Month: August 2022

My German girl

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My German girl

I met her early this year when I was doing my hero things. Hero things is a code name for hustling. I wanted a bit of capital to start a project that I was ruminating about for sometime. The Universe responded by bringing this cool Russian guy in my life. He was upbeat and enthusiastic. He had a good energy, he was positive, optimistic. And so we talked, he had 3 shops in the Sandton mall and needed someone to push product for him. The profit margins were good and so I accepted. I figured a couple of weeks pushing product wouldn’t hurt. On his payroll, he had this hot girl who made time slow down. Naturally, I inquired about her from one of the managers in the shop. Just to go back in the story, this manager guy was a cool guy and in one of our conversations I remember telling him about my love for everything German. So when I asked about that girl, he was generous with the information. He said “Her name is Shira, she has been working with us for a while now. She is a senior here and one of our top performers. She easily makes 100K in a month. She was born in Germany and stayed there until her teens and then she moved up in Isreal.” I responded “Wow! Great, then maybe she can teach me German!” I saw a real opportunity with her. It would be difficult but not impossible. With a few co-ordinated moves I would draw in her attention. She was beautiful, dark brown eyes, full eyebrows and her hair was black and long. She was a mixture of more than two tribes. She was different. Not quite Caucasian, her skin color was in the minority like Spanish-latino. She was exotic. Man, I had never seen beauty like hers. Her accent was nothing I’ve ever heard before. Her height was average, not too tall and not too short. Make-up made her the best looking woman in the world. I was impressed. She was indifferent towards me, I remember when I was playing some Kanye West in the shop, in the morning while I was checking inventory, I was playing for me, the volume was low-pitched and she came in and told me to not play gangster music in the shop. I was perplexed. I mean “Late Registration” Kanye, gangster music? I chuckled because I had some Dr. Dre and Jay- Z on my phone. If she wanted gangster music, I could show her. But I listened to her plead and changed to Amy Winehouse. When I got home, I thought about that interaction. And yea, Kanye West “Late Registration” would sound like gangster music for a German-Israeli woman, especially considering the host who’s playing the music, I was too edgy and with spikes all over and she knew that I came from Alex, Gomora. Still, she didn’t project a lot of things. Unlike some other fool I was working with who was condescending, he was like “You are not what I expected” and I responded lightly and with curiosity: “Why, because I know words?” He laughed nervously and the realization came to his mind that I had put him in his place. Sometimes you need your ego to put fools in their place. Soon enough word got out that I had put the mighty Chase in his place. This was a big deal because he was one of the managers in the shops. He was feared and used a lot of intimidation techniques. I think it was an “Alpha” thing for him, he loved ruling with an iron fist. This made him feel strong and respected. He would take digs at your confidence and later assassinate your character. I knew his type the first day I cast eyes on him. He wouldn’t do such to me, his not my boss, in fact no one is. I am here because my skills benefit the company. No insecure man is going to project his feelings of insecurity on me. After the interaction, I was a magnat for the female employees. It was like I had slayed the big bad wolf. I was the hero! They loved being around me. I made them feel safe. It was an attraction thing, the sexual tension was high, it was hot, it was intoxicating, there was life in the place and that’s how I reeled Shira in.

One day I was busy with in inventory and I was playing Ludovico Einaudi, a piano wizard and she was like you playing great stuff. And I was like yes, I got you now. In my head of course, because I understood that she was making the initiative and well, my moto in life is go with it. Let the stars lead you to where you are going. Go with the wind. Be like water my friend. I knew she was interested because was giving me nervous energy and it made her behave in a way that she couldn’t understand. She was ruled by the collective unconscious and she was possessed and locked in a paradigm that she couldn’t comprehend. She was in a spell. In fairyland. Far, far away. And so I understand baby girl be grumpy and act out. I know I am the one in your mind. Your subconscious, your reality you locked in your own time frame. In different frequencies, different vibrations your being tells you to take control of me. Let’s do this man, I will give you an audience. You pretty, I like you. Let’s see what happens. She took my phone, stating she wanted to see my music. She saw Mozart, she saw Beethhoven, Strauss, Vivaldi, Adele, Amy Winehouse, Moonchild, Pachelbel Cannon, Jay Z, J. Cole, Solange, Al Green, Alicia Keys, Wale, August Green, Jill Scott, Kendrick Lamar, Ludovico Enaudi, Kanye West, Ray Charles, Josiah Disciple, Nina Simone, Common, Charles Mingus, Lauryn Hill, Nora Jones, Lira, Roberta Flack, Dr. Dre, The Delfonics, Pharrell Williams. I felt it was a good list. It is diversified. She compliments me on a couple of albums. I respond, I am flattered, let’s see where this goes. She minimizes the screen and locates my digital library and she sees a lot of Classics and then she locates the one called the Kuma Sutra and her eyes lighted like Christmas day in the movie Home Alone. Oh, you have “Kuma Sutra, she says. I reply,” of course”. “Cool” she responds. She puts my phone down and leaves. I knew I would be hearing from her again. A couple of days later, I got a text “send me the Kuma Suthra”. I knew who it was from and I wasted no time and did what it instructed. I think I have a chance with this hot German lady. It was incredible. It was great. She was a bit older than me. She went to the Gym. She did Yoga. She was fit. Great natural breasts. Wonderful buckets of life. Juicy. Succulent. Sourcy. Delicious. I took kneed of the indicator and followed suite. I attacked like Manchester United in the champions league final in 1999 against Bayern Munich. Bring out Ole, let’s push and he got us that great goal. Ole, Ole, Ole! She started telling me about her fantasies. She started to get sexual. She stated that she wanted to sit on my face. I was perplexed. Like, I can suck on your pussy baby girl, it’s not a problem. I aim to please. But why sit on my face? I responded “I want to fuck those tities.” It was the only thing I could say that could rival her statement. The whole thing now had a life on its only.

After all the talking, flirtation and boastful claims the day happened. It was at her house in Sandton. I disputed restaurants, I thought they were impersonal. So, she made it her task to cook for me. It was good. What can I say? There was always food in the fridge. That’s important. It’s a great thing. Be consistent with matters of life. One thing led on another and we were kissing. It was mellow and grounded kissing. It was gradual, it was artistic, it was filled with desire, kissing filled with faint moans and grows, characterized with tougue service and the exchange of the saliva. Then she slowed down the process and said “let’s go into the bedroom”. And so we went. She told me to lie on the bed and get comfortable and she went to her bathroom. A couple of minutes later, she was in her bra and panties coming right straight at me. It was like a dream, a perfect moment in the scope of the Universe. She started kissing on me and laid me to the bed. At this point, she was the dominant party and I was just recrieprocating her energy. She kissed me on my mouth and my neck. It was slow, it was sensual.

She descented to the bottom and took my pants off. Before she gave me full attention, I took my shirt off. It was proper. It was thorough. Probably the best head I’ve ever had it my life. She gave it respect. She worship my cock, it was great to see. Then she came up when I was on and started kissing me. She took off her bra, while she was on top of me and started giving me handjobs. She was jerking, she was shaking and I was hearing music in my mind filled with melodies and angelic voices. She gave me heaven on earth. She then stopped, got off and took off her panties. She climbed on top of me and we grinded bodies. Her boobs firmly pressed to my chest and we were kissing. My arms covering all of her body like a blanket. It was intimate, it was warm. It was fulfilling and life defining. She then inserted my cock in her pussy and she rocked. Her boobs still to my chest, she used her lower body, bouncing that ass like a rubber ball. The reps started getting higher and higher and she shook like an earthquake, it was violent, it was shaky, it shattered my mind in a million pieces. After that she took a moment and relaxed. My cock still in her pussy. She took it off and kissed me. I was still at the bottom, and she was still on top like mighty Bayern Munich. Like Manuel Neuer, Mr. Sweeper Keeper, the captain. Before I knew it her pussy was in mouth. Goddammit! She sit on my face. Her desire had been fulfilled. If I could I would have avoided that but it was too late now. I had to work with what was on the table. I stuck out my toungue and started locating the clit. I was successful a couple of times and so I kept on going. I activated her like a charger to a dying phone. I was her savior. King serpent with the tongue that strings your pussy like a cello. After she fell on the bed, exhausted. Finally, it was my chance to be on top and I took it like a champ! I started kissing her. Kissed her on the lips. Kissed her on her neck. Descending to her breasts and started sucking, licking and nibbling. It was heaven on steroids with God at the club ordering free drinks to everyone. I descented to the bottom and started kissing the insides of her thighs. I gave her clit a bit of attention and started penetrating. She blossomed like a flower, opening her legs like a gate and I went in missionary style. I started slow so she would get acquainted to the position. I started slow to make her comfortable. I increased the frequency and the reps started doubling and increasing. I was heading to the finish line when something stopped me. I removed my cock in her pussy and started kissing her. Slowly I moved my torso up her chest and put my cock between. She understood the process. She squeezed her tits together and started moving them up and down. She repeated this process and it was delightful. I felt something in me fused and I exploded like fireworks in the sky on the first day of the new year. The evidence lay on her breasts, it was sourcy, it was amazing! The miracle of life. It was a great session. It was a great day. I moved over and went over to her bathroom to take a shower. I took my boxers and headed for the fridge. I took out the orange juice and located a long glass. Poured the juice to the brim and heading to the balcony. With the wind blowing in my face, I congratulated myself, today was a successful day. Because Shira, gave me best pussy of my life. It was the way she opened her legs for me, they spread like a butterfly and I had the permission to do whatever I wanted to her body. It was exhilarating. It was exciting. At times she was submissive, passive and without control. I felt like Hitler with her body, a tyrant, inflicting my will onto her. It felt good, it was a release, it was liberating. It was life at its best moment. Finally I understood Chris Rocks sentiments on that Kanye West song “Blame Game”, she took the game up a whole another level! The fact that she was experienced helped. She wasn’t lazy and a slob. I hate inactivity and a unwillingness to step-up. She wanted to do this and it made things easy for me because all I had to do was step-up and show consistency in my actions. My aim is to get to 30 minutes, if I can do that, then the sky is the limit. However 30 minutes require a lot of practice and exercise, a luxury I don’t currently have. But I am optimistic, with time I will have plenty of practice. What now for the hero? I thought. The world. Business is strictly on my mind now or I will fail, drift off and stumble. While I might think I am autonomous and free, unrestricted and not barred, I was still in the claws of pussy. My perceived control was an illusion.

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Messi winning Copa America

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Messi winning Copa America

Argentina winning Copa America is literally the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t want to live in a world where Messi doesn’t have a domestic title. That world is not fair, it doesn’t make sense. Lionel Messi is the greatest soccer player there ever lived and he has done everything he can to win. When he contemplated about quitting the national team in 2016, I felt his pain. He led them to the finals only to fail at the final hurdle. It wasn’t even his fault, he can’t assist and finish the move himself, that’s not possible. The final product was often bitterly disappointing. Higuain didn’t do justice to Messi and Aguero is an after thought at national level. The only player who attempted to match Messi’s level was Angel Di Maria, his performances were always good but never enough for the illusive trophy. Losing 4 finals and 3 back-to-back is heartbreaking, especially if you’re Messi because he was named the MVP for 3 out of those 4 tournaments. The Argentina in the 2014 World Cup was a great Argentina, the golden generation; it had Romero, Zabaleta, Macherano, Otamendi, Demichelis, Di Maria, Aguero, Higuain and the great man himself. Managed by Alejandro Sabella whose tactics were spot-on. They were excellent throughout the tournament. There was nothing Argentina could have done in that final against Germany though, the better team won. However the two finals lost on penalties against Chile were brutal. In fact, in the final in 2016, Messi made a mess of his penalty and sent the ball to the heavens. Another almost. I was overwhelmed with sadness, he deserved more and time was up for most of the players in the golden generation. Thank God he didn’t give up, an ordinary man would have but we are talking about the world’s greatest soccer player here. He is a natural born winner. He has a strong mentality. He is God’s gift to the world and God doesn’t make mistakes – the failures were a part of the process to greatness. Now with a brand spanking new team of hungry, young Argentines who are eager to deliver titles for Messi and for all of Argentina, the future is so good. World Cup triumph is next.

Messi winning Copa America is so great for me personally because I project a lot of emotions on Messi. When he wins, I win. When he loses, I lose. This holds true for both FC Barcelona & Argentina. He has the unique ability of making or breaking my day. It’s personal. It is subconscious even unconscious. In my mind Lionel Messi shouldn’t lose games. I have been with Messi ever since he was 18 years old scoring his first ever hatrick against Real Madrid at the Camp Nou. He has been the best player ever since. When that isn’t reflected on a national level, I feel a big injustice within the substructure of my being. I feel like God and the Universe are cheating me. I really can’t live in a world where Messi is number 2, because whose number 1 if not Messi? I have been with Lionel Messi throughout his whole career. I have been watching like Christof. He has brought me and billions around the world so much joy and happiness, it’s not even quantifiable. He is the most consistent player in the history of the game. He has won everything and he is impossible to stop. He deserves to be on top, it shouldn’t even be a debate. Don’t tell me about Pele, he won the World Cup when 8 teams participated, today we call that “The confederations cup”. Winning a tournament of 8 teams is not special. Messi is owed by the Universe and if Universal laws are scientific, precise, concrete and objective then he deserves to be World Champion, he deserves this based on causality.

Messi winning Copa America feels like a liberation. It’s so typical that I talk of myself but I referenced earlier in the text that I project a lot of myself onto Messi. I too have been working so hard on my entrepreneurial endovours and for my efforts usually I’ve gotten a silver medal. For so long I have been in sync with Messi. I know what it’s like to lose over and over again through no fault of your own. To lose having given it your absolute best. To build and prepare for a lose. To have people doubt your greatness. To endure the disrespect of fools. Messi winning Copa America feels like destiny, like nobody can stop me now. I feel stronger and strengthened. I am motivated and also lighter on my feet. My loses have made me better and my skin is thicker. I know what I want, I am focused and I am still getting better. Messi winning Copa America is God telling me to prepare myself. All I have ever wanted is already granted, the trials and tribulations were a part of my apprenticeship – just like Messi. He too suffered like you did but now good times are here. It’s time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Messi winning Copa America reminds me of the fact that I am still the best, the greatest.

As a side note, I would like to take the opportunity to profusely thank God and the Universe for this gift. Well done to Lionel Scaloni for the great job. I extend my congratulations to Angel Di Maria, Otamendi & Sergio Aguero who like Messi have suffered immensely with a flurry of second place finishes. Also Emi Martinez for winning goalkeeper of the tournament, I feel his the best goalkeeper Argentina have had for a while. Truth be told I wrote this before the final because it felt right this time. I have a lot of faith in this team. I am impressed by Lutaro Martinez and the squad of young Argentines surrounding Messi. It also helps to have the wizardry of Di Maria & the deadly finishing instincts of Aguero as supporting cast members. They play with a lot of spirit and they really want this. When I saw the penalty shoot-out against Colombia, I cried. Emi Martinez (The goalkeeper) did exceptionally well saving three penalties. Argentina scored all their penalties, led by Messi. After the shoot-out and Argentina won, everyone celebrated with the goalkeeper. It was the greatest moment in the tournament. Messi went up to the Emi Martinez and hugged him. That’s when I leaked like a pipe. Finally, the Universe is helping the world’s greatest player. After that semi-final match against Columbia, I knew Argentina would win Copa America. It didn’t require a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon to figure out that every cosmic force was with Messi. Things are finally coming full circle.

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Forex made me wiser

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Forex made me wiser.

After quitting the call center I had R30000 from my savings, I also had other deals beside my call center job hence the large amount and they paid off at the right time. Hence me quitting without no hesitations, it was time. I was reading a lot on Investing and stocks. I remember I was so fascinated with those graphs, those candle sticks, what they meant, how to read them. They provided a promise of wealth and abundance. I wanted to understand them thoroughly, their psychology and nature. I was intrigued by what caused highs and lows. Martin Scorsese had just released “The Wolf of Wall Street” and it was a classic, I loved it! I even bought the book by Jordon Belfort. Those graphs gave me the promise of becoming Jordon Belfort and I wanted it all, the greed, drugs, big money, white Ferrari, hot blonde, the great Estate, bad morality and sex.

I read a lot on technical analysis and enrolled in a couple of courses. I tried out Forex, I decided that I’d do this full time. Forex is a battle against yourself, it’s not about the markets, observe. I put R15000 in the trading account and 5 days later my account was R65000, life was good. A month later I lost over 97% of that money. I committed horrendous mistakes! I added to losing positions. I let losing trades run hoping they would come back but they skyrocketed. Everyday I hoped it would go down but it kept going up and up. I didn’t want to terminate the trade because that is so final. I chose to live in denial and hope and everyday it got worse. Sometimes, it would go down but it was already way too high. I was in those losing trades for 3 weeks, acknowledging that I lost over R60000 was too hard for me. I kept going through. I got better at playing the game. I studied more and networked more. I got content from the top Forex college in the country at the time for free! I moved a couple of things to make that happen, the course cost R45000. I was fairly confident of my skills now. I remember one day, I was scalping, I turned $1 to $50. I was unstoppable that day. I was in complete flow. I won a lot of trades. Momentum trades and major reversal patterns. Be quick to enter trade and get out even quicker, don’t stay too long, in and out. I even started Journaling everything down, I was disciplined, it was a profession, I gave it my all. I got mediocre results though, It was disheartening but my focus was on being better. I have made over a 100K trading, my goal was always a million but it’s difficult getting to a million trading. You have to have an iron focus and discipline and even that is rarely enough because no one really knows where the market is going! I don’t care who you are, not even the greatest Investor in the world, Warren Buffet knows which direction the market is going. Forex is pure speculation. All the intersecting lines, shapes, moving averages, candle formations, oscillators don’t mean anything! All these things don’t obey any scientific or mathematical law. You are merely lucky if you win. Even if you place your stop-loss 1000 pips above range, it is going to get triggered, the market is going to spike you out and you are going to lose money – there is no exception to this law, you are going to lose every time. That’s why I preferred trading without a stop-loss, I don’t advocate it but some days it worked and some days it cleaned out my account.

Some days I won, but most days I suffered that’s why you need to have a major payoff, risk and rewards are the fundamentals of Forex. If you do it right, one position can make you a ton of money but you need to be patient with those, go into the 4Hour, Weekly, Monthly and Yearly columns, think long term, you will be rewarded handsomely. That’s what I ultimately started doing. I left the “day traders”, they are to expedient – “intraday” is more my style. Start off your analysis on 4Hr, anything other than that is just cute. You can’t be just placing too much trades, what’s the matter with you? Less is more, have a great risk/reward ratio or don’t go into the trade. Still I was good on every time frame. I decided I needed partners, I got investors, I promised them heaven on earth, 100% of your investment in the first month and 400% thereafter for 12 months! Everyone was impressed. “Mr. Forex kid”, you think I’ve just been reading at the library, foolish assessment, I’ve been making this cheddar, you niggas worry about the wrong things. Obviously, the enterprise with my partners didn’t go so well. I couldn’t deliver on that time frame. Donald Trump became President of the United States and the currency market misbehaved, and I didn’t have my stop-losses on, I was complacent, I lost most of my investors money in that way. Life just happened to me and I had to accept it. I took a lot of insults, threats and expressions of disappointments. I had to take it and I did. I took every call and responded best to every comment in the Whatsapp group, I was timid and humble.

Forex taught me suffering, emotional stability and regulation, sacrifice, resilience, commitment, iron discipline, focus, pattern recognition, rationality, psychology of market, greed, patience and the importance of asymmetrical risk/reward to garner huge payoffs. Throughout the years I pawned my personal belongings to sustain my trading account. I pawned my Laptop, my music keyboard, my projector and my digital camera. It was an active sacrifice, I knew I might not see these things again and it didn’t matter to me, the promise of being better at Forex was all the motivation that mattered. In the end I conquered Forex, I have all the content, courses and books, I forced my way to the best Stock Market and Forex college in the continent and got all their content for FREE, I devoured all their content and sold it. I was an active full-time trader for 6 years. I’ve been in the industry for 9 years. I know all the top brokers. I know all the experts on a first name basis and the truth is disturbing! Ready for it? No one knows anything! Forex is an illusion, it is not real, it is fairy-dust, a character in one of Disney’s stories.While you are trading patterns the big institutions are trading your stop-losses, it’s a different game altogether. They will get your stop-losses every time, they are experts on it, they do it because they can manipulate they market at their will. The big institutions even work together to get to your stop-losses and then they share the profits. Even if you have half a million in your account like I did at one point, it’s futile because the big financial institutions like your banks are trading in billions. They are the big players, 98% of the forex market consists of institutional investors while less than 2% is you and me(retail). Besides, 500K ain’t shit. Making money on Forex is like beating the house in Vagas – Godspeed.

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On top for as long as I like

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On top for as long as I like.

I am the greatest of all time. The top of the mountain is mine until I decide I want to descend. You’ll get the glory when I am done. Everything you see here is mine, everything revolves around me. I am the pulse, I am the whole business. Acknowledge Me, I am not going anywhere! I am on God mode, no one is on my level. Everyone is an afterthought in my presence. I smash my competition so bad they become irrelevant in their future endeavors. I dare anyone to step-up and take these titles from me. No one can, it can’t be done. I have beaten them all, there is no one left. Acknowledge Me now, I am not going anywhere, I will remain on top for as long as I want.

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Sweet corn

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Sweet corn

I remember when we used to play indoor soccer. Soccer indoor tournament organized by Bra Givo and the timers. It was a good idea, there was a lot of enthusiasm. The whole tournament was paid for, all that was required was consistency from the players. It started off well but 3 weeks into the calendar, one by one the timers started bailing out, I don’t blame them, we playing 2 games every Friday with people who knew their story and we would lose by huge margins. To be fair we were cast into the deep pit considering we didn’t know each other all that well. This is in reference to the timers and us, “the young stunnas”. My guys were consistent throughout! You know the guys I had on my team? I had Lloyd, Phimza, the Lord KG, gravel the shavel Stumza, Wanda, Man Senzo, Skuta and some other niggas who made guest appearances. I am not dissing anyone, thank you to everyone who made a contribution to the team, we are grateful and we appreciate it. Like Comfort who made the greatest guest appearance ever! We were low on numbers and Lloyd being a plans man called up Comfort and suddenly we had something. We had 5 players and we played 2 games back to back! We played exceptionally well, Phimza and Lloyd linking up well to get us the goals. Comfort played our center, Kg played the defense and I was the goalkeeper. Comfort played great that day, we were all impressed. The second game we were all fatigued but we gave our best, it was a great day. Now that the timers bailed out we had to fend off for ourselves. We gathered up momentum and week by week started getting better and improving. We started winning and our stock started increasing. Lloyd and Phimza were so important, getting us the goals we needed, they were consistent, every game more than 3 goals a piece and they assisted each other. I also made assists, I averaged 2-3 assists in a game, I started a lot of the moves, I was playing the sweeper-keeper role, I was very active, the gents nicknamed me ter Stegen, I was very happy with that nickname. I made a lot of game saving saves – one of the goalkeepers of the tournament. Phimza was the undisputed assist king, he would delete one player and deliver an incision pass, no showboating, quick and decisive and Lloyd would do the rest – control and shoot. I loved Lloyd’s approach, just shoot! Shoot, shoot and shoot! That’s how you get goals. If Lloyd scored 6 goals, Phimza had 6 assists. Lloyd was our top goalscorer easily scoring more than 5 goals a match. I remember one day another team asked for his services because they lacked a guy. Lloyd agreed but it would have to be after our game. In our game he was named the man of the match and was given a Powerade drink, then he went out to help out the guys who asked for his help. In that game the score finished 12-12, Lloyd scored all those 12 goals – another man of the match and Powerade.

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The Gulag Archiepelago IV: Fatigued

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The Gulag Archiepelago IV: Fatigued

I am tired, tired of complaining about the daily injustices of the Archiepelago, tired of not having a voice, they stripped us off our names and gave us numbers so we ceased to exist as human beings but as livestock. The message is simple; “You are now the property of the State, we own You”. I am tired of working for 9 straight hours. You can’t even finish your task quickly with the intent of rest because if you do, you’ll be given more work and if you refuse punishment awaits, work loves fools, a zealous horse doesn’t live long. I am tired of the insults and negative energy that suppresses confidence like a compressor, if you call a man a “pig” for 7 years, he’ll end up grunting. I am tired of not seeing my family. I forgot what they look like and my memory is failing, I don’t have pictures and I didn’t get the chance to tell them how much I love them. That’ll haunt me until my last breath. I am tired of living this comedy of an existence that lacks a punchline. Maybe I am the punchline, it would certainly explain the multiple bruises throughout my body and my soul crushed like garlic, maybe the joke is on me. Why would God play such a demented joke on me? Doesn’t he love me? Is it a test? Can’t he hear my sobs of pain and great distress? Maybe he just doesn’t care. Just the other day a woman was sentenced to 25 years for allegedly praying for the death of Stalin because not even our thoughts and prayers are our own. I am tired of not owning my will. God government does what he wants with my life. We got second sentences, we were just informed to sign, no trial, just an additional 10 years and if you didn’t sign they put you in punishment centers were they would torture you until you gave in like penetration, in other words, you screwed up either ways. I am tired of the humiliations and mistreatments, they put me in a cold cell below 0 in just my underwear, they spit on my face, how am I going to cope with another 10 years? Whom did hard labor ever correct? I am tired of the numbing cold, there’s 12 months of winter and the rest is summer. They give us 2 letters a year and most don’t reach their destination because they are simply burned – the Post Office can just be blamed. I am tired of the kids in this place with flawed morality. They steal, rob, rape and kill. Being a great thief is their only ambition because “to live a straight life at the Archiepelago is stupid”. Stealing and a life of crime is better in a world of hell because at least you benefit. The  kids only respect the thiefs and disrespect everyone else; the thiefs are their role models and so the cycle perpetuates. I am tired of the Police dogs being better fed than humans. I am tired of suffering. I am tired of life and death in it’s negative polarity because who say’s its better?

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The Gulag Archiepelago III: Labor camps

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The Gulag Archiepelago III: Labor camps

August 1918, the term “concentration camp” was coined for the first time by the Soviets to refer to their own people who were imprisoned in their camps.

Before we go any further, I want you to register the words and internalize them. You are worthless, your life is meaningless, no one cares about you, your self-importance is an illusion, you are a cochroch, you have no rights, unfit to be treated like a dog, you are useless, you are a stupid shit head, you are insignificant and no one would care about you if you dropped dead right now.

That was the reality for people in labor camps in the Archiepelago. The labor camps were made for destruction, to break the human spirit and the human body. It was meant to cripple and decapitate any prospects you had for the future. You were meant to break down and crack, to be irrevocably shattered like a broken mirror. It meant to shatter your reflection, reducing you to a state of helplessness. Prisoners worked on digging canals until their backs snapped like a twig. Some prisoners worked for 14 hours straight in the icy-hell. There was no way to escape too, how can you when you were surrounded by water. Those who did the impossible task of escaping drowned instead. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. The working hours in most prisons were 8 hours non-stop everyday. No break, no lunch. If you stopped for some reason you were punished. As a punishment prisoners where dragged on horses by their legs until they stopped making a sound. They were stripped off their clothes and their hands were tied on a pole and a net of mosquitoes was released for them to feast on. They were beaten with clubs and torn a part by dogs like a Tarantino film. Sometimes prisoners were left outside in the snow to freeze to death. While other prisoners were burned to death. There were not enough clothes and some prisoners were forced to work naked in temperatures below 0, – 36F and – 70F. There were diseases and epidemics spreading in camps and because the interrogaters didn’t know how to treat pupils who contracted these sicknesses, they were simply isolated in cells and they lived there until they died. A lot of prisoners died of hunger. Others rot to death. They witnessed their bodies fail and decay, they witnessed their skins peeling of like a potato, they witnessed their teeth falling down on the ground. Hunger, a process that breaks down your cognitive abilities. A process that makes every other thing irrelevant. When you are hungry, you think of nothing else but the hunger. Nothing exists besides that hunger. You even dream about it. Hunger breaks you down slowly. It makes you weak, devours your muscles, decimates your immune system, kills off your will to live before you die and then kills you. Hunger was so dire in the Archiepelago that prisoners ate a corspe of a horse that was dead for 2 days, it smelled and had maggots. Prisoners made themselves invalids to get better jobs or to be released early for health purposes. At first some succeeded and got pardoned. They broke their legs. They damaged their lungs by smoking tea bags. They swallowed aluminum spoons so they can be sent to hospitals to have the stomachs open. They did everything imaginable to inflict pain on themselves and cause irrevocable damage to their health. Soon, the jailers caught on to the trend and extended the sentences of those who committed such acts, a lot were just shot.

For women, prostitution was a means of surviving. It was a curse being beautiful as you were always propositioned by a crowd of men. It was better to choose a handful who could protect you. Gang rapes were prominent and vaginal diseases were the norm. In one prison, nearly 50% of the prisoners had them. Women ceased to be feminine. Hostility and violence was the only way to survive. On a positive note, in 1948, the prisons were split up for women and men and the prisons were surrounded by barbedwire. This made things better. Ordinarily “better” was not in the Archiepelago’s vocabulary. 30-50 prisoners were shot daily behind their ears or head. The NKVD (the jailers) would decide that prisoners needed to be reduced to accommodate new recruits and old prisoners were just shot. It was 2 people per casket, that’s if you were lucky to get buried. Other bodies were left outside until the bodies decomposed. In some prisons, it was 1 casket for 6 bodies and people were buried naked in order to not waste underwear. Cannibalism was prevalent, people were cut into meat, they were cooked and they were eaten. Committing suicide was not easy too, one lady tried committing suicide 3 times. She tried to hang herself, the rope was cut, she slit her wrists, the blood was stopped, she tried jumping off a ledge but the prisoner caught her dress. She was saved 3 times only to be shot behind her head. If you wanted to poison yourself, then go on with it, you making the jailers jobs easier and bullets will be spared.

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The Gulag Archiepelago II: God Government

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The Gulag Archiepelago II: God government

The days go on and you get used to the torture tactics, you got used to the torture techniques, they all become internalized, a part of you, ingrained, permanently incrisbled from within, deep rooted, DNA and RNA defining phenema, they grow to be a part of you. Sometimes you might get 3 ounches of bread and 1 glass of water. Their rule was one bathroom break per day 6pm, no arguments, comply, observe and let things discipate in the sky like a memory, listen to God government, do what he says, he is right.

I am God government. Don’t give me problems, I will change the sentence to 25 years, do you really wanna labor in a concentration camp all your life, or I could outride kill you, because hey, I am God government. You know what I did to one of you just 5 minutes ago? I shot him in the head for being a hero. You have no rights. There is no such thing as rights. I gave them to you and I can revoke them if I wanted, you stupid insignificant peasant. Shithead, I’ll crush you right now. Don’t you realize you are nothing, worse than a cockroch. Do you know who am I? I am God government. I construct what you perceive as reality. I am with Stalin, he encourages that we shoot people on the head, to add to the statistics, that’s his stuff, “kill more people to add to the statistics”. You know he be saying, “Put them into gas chambers to increase the statistics”. No sorry, that’s the work of the Germans, the Soviets don’t do gas chambers but you get the point don’t you? We kill just for the fun of it. It’s a reflex. I might shoot you right now just to prove a point. Don’t piss me off. Obey. I am God government, your lord, your savior.

The interrogaters did a lot in terms of experimentation and inducing psychosis. Isolation was key as people where cast in ratchet blackholes. Darkness was an important consideration when inducing depression. The lights cells were rationed. They were playing mind games, women were given men shoes, size 11 and 12. They conducted their interrogation at night because they realized the prisoners had less resistance, some were starved, some beaten, others starved of sleep for weeks, it was tough. A lot ended signing their 10 years, it was better than 25 years or worse death. To be shot at the back of your head and cease to exist like a moment. All these charges were fabricated, the Archiepelago is now your home get used to it. The good news is nearly 28000 people are executed monthly. The cells are small and 50 people are fitted in a 10 capacitor. The cells are so small that there’s no ventilation, so the prisoners would take off their shirts, because their skins were always touching and sweating, developing eczema was the norm. The Archiepelago had more than 20 million prisoners, it was a world on its own.

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Gulag Archiepelago

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The Gulag Archiepelago

Ever since I experienced my mortality, things have changed for me. While I did use death as intellectual concept to push me in daily endeavors, experiencing it was different. They had my life in their hands, that’s powerful. I hear about people being robbed and killed every time in Gomora, I am bombarded by police vans and forensic teams on a constant. I know that evil lurks in the shadow of every human being. I know evil exists. My mind keeps on playing the interaction like “what if”. What if I had too many drinks and I couldn’t regulate my emotions? What if I wasn’t attuned to their mannerisms and intercepted their thought process? What if they just yearned for blood? What if they had shot me and took all my belongings while I was on the ground bleeding to death? What about my loved ones and my family? What about my prospects and dreams? What happens in an alternate dimension? I’ve got no one to blame but myself. What would I have said to God? His given me all these blessings and talents and I was passive and comfortable like Camus on “The Stranger”? A drifter, under the hypnotic rhythm of the devil. I took life for granted. The horror of that interaction, I’d rather go to Hell. I would be too ashamed to answer to God. I would die for a second time from all the shame. At least in hell, my ruminations would torture me for eternity, that’s a better alternative, that’s what I deserve. I never would have forgiven myself. But I am lucky I have a second chance. With that I decided to read Aleksander Solzhenitsyn’s “Gulag Archiepelago”. The moment demanded that. It is the most difficult book I have ever read. I am a better human being because of it. I highly recommend it. The book is about the accounts that happened to people during the Totalitarian regimes in the 20th century in Soviet, Russia. It explores the business of prison, what happened in prison, the conditions, what happened in concentration camps, torture and death. Death is everywhere in the book, it occupies most pages in all volumes and sections. I learned not to take life for granted. I learned life is difficult. I learned true suffering. I learned that I am lucky. Momento mori. The term “Archiepelago” means a group of Islands and the sea surrounding them. In this case a group of prison islands.

You didn’t have to do much to be arrested in this time, literally, you didn’t have to do ANYTHING! There was a prisoner imprisonment quota and you are just a number. Your freedom would be just taken away from you. You didn’t have a choice or a voice. The KGB (military police) would just show up at night while you were sleeping and drag you into their vans while you were still disorientated. It was better at night, you are not strong-willed, you are confused. You didn’t have rights. If you don’t want to be dragged and tossed aside like a salad and preferred going to the van unharrased, better. A submissive sheep is a find for a wolf. I mean it’s all just a misunderstanding right? Let me just corporate and surely they will let me go right? WRONG! Everyone was being arrested. Women, men, children, everyone. Your confused protests like “Me? What did I do?” didn’t help, they would just tell you “Get in the van”. Everyone got arrested for NOTHING. You would go to the shops and you would be arrested. You would be out on the street and be arrested. You were arrested in every single way. The KGB had soldiers who pretended to be civilians, so they can blend in and arrest you. They had no warrants. The arrests just happened anytime, in the morning, afternoon and nights. You were better off making a scene and fighting than to listen to their demands. One person who was arrested in the afternoon, made such a scene by fighting, protesting, making people aware that he was being taken against his will that the KGB stopped and let him go. It was a small win that didn’t last very long. They came back for him late night. A woman who was arrested for not asking permission to go to court was put into a cell with men who raped her and made her a cell prostitute. They took her stylish shoes and blouse. To be arrested, you didn’t have to be a German spy, or a collaborator in treason, you just had to be human and alive. Your fate was decided before arrest. Josef Stalin just wanted statistics, that’s all you are a stat. Stallin repossessed land from his farmers, made them labor for it and arrested and killed them if they took a grain of rice. The result? Millions of Soviets dying of hunger. Stalin ran his organization with an Iron first that he gave one of his cabinet members 10 years for being the first to stop clapping after a standing ovation of 12 minutes. Everyone was scared of stopping, they just clapped and clapped. Moral of the story? Don’t be the first to stop clapping or you will get a 10 year sentence. No one but Stalin is safe.

The Gulag Archiepelago was a nightmare, what they did to the prisoners is pure evil, bad, a crime to humanity. You would think that because death makes us all equals that we should have humanity but not in this life. This life is about hierarchies and the person on top dictates what happens in your life. And because you are insignificant to him, a mere number, your destiny is a concentration camp, hard labor, death, a lengthy prison spell or you might be use for an experiment like BF Skinners lab rats. Once arrested, interrogaters would force the prisoners to accept fabricated charges. All the charges were made up like fairy dust. They would torture you, until you gave in. Their maxim being “A human being is weak, a human being gives in”. As a means of interrogation and torture. They used deprival of sleep, they had a blinding 200 watts bulb that was always on to keep you awake at all times and so they could always monitor you. The guards took shifts and breaks while you were awake. Some prisoners were awake for 2 straight weeks. They used self-isolation until you went mad or died. They used hunger, giving you nothing to eat or drink for weeks on end. It would be so dire that your tougue would swell. They squeezed heads with Iron rigs and vices like a Scorsese movie. They would put prisoners in special rooms, raising the temperature in effect cooking them like a stew. They put prisoners in small cells restricting movement of any kind. No space to sit, or to spread your legs or arms, you were just vertical. They put you on beds that were infested with bedbugs and bloodsuckers. They put you in a cell with a mad person for years. They stepped on your balls, this they did by getting you naked on your back while two offers stretched your legs and sat on either on, while the third officer stepped on your balls. They grated your skin. They beat you to a pulp. The doctors were the torturers and interrogaters, they worked together to not create a humane condition. The prisoners turned into cannibals to survive. Men were reduced to animals. All this to get you to admit what you didn’t do, something you don’t know. They used your family against you, promising to not do anything to them if you confessed and signed the papers but it was all a lie, they tortured them anyways. Families were separated to different distant camps so that they would never see each other again. After you were sentenced 10 years for nothing because “sentence for nothing at all is 10 years”, you went into your first cell. A filthy dirty, small cell with no windows – welcome to your new life.

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Me & Kay: Greatest coaches in the world

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Me & Kay: Greatest coaches in the world.

We had three official games against Norkem High in our first season and we lost all three. The first game was a Friendly and it’s understandable because we were starting out and didn’t know the boys all that well. We had more than 50 boys who wanted to be in the team so it was difficult for me and Kay. To be fair though we had the game under control, we were better than Norkem in terms of game play and individual players, we just didn’t have a good goalkeeper. Our goalkeeper (Sakhe) drank us that day. On the touchline, Kay was telling me about some kid who was a goalkeeper who came to training the previous week who was a great goalkeeper. We both agreed that we needed to convince him to come back asap. But that was a plan for tomorrow, right now we were trailing Norkem. We managed to come back and made the game 4-4, but in the last moment of the game Sakhe conceded a stupid goal. Final score 5-4, but we consoled the boys and told them it’s a draw. It wasn’t Sakhes fault that we lost, in truth our defense was weak and Sakhe just carried the burden because he was the last man. Everybody liked Sakhe, he had enthusiasm and his energy was positive, he was always laughing and he loved soccer. He also attended every practice session, his will was just to get better and he did. In the end he became a very good goalkeeper. The Sir. Pierre game was the easiest game ever. We dominated the game and led the game 3-0. How the game finished 3-3, I don’t know. It still puzzles me. Literally Sir. Pierre attacked 3 times and they scored 3 times. They scored the most stupid goals ever. True we substituted a couple of players to give others game time and to inspect other players, but the changes were strategic. Sakhe is the reason we drew that game, he made two horrendous mistakes. I think he was just nervous, he fumbled and missed the ball. After the second error, Mr. Dzumba lost his mind and went over my head to substitute Sakhe. Anything and anyone was better than Sakhe! But his replacement Freedom, was worse than Sakhe. A couple of minutes later, Freedom made the biggest error of the game, his error was worse, the dumbest goal you will ever see in your life, everything was under control and the ball came to him, it wasn’t a shot, just a misplaced pass from the other team, all he had to do was just to control the ball with his legs, he missed it, no first touch whatsoever, the ball went beneath his elevated foot. Just like that the game finished 3-3. Me and Kay were devastated. Later that night FC Barcelona got eliminated out of the Champions League semi-finals by a bus parking Chelsea at the Nou Camp. Messi missed a penalty that could have taken us to the finals – it was a bad day. We finished 3rd that season.

The next year and the boys were now U15’s. By now we knew our team. This year we were stronger, we had a new goalkeeper and several new players who strengthened our defense and midfield. This was the year, I didn’t think we’d lose. We were strong. First game was against Germiston and the game was evenly contested. The game was tactical and physical. 2-2 the game finished, it was a fair result. Mr. Pitseng was the new U14 coach for the new Grade 8s and they lost 5-0 to Germiston. The morale of the boys was low and some boys stopped coming to training. We won our next game, while the U14s lost their second consecutive 5-0 game, this time at home. It was bad. The U14s had exactly 13 players in their whole team. They had no confidence, the morale was low and a couple of players in that 13 were considering quitting. I talked to Kay that it was better if we took over, he agreed. This was better for the school and the boys. Mr. Pitseng just didn’t have the time to coach these boys. I talked to Mr. Pitseng and he was relieved, he was happy to give me the team. He gave me all the boys papers and information. He gave me the keys to his classroom and offered his support if we ever needed it. Now me and Kay were coaching two teams. Me and Kay agreed that the U15’s were now in free flow. They had a routine, the players knew each other, the chemistry was great, we had instilled a work ethic and they were motivated. They were okay, they didn’t need much coaching. All they needed was supervision and I monitored that. The big challenge now was with the new U14 team. They had no confidence and from an initial 13 from the previous match day, there were now 8 boys. Me and Kay saw the challenge and we knew it would be a difficult task. We started rebuilding the team. We recruited back the players who had showed an interest on breaks. The numbers in training started improving. Kay recruited Sakhe from the U15 team, it was legal, Sakhes birthday was in December and he was now a better goalkeeper, he had experience. It was much needed for him too, the U15 team had a new goalkeeper and he (Sakhe) was destined to be on the bench. We called Sakhe to the U14 team because we liked him. From 8 players, we now had 24 players. The morale was good. Me and Kay handled the two teams exceptionally well. The first win for the U14s was so great, they were so happy, we were happy and Mr. Pitseng was also elated. The U15’s were now a winning machine. That season with the U15’s we finished the season undefeated. It wasn’t enough to win the league though, we finished second to Germiston High. They won a game more while we drew, it was a fair result but the writing was on the wall, this U15 side was destined to dominate the district and they did. Germiston, while they won the league were defeated by Norkem, we beat Norkem 3-1 at their own school. We outmatched them everywhere. The following two seasons we dominated the district in convincing fashion, finishing both seasons undefeated – the last loss was when they were U14s. Me and Kay did great. Our new U14 team was also coming on good, we won several games and drew 2-2 against Norkem, it was a good result considering we had administrative problems, some players couldn’t play. From a hopeless situation, we led the boys to a third place finish. Both our teams, U14 & U15’s did great and for our efforts me and Kay got medals, our silver trophy was shared with the whole school on morning assembly. It was a great year.

Kay was a perfect partner, absolutely perfect. Truthfully, no one was better Kay, he was a straight “A” student and had social and emotional intelligence. Kay sat on the first table on the first row with Senzile and other winners in Physics class. Trust me when I say “no one was better than Kay” – everybody knew that Kay was the best. I respected Kay. He was a winner, diligent, professional, motivated, knowledgeable, intelligent, focused, enthused and totally committed to the course – of course, the greatest soccer team that Rhodesfield Technical has ever seen was started by me & Kay; That’s obvious, that is something that was already written by the stars. Thank you Mr. Dzumba for giving me a chance, I am eternally grateful.

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