Month: September 2022

Keeping up with the Kardashians

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Keeping Up with the Kardashians

Earlier in 2019, Kylie Jenner was certified the youngest self-made billionaire in the world by Forbes eclipsing Mark Zuckerberg who managed the feat at 24. Kylie Jenner managed this incredible feat aged just 21. She unbelievably owns a third of the lipstick market in the United States. Also she owns a hundred percent stake in her company ensuring that all the profits go directly to her. The internet and social media has been buzzing all year questioning the status of “self-made”, it’s a bold declaration, one many feel she doesn’t deserve considering her last name. She had been affluent and lived a life of luxury all her life. She had the resources and the infrastructure at her disposal. There was no process to her riches – it was like pushing a button. Fair arguments, however she had initiative, she had skill, she had business acumen, she had wit, and she had intelligence to carry out her vision. After all, owning a third of the market requires some sort of consistency and poise. Sure maybe she was lucky but should we strip the title of “self-made billionaire” because of that fact? Never. Reason being all successful people are lucky. Shaun Carter aka Jay –Z is lucky to be alive considering the life of crime he led as a young man. He was born in Macy in the projects of New York. To survive he sold drugs and often got in heated feuds with members of dangerous gangs. He is lucky to be alive. He was lucky he found a skill he could harness from a very young age. He was lucky he got a mentor who taught him about the music business. He was lucky he met Damian Dash and he was lucky “Reasonable Doubt” did as well as it did. Luck comes after a sequence of hard work, it is contagious and can be channeled. This is exhibited on the Kylie Jenner story. Her family, her sisters worked hard just so she (Kylie) can be “lucky”. Kylie Jenner is a self-made billionaire because the business she created comes from her spirit, her psychology, her insecurities – those are the elements that inspired her business model. The fact that she had the resources doesn’t disqualify her.

What are the origins of her luck? Two words. Kim Kardashian. She possess amazing power. Sure her parents had wealth but Kim gave the family as a unit influence. Influence is subtle. Influence sways heads. Influence creates movements and drives change. Influence is underlying. Influence is transformative. Influence is hidden and repressed. Influence is resourceful. Influence is true power. Kim Kardashian is a seductive animal that emits pheromones into the atmosphere for all to take the bait and follow. Ever since her entrance into public life she has had this aura that is irresistible for all sexes of life. Her public persona is the stuff of legends. She is like the new age Marilyn Monroe in the sense that she knows she belongs to the world – to the public. She has created an incredible brand. A brand that is synonymous with beauty, fashion, trends, outlandish, repressed, forbidden and popular culture. The brand she has created is truly amazing. Kim Kardashian has pushed the limits of popular culture so many times. From successfully monetizing an amateur sex-tape over the internet to popularizing apparel that left little to the mind to fantasize about in the fashion world. As a brand, the Kim Kardashian image signified ultimate freedom from customs and systems – her image incited promiscuous intentions, naughty actions, repressed desires, dangerous consequences, erotic fantasies and forbidden transgressions. The Kim Kardashian brand provided a release, a platform to showcase what is underlying and often repressed by society – a platform to be unapologetically you. It is a powerful brand because it enables people to project on to you their darkest and most repressed desires. It is a brand that elevates one to the status of a god. Who could argue Kim’s claim to being a goddess? After all, multiple time she had been all that people talked about on the internet and popular culture. Multiple times she had been what young girls aspired to become. Multiple times she had left men on their knees.

As a result of Kim’s popularity, a decision was made to create a “reality show”. The show would follow Kim and her family as they navigated the world. Central to the show’s theme was beauty. The Kardashians used the show as a vehicle to create a need. We would see the sisters resorting to plastic surgery to make themselves desirable in the eyes of the world. We would see the excessive purchases of designer clothes. The show was predicated on social status and the validation of society. It would leave the viewers empty and with new found insecurities about how they looked and the clothes they wore. It was effective and critical in forming this plastic life. The show was so detached from reality, an element that made it popular and alluring. Everything about the show was bigger than life and so it provided an avenue to escape from the tribulations of life. The show exploited a very critical area in human psychology – the need to be liked and accepted. Status symbols and extravagant purchases represented a remedy and a means to deal with the gaps and holes inside ones heart. In truth one was better off not watching the show than watching it because it was warfare to the mind. The show made minds passive and indoctrinated them into an abyss of misery. However it was a success and central to the Kardashians wealth. Many more spin-off shows were created and the beauty market boomed with the Kardashians at the forefront of everything.

It was Kim Kardashian who started everything for her family. She created a really powerful brand. She exemplified the brand, she lived the brand, she believed in the brand. Whether her public persona is different from her usual persona – that is a different story for another day. Brands are essential in the accumulation of wealth. Kim’s brand is believable. She is a siren. An attractive girl who has all the attributes and features to land any man he wants. Her body and voice solidifies that claim. Her detached demeanor and rich, spoiled girl behavior is what we expect to see and it is what she projects – a larger than life personality that is alluring and devastatingly seductive. Her image evokes all kinds of emotions. She is desired. It is as if she is the brand she created. If youth was forever, Kim Kardashian would be the most powerful woman in the world. However, life is disappointing and looks fade. Still, she is central to Kylie’s success. Kim was bold, daring and provocative. She had a creative energy and entrepreneurial drive that was like no other. She was different. In her prime, she became all that she could be. She was a success. She laid the foundations for her sisters. She gave the Kardashian family fame – something that fast tracks success in any domain. Fame is infrastructure. Fame is numbers. Fame is a chance. Fame is support. Fame is money. Fame is influence. Fame is power. Her spirit is immense and is felt throughout the universe. That frequency emits and ripples a chain of luck molecules – her sisters were the recipients of these molecules and it has enabled them to do amazing things. We are the products of our ancestors and immediate family. Kim and her family created a world that was so big and realistic that Kylie was immersed it in, Kylie was a product of that world and she owned it and took the vision further. Now, her responsibility is to push boundaries and challenge customs and conventions.

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Lucifer

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Lucifer

I had a bad dream. It was horrible. I dreamt I burnt a school to the ground. Worse, the students, teachers and I included were in the premises. What was the motivation? I don’t know. Why did I do it? I don’t know. The fire was an inferno that burned everyone to their bones. I can still hear the cries of anguish. The cries of torment and hell. The school was locked and razor fences surrounded the perimeter. It was hard to escape, nearly impossible. Everyone was cooped in the boiling pot until it turned to aches. The fire, it was everywhere. I couldn’t breathe and my vision was blurry and tainted. It was a movie in the theatre of my mind. I managed to escape. It the midst of all that chaos, I located a spot that was devoid of razor fencing; instead stood a wall so I climbed over it and made it to another person’s property – following me was a blind person, his life was spared to. Now in a different demarcation we ran towards the gate to escape the chaos. Till we were stopped by a muscular colored guy. He pointed a rifle gun to my head and stated that I was not going anywhere. He told me that he knew that I was the one who had started the fire and let go the blind guy. I was perplexed. How did he know? He said he knew it from his soul. I looked over at the school from the muscular colored’s premises and everyone and everything was burned to a crisp. No survivors. It was like a battlefield that was bombarded with nuclear – it was quiet with no sign of life. The place was dead and unresponsive. It was horrible. I had burned down a place of education, a place of growth and sustainability. I had burned down a place of hope. I burned down knowledge, culture and heritage. I murdered my friends. I murdered my teachers. I robbed people of their potential, their lives. I altered the future for a lot of families. I don’t know why I burned the school. I remember having petrol and matches and I set the school alight. Even in my dreams, I knew the screams of the people who were burning would haunt me forever. That I would have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and it would change my life forever, that it would hinder me from appreciating all of life. I feared that this incident would scar my mind. Dying would be better. I begged the big colored guy to end my life. However, he didn’t. He just kept the gun on my face and held me hostage. I thought that maybe I should force his hand and try to run; that he would shoot me from behind and end my life, but I was scared of death. So I just stood there with the gun on my face on the one hand and the carnage and destruction on the other. I felt trapped and I woke up.

Why did I do it? Am I bad person? Am I an evil person? What is the difference between bad and evil? Bad is an adjective that describes your nature as a human being. It is straightforward, it is a fact, it is objective, it is the stripes on the zebra, the sun in the sky and the fish in the ocean. While evil has to do with acts of ethics and morality. Evil is premeditated behavior and actions, it is hiding evidence, lying to preserve your way, cheating and murder. A sequence of evil acts make you a bad person. If lying and murder becomes habit, you are a bad person. Evil can be undone with a sequence of good deeds and targeted incentives. Bad is set in stone, it is difficult to redeem if not impossible, it is hopeless with no will of life. It is with this definition that I try to analyze who I am. Surely, an evil act of this magnitude makes me a bad irredeemable person. Bad and rotten to the core. I senselessly murdered thousands in an academic institution – a place of education and self-betterment. I ruined the future of many families. I am just like Josef Stalin who starved his people until death. A narcissistic, egotistical maniac who killed millions in the Soviet Union to conserve his way. Was Lucifer bad or evil? Lucifer was an angel of God, who sang mightily beautiful and he/she committed a big evil act. Lucifer had been good in the past, what if he/she was redeemable. Did God give up on Lucifer? Maybe, I am Lucifer – In my dream I committed a horrendous act of evil, an act that is unforgivable. Am I unworthy of God’s love?

It seems as though if you don’t know who you are, the world and even God is happy to categorize you in box. I think the notion that we are all born sinners is the right one. Simply because inside each and every one of us lurks evil. And if the evil is disproportional to the norms and confines society has constructed you run the risk of being barred. It happened to Lucifer. You have a Lucifer in your soul. It is in this vein that we must approach life intelligently and try to avoid chaos. While chaos is all that defines the structure of existence we must try to instill a bit of order in ourselves. Assume the person you are talking to knows something that you don’t. Listen and don’t make judgements. Approach everyone with respect. Don’t offend the wrong person. Not because you are scared but because you want an orderly life. Insecure fools and idiots roam the streets, motivated by Lucifer in their souls they aim to insight evil. They want to immerse you in petty squabbles. Repressed and unconscious they want to project their powers onto you. The best way to solve such things is to shun them off. Not because you can’t stand up for yourself but because you won’t react. Reacting puts you at a disadvantage because you run the risk of running into a trap that was specially designed for you. You will get them at your own terms, playing by your rules. We are mortal and fragile. A shot to the head might end it all. A knife in the heart might end it all. As people we are all evil, some more evil and others just bad. Consciousness has given us the powers of sympathy and empathy meaning we know how to hurt a fellow human being because we can be hurt too. I struggle with understanding morality, the subject of good and evil because fundamentally I am guilty. Hence, my answer is the life of order. The life of the hero, fundamentally correct because he tries to restore order.

I find the symbolism of the blind guy in my dream who escaped the inferno amazing. The mind is so intelligent. The dream was about my struggle for good and evil and besides me was a blind who was on a journey with me, who abstractly “saw” everything and yet he left undeterred, unharmed, saved. While I was tormented by screams and cries of people burning to their bones. I think the message was clear, “Ignorance is bliss” and it works particularly well in the subject of good, bad and evil. We see this every time on court cases where the defense asks for an insanity plea and it gets granted for a murder committed in cold blood. We see sleep-walking patients butchering their families and walking free in court. Does it mean that idiots, mentally challenged patients and people devoid of sensory abilities are devoid and exempted from morality? Is being ignorant the key to happiness in the world? Is being crazy the key to fulfillment? Is being an idiot, a complete fool the key to bypassing the issues that plague humanity?

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Return of Saturn

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Return of Saturn

“Every twenty-nine years the planet returns to the same point in the sky that it occupied at the moment of our birth.” That is a Paulo Coelho quote, bestselling author who is known for producing works like “The Alchemist”. By “the planet”, he refers to Saturn and he states that at the moment we are born we have twenty-nine years of unlimited potential, in that time we can choose to become who and what we want to be. After the twenty-nine year cycle the world closes and we become our dominant actions and thoughts. He states that the second cycle comes when we are 56 years old and at that time we can reinvent ourselves again and become what we desire. Paulo Coelho states that after those 29 years in which Saturn has returned to the same point in the sky that it occupied at the moment of our birth, life becomes automated and passive. Life becomes the product of those twenty-nine years. It is a beautiful analogy, one that makes me take an interest in astronomy. Neuroscience seems to agree with this notion and our culture is articulate in expressing this phenomena. We see this on movies like “The Incredible 2”; Jack-Jack is a superhero baby who has unlimited powers. Edna, the artist who creates the heroes super-suits calls him “pure unlimited potential”. This of course is a metaphor because when babies are born, they are born with the capability of becoming anything they want. Babies are infinite. Babies are pure and their eyes are clean, yet to be indoctrinated by any external forces. Babies come from the world of Gods, completely untainted by the idea of mortality or fabrications of humanity. The statement that you can become whatever you like holds true for babies because they are yet to explore their maps. That is the idea for the character of Jack-Jack in the Incredibles franchise. We see a complete contrast of this idea when we pay attention to his father “Mr. Incredible”. Unlike Jack-Jack, Mr. Incredible is specialized. He has one superpower which is strength and he has made it into a skill to fight bad guys. Mr. Incredible knows his limitations and his strengths. Something that cannot hold true for Jack-Jack as he can do anything – including teleporting to an alternate dimension. There are neuroscience reasons for this phenomena, when we are young our neuro-links are liked to a lot of stuff in our minds. As we get older some of these things in our minds dissipate so we can specialize in certain tasks that are conducive and promote our way of life. This is the direction we must take to become competent adults in the world. We have to narrow down and specialize. This means getting a job and becoming responsible. This means instilling order in a chaotic world.

Specializing is the biggest thing that we do in life. Specializing means ignoring all the noise and listening to the music. It means concentrating on the things that give your life value. Specializing means being in sync with yourself. Specializing means intense focus on yourself. This is the reason why elite soccer stars like Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo play only football and nothing else. It also explains their troubles with the taxes and the law. Being an adult means letting go of all the things that could be to sustain what is. Hence, the Saturn analogy is a perfect one. After 29, you are the mass decisions of your life. After 29, your ways are set in stone and you have earned your strips. Donald Glover talks about this on his “Weirdo” comedy special when he states “If you’re a conservative when you’re 30, you’re going to be conservative for the rest of your life.” Pretty much by the time we turn 30, we are who we’ll be for the rest of our lives. We see an example of this from Billionaire Shawn Cater aka Jay –Z who upon getting his break in 1996 when he was 26 years old, never stopped working. He was relentless vigor. From 1996 to 2001, he released an album every year. Every album that he released was certified Platinum. First and foremost, he saw himself as a business, a brand and at age 31 in 2001 – he was already a great businessman and because the rules of Saturn are true, he became a Billionaire in less than 20 years. It’s fair to say that at age 29, in 1999 Jay –Z was already set in his ways. Everything after 1999 was automatic – he was an astute businessman for the rest of his life. On his critically acclaimed album “The Blueprint” on the track “Never Change”, he talks about consistency and being the same all his life. He hook of the song states: “I’m still fuckin’ with crime ’cause crime pays, I never change! Out hustlin’, same clothes for days, I never change! I’ll never change, I’m too stuck in my ways, I never change!” The rules of Saturn made his destiny concreate and for the rest of his life all he has to do is to show up. He has a chance to change when he turns 56 in 6 years’ time when the second cycle of Saturn will commence but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

The journey of Saturn starts when you are a little child and gains momentum when you are in your late-teens approaching twenties. This is because at that age, you need to be able to screen out the things that don’t matter to you and concentrate on the things that do. It is a very difficult thing to do and you can find yourself getting lost in a maze of peer-pressure and self-destructive behavior. It is also a time where the majority of people look outward instead of inward. It is a time when we are indoctrinated into society’s ideals and conventions. At this age, you are vulnerable because you lack an identity and society is more than willing to assign one to you. It is at this point where people are indoctrinated into mass thinking and lose synchrony with Saturn. Some find their way after exploring and unite with Saturn while others go completely off-track. The ones who return find their purpose and live fulfilling lives. They live with true freedom and value the experiences of life. 2 Pac talks about this phenomena on the awesome Kendrick Lamar album “To Pimp a Butterfly” on the track “Mortal Man” when he states: In this country, a black man only have like 5 years we can exhibit maximum strength. And that’s right now while you a teenager, while you still strong. While you still wanna lift weights, while you still wanna shoot back. ‘Cause once you turn 30 it’s like, they take the heart and soul out of a man.” MJ DeMarco continues with this idea on his bestselling business book “The Millionaire Fastlane” when he states: “When you are under 25 you have maximum horsepower and your choices discharge an incredible amount of horsepower. A simple choice I made more than 20 years ago is still felt today. That’s a lot of torque! If you reflect on your choices, you make them in an instant, yet their consequences transcend a lifetime, especially ones made in early in life.”

It seems as though the notion of being young forever is a myth, one that has to be shuttered. A life in your twenties chasing novelty after novelty has dire consequences. It has existentialist consequences for it strips away the identity of the person. It restricts potential and drowns in an ocean of mediocrity. A life in your twenties chasing novelty causes depression in your 30’s and depression at your 30’s is forever. Depression at your 30’s sets up nihilism and an unfulfilled life for all of your days. The problem of 30 is that we are supposed to have certain elements in our lives in order and under control, the problem arises when we don’t. It is a debilitating and paralyzing realization. One that questions your worth and purpose. One that fuels suicidal thoughts. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. The most important thing in life is self-awareness. If you have that, you can live the life of the hero – that is to turn unexplored territory into explored territory. The new things that you are doing in your life will make your legs lighter and new code will be generated in your neural circuitry causing pathways to be formed. With newly established pathways, you can push yourself and challenge yourself. You can demolish the preconceived notions that you had about yourself and create a new persona that the new constructed mind will be able coincide with. You can call upon Saturn to give you another change – your second cycle can commence immediately after the first one has elapsed! You can redeem yourself like a hero! Yes, a hero! But do I think that it’s possible to redeem yourself? Sadly, it was just banter and I don’t. Adopting the life of the hero after 29 is highly unrealistic.

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EQ (Emotional Intelligence)

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EQ (Emotional Intelligence)

In 2015 PIXAR released a movie titled “Inside Out”. The movie explores what goes inside a little girls head. It is staged inside the limbic system – the part in your brain that processes feelings and emotions. It personalized the 5 main emotions that everybody has namely; Joy, Anger, Disgust, Fear and Sadness. Joy is golden, spirited, motivated, overzealous, unsuppressed and delightful. Sadness is blue, soppy, depressed, overwhelming and deflated. Fear is purple, nervy, unsettled, worrisome, unfulfilled and insecure. Disgust is green, finicky, stylish, assured and confident. Anger is red, unreasonable, self-serving, tantrum throwing and unstable. The movie explores emotion regulation, the purpose of emotions and their functions, impulse, imagination, the amygdala (the fight or flight organ) the subconscious mind and the importance of sleep. It is an amazing movie – my all-time favorite without a doubt. It garnered universal acclaimed from critics all around the world who praised the movie for its impeccable story-telling, originality, imagination, research into neuroscience and the voice artists. It is acknowledged as one of the greatest amination movies of all time. The movie follows Riley an 11 year old girl whose world suddenly turns upside down when she has to move into unexplored territory, a new environment – the big city. Everything is so new to Riley and her emotions are all over the place. In her previous life she used to live in the countryside where there was space, a big yard, a conservative neighborhood where everyone knew and assisted one another. Hockey was her passion and she was in a team that was doing pretty well. She had a best friend that she loved wholeheartedly – her life was perfect! However her present was met with a lot of uncertainty. She now lived in house that was crammed and sandwiched into two other houses that had no space. The environment was clustered, loud and busy. The emotion Anger is elated when Riley’s family enter the city for the first to a loud and busy environment stating “These are my type of people.”! Now Riley has no friends or a hockey team – she has to start all over again. It is worth noting that Riley’s most dominating emotion before the big move to the city has been Joy.

The emotions Joy, Anger, Disgust, Sadness and Fear are stationed in the mind’s headquarters (Limbic System) and they influence Riley’s actions via a control panel. All the memories of the day are stored each night to long-term memory. These long-term memories create her 5 “core memories” and they are represented as islands because they form her personality. These 5 islands stand alone because they represent who Riley is to the core. In the context of the mind, the islands represent the hippocampus which is responsible for memory in the human brain. The memories that are moved to long-term memory each night represent habits and the basal ganglia which is the element in the brain that helps with habits. Now, that Riley has to form new habits, her islands are in danger of being dismantled. Which is what happens as the story continues. The first island to go is “Friendship Island” – now that she is in a new environment, she has no friends and thus affecting her overall personality – she is left weak and vulnerable. Hockey Island is the next island that crumbles. Lacking a self-campus and self-identity, an idea comes from Anger that she should run away and go back to Minnesota to start new core memories – I mean that’s where she grew up and life was perfect before mom and dad decided to move! She steals money from her mom’s purse and heads to the bus station. It is interesting to note, the idea comes from Anger and by trait Anger is passionate, self-serving and in the moment. Anger’s idea was fueled by the Amygdala. The Amygdala has the tendency to hijack and bypass the neocortex which is the thinking brain. Riley knew what she was doing was wrong hence when she stole the money she was in stealth mode, aloof, making sure that her mother doesn’t see her. The Amygdala by trait acts! Hence it’s called the fight or flight organ. Tears are usually triggered by the amygdala, it is a very sophisticated organ. The Amygdala can house memories and response repertoires that we enact without quite realizing why because the shortcut from the Thalamus to the Amygdala completely bypasses the neocortex. When this decision was made, Anger didn’t think about the repercussions because he is so shortsighted, he was impulsive and the Amygdala fueled and gave life to this idea – resulting in Riley’s reaction.

This action nearly results in the destruction of “Family Island” luckily Sadness comes in to save the day. For the duration of the movie, Joy makes it her duty to keep Sadness off the control panel as her and the other emotions don’t understand Sadness purpose in Riley’s life. Towards the end of the movie all that changes as she gives Sadness the podium. The change of heart comes from her journey with Sadness when both of them were sucked out of Headquarters. On their journey back to headquarters Joy, sees Sadness’ value as she regulated and helped the friends who were helping the two emotions – it was special. When Riley was on the bus awaiting for it to depart, she was emotionless and turning black inside. All the other emotions couldn’t do anything to save the situation. Sadness stepped up to the control panel and Riley snapped up and stopped the bus as it was leaving requesting to get off. She got home to the sight of her worried parents and started telling them what had happened (Sadness was still on the control panel). Riley was honest, she told her parents that she missed Minnesota, that she missed her friends and her previous life, she communicated all this in tears. Her parents listened with emphatic eyes and embraced her with a big hug – they further communicated that they too missed Minnesota and their old lives. Something that affirmed Riley’s sentiments and made her feel better. Both parents embraced Riley, it was a warm moment, it was a beautiful family hug. Sadness called Joy to the panel and they joined to create a new, cemented “family core memory”. The reason sadness is so important in life is because, it forces you to slow down, it forces you to contemplate about things, it helps you focus, it helps you organize or reorganize life and it enables you to keep moving forward. Sadness is the hero in any story.

This intelligent movie communicates the importance of emotion regulation and intelligence and why it might be better than IQ. A test was conducted on 4 year olds to test impulse control and delay gratification. The tests were conducted on the children of Stanford graduates which implies that the children were from good families. It was a simple test; an examiner would leave one marshmellow on the table instructing the kid that if he could wait until he comes back that he would have two marshmellows – but if he can’t wait, then he can have that one. He would then exit the room to see what the kid would do. A grueling and brutal test for any 4 year old I assure you! Some kids distracted themselves by closing their eyes, tried to sleep, sang loudly or avoidance – they simply looked the other way and acted as if it didn’t exist. For their reward, the examiner would come in 10-15 minutes later and give them two marshmellows. While other kids simple couldn’t wait and just ate that one marshmellow. This test is interesting because it provides insights to the kid’s character and the trajectory that the child will probably take through life. 14 years later the kids were tracked down again to see the progress in their lives. The emotional and social difference between the grab-the-marshmallow preschoolers and their gratification-delaying peers was dramatic. Those who had resisted temptation at four were now, as adolescents, more socially competent: personally effective, self-assertive, and better able to cope with the frustrations of life. They were less likely to go to pieces, freeze, or regress under stress, or become rattled and disorganized when pressured; they embraced challenges and pursued them instead of giving up even in the face of difficulties; they were self-reliant and confident, trustworthy and dependable; and they took initiative and plunged into projects. And, more than a decade later, they were still able to delay gratification in pursuit of their goals. The third or so who grabbed for the marshmallow, however, tended to have fewer of these qualities, and shared instead a relatively more troubled psychological portrait. In adolescence they were more likely to be seen as shying away from social contacts; to be stubborn and indecisive; to be easily upset by frustrations; to think of themselves as “bad” or unworthy; to regress or become immobilized by stress; to be mistrustful and resentful about not “getting enough”; to be prone to jealousy and envy; to overreact to irritations with a sharp temper, so provoking arguments and fights. And, after all those years, they still were unable to put off gratification.

Belo Horizonte hosted the semi-finals between host nation Brazil and Germany. Heading into the match it was tipped at 50/50 and the Brazilians were relying on the support of their fans to tip the result their way. Brazil hadn’t lost in Belo Horizonte in over 39 years. Brazil had notable names missing through suspension or injury like their leader Thiago Silva who was suspended courtesy of a second yellow he incurred in the quarter-finals and of course their best player – the sensational Neymar Jr. who incurred a tournament ending injury. However, the stadium would be filled with more than 50 thousand Brazilians – what could go wrong? For the match they instilled David Luis as the captain and he was going to lead them to the finals! The two teams came out to mark the commencement of the game but before that they had to sing their respective national anthems. The Brazilian players sang loudly and passionately as if to compensate for the loss of their two biggest stars – the stadium was a buzz and vibrating and some of the players even cried because of the ecstasy. By contrast the Germans were businesslike, they looked focused and motivated and never exerted or strained their vocal chords for the anthem. The game commenced, the stadium was loud, all in support of the home nation Brazil. The fans expected a good game. The pressure was on and emotions where all over the place. Brazil were nervy with the ball. David Luis as the captain was too enthusiastic as he vacated his spot in the heart of defense to assist with the offensive play. Marcelo playing on the Left side of defense was too industrious. Maicon was passed his peak. Luis Gustavo and Fernaldihno didn’t complement each other. All this meant was for Germany to keep shape and stay calm – Brazil were too out of control. 29 minutes later the scoreline was 5-0 in favor of the Germans. Even before half-time, the game had already been decided. With the final already secured, the German coach omitted his best defender at Half-time so he can rest. The game finished 7-1, the heaviest score-line in a World Cup semi-final match – Brazil were humiliated!

The ability to regulate one’s emotion is a priceless asset. An asset the Brazilian team didn’t have. Maybe, the Brazilian women’s team would have done better. This is because women are better “Emotion managers”. They use their prefrontal cortex efficiently. This starts off when they are young girls playing and interacting with one another. On the playground, girls prefer to play in small groups. This helps with engagement and an overall serenity in the group. Boys on the other hand prefer big groups and numbers, this is because boys are more competitive. By trait, boys are threatened by anything that might challenge their independence, while girls are more threatened by a rupture in their relationships. So when a boy gets hurt during play, he does the honorable thing and moves aside so that play can continue as opposed to girls – girls tend to discontinue play to attend to the person who got hurt. I doubt the women’s team would have been beaten 7-1. They should have stayed together on the pitch where it matters most. The men’s team lost mentality and emotionally before the game even commenced. They played football with the Amygdala – they played with feelings and emotions! And because Germany where playing football with the Neocortex (the thinking brain), they saw the frailties and instability of the Brazil team. Watching Brazil play in that match was like watching “The Wolf of Wall Street”, with David Luis as Jordon Belfort – impulsive, idiotic and expedient! Emotional illiteracy is dangerous!

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ADULTERY

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ADULTERY

I love my husband. He is everything I want and need. He brings so much meaning to my life. We have two wonderful children that I adore. They are my life. By normal standards, I have everything money, safety, security, two perfect children and a loving husband. I should be happy and fulfilled. I have a great career doing something that stimulates my mind, something that I love. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. As of late, my energy is low and I have a problem motivating myself. My life has become bland and insipid. Everything in my life is ritualistic and passive. As a young girl, I thought marriage would give me a happily ever after. Not that I don’t love my husband because I do, he is so perfect and he treats me so well. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him. Still, the question remains. Is this it? Is this my life now? Everything has become chore. The spontaneous life has receded to the past. We don’t have sex that often and when we do I fake orgasms. I wonder if he notices. I doubt it, I’ve been faking for so long that it has become impossible to detect. I have become an expert liar, the moaning’s are now automatic. Not that it’s a bad thing, I have to do it, it reassures him of a good job. To be fair, he sometimes does a great job but it’s in the minority. I remember a time when we used to have sex every day. A time when he drove me crazy. A time when he used to make me come multiple times in a session. A time when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. A time when pleasing him was top of the agenda. A time of imagination, oral examinations and forbidden sex positions. A time of clarity and excitement. When everything made sense. When my life was easy to love and loving myself was easier.

I understand that we have been married for 10 years now and the romantic phase has to die down. That we need to be responsible and competent adults. But it’s not about the sex. It’s not even about my relationship. On the contrary, my relationship with my husband is perfect. We have an understanding and we are both happy with one another. It’s something else. A void. I feel like I am living a lie. I feel like a robot, passively getting work done. At times I am emotionless. I don’t get pleasure out of life anymore. I feel overwhelmed by life. I am confused and it makes me sad. What do you give a woman who has everything? Am I ungrateful? No. However I am close to apathy. My low levels of energy are making it hard for me to participate in life. It’s like my body is in comatose, completely paralyzed by the sadness in my soul. Maybe I am depressed. Maybe depression is a real condition. It wasn’t something I took seriously but how do I explain the apathy I feel? Do I even want to participate in this mindless, passive, repetitive mode we call life? Unfortunately, I have to. For my husband, my children, my family so we can navigate the world successfully. So I will just have to power through and be supermom, do it with great zeal and enthusiasm, with a smile, no one can know how I feel. I imagine it would be hard for my husband and I don’t want to trouble him. I don’t want him to think that his not doing enough because he is. I don’t want him to blame himself for my lack of happiness. Besides, depression is not a real condition. We all have bad days. Maybe, it’s a phase, I’ve just recently turned 30 and the second phase of my life is in commencement. Perhaps, I am in mourning for younger self. I don’t know. I just feel empty and dead inside. Despite the passing time and the orbiting of the planet my life is fixed and stagnant at one point.

I met Steven at his suite for an interview for the newspaper. We used to date when we were in High School, 16 and in love nothing could come between us. He was my first love, the person who made me conscious of this abstract thing call love. He is now a respected member of the socialist party. He is powerful. I can’t wait to meet with him. The newspaper sent me over to cover the story of his alleged infidelity, the story is making rounds in the country and we want to cover his side. It was hard getting him to commit to the story, we had to promise heaven. The chance to put things straight was too good for him to pass up on, we had to appeal to his ego and narcissistic side. The rumours were rouge and good PR was needed to spin the story, at least that’s what his advisors would have advised him. 14:00 struck and I went to his suite to meet up with him. He had grown up and had traces of someone I used to know. Was he the dashing young boy I fell in love with? Of course he was a man now and his attributes screamed that. He was well defined, groomed, trimmed and slim. He looked so good in a suit. He didn’t look at all like the boy who used to fondle with my breasts. We exchanged pleasantries and sat down. We engaged in small talk and were nostalgic about the past before we could get down to business. Our meeting was upbeat and energetic. I felt like I was in the moment. It was as if the world were moving again. We came around to the infidelity and he responded that the news were all false. He told me that it was just a political campaign meant to tarnish his name with the elections around the corner. He knew the alleged woman but not enough to be a lover or even a friend. They just met at two separate public functions and enjoyed each other’s company. He explained that he had no contact with her whatsoever. With that omission, the interview was over and we decided to talk off the record as friends. He asked me if I was happy. Reluctant, I replied yes. I could see it in his eyes that he wasn’t content with my response but he didn’t want to impose himself. He told me that he was not happy. That the pressures of life are getting to him. His work and the need to be exemplary is exhausting. The political games. His life splashed on the newspapers and prime time bulletins like it was entertainment and the constant pressure from his wife who seems to like the benefits that come from being the wife of a highly esteemed and powerful man. To be fair, who wouldn’t? The money, the designer clothes, the parties, the fame, the respect. Who would want to give that away? And for what? Because you’re depressed? That is not a real condition. People are dying in Africa. He told me that he feels trapped in his life that he feels like a slave. That he has lost his passion and most of the time he is just on auto-pilot. There was a silence on the table for a while and then he continued. He said that he recognizes that same sadness in my eyes to which I didn’t respond. I told him that it was a great meeting and that we should meet up again. He agreed. I stood up and he showed me to the door. Just when I was about to go out, I had the sudden urge to kiss him. I kissed him and he seemed to go with it. He passionately pushed my body towards him and held me tightly as he closed the door. We continued kissing and it was so hot and steamy. It was intense and I was so horny. I displaced my lips on his and kissed him on the neck while I took his shirt off. I continued with the kissing process and made my way to the torso. I kneeled down and took off his pants and started giving his oral pleasure. He held my head and controlled the motion of the strokes. The movements started of slow and gradual and then sped up with intensity. He was groaning and I could tell that he was about to climax and I let him come in my mouth – it was intoxicating!

Steven makes me feel like I can fly. He makes me feel like I am free. I have found a new lease of life. Yesterday was exciting. The thrill, the adrenaline rush of being caught out. The irony of the interview we set up. He understands me and how I am feeling. I wonder if he talks to his wife about his concerns and his feelings. I can’t believe I gave him a blow job. On the first day? It was like I was possessed by a love demon who took a hold of my body. When he caressed my breasts something in my head exploded and I was no longer in control. I was listening to a song by Amy Winehouse called Love Is Blind and it dominates how I feel because I relate. In the song Amy is unapologetic about his infidelity. She is ironic and condescending. Her arrogance is admirable. Her justifications are laughable. She’s not really explaining herself to anyone. She is at peace with all the repercussions. On the famous song she states “You are my everything, he means nothing to me. I was thinking about you when I came.” I love the song but don’t agree with the tone of the song. I care for the repercussions. I love my husband, I love my children and I don’t want to lose our family. However, I was thinking about my husband when Steven came in my mouth. The experience helped and I came home later that day rejuvenated. My husband and I made love and I moaned with pure pleasure. He sent me to the moon. Maybe my interaction with him is good for my marriage. I want to see where this will end. He called me today and we agreed to see each other next week at a different hotel. I feel good about it.

We met at the designated hotel. He was so cold and distant. What had sparked his indifferent mood today? Was the world out for his head again? The hypocrisy of hotel rooms. On my way to the room I was in incognito, I had my shades and scarf on despite the fact that it was 36 degrees. Surely, that constitutes as suspicious behaviour. I didn’t think things through, I was too locked up in my own world that I failed to look at things on an objective criteria. The woman in the elevator besides me at 13:00 pm is surely like me. Why conceal myself? Why hide what I came to do in room 424 of this hotel room when everybody knows. The staff surely know, the concierge, the receptionist, I am just another number. We all have the same problems but act like ours is different. While in the room with Steven I think about how amateurish I must have been and vow to do better next time. It didn’t take long for me and Steven to get intimate. He had an aggressive demeanour this time and he went on the offense. He pressed me up against the wall and started kissing me passionately. He started with my neck and then proceeded to the lips while he took off my shirt and bra. Now half naked, I took off my skirt while he also undressed. He carried me to the bed and started kissing and sucking my breasts. It was slow gradual kissing until he made it to my torso. At this time I was overcome with pleasure and I wanted him to go down on me. He took off my panties and turned me around. I was on all fours. I had the stature of a dog, a bitch. In that position, he penetrated me from behind not in my vagina but anus. It was painful and yet pleasurable. It was like walking on hot coal, it burns the flesh but the adrenalin rush is at its peak and telling you to go on. The moans and groans where real emanating from a real place – pain but I didn’t want him to stop. And so he kept pounding and pounding. To keep myself from screaming I put a pillow on my face and then it was done. He signalled that he was coming and I let him come on my breasts. Afterwards, we just laid on the bed for a while. We didn’t engage in a dialogue, the room was quiet. He got up from the bed and started putting on his clothes back. He then made a contribution on how to remove the odour. The advice was that I take a shower first thing when I got home. He also talked about the stains that will undoubtedly make their appearance on my underwear. He seemed like a professional. Did he do this on a regular basis? Am I one of his targets, his victims? I was thoughtful. What happened here wasn’t love. He humiliated me. He objectified me. He violated me and left me with no dignity. I was his slave and he did what he wanted with me. In my mind, I told myself that I wasn’t going to see him again. That it was over. Until, he said “this was fun. We should do this again.” I replied, “yes it was fun and most definitely we should.” I wasn’t lying, I would like to see him again and yes it was fun. It was my first anal experience and of course it was difficult but it was new and fresh. In that moment, I was alive and engaged in the process. Pain notified me that I was present and it felt good. It will be even better next time.

I am in a better mood these days. I wonder if my husband and children have noticed. I wonder if I am exhibiting strange behaviour. I feel like I am on top of the world. I feel in control. I see more colour in my life. Not that I am condoning my adultery but my sex life with my husband is better. Our love-making sessions are reunions that are breath-taking. They are unbelievable. I don’t have to fake orgasms because they are real now. I now have an appetite for sex and so it’s frequent. Before we would have sex twice in a month if we were lucky. Nowadays twice is the minimum requirement for the week. I am sure my husband is suspicious but he doesn’t say anything so it’s fine. Orgasms are a beautiful thing. It’s like an explosive in your body. An explosion of pleasure. Those few seconds are the most meaningful of life. Orgasms bring dimensions and edge to life. Orgasms give meaning to life. I sometimes think of Steven when I have an orgasm with my husband. It’s that Amy Winehouse curse, I am also starting to be unapologetic about my infidelity. It makes the lives of the people all around me better and most importantly I am happy. It has been a month since I have met up with Steven. I know I have to end things with him, he has become an addiction. What we have can’t be right for the immediate people in our lives. What we have is destined to fail. The problem is that I think I love him. I can’t stop thinking about him. He is all I think about. I am conflicted, torn in between. I have this fantasy that I want to explore with him. I plan to tie him up on the bed, get naked and sit on his face until he gives me multiple orgasms. I want to make him my bitch. I want to make him submit. I want to dominate him. My efforts thus far have been insufficient and my plan is in vain. I am meeting him on Thursday at his office and I don’t think that will be possible. This will be the last time I see him, he doesn’t know but I do. I love my family and I can’t carry on risking the life I worked so hard to build.

He told me to get dressed and that his secretary would be here soon. He was pensive and moved with great urgency. I lay naked on the couch and didn’t take him too seriously. What makes our affair great is the danger, the sense that it is forbidden and could damage a lot of lives. That is the pulse that kept everything moving. The chance to live life dangerously. It was seductive. It had a lure that both of us couldn’t resist. The fact that I am laying on his couch naked with his secretary on the way to the office, doesn’t move me, it doesn’t scare me. I am accustomed to the danger. Besides there are locks for unrequired entry and these locks seem to work just properly. We just had another session of mind blowing animal sex. We had a time constraint this time so we had to be efficient. Because I was adamant that this would be my last time doing this, I had to lead procedures. On the last run, I wanted to be ravished and pleasured to the maximum. I got in his office and sat on the chair. We engaged in pointless dialogue until his secretary went out. He stood up and went to the door to lock it. By the time he locked the door, I was already half-naked. My top was off indicating, “Let’s go!” He rushed to me and pressed his body onto mine and started kissing me. He kissed my lips, neck and made it to my breasts to which he caressed and fondled with them. He started kissing and sucking on my nipples, flicking them in a move that drove me absolutely wild. Sensing I would lose control. I interrupted him and created space in between us. I took off my skirt and panties and opened my legs. An invitation he took with both hands. He went down on me. It was the best cunnilingus I have ever had. With the tip of his tongue he stimulated my clitoris. Like a painter, the great Leonardo Da Vinci he moved his tongue left, right, and left, right in a gradual and clockwise manner and then it was rigorous and fast paced it left my mind in tatters. It was pulsating. He was concise, so engaged and he made me come. His tongue was like the tongue of the serpent. I was paralyzed by the pleasure. I indicated that I want him to come into me. While I masturbated, he took off his pants and underwear and in missionary position he started penetrating me. Sensing that he would come soon, I switched positions and went on all fours. He continued with the penetrating while I was groaning and moaning without a care in the world. At that moment I was free and liberated. I resided in the stars. I resided in forever. I was on the moon and it was pure pleasure. He signalled that he wanted to come. So I told him to wait for a bit. I adjusted myself and kneed down to give him a blow job. He moaned and groaned with his hands on my head controlling the motion. He told me he couldn’t hold it anymore and that his coming. I didn’t want him to come in my mouth so I stopped the activity. He came on my face. It was beautiful. It signalled the climax of our union. Of course he didn’t know that. It never occurred to him that it would be the last time seeing me naked.