifted. Every weekend for 2 hours, I was happy. Pep Guardiola and Messi never disappointed me, they gave me pride. I even watched Real Madrid games and that season Gonzalo Higuain and Ronaldo were on fire. Manuel Pellegrini had a really good team and they played beautiful football, they pushed us to the end securing 98 pts while Barca won the league with 99 pts, to this day I don’t understand why he was sacked. Soccer provided an escape from the world that I desperately needed, it was a remedy for my broken heart that was shattered to pieces. At school Miss Nkabinde got ahold of my results and she was concerned. She knew me from my days in Grade 8 where she taught us Life Orientation and she always thought I was bright. She scheduled counseling for me and through that I got to reflect. I realized the seriousness of everything, before this I had never failed in my life. I had to be accountable for the failure. I took it in and I promised myself that I’d be better for the second term. On a positive note, my mother gave birth and she made contact so I can see my little brother, it was at a private hospital in Kempton Park so after school I went there and he was so small, I held him in my arms and I was happy again.
I started the second term more focused, I needed to redeem myself for myself. I was still living in Gomora but things were better now, I was now in contact with my mother and slowly we mended our relationship. I also saw my brother and sister again, something that gave me life. I was still contemplating changing schools though. I enquired at Sandringham High and it looked like my next destination. I wanted to change schools, Rhodesfield was a technical school and I wanted a normal school because I was artistic in nature. Still I didn’t fully commit to changing schools. I did well in the second term and I was lively again. My Grades improved, I was a man on a mission. I decided to live with my mother and siblings in Olifantsfontein for a while and you won’t believe what I saw! Mapule, the hot yellow-bone with perfect tits. I took that as a sign, I hadn’t made my move with her before because I was troubled but now everything was perfect. I talked to her and I got her number. We communicated on Mxit and she was completely complicit. We were on the same wavelength. We would meet at the park and have discussions that lasted an eternity. Still I didn’t force things, I was getting my life back together and I had to pull the strings slowly for maximum output. I passed the second term and redeemed myself in my eyes. Mapule moved on with some guy and I remember thinking “Yes, that guy is good for Mapule. It’s okay, you didn’t lose it just wasn’t meant to be”. They looked good together and at least Mapule was still a friend. This guy made me feel good, he had a aura that was familiar to me, he was in 9B, neat guy, his shoes were always shining, Red Mountain bag and was affectionately known by his peers as “Mbazo” – that’s a good nickname.
The next year I decided on staying on as opposed to moving to Sandringham High. I was now in the same class as “Mbazo”, his real name Kalushi Mkhonto. My Instincts were correct, he was a great guy. He was a smart guy, well articulated and got good grades. He was always in the top 5 of achievers in most subjects and sat at the first row in Physics class. In fact he was always the guy who rivaled me in English class. I would always get A’s on all my essays and speeches and it was the same thing with him. Our energies gravitated towards each other and we became good friends. We were in the same team that created the OPI concert and I nominated him to be the Headboy of the school. I genuinely believed he was the perfect guy for the job. In the end he lost out because he wasn’t a kiss ass.
I created a lot with Kalushi. I suffered a lot with Kalushi. I have a lot of memories with Kalushi. We started KOSP together alongside Kay of course. KOSP was beautiful. We started an online radio station. We started a soccer team together. We started a farm together. We lived with each other for years building for a future that was only in our eyes. We know everything about each other, we know each other’s mothers, we formed a genuine brotherhood. Kalushi taught me a lot. Kalushi is smart, creative, passionate, generous, ambitious, has great taste in music and just an overall great guy. I love Kalushi, he is my blood brother forever!
PS. Thank you for the Yezzys and all the times you accompanied me to Mokopane so I can purchase a stand to build a home. Thank you for the time you gave me R3500 from the goodness of your heart so that I can continue online trading. Thank you for the Cassio watch and HP Laptop. Thank you for everything. I appreciate you and all our adventures. Spirit homeboy!
Of course life is difficult, it says so in the Bible, it is the fundamental premise of Philosophy and science surmises it as entropy, destruction, chaos! Regardless, you can never give up on yourself. You can’t let people’s voices drown who you are. The truth about reality is that the world will assign you a role and compartmentalize you if you don’t do that for yourself. If you don’t know who you are, the world will tell you who you are. It will label you and dilute your essence until you are a carbon copy of everybody else. It is your duty to decide your fate. Never worry about things you can’t control. And human beings? Mxm, don’t try to change them, these are not linear creatures, they will turn on you if it serves their interests. Why are you worried about what another person thinks about you? Why do you let another person make you emotional? If you don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist, no hard feelings, let them talk, it serves the persona they have created for themselves. All you have in this world is yourself and how you dedicate your time. Channel your energy in the right avenues that will enable you to have a good life. Truth is subjective, commit to what works for you, you can’t be pleasing everybody else. Greatness is a product of your habits, you show up every day, you improve, you give your all to the present, you do what you can, you live truthfully, you are grounded in reality. Guard your heart and monitor your state of mind. Have positive thoughts about yourself and surround yourself in an environment that reinforces that. Negativity is for losers, you are better than that. Surround yourself with people who love you and want the best for you. Go after your dreams, in the process you will stumble, fail, lose weight, cry, be ridiculed, abused, humiliated, labeled a loser but in the end you’ll thank yourself, you’ll be a stronger human being able to conquer the obstacles in your map of experience. You will be strengthened by your truth, you will be stronger, apathy will cease to exist, you’ll have faith in yourself, you’ll have confidence in your abilities, you’ll be a person of value, you’ll be a person of character, you will be fulfilled, you’ll be unstoppable. Never be afraid of failure, it’s an illusion in any case, the important thing is that you tried. Be patient with yourself, success takes time. Be proud of who you are. You only get one chance at life and you are going to die. Die with honor, having redeemed yourself from the clutches of suffering. Die having given it your all, no regrets and an empty gas tank. Don’t be afraid to be different, be eccentric and develop your personality. Don’t fool yourself, much of anything outside of yourself you can’t control; your wife will leave you, your children will grow up to be entitled and ungrateful brats, your boss doesn’t like you all that much and your friends won’t invite you to their social gatherings anymore. That’s okay, manage yourself and your emotions, handle things that you can control and leave everything else to God. Some people will be assholes, don’t judge, try to change or reciprocate that energy, accept them as facts of life like stones and furniture and move on, no hard feelings. Taking things personally is a waste of time, it only hinders you from moving forward, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Let them plan, gossip and concoct things about you, it’s not your business – besides you are above that. Love, be kind, be emphatic, help your brother, help your sister, offer a hand, be truthful, have principles, be a blessing in somebody’s life, not because it serves your interests but because we are all one. Everything perishes in the hands of time. Thank you God for the gift of life.
Earlier in 2021 I was anxious about making money. My past business endeavors were failures, through no fault of my own. It’s simply the process. I did everything I could, I put in all the work, showed initiative and enthusiasm and even relocated to a different province for 3 years. I regret nothing! It wasn’t about my business acumen, it’s just the process, just how things are. Still, I was broke and my mind was trapped in a loop, “I want money, I need money, I am nothing without money”. What I didn’t realize was that I was signaling “lack” to the Universe and I attracted not having money. My worship of money was the reason I didn’t have any. My worship of money was the reason I was miserable. Then one day I got robbed at gunpoint. They took the little I had, I didn’t panic, I was calm. It was my fault really, I should have known better. You can’t walk alone late at night in Gomora (Alexandra), I was basically asking for it.
My close encounter with death made me contemplate about my life. It made me slow down, the robbery was the best thing to have happened to me. I realized anything could have happened, I was intoxicated when the robbery transpired. It was late in the morning, 1 o’clock to be precise. I was lucky. I hear stories of people getting killed every time, people who were in the same situation as me. I was reflective and I stopped worrying so much. I was lucky. I was filled with feelings of gratitude and I’d start making better choices. I stopped worrying about money too. I concluded that I would attract it instead. I’d attract the amount that I wanted. Instead of worrying constantly, I elevated my perspective, surely with time, I will be rich. It’s a certainty. I would do the best that I could everyday. I now saw life as a gift. I couldn’t be complacent or passive. I started comparing myself to the person I was yesterday and progressed. I became happier. I closed off everything that wasn’t making me better. I realized that I was happy with very little. As long as I had my health, food to eat, shelter and legs for locomotion, I was in heaven. I have been happy ever since.
antakalipa 